TITLE: The Abyss POVs


EMAIL: feli.ca@web.de


SEASON/SPOILERS: Season 6's 'Abyss' (surprise...) and much of what came before


SUMMARY: This is the episode Abyss told from the different points of view of the people involved. Watching the ep before reading this fic is highly recommended!

STATUS: Complete

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis and Fanfiction.net, MajorClanger's site, Stargatefan

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The situations and original story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: As always this fic was betaed by the most terrific beta there is: Kat, you're still the best! And this time very special thanks go to the wonderful Meg for looking over Daniel's POVs (and telling me they were just fine)!


Did we do the right thing?

Dr. Frasier says it was the only way to save his life and I keep clinging to that thought. Surely his life was worth becoming a Tok'ra.

And it's only temporary, at least that *was* the deal we struck with Thoran. But Jack's been gone for over a week.

Ah, it's the Tok'ra IDC. They better return my 2IC to me. Now!


What do you mean he walked out? Colonel O'Neill does not simply walk out!

I see my opinion reflected back at me in the shocked and angry faces of SG- 1 and Dr. Frasier. Jack may not like the Tok'ra, he doesn't trust them farther than he can throw them - and it seems his mistrust is well founded - but he would *not* walk away from his duty.

I can feel the anger rising up inside me at Thoran's last words but I can't afford to give in to my rage. Jack is out there somewhere and we have to get him back. Because we don't leave our people behind!



I feel like I'm waking up from the longest and most horrible nightmare of my life.

I became a Tok'ra. This one thought keeps churning around in my mind over and over, as the Jaffa walk me along the corridors of this place. I know I should be more worried about the fact that I'm apparently in some Goa'uld's hands but all I can think about is that I let them infest me with such a *thing*.

Oh, now that looks...interesting, almost like a giant metallic spiderweb. I wonder..ouch!

Jesus, what have I gotten into? My face is pressed tightly against the metal and for a moment I forget to breathe. Then some force turns me around but I'm still stuck on the web like a tiny, insignificant bug in the clutches of a hairy spider.

Aha, and here we have him. Another snakeboy smiling smugly cause he thinks he's got me. You can smile all you want, you slimy son of a bitch, soon Carter and Teal'c and Jonas will be here and bust me out!

Ouww! I can't quite suppress the grimace as the knife slices into my shoulder. Maybe I should cut back on the sarcasm a bit. Won't hurt to give him my name.

Aarghh, did I say it wouldn't hurt? Jeez, but it does. And I really don't remember anything.

We were in Antarctica, I got sick and then I woke up in your damn sarcophagus. I don't know this outpost and I don't know about a woman. All I remember are fragments, pictures too blurred to recognize, like Carter telling me about some important information for the Tok'ra, asking me, wanting me to do something. And I remember, no, make that feel I should remember other things. Someone else's memories.

But I can't. Because I am *no* Tok'ra!

That must have been my last conscious thought, before the third knife found its way unerringly into my chest.



Well, seems like Ba'al wasn't kidding. He killed me, then revived me and now his Jaffa are probably taking me to him again.

Hmm, another room this time..woah, shit, what was that? Okay, the doorway is now a hole in the ceiling, great. Come on, orient yourself, Jack, there must be an escape somewhere!

Who are you? What do you mean 'is it me'? And where..

Daniel? Oh my god, Daniel. I'm hallucinating. Must be the sarcophagus, can't think of another explanation. I didn't know it made you delusional, too. Shit.

He talks to me. That's classic. I'm hallucinating a conversation with my dead friend. My delusion even tries to convince me that it's, that he's, real. Although I just tossed my shoe right through his *body*.

Ah, what the heck. Might as well play along for a while, even if he is a delusion it feels so good to see him. I should probably be worried about the state of my mind.

On the other hand: 'here in the sense that my consciousness is here'? That sounds an awful lot like Daniel. And it is possible for their, for his, *kind* to appear in human form, isn't it? I mean I saw the pictures of this Orlin guy. The guy that built a stargate in Carter's basement.

My thoughts are racing. If this is really Daniel, if I'm not delusional, then Daniel is here to bust me out. Good. Great, in fact. Okay, Daniel, whenever you're ready.

The guilty expression on his face tells me immediately that something's wrong. Guess he can't do that yet. They have a hierarchy up there or something?

What does he mean, he can but he can't? Dammit, Daniel, get me outta here! I don't want consolation, I want a staff weapon. Some C4. Even a zat will do.

Daniel sits back down on the bench. He won't bust me out. Wants to talk instead. What's there to discuss?

Yes, I agreed to the implantation but I was sick, for crying out loud! If I hadn't been I wouldn't have walked into a heavily fortified snakehead outpost. And I really don't know what one of the slaves got to do with all this.

I can feel the color draining from my cheeks at Daniel's next words. Nobody knows I'm here? That is sooo not good.

I was relying on the general to send in reinforcements, preferably sooner than later. And yes, Daniel, I know what the sarcophagus will do to me and I'm not looking forward to it. But if you won't help me...

What? So now you will? Could you make up your mi...ascension? You want me to ascend?


Oh, Jack, what a mess! I don't know if I should really be here but how could I not? You're my best friend, I couldn't just stand aside and watch you being tortured over and over again.

Despite the seriousness of this situation I almost chuckle when he throws his shoe at me. It's so typical Jack. And of course he doesn't believe that I'm not a delusion. I have to make him understand, though, if I want a chance to help him. Come on, Jack, believe me.

I can see it in his eyes the moment he starts to accept that I'm really here. They light up with hope, although he tries to hide it it by nonchalantly spreading his arms and asking me to show him my stuff. I feel cruel crushing his hope like this but I can't spring him out. It's not something I can easily explain, it took me a long time to understand it myself. But I have responsibilities here in my new life and as much as it pains me, I can't help Jack like this. I know Jack would understand if I had the time to spell it out, but right now we have to find a way to get him out of here without my interfering.

Alright, I admit I expected him to know more. Know how he came to be here, know *why* he is here. I expected we could find a way to tell Ba'al something without telling him anything. Just enough to stall for time until the cavalry arrived. And before the sarcophagus destroyed everything that's good and honorable in Jack. But now?

Then it hits me. Ascension!



My first instinct is to blurt out 'no'. I cannot ascend. But then training kicks in. Always gather as much information as possible, before you make a decision.

Or maybe it's just habit. Daniel saying something that goes against everything I consider right. Not necessarily in a *morally* right meaning, more like right in the *way* things have to be done.

Over the years I learned to listen to Daniel. I'm not saying I always agreed, let alone did what he suggested, but I listened.

So, what happens, Daniel, after you've become my Oma? Will I be floating around the SGC, watching over the rest of my team, being mistaken for a breeze from the air conditioning?

Come on, Daniel, don't be so vague. You can't expect me to just hop up and yell 'hurrah', when you won't even tell me what is going to happen. Oh, and don't start with that Oma crap!

Ha, see, I can talk gibberish with the best of you. But I'm sorry Daniel. Catching that next plane might have been the chance of a lifetime for you. For me, there's got to be another way.

They're coming back. Help me, Daniel, please! Help me with anything, the tiniest bit of help will suffice. I can fight my way out from there. Daniel, no! Don't leave me!


Ascension is Jack's only choice. I'm convinced of that as soon as the thought enters my mind.

And deep down inside I admit that it would be thrilling for me, too. To have a chance to show Jack what is out there, to have him there. The two of us could do so much good, much much more than we could at the SGC.

Jack corners me immediately with specifics. What will happen, what will he do?

I don't know, I honestly don't. He's not satisfied with my answer. Go figure.

But that's the way it is, Jack, there is nothing pre-programmed about this life. You'll just have to trust me. And please don't retreat into your narrow military mind, you're so much better than that.

But he refuses. Wants me to get him a gun.

But you know something, Jack? I refuse, too. I refuse to think so little of you, refuse to assume you can't do it. And I'll be back to prove you wrong. I'll be there for you, although you probably don't believe me right now. Hang in there, Jack!



We have to find him. This is the only thought I've been capable of for the past day. It's funny though, how easy it is to keep up an appearance of calm on the outside.

But no, that's not the truth. Part of me is calm indeed. I can listen, I can process what the people around me are saying. I can reply if necessary. But it feels as if I'm standing beside myself. There's Major Carter discussing the situation with her teammates, I can see her from where I am. I, that's Sam, almost frantic with worry about the fate of her CO. Her friend.

When Jonas concludes that Kanan's reasons must have been personal and it seems that we're finally making progress, my two halves somehow find their way together again. Which is good because Jack is going to need us both.



Pain. Excruciating pain. Whoever thinks that you get used to it with time is wrong. Incredibly wrong. I know which kind of pain Ba'al can inflict on me now and I'm afraid.

I don't know what to do. He is right, you know. The memories are coming back. The more he tortures me the quicker they come back. And he knows it.

So what am I to do? I still don't know more than fragments here and there, and what I know I can't tell. Don't dare to tell, because I'm weak and in pain.

Did I mention that I'm in pain? My mind can't focus, can't concentrate on which information I can let slip and which I need to keep.

I hate myself for being weak.


The sarcophagus has healed my physical wounds again. But I feel dazed and disoriented. There's this woman again. I'm pretty sure she's the slave Kanan was looking for. Is she the reason I'm here?

I find it hard to believe a Tok'ra would come back for a slave. Unless she has information Kanan wanted to retrieve. But if that's the case I certainly don't remember anything about it.

Oh. Daniel. You're back. Are you going to help me *now*?

Come on, Daniel, you know what that son of a bitch is doing to me. How can you just stand there and let it happen? Do something, for crying out loud! You're my friend. Still my best friend, even now. Doesn't that count for something?

Daniel equals his breaking me out to acting like a Goa'uld. I can't believe it! How could he say that? Sometimes the end does justify the means, he knows that as well as I do.

We've proven that rule on countless missions, pal, and when it helped to serve *your* end it never seemed to bother you. Is that what you've become? You're willing to let a friend suffer and die, just so that you can keep your halo?

Anger and frustration course through me, almost making me dizzy again. I know that my thoughts about Daniel's motives are uncalled for, but his words make me realize that he is not going to help me.

I feel defeated for the first time since this all started. Daniel obviously believes in the rules set for his...race, and it seems I don't have the arguments to sway him.

Five times, Daniel. I've been in the sarcophagus five times now. But who's counting, I ask myself bitterly.

It doesn't matter, can't you see that? I appreciate what you're doing, Daniel, I really do, but you can't honestly believe that I could become what you have.

This is me we're talking about, Daniel. I'm too old for this, I'm tainted. I've seen and done too many horrible things to...what...open my mind? Yeah sure, let's open this can of worms while we're at it, shall we?

Just stop it, Daniel, let it be.


Jack, I'm so sorry! I saw what Ba'al did to you this last time, and I can't even imagine the pain you must be in. Even now after the sarcophagus has healed you.

I understand that you don't want to go through it again. But please try to understand me, too, Jack. The help you expect me to give...I'm sorry...I can't.

Don't turn away from me, Jack. I do care about you; you're my friend. But can't you see that in springing you out, or even helping you get your hands on a weapon, I'd be changing your fate, I'd be changing the course you're destined to take!

You *have* to remember what Kanan came here for. Not even Sam and Teal'c will be able to get you out of this one.

You're on your own, Jack. You either give Ba'al what he wants - in which case he'll probably kill you afterwards anyway - or you decide to come with me. But you have to do it now, before the sarcophagus destroys you, destroys your soul.

Yes, Jack, we're talking about you. And we're talking about you because you can do it. I know you can.


Dammit, Daniel, I am *not* you! Where do you come off having this faith in me? I'm not the one with the brilliant mind, that's you! And I'm not the one with the gentle, understanding soul either. That's *you*!

The Asgard named a ship after me - oh, and do I have to remind you of the short-lived fate of that ship? - because I'm a warrior. Because I fight my way through, not think or talk. Believe me, Oma would never have named anything after me.

Put yourself in my shoes for a minute there, will you?

Yes, Daniel, damn right. I would have busted you out. I'd have fought, I'd have killed, KILLED anyone to get you out! Cause that's what I do.

I fight to get my people out and I wouldn't have felt any remorse about killing every Jaffa and snakehead in my sight. Cause that's who I am.

You're wrong, Daniel.


How can I convince you, Jack? How can I do that when you insist on painting yourself as the dumb-ass soldier? You're much more than that, and you know it. Even the Asgard know it!

I've lived through so much with you, Jack, how can you still claim to be a simple man and expect me to believe you? I've got news for you: you blew your cover years ago, when you didn't detonate the bomb on our first mission to Abydos.

I know you, Jack. I know that you're angry because you feel helpless. And I know that you're afraid of what I'm offering you. You fear that you won't live up to the expectations, to the trust I'm showing you.

Guess what? When Oma offered ascension to me I was just as afraid. Afraid I wasn't good enough and afraid I hadn't done enough.

I know how you feel, Jack. I know why you hide your fear behind your rage and rant about fighting and killing.

But you don't really think that's all you're capable of, do you?

Then why do you expect *me* to believe it? I know you, Jack, and I know you're a better man than that.


I'm tired. I can feel the fight leave me and all that remains is an empty shell.

Is that what I've become? An old, battered body with nothing inside?

Daniel goes on praising his new way of life. Why can't he understand that his way can never be my way?

I'm tired. And Daniel is wrong there, too. There *is* another way out. And I'm willing to take it. I have to take it because what other options do I have?

Help me take it, Daniel. Help me put an end to it. You know I'd do it for you.


If I still had a human body I'd be dizzy with lack of oxygen now. Jack's words leave me breathless and reeling with shock. He wants me to end his life? No way!

Jack, how can you even think that? That is not you, that is not the Jack O'Neill I know and respect so much.

Or is it? This is not the first time you've asked me to end your life. I can't even bring myself to say..think 'kill you'. But Jack, can't you see that this is different? That there is another option now?

Back on that sub, with replicators crawling all over you, you wanted me to save you from a horrible death, and I could understand that, although it nearly killed me to press that button.

And I did it. I did press the button that would have ended your life.

I'm not gonna do it now though. You have another choice!

Oww. You'd do it for me? That was a low blow, Jack, don't you realize that?

Yes, I think you do, you're trying to make me feel guilty. But I've got news for you, Jack. It's not working!



There must be something, some clue, anything to give us a lead. I know it's there, I can feel it, nagging in the back of my mind. Some information I read, some tidbit that is vitally important. All I have to do is remember it. I must remember it!

There was a woman involved. That's what struck me. What is it they always say? There are only three things that motivate us. Greed, hate...and love. That's it, the woman is the key.

But how? Did Kanan use her? Probably, I guess. He used her to gain access to Ba'al's chambers, that sounds like a standard Tok'ra technique.

There's still a piece of the puzzle missing, though. Why did he go back after so many months? Did she uncover more important information? What else could have compelled Kanan to return?

Colonel O'Neill! Of course. Oh my god, that's it, that must be it! Confronted with the colonel's values and beliefs Kanan returned to *her*. She didn't have anything to offer him, there was nothing to gain for him there. Except his honor.



Leave! Just leave, okay? Kanan used you, he used both of us. Yes, I remember now, I remember everything. But I can't help you. Just pray that I'll be strong enough to protect your secret. Protect you. That's all I can do. I'm sorry.

I have never known this tiredness. Physically I'm fine...for now at least. Ba'al's gonna change that soon I guess. And it doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore, except this tiredness that drains my body and my mind of any will to fight.

Maybe once more, one more time I'll be able to keep my silence and endure this torture. I gotta do it for this woman, an innocent in this god-damn useless war we're fighting.

Gotta keep her secret...gotta keep...



At times like this I hate the military, hate it for what it makes me do. We've finally found out where Colonel O'Neill is, found it out through stubborn tenacity and determination alone. Without the help of the Tok'ra, thank you very much.

But here I'm sitting, informing his team that I can't authorise a rescue mission. I'm condemning a fine man - an exceptional officer and a *friend* - to rot away in the hands of the enemy.

At times like this I really do hate the military.



Daniel, where are you? Why did you leave me?

Daniel, please come back! I can't fight anymore...I just...can't...live...no..



Hey, Teal'c. It's good to see you, even if you're not aware that I'm here. I hear you've found out where Jack is. That's good, very good. Makes my job here much easier.

I've tried to do the right thing, Teal'c. God knows I've tried. But Jack doesn't want to ascend.

You know how he always sells himself short. I think he's done it so often now that even he can't remember that he's so much more than the worthless soldier he wants everyone to see in him.

Me being here is a compromise that I'm not entirely comfortable with. I told Jack that I wasn't allowed to interfere, and what I'm going to do now *is* interfering. Sure, I'm not helping Jack get his hand on a gun and I'm not using my powers to kill anyone either, but if we're truthful here, then where's the difference?

But you know, right now I don't care anymore. Jack's life is at stake here.



As always Kel'no'reem has helped clear my mind. I believe I have found a solution.

I am confident that Lord Yu will attack the outpost. It is in the nature of the Goa'uld to act that way. I am also confident that his attack will suffice for O'Neill to fight his way out. He is strong.



You left me, Daniel. How could you do this to me? And how could I let myself become so dependent on you?

I've been imprisoned before, tortured before. I never had anybody but myself to rely on and somehow I always got through it.

This time I relied on *you*. When you abandoned me you took all hope with you, do you know that, Daniel?

You left me empty and broken. I'm trying to fight, trying so hard, but I can't. Not anymore. Please free me, Daniel! End this before I condemn an innocent woman to death with me. Because I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna tell him. I'd do anything to end this!


Jack, I can't tell you how much it hurts to see you like this. I never thought I'd see you so desolate and I'm sorry. God, you can't even look at me, can you? But I did what you asked me to do. Gave you a fighting chance.

Kanan came back to save the lotar? And he got the idea when? After the implantation, of course.

See, Jack, you do have an effect on people...Tok'ra. And here's your chance to do more. Don't give up, Jack, you have to fight!

Yes, Jack, look at me! Listen to me!


What? When? How? Tell me, Daniel, tell me that this is true! Tell me what you did!

Sam, Teal'c, Jonas? They did...what? What'd they do? And you...how do you?

The thoughts are racing through my mind and my body prepares for fight while at the same time I haven't really grasped what is going on. However, my instincts are kicking in.

I hear shouts and explosions going off somewhere, flickering lights in my cell indicating that the gravity's changing again. I make sure that I'm in the right position to escape the cell.

I want to ask Daniel what is going on but he's already vanished again.

Adrenaline alone propels me out of my prison and I don't remember much after that. There was a guard and I attacked him with an almost mindless ferocity I hadn't thought myself capable anymore.

I do know, though, that I managed to help the woman escape. We fled together.


I've made it. Holy Hannah, I've made it! I'm still feeling like crap. Tired, battered and bruised crap, but I've made it.

There's my team talking quietly among themselves. I think they're talking about me, about withdrawal symptoms after my use of the sarcophagus. But what do I care? I'm home, I'm safe.

Thank you, Sam. Teal'c. Jonas.

Thank you, Daniel. Ha, I knew you'd be here! And I'm not really surprised that you have to leave either.

I'm disappointed, though. I miss you, Daniel, miss you a lot. But I'll take what I can get, and right now joking with you feels so good.

Really wish you could stick around, though.

Am I gonna be alright? You seem sure. You know something I don't?

Yeah, probably, you always did. That's why I kept you around, did you know?

No, you didn't, which is probably a good thing.

And yes, Daniel, I trust you. Always have! What about you?


You did it, Jack, you've made it!

Watching you here with Sam and Teal'c and Jonas makes me realize how much I miss you guys. But it's not as hard as I expected. I have a new life out there, new responsibilities, but also new wonders to explore.

Still I'm sorry I have to leave already. But you understand, don't you?

Yes, you do, your - admittedly weak - attempt at joking proves to me you do.

One more thing, Jack. You're gonna be alright! Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Trust me on this.

Goodbye, Jack!


Maybe I'm gonna join you one day, Daniel. Maybe! But for now my life is here at the SGC.

Goodbye, Daniel. Thank you!


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