Fourth Wall breaking
DEALING WITH PETEY AND SEYMOUR
This is Emperor Land. My home. A small piece of the biggest and coldest desert in the world and granted, it's no Victoria Falls, but this over grown block of ice packs more than a couple of surprises. Though, in quite a case or two, that's not really the best thing in the world.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch out!" Mumble yelled as he narrowly flew past the icebergs on his new pet skua. He had still not yet fully learnt to ride one, so this had to be one of the most dangerous things he had ever done. Finally, he had reached his destination, the half peak just north of EmperorLand where he was going to meet his friends. When he landed, Johnny greeted him with "well, look who wasn't killed on his journey here, then?"
"Oh ha ha. You are so funny, you know that Johnny" Mumble answered. Johnny was joined by Andy Moriarty, Barry Tamland and his fiancé Fantine, former pirates Hellas and Aleksei, as well as Gloria's friend Katniss and her boyfriend Ozcar. Ozcar was the first of them to actually ride a skua (see Happy Feet 0.75 chapter 13 for more details) but the others had eventually learnt in the two months that had passed since the battle of EmperorLand. Suddenly a grey feathered skua landed rather clumsily on the cliff face where the group was. Seymour dismounted his pet skua, whom he had named Rappa, and dropped his friend Petey to the floor.
"What happened to Petey?" Katniss asked as Ozcar examined the sharp serrated icicles sticking out of the barely-conscious Petey's foot.
"He fell down a hole" Seymour answered. "We were out practicing flying. I was on Rappa, he was on Deathstroke. Then Deathstroke fell asleep and Petey was thrown head-first into a hole full of spikes."
"I don't know how to do this. He could have a concussion or anything" Ozcar said.
"I know. Let's go to Julius. He'll know what to do!" Katniss suggested.
"Who the bloody hell is Julius?" Hellas asked. He had been living in EmperorLand for two months now, but was still getting used to his new life.
"He's this wise old witch doctor who lives on the outskirts" Mumble answered.
"He never talks though. We'll never find out what's happened to Petey" Johnny objected.
"Well, I'm afraid Julius is the only chance Petey has" Ozcar said sternly. The group flew over to where Katniss said. a deep cavern just above EmperorLand.
"Julius? Julius, are you here?" Mumble called. A small silhouette walked into the light. Julius was a wise middle aged gentoo penguin with bright green eyes that carried a long staff with which to write in the snow.
"Julius, Petey here is injured. He needs your help" Katniss said worryingly. Julius took the unconscious Petey and laid him on a table. After fifteen or so minutes of performing what seemed to be magic from a book he kept, Julius came back with the now awake, fully bandaged Petey. Ozcar asked "so, how is he. Is anything else wrong with him?" to which the wise old penguin responded by making strange gestures with his flippers.
"Oh yes. I think he's a mute" Johnny explained as Julius continued making his unusual gestures. Just then Aleksei came in and saw the commotion. Mumble told him what was happening before Julius continued his actions. Aleksei saw this and said "Oh I see what's going on" before walking over to Julius and making the same gestures. It turned out that these gestures were actually a form of alien sign language.
Aleksei started by saying: It is nice to meet you, Julius.
You know sign? Was Julius' response.
Circus penguin Aleksei explained. The two continued their conversation for a while, before Aleksei said in sign thank you for your help before turning back to the group. "So, what did he say?" Mumble asked.
"Oh yes, Petey is fine. He just has a gash on his leg. He will live; he just has to sleep on it. Give him a night, and he'll be back to his adrenaline seeking ways in the morning."
"I'll live. Oh, thank Guin. I don't have to give Deathstroke away" Petey said in relief. Before they left, Aleksei turned back and said goodbye to Julius.
When they got back to EmperorLand, Mumble saw the newly opened Hellas and Aleksei's Antique and Blacksmith Stall under attack from feral skuas, Hellas himself trying to shoo them away. "Everything okay here, Hel?" he asked as he walked in to see Hellas cursing over a shattered old urn, the skuas flying off once Mumble had arrived. "Aye, it's fine. It's just those rogue skewers again. This is the fifth antique this week they've destroyed. It's only a matter of time before I run out of things for them to break"
"Don't worry Hellas. I'll consult Winter about it and we may be able to find a solution to your problem" Mumble said before a skua flew back and took an alien teapot, Hellas shouting "oh, y'have to be pooling me leg!" once it had done so. Mumble continued walking and noticed another mini avalanche caused by Marshall and her skua, Mumble going for cover under a thin sheet of ice that a Humboldt penguin was holding. Once the avalanche had finished, Mumble said "morning Slink. Anything new on your business" to the Humboldt, who answered "affirmative Mumble. I have just returned from the commute and I also have some fish for that friend Hellas of yours" as he pulled out a piece of torn cloth, only noticing that it was empty when he turned and saw Rappa with a fish in his mouth. Seymour quickly got on the skua and shouted "sorry!" as he was pulled into the sky.
Meanwhile, Hellas was sharpening a blade on his rock grinder as Marshall and Garner came in. "Oy lads. Any sign of Aleksei anywhere?" he asked as they entered, Marshall saying "I think he went to talk to that weird mystic again".
"Well he'd better hurry up. Ah, look who showed up for work" Hellas said as Aleksei walked in. "Hellas, I was talking to Julius again and he says I have to talk to you" Aleksei started as Hellas pushed him forward, saying "aye, we'll chat later. Meanwhile, you have to start work on those boards over there" as he walked over to a board and took off a piece of ice marked "41" saying "right. First day on the job. Now remember Aleksei our thoughts about duties to Rodan are distant memories. From now on our first duty is to our friends and neighbours. 41!" while he opened the flap to the stall, greeting the customers with "41! Anyone a 41?" as a voice said "Yeah. Right here. It's me" Hellas turning to the Chinstrap penguin with green eyes who said "yeah. I'd like one of those long sleds. You know, one with a steering wheel, cruise control and a storage compartment". Hellas answered this with "aye. Right away Mr Bennet" as he gave Aleksei the tools to build the snowsleds. Aleksei eventually managed to say "Yeah Hellas. This is a little more important than well, you know, building sleds" Hellas laughing as he said "ha ha. Dunny let 'at Win'er 'ear ya say that 'un. Remember what he tells us: not a job is too small when it comes te servin' the people! Now get te work" Aleksei saying "but Hellas. Julius always talks about the smoke he sees whenever we use that old rock grinder. Any gas near when it sparks it could burn down Emperor Land!"
"Agh. Fiddly sticks 'n Nonsense. Now come on, we've gorra few angry customers out there wee out you working!" Hellas concluded, only for another feral skua to take one of the prototype sleds.
Yeah, those are skuas for you. Really cause stress when you don't need them to. Of course the vast majority of Emperor Land's residents, including myself, are willing to look past these well, parasites, living here too.
That night, outside the back of EmperorLand's walls, there was a small makeshift hut. In this hut, there lived a scruffy feathered female gentoo penguin with brown eyes. She awoke from her sleep and walked outside of her house after hearing an unusual noise. She opened the door to see two adolescent penguins, who happened to be Petey and Seymour, riding their skuas in the middle of the night. Petey's skua Deathstroke looked down to the scruffy penguins food supply. The scruffy gentoo was a fish farmer, therefore the skuas Deathstroke and Rappa dove down to pig out on her left out fish. Petey turned to see the scruffy gentoo and said "uh, Seymour. I think we should go now". The gentoo picked up her staff and swung it in their direction, the two penguins taking off on their skuas in fright, Petey's bandage being torn off of his leg due to being stuck on the post. "You'll pay for this!" she shouted as they flew away. She looked at her ransacked produce, muttering "how dare those little brats…bringing their pet parasites…come to my farm, eat my fish. Oh, I'll see about that" to herself as she picked up an old crumpled helmet which she wore to cover her bald spot and putting on a pair of shoes that were made of skua's feet, before draping herself in a cape made of leopard seal skin and walking out of the door.
So, yeah. Like I said the majority.
The next morning, Winter was on a small platform in the corner of EmperorLand, joined by his wife Natalie and the middle-aged elder Julius. When a voice said "so, Winter Barnes. I bet you have no idea what you've done to us, have you man?". Winter's reaction to this was simply "oh great. Here's messy Amelia with her nag of the hour"
"My fish farm has been ransacked. Yes, that's right, ran-sacked, by those two delinquent teenagers over there!" Amelia the scruffy feathered gentoo said as she pointed to Seymour and Petey, who hid behind their skuas once she had pointed to them. Surprisingly, it was Mumble who had come to their rescue as he stood in front of them and said "look, I know Petey and Seymour over here are a little, well, how do I say this, uh…"
"Handsome" was Petey's suggestion, as "awesome" was Seymour's, Mumble however saying "Immature, from time to time. But you know, even though it's not always, well actually, hardly ever obvious, they mean well. I mean, come on. We might not have stopped Rodan if these guys weren't there."
"Well, maybe if they weren't there your victory wouldn't have come at a price, would it Winter?" Amelia said sarcastically, obviously referring to Winter's childhood friend Patrick, who sacrificed himself to save Mumble from Natalie's skua Boromir, whom Rodan had hypnotised using his grey alpha Whale. Mumble stepped forward and said "hey. It's not their fault that Patrick died. (sigh) It's mine. It's all mine"
"Oh good. Let's just leave it to the dancing freak, shall we?" Amelia said, before adding "I'll be back if this continues, Barnes. And as for you boys" as she turned to Seymour and Petey, "fluffy over there won't be able to protect you forever. And when that day comes, oh-ho you better watch out" before leaving.
That night, Mumble talked to Johnny and Moriarty about what to do about Seymour and Petey's misbehaviour. "We could um...put up signs!" Mumble suggested, only for Moriarty to look up from the small sculpture he was chiseling, saying "signs? For skuas?"
"No for Seymour and Petey!"
"Signs? For those two? Not the best readers you know"
"I know!" Johnny said. "What if we put a big net over Emperor Land?"
"You realise it's our Seymour and Petey right?"
"I know. You're right Andy. It's impossible for those two to be responsible. They have to grow up some time" Johnny concluded. Mumble said "look they mean well. It's just, they're a little well...clumsy really"
Meanwhile, Hellas was working on the sled when Bennet entered the room saying "how's the sled doin'" Hellas answering with "excellent. All I have to do now is sharpen up these front bits" before walking to the rock grinder and turning on the sharpener. Bennet went outside after accidentally spilling some gas on the floor. Hellas noticed the sparks flying from the grinder, but he didn't notice the gasoline. It was only when Aleksei came in that Hellas turned and caused another spark, which landed on the gas and ignited a massive flame, both penguins screaming because of this.
While this happened, Petey and Seymour were sitting on the bench over Emperor Land. Mumble came over and said "hey guys. Look, I'm sorry about what Amelia said. No need to listen to her"
"Ah, she's right. We can't do anything right" Petey said miserably, Mumble answering "oh sure you can. You um...you did a good job in the Penguin Games and uh...um...well I can't think of anything now but, you guys can do things. And if miserable old Amelia can't see that, then she can just go f-
"Fire!" Seymour said, Petey answered "I think he was going to say fu-"
"NO! FIRE!" Seymour repeated. Mumble turned to see Hellas' blacksmith stall ablaze, a distant voice saying "HHEELLPP!"
Mumble joined Johnny, Slink and Bennet at the scene, the latter saying "I just came to ask if my sled was ready. Next thing I know the whole place blows up"
"It has come to my attention that Hellas and Aleksei are indeed still trapped and slowly suffocating to death within the stall. It is all but impossible to get inside to save them without aerial reinforcement" Slink added. Mumble facepalmed and said "oh no" as Petey and Seymour hovered down over the burning shack, Petey saying "I got some rope! You guys grab hold and I'll s-" only for the rope he was holding to drop into the blaze as well. Seymour shouted "it's okay. We're coming in!" Mumble shouting "no! Are you kidd-" without effect as both penguins jumped off of their skuas and into the fiery stall. Petey immediately started choking and coughing, only to realise that breathing the smoke was not yet fatal and walked to where he heard Aleksei's voice. "Is that you, Petey?" Aleksei shouted, Petey saying "for the last time, call me Deadpool!"
Mumble and the others waited outside the shack, awaiting any change in the story. Suddenly, a massive explosion ignited and the stall was blown to bits. Many people gasped when the smoke cleared, and Seymour and Petey walked out with Hellas and Aleksei in tow. Everyone cheered the heroes, only for Amelia to come and say "stop you fools! Can you not remember what these two imbeciles have done to us in the past" Hellas saying "Aye. I do remember. They saved our lives. If you wanny talk your crap to these two, you'll have to have gone through us first!"
After Amelia stormed off in defeat, Hellas said "oh Aleksei. Tell your wee sign language friend he was right" only for Aleksei to answer "I think he knows" as he waved to Julius, who stood on the edge of the cliff watching everything, before he turned and went home.
MUMBLE ANDREW GARFIELD
OZCAR DANE DeHAAN
KATNISS JENNIFER LAWRENCE
JOHNNY BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
MORIARTY ANDREW SCOTT
MARSHALL KRISTEN BELL
HELLAS MICHAEL FASSBENDER
ALEKSEI PAUL GIAMATTI
WINTER SEBASTIAN STAN
AMELIA REBECCA ROMIJN
PETEY RYAN REYNOLDS
SEYMOUR WILL. I. AM
SLINK ZACHARY QUINTO
BENNET MARK WAHLBERG