Red Light Special

A DCU Fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon and The Ero Sennin

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. The Detective Comic Universe is owned by Detective Comics and Warner Brothers. Please support the official release.


Lex Luthor, billionaire supervillain, was standing in his lab with a maniacal grin on his face as red light gleamed across his face. His scientist was running laser scanners all over the red rock sitting on the scale in the center of the examination table.

"You're certain of this?" Lex asked, his teeth gleaming. The scientist gulped and nodded.

"Yes, yes I am sir. The chemical composition is almost identical to kryptonite. However, it seems to have undergone a further transformation into this variant."

"And yet, the radiation profile is almost identical," Lex grinned. "The waveform is distinct from standard Green-K but similar enough that it will cause physiological reactions in Kryptonians. It seems to be in the same range as brain waves."

"Well, yes sir," the scientist responded with a nod. "It suggests the radiation might be limited to psychological effects."

"Oh? You mean…" And here Lex grinned, "I might be able to influence Superman's mental processes?"

"Well, I suppose," the scientist said with a nod. "At the same time, it is distinct enough that the spectrographic analysis indicates the presence of some exotic matter, which would-"

"Allow us another defensive measure against Superman!" Lex Luthor declared, throwing his arms out with a maniacal grin. "And the rest of that alien's extended family!"

"Or," the scientist began, "we could just study this unique alien material for various applications in high energy physics?"

Lex Luthor slowly turned his head and stared at the scientist. The scientist sighed.

"I'm fired aren't I?"

"No," Lex sighed, shaking his head. "But you clearly missed the employee orientation."

"It was six hours long, and I had a grande latte!" The scientist protested. Lex scowled and pointed to the door.

"No excuses! You should have brought your own adult diapers! It was right there in the provided handbook!"

Lex rubbed his chin. "Now then… What would be the best way to test this out?" He scowled as he thought of luring Superman or Superboy into a trap. Frankly, most of his plans were predictable to the S-Shield men. That, and Superboy was kind of his son.

That was a whole new level of awkward he hadn't accounted for.

The women, on the other hand… He smirked.

"I haven't had a lot of experience with the S-Shield women… They'll be far less prepared for a trap. Well, Supergirl at least. The newest one." He smirked. "I believe she would be the most amenable to… Persuasion under the influence of the Red Kryptonite."

"You mean mind control?" Asked the scientist.

"I said no such thing. You did," Lex sniffed.

"But you just mentioned mind control earlier-" the scientist pointed out, but was subsequently interrupted by his boss.

"You're obviously delusional on top of not fulfilling your employee obligations of attending mandatory orientations." Lex glared. "Must I find more infractions in your conduct to… Note?"

The scientist sighed. "Very well sir." He really should have accepted that transfer to Gotham. He really should have.

"And you're helping with this project directly, too."

"As… A supervisor?" The scientist guessed. Lex smirked.

"If by supervisor you mean 'bait' then yes."

Yep. Definitely should have accepted that transfer to Gotham. At least his boss wouldn't also be the supervillain threatening his life…


Kara Zor-El sighed as she floated above a haystack. She was looking up at the blue sky with a pensive expression on her face, and she twitched a bit.

"Something on your mind, Kara?" Asked a familiar voice. She rotated in mid air, staring up at her cousin. She sighed and rubbed her face.

"Hey Kal," she said. "I guess it's pretty obvious…"

Superman smirked slightly. "Even without super senses." He floated next to her, pulling his legs up like he was sitting. "What's up?"

Kara looked down at the ground, a hint of a blush on her cheeks. "Well… It's kind of embarrassing. I don't know how you'll take it, really…"

"I'm sure it isn't that bad," Superman spoke, reaching out to rest his hand on Supergirl's shoulder. Kara took a deep breath.

"Sex."

Clark's hand didn't move. In fact, he squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.

"I'm… Sorry, I don't know how extensive your education was on Krypton-"

"Oh no, I-I know how it works," Kara said quickly. Clark nodded.

"Ah. Good."

"I'm just... " Kara sighed. "I guess with humans, it's… A little awkward. I mean, they're so close to being Kryptonian and yet... " She looked up at Clark and sighed. Clark frowned.

"It… Isn't something… Biological, is it?" He asked. Kara shook her head.

"Not… Exactly. I guess it's like… Little things. You know, psychologically. I know I shouldn't care, but I feel like I am caring too much and I shouldn't but at the same time…" She pouted and grunted in irritation. "You must think I'm terrible."

"Not at all," Clark said with a smile. "I was raised by humans so it's natural for me. You though… It's a bit of an adjustment."

"Yeah," Kara sighed. "I can't seem to stop thinking about them as… Well… Aliens." She shook her head. "And my super senses keep telling me stuff about their internals I didn't want to know."

"Are my internals any less gross?" Clark asked in good cheer. Kara gave him an X-Ray look.

"Well, I was trained as a scientist but it's… Not the kind of thing I'm talking about," Kara stated. Clark coughed, and rubbed his chin.

"Right…"

"I dunno," Kara said. "Maybe I'm just a racist."

"Or maybe you're just on an alien world with most of your race gone," Clark pointed out. Kara smiled up at him sardonically.

"Good point. I guess, in the end…" She sighed. "Maybe I just need to loosen up? Then again, you being someone to talk to about this is-"

"Kara," Clark said gently, "I've had to keep myself under control since I was a child, because I might have hurt a lot of people. That doesn't mean I don't know how to cut loose." He smiled and shrugged. "It just requires a bit more preparation first."

Kara nodded. "I understand…" She frowned and heard a cry for help with her superhearing. She glanced over at Clark, who had clearly heard it as well. "Um… Clark, do you think I could handle this?"

Clark nodded. "Sure. Sometimes, a rescue will help clear your head… Because you're saving someone's life. Someone," and here Clark grinned, "who is having a much worse day than you."

"Good point," Kara said, before she shot off faster than a speeding bullet.


Supergirl landed at an abandoned car along Kansas State Highway 24, identifying the location of the cry for help. She X-Rayed the vehicle and found a cellphone sitting on the front seat. She reached in and pulled it up. She held it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Oh thank God! Help me please! I just dialed this random number and I had no idea where this phone was! Please, please help! I've been kidnapped!" A man cried desperately.

"Stay calm sir," Kara answered back, "do you know where you are?"

"Ah… Metropolis I think. I was taken to a warehouse… I-I can't remember the exact address, but I can hear the sea, and saw a big green warehouse-"

"Don't worry sir," Kara said brightly. "I'll find you." She took off, and held her phone tight enough against her cheek to keep it intact as she broke the sound barrier.

"OH GOD WHAT-WHAT WAS THAT?!" The man gasped. Kara winced.

"Um… Sorry. That happens sometimes," she replied. "Hang on, I'm not going anywhere. I just have to mute this."

"Mute?! Why would you-?!" The man gasped, but Kara turned the sound off. She accelerated, going higher and arcing high over the earth. She caught sight of Metropolis and descended, zipping down to the seaside of the great city. She turned the sound back on.

"Sir? Sir, can you hear me? I'm here, please speak to me!"

The man was silent, and Kara was afraid the sonic boom had given away he had a phone to his captors. Then he spoke slowly.

"Um… You're… Here?"

"I mean I'm in Metropolis," Kara explained. "Just tell me… Green warehouse, right? Is there anything else you can tell me?" She flew down, scanning the dock areas of the city. She picked out several green warehouses in the area, and she shot down like a bullet to listen. "Anything at all?"

"Uh… Th-There is a sound… I can hear some trucks…? A loud sound, like a crane engine…?"

Supergirl focused and extended her super senses. Yep, she could hear a lot of different engines and cranes… This was not getting her anywhere.

"Hang on sir… Cover your ears," she told him.

"Um, what-?"

"Just do it sir!" Kara ordered. She waited five seconds, before she took a deep breath. She pursed her lips and whistled. She tilted her head… And picked up her own whistle, coming from a particular warehouse several blocks north of her. Kara beamed, and flew for the building. She switched to X-Ray vision and saw multiple human figures in the warehouse-One tied up and in the bottom of a van, with several other men with guns around the inside. She smiled and smashed her way through the roof. They all looked up and gasped.

"Superbroad!"

"Supergirl, please!" Kara shouted. They opened fire with bullets that she ignored, and she flew down to gently punch the first guy she met into another thug. She struck another, and another, quickly dispatching all of the kidnappers with her gentle blows. She smiled and flew over to the van, quickly tearing it open.

"Hello sir!"

The man sitting there was wearing glasses and a shocked expression. He had an IPhone next to his face, as his hands were bound with duct tape. He was in his late twenties or early thirties, and rather handsome with his pitted chin, auburn hair and high cheekbones. Despite her issues with humans, he wasn't bad looking at all.

"So… I… Called Supergirl?" He asked. The blonde woman nodded happily.

"Oh yes! Well, sort of…"

The doctor smiled. "I guess I really am lucky, huh?"

Supergirl nodded. "Yes, yes you are!" She reached out for the duct tape around his wrists… As several panels on the inside of the van opened up. Green light filled her vision and she gasped. The scientist sighed and shrugged.

"You, on the other hand…"

And a blunt blow from a large robot's arm to the head sent her into unconsciousness.


Supergirl groaned and slowly came to, the air now chilly and pressing around her. It was clearly inside, and that had clearly been a trap.

How the Kryptonite had sapped her strength fast enough to make it possible for her to be knocked out, she didn't know. Though… With a bit of X-Ray vision she was able to see that there were a number of military grade super androids holding her down on a cold table, and surrounding her. Red sunlight lamps burned above her, and she felt her strength lessened.

She could also see the scientist on the other side of a heavily reinforced armored glass window. He waved awkwardly.

"Ah… Hello Supergirl," he said over the intercom. "Really sorry about this."

"You know, I was happy to save you," Supergirl said with a scowl. "You just lured me in like this and now I'm a prisoner!" She glared. "So, are you just trying to establish your credentials as a supervillain or what?"

She immediately scanned the room for a weakpoint to shoot with her heat vision. She estimated she had enough power to get off a single shot, but it needed to be a critical hit.

"Actually, I'm just doing my job," the scientist said with a shrug. "To be honest, I don't think it's going to go very well for my employer."

"That's enough, Doctor," growled a familiar male voice. "You've rambled enough! Begin the experiment!" Lex Luthor walked up to the glass as well, and glared out at Kara.

"Ex-Experiment?!" Gasped Supergirl. She struggled. "Hang on a second, Luthor! I don't know what you've heard about Kryptonian sexuality but-but I'm not into this without some incentive! Some consent!" She paused. "I mean, do you have some forms for me to sign? Or verbal consent?! I can do that! Maybe! Depends on what the experiment is!"

Both men stared through the screen as Supergirl continued to babble and kick her legs into the air.

"I-I mean, if this is going to be some kind of-of human/alien hybrid thing, you can count me right out because that's my baby and it's my body and you have no right to-!"

"That's not it at all!" The scientist and Lex Luthor both shouted over the intercom. Supergirl blinked.

"Indeed," Lex Luthor said. "I have in fact discovered a new form of Kryptonite, Supergirl. And I am going to test it on you to see what the effects are."

Kara blinked a few times. "Wait… You're going to expose me to something that can kill me just to see what happens? What if it really kills me? Do you have any idea how many superheroes would come after you to kill you?"

"We're not going to kill you, you babbling twit!" Lex barked through the intercom angrily. "I just… God, how long have you been on this planet again?"

"About a year or so…?" Kara said, tilting her head curiously. "I'm not entirely sure-"

"Doctor Clarke, please explain," Lex said flatly. "She is wearing on my nerves."

"Yes sir," the now named Doctor Clarke replied. He adjusted his glasses again. "Ahem… We have discovered a version of Kryptonite that acts on a different wavelength than the standard type. It seems to affect brainwaves in Kryptonians, but we need to find out for sure-"

"So you can brainwash me into your sex slave?!" Supergirl cried, struggling frantically. "LIKE HELL!"

"Why does everyone SAY that?!" Lex Luthor snarled over the intercom. "NO! I'M NOT MAKING YOU INTO MY SEX SLAVE!"

"... Well why not?" Supergirl asked, suddenly indignant. "I mean, what's wrong with me?"

Doctor Clarke snorted into his hand. Lex sighed.

"The point is that it is another defense against you aliens!"

"And thus it is negated by telling them about it," mumbled Doctor Clarke.

"I HEARD that," Lex growled. Clarke scowled.

"You're the one putting me in the same room as a superpowered alien you want to poke with a stick!"

"Well I wouldn't if you had just obeyed-!"

"Is this a bad time?" Supergirl asked coquettishly. "I can let you work out your sexual tension while I wait."

Silence. Doctor Clarke made a face. Lex spoke coldly.

"Doctor? Expose her to the Red Kryptonite."

"Yes sir," Clarke sighed. He typed a few commands on the computer, and one of the robots approached with a lead lined box held between its claw-like hands. It lifted the box's lid, and red light poured out from the box. Kara stared at the light, going silent and becoming entranced. One of the robots held up a sensor probe, and scanned her forehead with several lasers.

"Well?" Asked Lex. "What are the results?"

His voice seemed far away as she drifted. Everything felt warm, and cold, and yet it was like she was still rooted… Wow… She expected to be hurting but this was… Nothing like green Kryptonite. She actually felt like giggling. A lot.

She blinked several times, before she slowly moved her gaze up towards the ceiling and the red lamps shining on her.

Doctor Clarke rolled his eyes and checked the screens. "Her brain activity is changing… It's hard to tell given her alien physiology… But that said, her waves seem to be settling into a theta-wave like pattern."

"Theta-wave?" Asked Lex. Clarke nodded.

"Yes sir, but it seems to be kind of-"

There was a sharp sound, like high energy beams slicing through dense, sturdy material and more fragile wiring beneath it, before all the lights in the room went out.

"What was that?" Lex demanded. Clarke gulped as red emergency lamps came out and cast the examination room into an eerie mix of shadow and light. Lex Luthor's sweaty bald head shone in the red light.

Supergirl was standing right against the glass, unblinking and grinning broadly at the two men behind the glass. The military grade androids behind her were all in various states of destroyed, and she was wearing the red kryptonite around her neck.

Lifting her hand up, she waved to the two men, before she balled her hand into a fist and punched through the glass.

And Lex and Clarke began screaming at a pitch Kara didn't think human males could reach. She was learning something new every day on this planet!


To be continued...