TW: Mild depressing and Suicidal thoughts.
Help, I just wanted to write one fanfic and came up with like 2 more.
When he first heard Jeri had gone missing he wasn't prepared for the guilt that swarmed him. The weight of what he had done almost made him topple over. He no longer had two maybe tamers he would give anything for, he had another.
And he needed to get her back.
He would have done that the second he found her if he hadn't been put into stasis by the D-Reaper. He would have gotten her to safety. He would have made sure nothing would have ever happened to her again. He would take on the four Sovereign at once without hesitating if it meant she would be happy. After what he did he would gladly do anything to make what he did right.
It was torture, one that he deserved, being aware but not being able to move. He could hear everything she said. Every word made the lump in his throat grow. It only got worse once he was awake. He couldn't break the stupid barrier. He couldn't reach her. He couldn't save her. Then the D-reaper even started judging him. Then he lost his gift from Maco. Then he nearly lost, but he kept going.
"I'm going to get you out, Jeri, if it's the last thing I freaking do!" He swore. He kept punching at the stupid bubble, he would get her out. He would do anything to get her to safety, he swore in his head. Finally as a last resort he did something he didn't know he could do, he broke the barrier with an attack that wasn't his own.
Then his heart broke for the second time when she finally spoke directly to him. No he wasn't Leomon. No he couldn't save her. He failed. He blacked out; she was the only thing on his mind.
Impmon jolted out of bed. His short fur sticking up at odd angling, his skin cooled by sweat. Shivering he held himself and prepared for his nightly routine since he had come back to the human world. First, stop his cold shivers. One of the hardest steps because it took so long. Second was to check on his tamers. Easy enough since he shared a room with the two, hopping from bed to bed he looked over the two. They each were sprawled out with the covers kicked off, snoring loud enough to wake the dead. Snorting with a small smile he moved to the third and final step.
Checking on Jeri.
It wasn't a hard step. It was just embarrassing and loathsome. He felt wrong, like an intruder, being unable to sleep unless he knew Jeri was safe. It wasn't his place to be worried. He lost that right when he murdered her partner. He wasn't fit to even be near her, much less check on her in the middle of the night like some stalker. Shaking his head he exited out the window, thankful that the screen had never been replaced.
Baring his teeth he clenched his fist and surrendered to the change. It was always strange the shifting and being in a new body. He felt as if he was being warmed when he shifted, it was strong but not suffocating like the first time. Standing tall as Beelzemon he spread his wings. The black plumage bursting out of his back wasn't as painful as it had been the first time, but it still had a bit of a sting. Shaking it off he took flight in a very well known direction.
Large wings cutting through the air he reached the inn with no problems. Curling his wings to slow his decent he landed on his spot. The roof's shingles were old and they creaked under his boots, but it was the best spot to check on her. Clenching his teeth he let his wing recede, that part still hurt. Rolling his shoulders slightly he crouched before the window with one hand pressed against the wall. Nose pressed against the glass he looked over the sole being inside.
It had been a year and a half, but the young girl hadn't changed too much. Her hair was still that luster brown, still cut short. Her smiles still made his breath still. Leaning against the building he sighed, she was alright. It bothered him slightly that Calumon wasn't with the girl, not that it would have gave him a piece of mind in the first place. Shaking his head he closed his eyes he tried to rid his mind of the nightmare he just had.
The nightmares were always had the same theme, him killing Leomon, but they changed up every once in a while. Some nights he would see Ai and Maco's shocked face and they would say they hated him. Some nights he killed all the tamers digimon. The one that happened the most was the one that shook him to his core.
It would start out like all the other, but he didn't just stop at Leomon, he killed Jeri. Drawing in a sharp breath he remembered the reacquiring dream well. He just punched a hole in Leomon, the strength flowing through him. Over powering his senses. Then he would hear a high pitched scream, one that stopped his maniacal laughter. He would look over, red eyes turning green as he looked over the Jeri he knew now.
Her face pale and eyes dull. That wasn't what he focused on, no, he would stare at the gaping hole in her stomach. Shouting her name he would reach for her, wings failing him as he never could get to her. She would fall down into an abyss. Right into the D-Reapers hold again. Something he promised would never happen to her ever again. The thing would speak in her voice repeating the same thing over and over again.
"Beelzemon, a digimon who killed Leomon and Jeri."
"No," He breathed as he pounded is fist on the wall lightly. He never physically hurt Jeri. It was something he swore she would never have to fear from him. Never. Swallowing he pulled back and looked her over again. There was no hole in Jeri, she was fine. Slumping forward he stayed there until the sun started to peek above the buildings. The warm light hurting his eyes and causing the girl to stir. Ripping his eyes from her for the first time in hours he decided that was enough. Spreading his wings again he took flight back to his home, he needed to wake Ai and Maco for school.
Ai and Maco had started to spend time with the older tamers. The two youngest still enthused about hanging around with older and cooler kids than their own schoolmates. Ai unsurprisingly grew attached to Rika and Takato. Maco loved Henry and Kazu. The only one that the two loved more than the others was Jeri.
They loved it when Jeri came to pick them and her younger brother up, Calumon bouncing excitedly on her bag. The three small children would hold hands with the older as they made their way to the park, Impmon moving between building roofs and telephone poles not too far away. He watched as she nodded at the three excited children as they spewed words about their day.
Quickening his pace when they finally reached the park Impmon landed on the ground not to far away from them. Happy to finally be close to his tamers, the two embracing him with smiles and laughter. Ai and Maco crying happily in unison, "Hi, Impmon!"
"Hey," Impmon greeted back enthusiastically. He didn't mind the petting, in fact he had grown to like it. Not daring to let his eyes dart over to Jeri and her brother he let Ai and Maco pull him along towards the others. The two chattering at him excitedly, they seemed forget that he had already heard about their day when he followed them here. Grinning he let them finish before they ran over to the other tamers, Ai seemed to especially excited to see MarineAngemon.
Despite being friends with everyone, he wasn't exactly the most social of the group. Though he couldn't pass up on food and a bit of teasing if the occasion called for it. He nodded as Jeri's little brother passed him with Calumon not far behind. No matter how many times he heard the brats name he just couldn't remember it. He figured it was always cause he was so distracted.
He clenched his fist as he heard her approach, he knew the sound and weight of her steps by heart. He didn't need to look up or over to know she was already crouching beside him. She did this almost every single day, the concern shining in her eyes but a wide smile on her face. He would be lieing if he said it didn't freeze his brain and if his words weren't as harsh when she was around. He was just thankful no one else seemed to catch on just who caused it.
"Not going to join them?" Jeri asked with a slightly deeper voice than one she used a year and a half ago. She still wore dresses, just due to the cold weather she wore stockings with them. Her hair fell against her cheek as she tilted her head at him.
Impmon paused before answering, his cheeks heating up a little. "Just tired," He spoke honestly. He didn't expect her to lean in closer, her brows turning into a frown and her lips to purse.
She stared him down her kind brown eyes showing exactly what she was feeling. She spoke up after a second, "Are you ok?"
Turning away he huffed, acting as if she was being preposterous. Turning up his nose he waved her off, "I'm just fine, toots, nothing for you to be worried sick over." Ignoring the clenching in his heart he decided to start strolling over to the others.
"That's good, I worry about you." Jeri stated with a smile.
Impmon tried not to let his breath catch. He knew he couldn't change what happened, but she sure didn't make it easy on him. He could have lived with her just tolerating him, he could have lived without her forgiveness. Then she would go and do something like that and leave him confused and guilt ridden. Pulling himself together with a red face and tight lips he waved a hand before jumping into the brawl between Terriermon and Kazu.
Ai and Maco may not have been the most perceptive children, but they did understand that Impmon wasn't his normal self around Jeri and the others. Despite their parents' constant warning and scolding the little digimon was brash and harsh as ever. But around Jeri the rookie would be awkward and would hold his tongue. They only noticed it because their mom would always bring it up when she came to pick them up from playing with the older kids.
Ai pulled at Maco's sleeve, she waited with a pout for her brother to stop being awe over Guilmon and Takato. Rolling her eyes she stared at her brothers puffed out cheeks and frowning face. Pulling him closer by his shoulder she pointed over to their digimon and then to Jeri. Maco's face lit up before he said, "Oh yeah."
Nodding he smiled brightly before running over to Jeri. The both of them liked all the tamers, all of the older kids reminded them of knights and brave warriors. All but Jeri, whom reminded them of a princess. She was kind, treated everyone fairly, and had lost a knight of her own. To them she seemed like a princess who never got a happy ending even though she had been rescued from the bad guy. They may have a really good idea to fix that problem though.
Grinning Maco pulled on Jeri's dress. Bouncing on his feet he watched as she beamed down at him. "Jeri, Jeri!"
"Yes, Maco," Jeri asked with a giggle. Of the twins Maco was the silliest, the boy ever hyper and easily amused. The boy like Ai seemed to thrive under her attention. Her face busting into a wide grin when the boy gestured with his hand for her to lean down to his level. Squatting down so that she was eye to eye with him, turning her head so that her ear was pointed in his direction she waited.
Maco leaned in really close, holding up his hand to hide what he was saying from anyone who could be listening in near by. He swallowed slightly, suddenly unsure about his sister and his plan. Puffing out his cheeks and pursing his lips he whispered in Jeri's ear, "Can you talk with Impmon? He's been really sleepy lately, even dad noticed it."
Jeri nodded, "Of course I will, but why don't you talk with him?"
Maco huffed, "He won't tell us anything like that, he says it's his job to protect us." His cheeks heated as Jeri ruffled his hair. Smacking at her hand he grumbled as she laughed at his face. He was almost a grown adult, he didn't need princesses messing up his hair. Watching as Jeri stood up he smiled brightly when she agreed, "Thank you, Jeri, thank you!"
Jeri watched with a smile as the boy ran back to his sister, the girl playing with her step-brother and Calumon. Her gaze soon turned to the demon rookie, a frown pulling at her lips. Flexing her left hand she wished she still had her puppet, but it was her brother's now. She couldn't hide behind it like a child anymore, no matter how she wished she could go back to before. Shaking her head she agreed that was just dumb. Clasping her hands behind her back she strolled over to the now bantering Impmon and Terriermon, Kazu had left to lick his wounds.
The two noticed as she strolled closer, Terriemon greeted her in his blunt fashion, while Impmon seemed stuck between greeting her and ignoring her. Smiling she tilted her head and asked, "Is it alright if I borrow Impmon for a bit?"
"Sure, he's a sore loser anyways," Terriermon chirped with a wiggled of his fingers and a large grin. Giggling he danced away from Impmon's swipe, his chubby legs carrying him to Henry the boy already scolding him.
Impmon glared at the retreating rookie, his clenched his gloved fists. He felt his stomach turn and his heart clench when he was around Jeri, it hurt. He deserved it, but it was still painful and awkward. He did his best to look after her without too much interaction. It was stressful, but he just couldn't wrap his head around her. Looking at her from the corner of his eye he asked with a shrug, "So what did you want?"
Jeri rocked back on her heels while answering with a question. "Can we talk over by the fountain?"
Impmon felt the lump in his throat grow, he knew about the fountain. The first place Jeri had ever met her partner. It was a special place for her. Looking away his eyes darted around, he couldn't go there but he couldn't say that he couldn't go there out loud. Eyes coming across a bench not too far away he started for it. His voice higher than normal as he reasoned, "Let's go over there! I can still keep an eye on Maco and Ai from there."
And he didn't have to visit the fountain.
"Sure, let's go there," Jeri nodded as she follow him. Watching as he hoped up onto the wooden bench with ease she couldn't help but envy him. She wished that she could be strong like digimon, their abilities were always impressive. Sitting down next to him she readjusted her dress before speaking again, "Ai and Maco are worried about you."
"Well they ain't gotta be," Impmon stated with crossed arms his face set in a scowl. He figured it had to be the twin's parents specifically who decided he needed help. The two constantly berated him and treated him like a child. He was one of the most powerful digimon, thank you very much, he didn't need those two on his case constantly.
"So you have been sleeping well?" Jeri asked as she kicked out her feet. She watched as Impmon stiffened in the corner of her eye. She turned to him, her brows drawn up and her breath caught, "Oh, Impmon."
"Don't Impmon me." Impmon hissed before covering his head with his hands. He didn't mean to shout at her, he really didn't. He turned away, "I just haven't been able to sleep well, ok?"
"Why?" Jeri asked leaning in closer, trying to reassure him with just her presences.
"Why," Impmon paused as he tried to work around the lump in his throat. "Why do you care so much, after what I did to you? Why? I took your partner's life, it was my fault that you ended up in the D-Reapers clutches and I couldn't- I couldn't save you!"
He felt so weak thinking back on it; the bubble finally broke under an attack that wasn't his. He reached in as far as he could without falling in, though thinking back on it he should have just scooped her up. Yet he could save her, the D-Reaper almost deleted him and he still couldn't have done anything. He continued, "Then you just forgave me, like it was nothing. You saved my life, and you can stomach being around me after everything I put you through. I just- I just don't get it." He pulled at his horns, he could feel the burning sensation. He wanted to digivolve and fly away, so he did the first.
Jeri watched with wide eyes as the little rookie was replaced with the humanoid Ultimate. She didn't hesitate to reach out her small hands clasping the digimon's forearm. Leaning closer she rested her head on his arm. "I'm sorry."
Beelzemon clenched his fists and hissed, "Don't apologize to me."
Jeri shook her head before explaining, her hair catching on his coat, "We never really talked about it did we? You guys just came back and I assumed that everything was alright without even thinking about you. It's just like when I lost my mom, no one ever really talked to me about it and I just held all those feelings inside."
She pulled away slightly to look right up at his face, a frown pulling on her lips when she saw he wasn't looking at her. "Beelzemon."
"I don't deserve it," He breathed. "I don't deserve anything. Even Maco and Ai don't deserve a partner like me. I don't deserve to be friends with you cream puffs. I don't deserve to even be here."
Jeri shook her head again, this time much more violently. Removing her hand from his arm she wrapped her arms around his thin waist. Burring her face into his back she tried to chock back her own tears. A small sob escaping her throat as she keened, "You're my friend, please don't say that. You tried so hard, I saw it. It was my fault I didn't reach for you. I'm sorry."
Beelzemon's breath hitched. His clawed hand coming to rest over the tiny limbs wrapped around him. He marveled at how large his hand looked pressed against her little stick arms. "I could have just scooped you up, it would have been so easy. You're so tiny. I could have just scooped you up and you wouldn't had to spend two weeks in that blasted thing."
He didn't move for a bit. His green eyes just staying trained on the tiny limbs that would squeeze his middle every once and a while. He let out a shaky breath, "I can't make up for what I've done and I can't change the past, but I swear I'll never let anything happen to you ever again." He tightened his grip adding silently in his head, I'll be deleted before I let anything happen to you or my tamers.
The two sat in silence for a long couple of minutes; the two stewing in guilt. Jeri closed her eyes before asking, "Is that why you can't sleep?"
"Yeah," Beelzemon shrugged, "I... I have nightmares about it."
"You can come and see me at anytime," She promised as she rubbed her cheek against his back.
He bit his tongue, he already did. He turned slightly as she pulled away, the air strangely cold on his back. Turning he was surprised at the determined look on her face. He didn't pull away though when she reached for his helmet strap, the sharp downward motion left his dizzy for a split second before he felt a pleasant sensation on his cheek.
Jerking back he pressed a hand to his burning cheek, she freaking kissed him. She kissed him on the cheek. His jaw flopping he tried to understand what just happened and why. Not waiting he took off in Maco and Ai's direction. The two children happy to see him though their faces soon turned into frowns when he scooped them up without warning and flew off.
It had taken him some time to get Ai and Maco to forgive him, but they did with promises that he wouldn't do that again. He still felt the burn, it was pleasant despite what he tried to tell himself. He kept trying to brush off their insisting that he had to save the princess. Sitting on the bed he rubbed his temples, of all the dumb schemes his kids had to think up this had to take the cake. He wasn't some knight, he was the monster. A tamed monster, but still a monster.
Ai spoke in a tone that was way beyond her years, "Jeri worries about you."
Hitting the floor with a light slap, he moved out the room with a wave of his hand and, "I'll be back later." He at least bothered to tell them this time. He exited the house fairly easily through the backyard, only the dog to watch him go as he hopped onto the fence and towards the ever familiar inn. His pace slowing as he got closer, his nerves getting the better of him as he landed on the roof. Walking around to his normal spot he looked through the window, not expecting Jeri to be looking right back at him.
She popped off the bed with a surprised face, "Impmon!"
He pulled back, words caught in his throat as she threw the window open with a red face and a smile. He stuttered out a greeting as she started to climb out of the window onto the roof. His apprehending soon replaced with worry, "You shouldn't be out here."
"I'll be fine," She reassured with a smile, "I come out here a lot."
Impmon huffed but didn't try to stop her when she took a set on the roof. Staring at her he wasn't too sure why he came to see her, not when his cheeks still burned and tingled. Turning away finally he apologized again, "Sorry for worrying you."
His face heating up more at her tinkering laugh. Brows drawing down he frowned, "What's so funny?"
"I thought you would be mad at me," Jeri sighed with a hand over her heart and a wide smile. She tried not to giggle again as Impmon looked at her with a flopping jaw. Hiding her mouth behind her hand she explained, "You just sort of left after I kissed you on the cheek."
"Well I- I wasn't expecting you to be all like that!" Impmon countered with arms crossed over his chest. He really hadn't. Then again he hadn't expected her to forgive him like it was nothing either. He was drawn back to reality from his musing by her calling his name, "Yeah?"
"You don't have to have nightmares anymore, you're here to protect Ai, Maco, and me. We're just fine." Jeri reassured with a smile. Her heart melting at Impmon's gasp and hopeful face.
Impmon looked off to the side slightly, "You really mean that, hu? Yeah, Ok." He nodded, he couldn't change the past. He couldn't give back what he had taken, but he could make up for what he had done and protect those who mattered most to him. That he could do.
The two's moment was interrupted by an excited little white digimon. Calumon hopping through the window with a large smile shouting at the top of his lungs, "And me too! I'm going to protect Jeri too!" He hopped over to Jeri, happily making his home in her lap. Little arms reaching for her head as he grinned, "Cause I'm the strongest digimon out there!"
"Yeah right," Impmon snorted as he turned his head away, a small smile on his face. He watched as Jeri and Calumon giggled to each other with a growing smile. He couldn't change what he had done, but he could protect what mattered to him. He could protect those stupid smiles. He teased farther, "Yeah right, you're the weakest cream puff of the bunch!"
He was the monstrous knight, he wouldn't let anything happen to them. He had a princess and two kids to look after, he breathed in with a large grin almost daring the world to try.
*Whispers* I didn't want it to be that shippy, it was supposed to be hinted at not shoved in your face. Sorry!
Enjoy and thank you everyone for reading. Please feel free to let me know what you think and have a nice day!