Act 1 part 1: I must be High
I suddenly jerked awake and my eyes shot open. I looked around myself and I was in the middle of this huge dark forest that was eerily silent. I pushed myself upright with a lazy grunt and checked my pockets. With a sigh of relief I felt my phone in my pocket. Good... Now I can call and get a ride outta here, or maybe use the GPS to figure out where I am first. I thought as I put in my password.
I was also relieved when I saw that my battery wasn't completely dead, it was at 93%. It seems things are working out for me in this random god forsaken... Wait how did I get here? I don't remember anything that happened the yesterday... but the day before that I was just chilling in my apartment playing Video games... Then... It's just... Blank... Hmm... It doesn't matter I'll just use the GPS and...
Damn! Where the hell am I then? I must be in some deep shit if I have no signal!
"Dammit!" I yelled as I powered down my phone, it may be at 93% but I still want to save battery life...
I sat for a few moments still puzzled about the basics you know... Like... What the hell, When the hell, Where the hell, and HOW the hell did I end up here... HOW! Did I get drunk after my game session and wander into the woods? No... There are no woods near where I live.. And this is a big ass forest... I thought as I finally stood up and noticed something.
I feel... Really... REALLY good right now like fucking amazing...I feel Stronger... Even Healthier! I thought as I flexed my arms. I was a pretty skinny guy but I still somehow managed a toned body despite the lazy office job, video games and junk food... I've always been that way.
I took a few steps forward and checked myself again. There were a few more things in my deep, black basketball short pockets, I had my keys, my wallet that had a few bucks in it, a led pencil and a pack of gum... That still had a few pieces to my suprise. I also noticed I had on my signature drawstring bag and inside was a notebook, pair of jeans, my phone charger, a large sports water bottle and a pocket knife, which I honestly don't remember owning... Probably belongs to my dumbass roommate and it just got in here somehow... Could come in handy though...
I take note that I'm wearing a black Nike hoodie, that had a pair of sunglasses tucked onto the collar. I even had that cheap ass sports watch I bought from...Walmart? I don't remember... Anyways, I had some black and white Nike shoes, they were nice but still just plain and simple, I don't like shoes and clothes with all those flashy colors and such like other guys might, I tend to just wear 1 or 2 colors at the most, so right now I was mostly black and white. The funny thing about me is I always dress up like I'm going to go play basketball or go on a run... Even though I barely do either of those things... Meh who cares...
After staring at myself for a while, I eventually just shrugged and put my hands in my pockets out of habit and started walking... I didn't know where the hell I was or why, but all I know is I won't get anything done while sitting on my ass. At first I thought I should probably go into survival mode and start gathering supplies... Like those nature survival shows or Minecraft... Heh... I wish I could punch trees with my bare fists, I thought as I passed through a thick bush.
A few feet ahead of me there was a gap that had at least a 10 foot drop leading to deadly looking rocks below. It was only a 2-3 feet gap give or take so I could probably just jump it. I looked down at the razor sharp rocks nervously.
"Nope nope nope!" I said quickly backing away from the gap. Wait... What the hell am I doing! I can do this! I thought confidently as I stepped back for a running start. Before I ran off I stepped back a few more feet, I mean... Better safe then sorry! I finally took off running, I quickly noticed I felt somewhat faster than I usual was, but I ignored it. As I neared the gap I jumped up into the air... kinda higher than normal... Actually...ALOT higher! I was nearly 15 feet in the air! I over shot the gap easily and landed safely on the other side with a grunt.
"No way!" I muttered aloud as I stared at myself. I didn't LOOK any stronger then I normally was, but I felt stronger and I could run and jump faster and higher! OK as cool as this shit is... That should be impossible! Humans can't do crap like this! I thought as my mind raced. Do I have super powers? Am I dreaming? Am...am I HIGH?! I questioned as I continued to walk nearing the edge of the forest without noticing. There is some strange shit going on right now, I thought as I checked myself for head injuries. I was so busy questioning everything that I tripped over something.
I lifted my face from the dirt In anger as I saw the damn rock I tripped over. I quickly and angrily stood up and kicked the shit out of it. Much to my suprise it went really high up into the air. I stopped caring about the rock and just came to terms with these strange "Powers" I possessed now. Unfortunately before I could fully turn around I heard the telltale sound of a window being smashed, no doubt by the rock I just kicked.
"For fucks sake..." I muttered in annoyance as I turned to see a large cluster of houses and town like buildings.
Wait... Buildings! Civilization! Although these houses were oddly colorful... Like Way more then I've ever seen... I noticed something else also... They all looked a little... Primitive for some reason like medieval fucking straw roofs primitive. Some select houses were decorated in a completely different style than the others. like there was one house that looked like it was fucking edible, with all the candy, cake and chocolate bullshit all over it. There was another house that was tall like a tower and looked kinda fancy with its checkered patterns. There was this one house that reminded me of the houses that hobbits in the Lord of the Rings lived in, except a lot more elaborate. And... Is...is that a fucking Treehouse? No not the kind where you have a little house in a tree... This was literally a fucking house tree! Raising my brow in suprise I facepalmed at the design choices. Who the fuck lives in this town? Little girls? This is weird...
I shifted behind the bush I was hiding in uncomfortably. Who's window did I break? I thought as I scanned the houses and much to my dismay I saw that the busted window belonged to the weird treehouse. Part of me just wants to walk the fuck away and the rest of me wants to apologize. I checked my watch and it claimed it was 10pm. "Nope, thats fucked then..." I thought as I questioned the time of day. The sun seemed to be coming up but it wasn't moving visably so I just assumed it was morning, that would also explain why I saw nobody outside yet...
"Fuck it.." I whispered as I started walking from my vantage point toward the weird ass Treehouse... Housetree... Whatever!
With my luck whoever owned the house would call the cops on me in anger over something as simple as a window.
As I drew near the house, I noticed the door was way shorter then normal. Well what do ya know? Maybe hobbits DO live here... I joked to myself as I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I was busy wondering just what the hell I was going to say whenever I heard a loud yawn come from the other side of the door. I should probably see if they'll let me use a their phone... And I may as well find out where the hell I'm at while I'm here... But that thought was interrupted by the door slowly swinging open to reveal... Nothing?
I looked around a few times before remembering the hobbit joke and I looked down. I saw a Bigass, Upright, Purple and Green Lizard!It lazely rubbed its green reptile eyes with it's claw like hands. I was staring down at the thing and it finally looked up and both of our eyes widened. We both sat there staring at each other, frozen in place, no doubt thinking the same exact thing.
After a few more awkward seconds I took off running as fast as I could back into the forest, leaving the purple lizard thing behind. Did I just discover a small race of lizard men? Am I in some kind of fucked up fanfiction? Am I in a coma and this is all just an elaborate dream? Am I in some freaky alternate dimension where lizards overthrow humans and inslave them? Did I somehow end up in the past? Am I high? Well... I guess at least one or more of those must be right...
I raced into the forest, never looking back to the weird town I discovered. I finally stopped running and took a quick breather. This was a lot to take in... Fucking Bipedal Lizards, building fruity ass Gingerbread houses. First the powers and now this? This is an odd day, I seriously bet it cant get more ridiculous then this...
"Um...Hello?" Said a female voice behind me. OK good maybe I could get some help.
I turned around and froze. you've got to be fucking kidding me... There was a Purple Unicorn staring at me in wonder.
"I'm high as fuck right now..." I whispered to myself, this pony did not just say hi to me.
"Excuse me? Mister... whatever you are..." The unicorn was interrupted by that weird lizard thing from earlier behind her.
"That's the weird thing that knocked on the door Twilight!" The lizard said in a little boy's voice as he pointed an accusing claw at me.
I took a few steps back before quickly turning away and running deeper into the forest, I did not just see a walking talking Lizard and I certainly did not see a fucking talking Unicorn!
"Hey! Wait!" The unicorn girl called from behind me, but I just ignored her and continued running. I needed to get away from this bullshit dream. This crazy illusion, or my worst fear... This harsh new reality.
I ran for a while before sitting and resting on a large boulder. Sweating from the excitement, I took the bottle out of my bag and I drank from it. To my delight it was full of Pink Lemonade. I drank about half of it before I lowered the bottle and took a breath.
"This is just a dream..." I kept saying to myself in denial. I finally decided to do the pinch test.
"Fuck!" I yelled in disappointment for I wasn't waking up in my apartment.
I just sat there huddled up, I was going to lay my head on my knees, but I stopped when I noticed my sunglasses were gone.
"Oh no..." I muttered aloud as I quickly searched the surrounding ground for my shades but didn't find them.
Before I could stand and curse whoever or whatever put me in this situation I saw my sunglasses, floating in a purple aura. I reached out to them, and as I grabbed them the aura made me feel tingly. When I grasped the shades tightly the purple aura carrying them disappeared and I could feel the shade's weight now.
I looked up to see the unicorn from earlier, along with the lizard thing hiding behind her. She had a confused, but kind expression while the lizard dude was staring at me with narrowed eyes, shivering slightly.
"You dropped your... Sunglasses when you ran off..." she said with a friendly tone.
"My name is Twilight sparkle! What's yours?" She asked innocently.
I sat silent for a while. I was still fighting the urge to run away again but I wanted to see where this was going. Wait hold on... This unicorn is named Twilight sparkle? What the hell? I fought the urge to laugh as I answered.
"My name is Derrick Young" I said uncomfortably, shifting my weight.
"Derrick? That's an odd name..." Twilight said raising her brow slightly.
Oh sure bitch... You can't talk when your name is fucking "Twilight sparkle"...
The lizard dude thing decided this was a good moment to speak up and he tapped his chest proudly.
"I'm spike the dragon!"
I looked to the lizard thing in disbelief and deadpanned.
"What?" He asked nervously.
I busted out laughing, this lizard thing thought it was a Huge, Flying, fire breathing, BADASS... He didn't even have wings!
"You're a Dragon?! Can you even breath fire?" I questioned, making the little lizard upset. He balled up his claw hands and shook them at me, and was probably about to say some kind of insult to me, when Twilight quickly gave him a stern look and he sighed in defeat.
" I can breath fire but... I'm just a baby... Kind of..." he admitted with sadness as he stepped back behind Twilight. I just nodded, I was looking at a talking unicorn, so right now I was inclined to believe anything.
"Anyways..." Twilight continued, "I've never seen anything like you before... What are you?" She asked curiously. I scratched the back of my head, wondering how she would react to my answer.
"Well I'm a human..." I said carefully waiting for her reaction.
Twilight moved her head back slightly, she looked like she was going over something in her head. Suddenly her eyes widened and I swear I saw fucking stars in them, and her smile... Her mouth looked like it was about to pop off of her goddamn face. Before I could react she zipped right up to me happily making me jump.
"Oh my gosh! a real HUMAN?" She said quickly in a squeaky high voice.
"You're a living legend! According to my books you're just an old foal's tale!"
Before I could say anything she assaulted me with more questions.
"How did you get here?"
"Are there more humans with you?"
"What kind of magic can you use?"
"Why are your legs so long?"
"What are this weird things on your forehoofs?"
She asked as she got closer with every question, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. She was beginning to creep me out, as she took more steps toward me with that freaky smile. Yeah I figured I wouldn't like this shit from the start... I'm going to NOPE the fuck away now...
Instead of answering her I just put on a fake smile and bolted away in a random direction as fast as I could... Which was actually quite fast because of the strange power boost I got from this place. But suddenly I lurched to a stop against my own will. Huh? Why can't I move? That purple aura from earlier was surrounding me while I was frozen in place. Suddenly I was moved back in front of Twilight by the strange force, and her horn was glowing again. The aura faded from me and her horn simultaneously. What did this bitch just do?!
I narrowed my eyes and glared at her angrily.
"How the FUCK did you do that?" I asked angrily.
"Do what? Oh you mean my magic? Yeah sorry about that..." She said lowering her head slightly. I sighed in annoyance, I'm pretty sure I can't escape now because this unicorn has telekinesis or something.
"I'm sorry if I scared you.. I was just really excited! I mean humans were just an old foul's tale... And now one is standing in front of me! Please don't run Derrick..." I just sighed and shook my head.
"Just call me DJ... Anyways did you say MAGIC?" I said quickly changing the subject. This is definitely a dream!
"Yes magic! What's the matter? Can't you use object manipulation spells?" She asked innocently.
I scoffed at that question, humans? Magic? Hell no...
"Humans don't have magic..." I said flatly.
"Oh... That must be terrible!" Twilight said with slight disappointment. I walked over to a pebble on the ground and lifted it up.
"Not really... Humans have hands for a reason.." I said as I played with the pebble in my hands.
"I see..." Twilight said as she watched me with wonder. That made me feel kind of awkward after awhile, so I dropped the pebble and folded my arms. I think its about time I got away from this bullshit... I'll take my chances in the forest.
"Look... I'm sorry I broke your window and stuff... but I really must be going..." I said as I slowly began to turn away.
"Wait that was you!?" The dragon said in outrage as he poked his head out from behind Twilight.
"Wait! Please don't leave!" She pleaded as she completely ignored the thing about the window.
"Nope...I've got places to be..." I lied, slowly walking away.
Now I don't know why I did this but I turned my head and looked back... Big mistake.
Twilight had this look on her face that reminded me of that face dogs give you when they're in trouble, or when they want something. Now I usually just ignored them but this was different. Her pleading, sad, cute eyes made me feel guilty... Really guilty... To the point where I started weighing my options again.
Let's see... Assuming this is all real... considering I'm talking to a fucking dragon and a godamn unicorn... There is probably WAY worse shit that could wreck me in that forest... Besides... I have no basic survival skills anyway, and I'm not about to eat insects... I'd be stupid to even try.
"Alright fine! You're lucky I don't have a godanm house..." I muttered as I quickly turned back to the unicorn.
"Great! Would you like to come over for tea? I'm pretty sure you have questions for me aswell!" She asked getting that creepy, curious look again. You know what? I'm calling that the Science Face... From now on, because I knew this weird girl once back in highschool that had that same look whenever she did weird shit "For Science!". But I think she's in a mental institute now... Yeah... so you can see why I'm at least a little worried about this unicorn. Speaking of sanity... I have to question my own right now. I'm just going to assume all the dragon and magical unicorn bullshit is some illusion that will stop eventually... But for now I'll just " Go with the flow ". Wait a sec... She said Tea? I HATE TEA! Well mostly the Herb Teas...
" I dunno... I don't like herbal tea... " I said to her. Unfortunately that only made her puppy eyes water more.
"Please? We don't have to drink Herbel Tea... I have some Sweet Nector Tea!" She pleaded.
Hmm... Nector is OK... But... Ok fuck it! I can't take those eyes!
" Sure whatever ..." I muttered with a roll of my eyes.
And the strangest shit YET just happened... Twilight smiled wide again like earlier but this time it made this weird "squee" sound. like I'm dead ass serious right now... This bitch's smile made a NOISE just now! What the hell is wrong with this place?
"Alright then follow me!" She said happily as she turned and trotted back toward her tree house, followed by Spike. I just sighed and walked behind them. When we started walking Spike turned around and glared daggers at me. He stuck out his claws and he pointed from his eyes, to me and back again...
"I'm watching you..." He muttered in a threatening tone, except it wasn't all that threatening because this guy only came to my knees... And I'm only 5'8". He turned back looking confident about his "threat" but I just ignored him.
"Stay close everypony! The Everfree forest has really dangerous creatures in it!" Twilight warned us without looking back. Everypony? Seriously?
As if on cue, I hear a loud roaring sound coming from somewhere deep in the forest. Yep...this may be some kind of fucked up dream, but the pinch test didn't work, so I'm glad I didn't take my chances with the forest. The funny thing was, Twilight told us to "stay close" implying that she could protect us... Heh I guess she's stronger than she looks...
After the roar we all silently picked up the pace, as we exited the forest. After a few minutes of walking we finally reached Twilight's house inside that strange town. Before I walked in, I noticed a few ponies out and about, with various crazy ass color schemes, good... The place wasn't full of big ass lizards... Luckily they didn't see me slip into Twilight's place.
OK what? I knew this girl was kinda nerdy, but this house was full of books... Like massive shelves of them...except... The shelves were carved into the side of the tree, which was an interesting design choice, but it still caught me off guard. The suprise on my face must have been obvious, because Twilight giggled when she saw it.
"This is a library by the way..." She said as she stared up at me.
"Right..." I said with uncertainty. I was kinda releaved that she didn't just own all these books... But I still find it odd how she lives in a library.
Well I guess I met this wacky town's librarian... Let's hope she's the most crazy pony I will ever have to meet... Because I'm not sure how I feel about more ponies giving me the Science face.
She leads me to a soft couch and I layed back with a sigh of comfort, this couch is awesome.
"Nice place..." I complimented with a smile.
Twilight smiled at me, thankfully it didn't make a weird sound this time...
"Thanks Derrick... I mean DJ!" She said nervously, as she sat in a similar couch across from me.
"Spike, can you put on some tea?" She asked the dragon and he quickly nodded.
"On it!" He said, giving a salute before running into another room that I assume was the kitchen. Honestly I hate tea for the most part, but Twilight assured me earlier that it wasn't one of those bullshit herb teas.
" So... What is this place?" I asked curiously, slightly dreading the coming answer.
"Well this is the land of Equestria! Inhabited mainly by ponies and other magical creatures. "She answered happily. So... I'm in "Equestria..." Sounds like the name of a generic fantasy game to me...
" The town we're in right now is called Ponyville! " she continued.
"Hmmm... I've got to say that's the WORST name for a town that I've ever heard..." I said bluntly, making Twilight pout angrily.
" What? Ponyville is a wonderful name! This town has a rich history spanning over 100s of years!" She said in defense.
"That may be so, but we don't run around naming our towns Humanville..." I said with a chuckle.
Twilight just rolled her eyes at me.
"I guess I could see what you mean..." She admitted with some hesitation.
After a few moments of silence I had another question. I assumed because of the primative nature of this town, this place's government was probably just some form of monarchy.
"Alright so who's the king?" I asked as I folded my arms. Since it was a possibility I could actually be stuck here, I may aswell know the asshole calling the shots, and I figure they'll know me to.
Twilight looked somewhat amused when she answered.
"Oh... We don't have I king. Equestria is ruled by the sisters, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna..." She said happily. My God... What's with the names here? "Twilight Sparkle", "Princess Celestia?", "Princess Luna?" Well... That's not that bad... " Spike?" Well that one sounds more like a dogs name.. But damn... Am I in a Goddamn Disney movie?
"I happen to be Princess Celestia's faithful student! I'm her personal Protégée!" Twilight said proudly, pointing a hoof at herself. PFFT! More like her personal BITCH I joked to myself, but in all seriousness if this "Celestia" is Twilight's mentor, then she must be really nerdy and talkative... And she must also have a... science face... Oh god...
My thoughts were interrupted by Spike yelling from the kitchen.
"The tea is almost ready!" He called out to us.
"OK Spike!" She responded quickly before turning back to me.
"Speaking of Princess Celestia... I should probably tell her about you.." She said as she tapped her muzzle in thought.
"Oh no no no no! Don't worry about it.." I said quickly with my hands in front of me, I was not about to have 2 bitches oggling at me with the damn Science Face. I also didn't want to attract too much attention in general.
"Why not? She'll find out eventually anyways... and she's really nice!" Twilight said tilting her head slightly, as Spike came out holding 2 fancy tea cups.
"Here ya go.." He said to Twilight kindly as she thanked him and held it in her magic. Then he came up to me with narrowed eyes.
"Here you go.." He said in an unfriendly tone... Making me hesitant to take the cup at first, I sniffed it suspiciously and... it actually smelled kinda good... Really good!
"Thanks" I muttered as I took the cup from him. Spike just narrowed his eyes even more and started to walk upstairs.
"I'm up here if you need me Twi..." Spike said. Twilight nodded and the dragon gave me a dirty look before going upstairs. Twilight started to sip her tea and I stared blankly at mine. What if that little prick poisoned this? Naa... he doesn't have the balls... I would kick his ass across the room as I choked on the poison if he did. Twilight looked up from her tea and motioned for me to drink mine. I nodded and gulped nervously as I slowly brought the cup to my face. I have to say... This stuff smells good! Damn... said that already... Let me get on with this. I took a small sip from it and holy shit was it amazing! I let out a sigh of delight as I sank into the couch happily. For someone who much preffered coffee over tea, this shit was good. However, I doubt I'll even like any other flavors they may have here...
"Spike!" Twilight suddenly called out, causing the dragon to quickly come downstairs.
"Take a letter!"
Spike promptly pulled out a quill and paper out of nowhere, probably his ass and got ready to write.
"Dear Princess Celestia,
Good morning! Today has started off very interesting... A Pony knocked on my door this morning... Well he's not really a pony... He is actually a human! How exciting! Right now we are having tea and I was wondering if you would like to come meet him sometime! He seems like a nice fellow from what I can tell... A bit of a badmouth though...
Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle..."
After she was done telling Spike what to write, he rolled up the paper scroll and set it a distance in front of his face. A moment later this dumbass burnt the letter right in front of me... and it was gone.
"You're supposed to mail it you dipshit!" I yelled catching them both off guard. They looked at me in confusion.
"You can use magic to teleport letters directly to ponies..." Twilight informed me. Oh... Well shit! I guess that's the closest they'll get to texting then. I shrugged and took another sip of my tea. A few moments later, Spike magically burped up a response from Celestia I assume. He opened the Royal Seal and read it aloud.
"Dear my Faithful student,
I would like to request that you avoid sending letters to me so early, as it landed in my breakfast... But I need to ask you something...
Are you certain that this Creature is really a "Human?"
Your Teacher, Princess Celestia... "
I laughed at the idea of someone having a bigass scroll materialize above them and land right in their pancakes. Twilight cringed and narrowed her eyes in thought.
"OK Spike. Write another letter..."
"Dear Princess Celestia,
Sorry I ruined your breakfast... Hopefully you were ready this time... But I am certain that this creature is a Human, he told me himself! He walks upright on two legs and wears clothes. He even has these strange appendages called "hands" that are similar to spike's claws in function...
Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle..."
At this point I was ignoring them and just happily sucking down this epic tea. A few moments later another response burped in.
"Dear My faithful student,
Your brief description of him has me convinced. However I am very busy today, so I shall have My younger sister visit you tonight, and I shall follow the next morn. I look forward to meeting this... "Human"...
Your Teacher, Princess Celestia...
PS: I was not ready the second time either..."
Twilight and Spike giggled nervously after the last part, then they beamed happily while I just frowned.
"They're coming here?" I asked slightly annoyed. Twilight nodded excitedly while I just brought my hand to my face. I haven't a clue how to act around royalty... I'm probably just going to end up pissing them off... It was then that I finished my epic tea.
"Oh my gosh! I have to get everything ready for Princess Celestia's arrival!"
"Celestia? What about Luna? Isn't She coming first tonight?" I reminded.
"Oh I know... But I just have to go to Surgercube corner and pick up cakes and snacks for them both... Celestia happens to eat a lot of cake... And she just LOVES tea!" Twilight said as she magiced our empty cups to the kitchen. Heh Celestia eats a lot? She's probably a fat princess... Wait thats the name of a game isn't it? Ha.
At the mention of cake my stomach rumbled quite loudly, to the point where Twilight and Spike stared at me awkwardly.
"It seems you're hungry..." Twilight said in thought.
I rolled my eyes as I thought "No shit Sherlock!".
She smiled when an idea popped into her head.
"OK! DJ, how would you like to go with me today on my errands? I can give you a tour of ponyville and you can meet some of my friends! You can also eat while I pick up some snacks for the Princesses from Sugar cube corner! Come on, it will be fun!" Twilight said, awaiting my answer happily. The only words I heard in that sentence were: "you", " can" , "eat" and "sugar"...
" Sure I'd love too!" I said with a warm smile taking Twilight by suprise. At least I was going to get some food and maybe some chill time because her friends can't be that bad right?...I guess I can use this time to get used to ponies in general, before I have to deal with Royal types. This Luna was really mysterious to me... Maybe she was... The quiet one? While Celestia was probably just an older Twilight who was thick from eating cake and drinking tea all day...
Looking back now... I couldn't have been more wrong...
Notes: I've been brainstorming this for like ever... To the point where it annoyed me that I wasn't writing it... What do you think so far? I'm not sure what kinda fic this will be in the future but I'm rating it M so I'm free to do what I want with it... (that doesn't mean sex..).
Anyways this is a side story so I won't work on this one too often after the first few chapters, because I'm currently writing another fic. Although this one will be great practice for when the characters in my other fic go to equestria as well as practicing 1st person writing.
The main character is more or less kinda like me but not really.. So this is far from a self insert... Anyways a bid you all ado...
PS: If for whatever reason this gets popular I might work on it more but I WILLL NOT abandon my other fic or this one for that matter...