WARNINGS: a bit of crude language

"Dude, you're a GIRL?"

"What the in the actual fuck is THAT?"

The two simultaneously asked questions were followed by a brief silence that echoed inside the bathroom as two teenagers stood off in the buff.

"I'm not a fucking girl, you ignorant nooksniffer-" Karkat started, his lip curled back in a sneer before being cut off by the other teen.

"What is what?" Dave interjected.

"That THING dangling between your legs." Karkat huffed out in annoyance.


"Is that a question?"

"I don't know, I've never had someone ask what my dick was."

"What the fuck is a dick?" Dave stared at Karkat for a full minute before he finally gestured vaguely between his dick and Karkat's, um, not-dick.

"You know, a boy thing. The thing that boys usually have and girls usually don't. Which you don't have, in case you didn't notice." Dave rambled out, his hands motioning in an attempt to convey his depiction of a penis where his words had obviously failed.

"I think I've noticed my decisive lack of fleshy growths hanging from my pelvis, thanks." Karkat eyed the aforementioned 'growth' in question.

"Why didn't you tell me you were a girl, bro? Or, at least that you had lady parts and I wouldn't have all up and walked into the bathroom, dude."

"Didn't I just say I wasn't a girl? Or is your think pan too empty to be able to process simple words? And don't you think you should, I don't know, not walk into occupied rooms?"

"Then where's your dick?"

"I'm really starting to question your comprehensive capabilities. I JUST said I don't fucking have one."

"Then how do you...ya know have sex without a cock?"

"What is a cock? I thought we were talking about your abnormal growth."

"A cock is my abnormal-fuck, I mean, a cock is a dick. But anyways, how do you have sex if you don't have a thing to put into a...sex hole..?" Dave scrambled.

"Was that another question?"

"Shut up. It's hard trying to figure out what to call something, if I don't know if you have a word for it or not."

"Whatever. And to answer your retarded question, I use my bulge to fuck a 'sex hole'."

"Where's your 'bulge' then?"

"Where it's supposed to be!"

"And where is that?!"

"Inside it's sheath, above my fucking nook you ignorant piece of waste."

"What? What the hell is a nook?"

"In your own brilliantly colored words, a 'sex hole'." Dave stared blankly back at Karkat as his mind tried to process the information.

"...are you...saying...you have both?"

"Well, duh."


"Why? Don't you?" Dave continued to stare blankly at Karkat before his eyes shifted from Karkat's eyes to his pelvis.

"I wanna see it."

"WHAT?! Fuck that, get the hell out!" Karkat reeled backwards, his hand blindly searching for something to throw at the obviously stupid and ignorant boy.

"No, I wanna see it. Show me! Come on, help me out; I'm only trying to understand!" Dave swore, stepping forward and attempting to grab the other teen.

"No, fuck that. Get out."

And so started a beautiful (and slightly idiotic) relationship between two, um...boys.