Act 2 part 1: The new ME

I'm a complete idiot... I'm fucking stupid...I'm a dumbass... Why the fuck am I running! Apprantly I haven't learned anything from the last time I tried to run from Twilight... And Luna...and Rarity... Kind of I wasent running. There were SOME positives though, I could now successfully blend with the crowd with little effort. Unfortunately, to do so I had to stop running at a full sprint otherwise I would look suspicious, also the looks the mares gave me? Now I would only get the flirting if they actually saw me up close, which was pretty much never because I was jogging away before they could start conversation, which they tried a lot More because I was a pony now.

The other advantage I have that I didn't have before is magic, which is barely even one at all considering all I know how to do is make muffins, shoot lasers and maybe levitate things, how that'll help me here? I don't know. Now I know you're all thinking " Why don't you just fly away?" Well the answer is I can't! I have absolutely no experience flying so even if SOMEHOW i managed to fly in a fucking straight line, I would probably just get spotted immediately by the Princess anyway.

So there I was... Jogging at a brisk pace, away from the castle, heading towards nothing In particular. I could FEEL the Princess's powerful magic nearby, which probably means she can feel mine too, but I couldn't see her anywhere so needless to say I'm still scared shitless right now... I eventually stopped next to some kind of fruit stand to catch my breath and calm down so I could focus. I looked around for a while, she's still nowhere to be see...oh fuck.

Celestia was right across the street, searching the crowd for me, along with...shit Twilight's there too! I knew I sensed someone else near her! Great now I have two ponies after me, the motherfucking Princess of the sun, and her Faithful apprentice. Luckily... it looked like they didn't get a good look at me before, because they couldn't pick me out of the crowd quite yet.

"Hey cutie... you hungry?" Said a voice next to me, making me jump slightly. I turned to see a green and white mare holding out an apple to me, she looked at me slightly flushed. Ugh... I've been here too long! "Here! This one is on the house!" She said with a slight flutter of her eyes. "Thanks?" I said sheepishly as she hoofed it to me. Now let me tell you... I kinda miss having thumbs... I mean to be honest the hoof thing isn't as bad as it looks, because despite their rough appearance, you can still actually grip things somewhat well. Now don't fucking ask me how, because I'm not a fucking biologist, but just know that you CAN grab things with hoofs. After some quick practice I was able to eat the apple normally as if I had thumbs when I was human.

The momentary break didn't last too long, because I saw Twilight pointing to me in the crowd, she said something to Celestia and both of their heads quickly darted to my position and Celestia's eyes narrowed as she said something to Twilight.

"Oh...uh gotta go!" I blurted quickly as I took off in the opposite direction, I knew they would catch me then and there if I didn't come up with a distraction, time to put that magic to use.

I quickly stopped and turned to the fruit stand, can I even use magic in this Pegasus form? I'm about to find out! I made sure nobody could see me and I raised my right hoof, focusing on one of the legs on the fruit stand. My hoof started to glow as I quickly pulled the wooden leg off with a wave gesture, causing all of the fruit to spill across the street. Celestia being the kind soul she was simply HAD to stop to help and pick them up, allowing me make a swift exit, it was a dick move but it had to be done... I'll probably find someway to repay that mare one day...

I spotted the Pegasus that The princess suspected to me DJ eating an apple next to a fruit stand. "There he is! He's next to that fruit stand!" I said as Princess Celestia quickly turned to it. "Good eye, my Faithful student!" Celestia praised as we quickly rushed over toward him. Unfortunately the fruit stand in front of us suddenly collapsed, throwing an assortment of apples oranges and pears all over the street.

"Oh no not again! " the earth pony mare who owned the stand said as she scrambled to pick up the fruit that rolled into the street. "Do not fret my Loyal Subject, we will assist you..." The Princess said in her kind motherly tone, well I guess I'm picking up some fruit then... Princess Celestia and I started using our magic to slowly return all the fruit to the stand, wipe the dirt off of the fruit, As well as fix the stand itself. One of the legs had come off of it somehow, hmm that's strange...

"Oh thank you your Highness!" The mare said as she bowed thankfully. "You are very welcome..." Celestia said with a nod. The mare seemed to look nervous for a second. " So Is that guy you're after your special somepony? It seems a little too early to be chasing stallions around..." She asked with a giggle. I gasped at the off-topic question, did she really ask that?

The Princess blinked twice, complety wide eyed. I guess she never even thought about that as a possibility, then again as far as I know she usually spent the season alone, that's something I observed after being her student for a while, I never had the courage to ask her about it yet but it's her personal business.

"No...he is not... My Faithful student and I just need a word with him..." She said with a fake smile. "Really? So... he's available? Now I know what stallion to look for in a few weeks..." The mare said with half lid eyes. "Actually he's NOT available..." The Princess said quickly, smiling nervously. Wait what? "But you just said that he was... oh wait... I see what's going on here..." The mare said as she looked at both of us with a smug grin, oh she's not suggesting that ...both of us... and him... together?

"You three don't have to hide your relationship..." The mare said with a giggle, she IS suggesting it! The Princess frowned and gave the mare a stern look. "We are NOT in a relationship!" She said with a light stamp of her hoof. "Sure you're not..." The mare said sarcastically, her smug grin only widening. The Princess face hoofed and grumbled to herself, I think it's time I ended this awkward conversation...

Suddenly the mare's fruit stand collapsed again, undoing all the work we just did. "Oh not AGAIN!" The mare said with an annoyed snort. "I'm sorry to interrupt this wonderful discussion, but we have a stallion to catch!" I said quickly, prompting the Princess and I to take off galloping in the direction DJ went, leaving the mare with her mess.

After we were a distance away we slowed down, "Princess?" I asked. "How come you said DJ was in a relationship?" I asked curiously. The Princess paused her gallop and raised her eyebrow. "I was simply saving him a possible annoyance in the near future..." She explained. "I've seen Derrick express his annoyance for crazy mares..." She added with a giggle. " Yeah... It's written all over his face when he's in public! But If I didn't know any better... I'd say you were just saving him for yourself! " I joked making us both giggle. "Don't joke like that..." She said rolling her eyes. Then she stopped and smiled knowingly. " You knocked that stand over the second time didn't you..." She said. "I sure did! That mare had a big mouth and she wouldn't let up!" I said proudly, the Princess looked at me with slight disappointment.

"I don't condone that type of behavior..." She said sternly, what have I done! "Oh I...I'm so sorry Princess Celestia! I'll never do it again! I pinkie promise!" I blurted nervously as I bowed at her hoofs. "Officially..." She finished with a smile. "Huh?" I said as I stood up again in confusion. "I was about to knock it over myself... You saved me the trouble so I thank you!" She said with a giggle, well I wasn't expecting THAT from the Princess... "You're welcome! I'm sorry we lost DJ though..." I said as I searched the streets again. We started to run around searching for DJ.

After a while the Princess looked around and took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "Brace yourself my Faithful student, I think this chase has gone on long enough..." She said with a frown. " mind?" I said as struggled to breath, all this running was taking a toll on me while the Princess seemed unaffected by the whole thing. Princess Celestia didn't break a sweat on runs like this because she was an Alicorn, in fact I'm sure she can run way faster then this if she really wanted to but I guess she's holding back so she doesn't scare somepony and cause a scene. The princess got a mischievous smile on her face as she charged up her magic.

"Oh...THAT spell..." I sad as I braced my stomach...

After rushing through a few more city blocks and exiting through a guarded gate, I was finally on the outskirts of Canterlot. There were a lot of grassy hills and wide open areas with few trees. It all seemed to go on for a while. I noticed that Ponyville was merely at the bottom of this large mountain so I guess flight to and from there didn't take as long as I thought. I decided to stop at the top of one of the hills to catch my breath, I wasn't that exhausted because it seemed I could run a lot longer then usual in this pony body. I rested on my haunches (I think that's what it's called...fuck it I sat down...) looking around trying to figure out where I should go next, maybe i could sneak back in to canterlot? Or maybe I could find some random cave to hide in until this is over... Wait who am I kidding? This is fucking pointless!

Suddenly in a flash of, Twilight appeared in front of me looking somewhat dazed. What the hell? How did she... Whatever I'm OUT!

I quickly scrambled to my feet and began running again, Twilight tried to chase after me but I was faster then her. You dont know how hard it is to fight the urge to scream "You're too slow!" At the top of my lungs, buy I resisted somehow.

"DJ wait!" She called out to me desperately, I turned my head to respond. "Nope nope nope!" I yelled back, but when I turned forward again another flash of light revealed Princess Celestia, standing a few feet in front of me looking quite angry.


I jammed my hoofs into the ground in an effort to stop but it was already too late. I ended up slamming right into Celestia, knocking me flat on my back. Ok Slamming into Celestia was like running full speed into a brick wall, it hurt like hell and it makes you hear ringing bells. Celestia didn't even budge, she seemed completly uneffected by the collision, what the hell! It was then that Twilight caught up with us and she looked down on me as I sat there in a daze, seeing stars and mumbling unintelligibly. I shook my head vigorously to clear it, then looked up at Celestia.

OK let me explain something to you, I was now a pony, which means that my height has been drastically reduced. I am now about Flash's size so that ment that Celestia was fucking Huuuuuge! And it also didn't help that her expression was so intense, her hair was covering one of her eyes as usual but that one eyed glare cut through me like butter. I could practically TASTE the anger and disappointment radiating off of her as she gazed down at me.

So like the smart guy I am, I tried to run again. Before I could do that I found myself in that familer golden glow as I was pretty much paralyzed instantly, fucking magic... I struggled to get free a few times, Celestia was effortlessly holding me down, Each time I tried to get free, she would add more pressure until I could barely breath. I swear I'm going to find a way to combat this telekinesis bullshit, I hate being powerless!

"I am going to release you now, and when I do you, best not attempt to run again..." Celestia stated as I shakingly nodded in compliance, well the closest nod I could pull off while being restrained by magic.

She released me from her magic and I carefully stood up onto my 4 legs.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Celestia asked simply, and I gulped nervously. "Well...I...uh...had a hunch..." I said with a nervous smile. "And what was your hunch?" Celestia asked with narrowed eyes. "Well according to Twilight's info on Chaos magic, it makes it easy to create and manipulate objects, and chaos magic users can change their appearance with little effort..." I explained with a shrug. "So I said to myself, if I can change into something than I must have this chaos magic she's talking about..." Then I gestured to myself. "Then I attempted to solve one of my problems, so i made myself a pony to try and blend in I guess.." I said with a sigh.

"And blend in you did!" Twilight interrupted as she walked around me and examined my pony body. "This is a very accurate transformation! All the pony biology is in check!" Twilight said excitedly as she touched and felt on my hoofs and wings. I had to push her away when she got the science face and started examining my crotch, yeah slow down there !

"Calm down Twilight! I'm not some lab specimen!" I said with a frown. "Sorry..." She said as she backed off and smiled innocently. Celestia cleared her throat and spoke, she'd been watching us in silence with a neutral expression the whole time. "So you deliberately disobeyed my plea, in order to play a hunch?" She said glaring at me accusingly. "Yes?" I choked out nervously, man she is scary when she's mad!

"Well I hope you're satisfied because you were right..." She said sternly as she held up a paper that had the results of the magic test. She broght it close so in could read it. Unsurprisingly, alot of it I didn't understand because of Equestrian terminology but to sum bits up, it was saying that I had traces of "Alicorn magic" and a "unspecified unstable magic" which was in this case, Chaos magic I assumed.

"Wait so I have your magic... AND Chaos magic?" I uttered in suprise, I kinda thought that something changed the magic I got from Celestia not that I had BOTH. "Indeed you do... It seems that my magic was simply the catalyst to awakening the chaos magic within you..." Celestia said with a grim expression. "So I've had this all along? I highly doubt that... I'm pretty sure chaos magic wasn't a thing in my world" I said with a scoff. "Perhaps... Or... Maybe during the events of that missing day in your memory, the magic was somehow obtained by you..." Celestia hypothesized. "Your guess is as good as mine... " I said with a shrug, If that's true then that day must have been really fucked up for me...

The Princess's eyes softened as she continued "From what I can tell, it seems my Alicorn magic is stabilizing your Chaos magic and keeping it in check...for now..." She said with uncertainty. "So it shouldn't go it of control..." Twilight muttered. "Cool..." I said with a grin as I played with my magic again, lifting a small stone in front of me. When Celestia and Twilight saw me they gasped in shock. "How can you do that? You're a Pegasus right now?" Twilight questioned. "I can use magic in this form too I guess..." I said casually. Twilight looked concerned as she tilted her head, " make sure nopony finds out about that, they'll freak out if they see a Pegasus using magic without an explanation.. " Twilight warned, well that sucks! I have to hide my magic now.

Celestia watched me, looking intrigued at first before she slowly deadpanned. "You knocked that stand over the first time didn't you..." She said, glaring over at me accusingly. "Maybe..." I said with a nervous grin, making both mares sigh in annoyance. "Wait... it fell over AGAIN?" I said as what she said finally clicked in my head. "Yes but the second time it was complety necessary..." Twilight said with an innocent smile. I didn't know what she meant so I just shook my head.

"That is irrelevant, Derrick still ruined that mare's fruit stand..." Celestia stated. "Hey I was running for my life back there!" I said in defense. Celestia looked offended from my comment. "I would never hurt or let alone outright take your life over such an offense..." She said, looking at me like I was crazy. Then her expression changed back to irritation. "There will however be consequences..." She added, I gulped nervously and quickly dropped the rock.

"Consequences?" I said with a nervous smile, am i going to the dungeon? Maybe she'll make me her personal slave? Or worse maybe she'll force me to do community service, or maybe she will just banish me from equestria entirely! I have no idea what she's capable of so I don't know what to expect.

"Yes indeed CONSEQUENCES! I haven't decided what they will be as of yet , but just know that your disobedience will not go unpunished..." Celestia said sternly, well I'm going to the fucking dungeon...

"How did you guys catch up with me anyways?" I asked with a raised brow. " I used a Teleportation spell..." Celestia said. I face hoofed fore the first time ( that's a bit harder then I'm used to..), why am I not surprised...

"That's going on the list..." I said as I shook my head "What list?" Twilight asked. "Nothing, how come you don't teleport more often?" I said, if they could just teleport around, why waste time walking anywhere? "Teleportation is an advanced spell that has limits. It takes a lot of magical power, doesn't work well in crowded areas and it can be somewhat unpredictable and inaccurate..." Celestia explained. "It can even be painful in some situations..." Celestia added with a shudder, she's probably clipped into a wall or something, I'm not even going to ask...

"Well that's going on the list..." I said again, Celestia and Twilight looked at each other then back to me in confusion.

"What list?" They both asked sternly, making me flinch. "Oh just a... mental checklist of... bullshit I've encountered in Equestria..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia shook her head in disappointment and Twilight facepalmed. "Magic is a very prominent thing on it... As well as that Golden bud crap..." I mentioned with distaste, I intentionally left out the part where Both Twilight and Celestia were on the list as well.

"Speaking of Golden bud we should really head back to the hospital and see how the others are doing?" Twilight reminded. " I'll save time and Teleport us there, brace yourselves. " Celestia said as she powered up her magic. "Brace myself?" I said puzzlingly, before we disappeared in a bright flash.


"So then she said, our Royal body is ready for thee, and ah wasn't about to say NO to a Princess so ah...well... you know..." Mac said with a weak smile. "Jeez... That escalated quickly... I don't know if I could have handled that! At least she was straight forward about what she wanted..." Flash said with a chuckle. "Eeyup! Ever since that season we've been in this weird back and forth relation..."


We appeared in the room suddenly, huh... This teleporting thing isn't so bad...scratch that I'm about to throw up my fucking guts! If it wasn't for Celestia, there would have been a very nasty mess on the floor. "I told you to brace yourself..." She scolded as she desposed of my chunks in a nearby trash bin. "I'll let you know when I figure out a way to brace my fucking stomach..." I said sarcastically.

Mac and Flash sat there staring at us wide eyed Mac appeared done with his procedure and it looked like they were only waiting around the hospital for us. "So..." Mac started. "Do you mind explaining why you two rushed into the bathroom after DJ..." Flash said, " Then suddenly Appearin outta nowhere with a random Pegasi? " Mac finished as they looked at the mares for an explanation. "Well to put it simply, we left to FIND Derrick and we came Back WITH Derrick..." Celestia said with a nervous smile. That was when they started to stare at me, they looked like their brains blue screened.

" So he's...that''re...DJ?" Flash finally said. "Yep..." I said with a nervous smile. Both of them slowly stood up and walked over to me, they examined my new form (thankfully not as intrusive and thorough as Twilight did), after looking me over there was only one question on they're minds.


Celestia basically just gave them the whole run down on her and Twilight feeling a "Huge impulse of magic" inside the bathroom, then them seeing me run away as a pony. She also explained the whole chaos magic thing to them and how I could manipulate my appearance and shit. "Neat... So how long will you be like this?" Flash asked, I looked over to him with uncertainty.

"Well I think it's timed depending on how much magic I use..." I said with a shrug.

"Judging from the amount magic you used, its going to be quite some time..." Celestia added.

"Why did ya do this exactly?" Mac asked as he pointed to me.

" To blend in?" I replied with a shrug.

"Well this might work for the crowds but what are we going to Tell everypony that already met human Derrick?" Flash said as he rubbed his chin, he was kinda right. While I was in this form people would be wondering where the hell I was and who this new pony was.

" You're right flash... What do we say to ponyville assuming I go back there? "I say that because I was probably going back there and everyone there saw me at that party, and rumors probably spread already... "Maybe we could say you went back to your world?" Mac suggested. "Nah I'm sticking around for a while, so when this wears off they'll start asking questions..." I said with a shake of my head. "Maybe just say you stayed at the castle?" Twilight said, hmm... That could work... " Yeah human me is sitting in some random room undisturbed " I said with a grin.

"OK but what about the pony you?" Flash said, we sat in thought for a while until Princess Celestia decided to add her 2 cents. "Normally I would tell you to simply tell the truth, but some may try to harm or use you if your Chaos magic abilities became common knowledge..." She said with some regret. " I suggest only telling close friends the truth about you..." She said. I kinda just went Meh, "I don't have friends and I don't need any..." I said waving that issue off. The Princess seemed disturbed about my answer as did Twilight.

"How can you say that? You honestly think you'll be fine with no friends? What kind of life is that!?" Twilight scolded. "Hey I don't need to be friends with everyone to live happily..." I said with a chuckle. Then Twilight got all puffy eyed, Flash and Mac rolled their eyes like " here we go". Twilight sniffled, "I thought I was your friend DJ..." She said sadly, oh for God's sake...

"Uh I didn't mean to...'re my friend I guess..." I said nervously, in an attempt to calm her down. She proceeded to smile and it made a fucking "Sqee" sound, I swear... Adding that to the list... Wait... Is it already on the list? I should really write this shit down one day... Then again if Twilight, Pinkie, Celestia, Luna, Rainbow, and Rarity somehow find it they'll be angry with me, especially Luna... A lot of shit on her...

"Seriously though anyone I remotely consider a friend is already in this room..." I stated, they all seemed to brighten up slightly at my comment, except Celestia who looked troubled still. "Such a bold statement... Friendship is a very wonderful thing that is important for everypony to have in they're lives, are you really going to limit yourself to only to 4 potential friends?" Celestia asked, she gazed at me concerned.

"Yup... I'm not obligated to make nice with random ponies, especially since I haven't even been here for 48 hours..." I said with a shrug, while there were some that I liked more than others I still wasent sure if they were really friend material. Celestia then looked at me with a mischievous smile, oh shit what is she planning?

"What if... I made that your obligation?" She said, my eyes turned to pinpricks as Twilight turned to her. "What if you made what his obligation?" She asked curiously. "Discovering the importance and power of friendship, by going out and meeting a variety of new ponies in ponyville..." Celestia said, her smile widening as the idea came together in her head, I guess this is my fitting punishment...I think I'd rather take the dungeon...

" He could stay with me... We would be studying the same thing, and I could secretly help him with his magic... " Twilight added as this new "obligation" started to form, does Celestia seriously have Twilight studying friendship? Instead of teaching her how to be a all powerful, badass, supermodel that raises the sun? Sigh... And of course I'm rooming with her now, which means I have to deal with Her AND spike! If I'm to stay sane I'm going to have to befriend them... So that's 2 already.

"And he would do this as this new pony persona of himself. where he would essentially have a new leash on life..." Flash added, what you too? You're supposed to be on my side helping me escape this bullshit! You're cut from the friends list bud. I then turned to Mac, I was half expecting him to add more to this crap too but he simply shrugged his shoulders and said nothing, ah good old Mac... I think that's friend number 3!

"Derrick would be an odd name for a pony... Perhaps you should come up with a name more fitting for a pony." Celestia pointed out. I thought for a second, hmmm... The trend seems to be 2 words that center around what a pony does... But considering all I used to do as a human was game I don't think that would apply here that much... Meh let me go generic...

" Drift Jolt" I muttered, not really caring at that point, I basically took the initials DJ (because fuck finding a word for Y) and pulled 2 words related to flying and weather out of my ass.

"Not bad I guess..." Flash said with a nod, coming from him, of course my name would sound decent.

"Eeyup!" Mac said with another shrug.

"Hm... I like it!" Twilight said with a smile.

"Yes! it's a Very fitting name!" Celestia said in agreement as she pointed to my cutie mark, it was a tornado with a lightning bolt across it or something, meh I don't care as long as its not something fruity.

"Twilight you said cutie markes represent your talent right?" I asked, she nodded in conformation. "OK so what the fuck does a tornado with a lightning bolt across it mean?" I asked as I stared at it. "Well you are a special case, because most ponies know what they're mark means when they get it..." Twilight said with a nervous shrug. I sighed in annoyance, now I have to figure this out?

"Perhaps you could start off as a weather pony since they make tornadoes and lightning?" Celestia suggested. I got kinda excited because it would be cool to make a tornado or shoot Lightning.

"Yeah! We can ask Rainbow dash for a spot on the ponyville team when we get back! She is the captain after all!" Twilight said cheerfully, wait Rainbow dash? Ugh... Her ego is bigger than Luna's ass, why do I have to deal with her? What's worse is she'll be my boss too... She'll probably order me to stroke her ego or barf rainbows or something like that.

"Applejack and ah will always have work for ya at the farm if you like..." Mac said, hmm can't be too hard... And I get along with his sister too... "Don't forget, Luna and I will have tasks for you as well!" Celestia reminded, heh yeah I'm coming to YOU not Luna... Fuck her and her ink stain plot.

"You could even join the Royal guard now that you're a pony!" Flash suggested, maybe... As long as I get custom armor because I don't like this roman, centurion, whatever style. "I'll keep those jobs in mind, thanks guys..." I muttered, I actually appreciated this because I want to start getting income then maybe I could buy a house before the season and lock myself in it along with any other bro's that want to escape like Mac.

Twilight brought up another important thing "You're going to have to start talking like a pony. Everypony instead of everyone, nopony instead of nobody, and er..." "Buck instead of fuck..." Flash finished for her with a chuckle making Celestia giggle.

"OK I'll work on that..." I said with a roll of my eyes.

"You can now consider yourself my student, until you learn the value of friendship!" Celestia announced. I just nodded slowly, if she calls me her faithful student I'll jump off a bridge. " As such you will be expected to report to me daily on your findings on friendship! " Celestia added.

"Wat?" I said blankly. "What the hell do you want me to write? Oh I learned that Twilight talks to damn much?" I said sarcastically making everyone laugh except Twilight who snorted angrily. " For now I will leave that up to your discretion, Twilight can help you if you need assistance." She said. " Fuck my life... " I said aloud as I face hoofed. "You mean buck my life..." Flash corrected," Don't bucking push me sentry..." I said sternly, everyone just laughed at my anger , I just snorted angrily and cursed under my breath. Eventually I calmed down and we continued, "OK it's settled... I'm assuming word of me being a pony won't leave this room?" I asked for confirmation, they all nodded in response. "Alright then when do we leave for ponyville?" Twilight asked to no one in particular.

"Does tonight sound good?" Celestia asked, everyone nodded. It was at that moment that my hunger kicked in and my stomach growled. "Splendid! If everypony is done here Derrick and I mean Drift Jolt, well be taking our leave..." Celestia said as she walked to the door, oh yeah lunch... Fuck yes! "Yeah I'm gonna go back to ma room until it's time to go back ta ponyville..." Mac said with a yawn, as he stepped to the door as well.

"I was going to check one of Canterlot's book stores to see if they have anything interesting before I visit the royal archives, Flash if your not doing anything do you want to come?" Twilight asked kindly. The speed at which he replied with a "YES!" was very disturbing, we all raised our brows suspiciously, but Twilight didn't seem to notice...

With that we all walked out of the room, exited the hospital, waved and proceeded our separate ways. Now that it was just me and Celestia I turned to her. "So... What now?" I asked as I stretched.

"Well... I always keep my word... So I'm taking you on a tour and treating you the lunch I promised..." Celestia said simply, ugh that doesn't sound right coming from a girl... I need a job ASAP. My stomach cried out to me again and I cringed.

"Uh... Is it OK if we skip the tour and go straight to lunch? I'm kinda starving..." I said nervously. Celestia sighed in relief, "I was hoping you'd say that... I don't recall eating breakfast...", well I guess that saves time, I didn't eat breakfast either and I must have thrown up anything that was left over from yesterday.

" Alright where are we eating? " I asked, I didn't know what pony food was like besides all the sweets I had yesterday, so this should be interesting.

"Well I had a few places in mind, we could go back to the castle and have the royal chef make us something..." She said. I just nodded, I'm assuming that Celestia has a good cook so that could be an option, but I feel like we should eat out instead because we all might end up having dinner together later anyways. I shrugged and said "Nah..." As a cue for Celestia to continue, she seemed to agree with me on eating out at least. "There are also several Restaurants in canterlot that we can go too..." She said, OK that's a good option, there's probably plenty of variety. "Lastly there are also several picnic spots that I like to go too sometimes...", Yeah fuck that... That's way too personal for me... It would be way too awkward... Especially since I'm a stallion now and we'd be alone...

" Alright... What kind of restaurants? " I asked with a raised brow, Celestia seemed slightly disappointed I didn't go with the picnic idea. " Well... there are a few nice restaurants close by, the prancing pony is just over there, shall we go?" She asked as she pointed to a place a few blocks away. "Sure whatever..." I responded. "Splendid! I'm absolutely famished!" she said as she walked towards the place at a brisk pace. "Wait up!" I yelled after her as I tried to gallop next to her.

OK... So The Princess is going to a resteruant with that stallion... Who is that guy anyway? And where is that human at? Hmm... maybe the human stayed behind somewhere? Well whatever it is, it can wait a few minutes. I have another group to check on...

"Hey! What are you doing on my roof?" A random citizen yelled from the ground. I jumped down from the low overhang and landed next to him. "No need to worry Citizen, Royal Guard business..." I said to dismiss him. "What? Your not a guard! Where's your fancy armor then?" The stallion questioned suspiciously, sigh... "It is not required for this assignment, I'll be leaving now..." I said quickly as I ran in the direction that Twilight and Flash went. The stallion tried to say something else but I was already gone.

Now I remember Twilight saying something about visiting the book store... That's about a block away from here. So I jogged up to a place that had a large sign with a book and the name "Sweet Reads", I looked in the window and sure enough, I saw Twilight and Flash inside browsing the various shelves. Twilight was zipping around excitedly while Flash awkwardly followed behind carrying a huge stack of books on his back, heh... Poor guy... Never go with Twilight to a book store.

I took a deep breath and walked in, I was going to have to make this quick because I still need to watch out for that human. " SENTRY! " I yelled as I walked up to them, I startled him and he ended up dropping all the books clumsy, sigh... Typical Flash. he quickly snapped to attention and saluted. "Captain armor uh... sir! I wasn't expecting you..." Flash said as he shook nervously. Twilight's ear twitched when she heard my name and she turned around, when she saw me her face brightened up. "Shiny?" She said as a smile grew on her face. "Hey Twily!" I said with a smile and she ran up to me cheerfully. We Nuzzled and I cleared my throat to talk to flash.

"Sentry I have an assignment for you..." I said, hiding my mischievous grin behind a hoof. "Sir?" "There are some papers on my desk that need filing and you're the pony who's going to do them!" I ordered. Twilight's smile faded slightly, and Flash looked downcast for a moment before straightening up a again. "Yes sir I'll get on it right away!" He said with that Royal Guard nobility. He trotted to the door and opened it, he turned back to Twilight before he left. "I guess I'll see you later Twilight?" He asked hopefully, making me frown. Twilight just gave him a warm smile and nodded. Flash smirked and gave a quick salute before leaving and taking off Towards the castle. Twilight caught me frowning and she narrowed her eyes.

"You could have had ANYPONY do those papers for you..." She said pointing an accusing hoof at me. I smiled nervously and rubbed the back of my neck. "Well I...uh...I'm.." I stammered. " An over protective brother?" She said with a deadpan expression. "I haven't seen you in months and now you show up randomly as captain of the Royal Guard and chase my friend away?" She said, taking an angry step toward me, uh oh... "I've had my hoofs full...and I was just trying to protect you!" I said nervously in my defense. Twilight just snorted angrily and tried to change the subject.

"So what brought you here besides chasing stallions away?" She asked in an attempt to relieve the tension. I probably shouldn't tell her this... But... "Oh I was just looking for that human, I got word that he was with Princess Celestia but nobody was with her except for this random Pegasus..." I said with a shrug, Twilight's eyes seemed to widen slightly and she smiled nervously. I narrowed my eyes, I know somethings up...

"Do you know where the human is?" I asked, Twilight shook her head vigorously. I gave her a stern look. "Don't lie to me Twily..." She held her nervous smile for a few moments before she sighed and lowered her head in defeat. "OK... I'll tell you what's going on... Promise not to tell anypony?" She pleaded. "You have my word!" I said as I gave a reassuring nod. She looked around to make sure nopony was near and she started whispering in my ear.


I left the library feeling somewhat confused, it took me a while to believe her about the chaos magic thing, but based on what Twilight told me I now had to look for somepony else entirely, well... Sort of... I already saw the guy! I was now looking for a Pegasus named "Drift Jolt" and he was having lunch with the Princess of the sun.

We were seated quite quickly in what I assumed was a slightly upscale restaurant, all the waiters in this place were nervous and twitchy but not because of me but because of Princess Celestia. When we initially walked in it was like the whole place froze, because all the ponies bowed immediately when they saw us enter, thankfully I was a pony so I didn't get any second glances, so far...

They seated us at this table in the center of the restaurant, probably a VIP table of some sorts. Thankfully it was far enough so that none of the ponies could hear what we're saying. After we sat I looked around at the other tables, there were a lot of mares wearing fancy clothing, some of them accompanied by stallions wearing Tuxedos. Luckily they were all mostly staring in awe at The Princess at the moment instead of looking at me. I looked back to Celestia and she was staring at me, I guess she was waiting for me to say something.

"Is it like this every time you come here?" I asked with a whisper. "Not really, I haven't actually been to this particular establishment before... But Ponies in canterlot are more used to seeing me around. They're behavior might be because you're here..." Celestia said sheepishly. "Me? I'm just a regular guy..." I said in disbelief as I looked back to the surrounding tables. They were now over the initial shock of the Princess being here and now they were all staring at ME! Right... They're wondering "Why is that guy having lunch with the Princess?". I tried to ignore them and I started with simple small talk while we waited for a waiter who was brave enough to serve us.

"So...uh... Tell me about yourself Princess... " I said nervously as I tried to focus on her instead of the surrounding ponies. "Well I'm not that interesting..." She said with a giggle, oh don't be fucking modest! you can control the sun for fuck's sake!

"Well as you know I am the Co ruler of equestria, and one of my duties is to Raise the sun..." She said. I was trying my best to listen but it was hard when all the dudes were glaring daggers at you because you're eating lunch with what I assume was one of the hottest mares in Equestria. Some of the mares looked jealous too, I guess my pony form is just as attractive as my human form if not more, because they glared at Celestia angrily. The Princess didn't seem to notice as she was too busy talking. She was talking about some of her achievements. Saying they were impressive would be an understatement she talked about how she defeated an entire invading army by herself, and how she dethroned and imprisoned the sprit of disharmony (with Luna's help) and how she virtually wiped out crime across Equestria, so yeah pretty major shit.

"Oh but that was Hundreds of years ago..." She said dismissing her crazy feats like they were nothing. "WHAT?" I yelled, all the ponies around us just gave me a strange look but I didn't care at the moment. "Did you say...Hundreds of years ago?" I said with narrowed eyes. "Yes, and my sister and I defeated Discord some 2000 years ago..." She said with a grin. I wrinkled my nose...err... muzzle a few times before I promptly slammed my forhead onto the table.

"Ar...are you OK?" Celestia asked sheepishly. "Yeah... just give me a minute..." I said, my head still slammed against the table. Celestia just giggled at my reaction. It all fucking makes sense now, her ponies worship her like a fucking god because she basically is one! That explains why she's been alive that long without looking like granny smith or becoming a pile of dust, she looks like a super model still, probably because of the Alicorn thing, I don't dare ask her her exact age or I'll probably go insane. I heard someone walking up to us and I raised my head to see one of the waiter ponies. She was a mare with fancy curly hair and she looked nervous.

"Uh...good evening Princess... And er...guest... I'll give you a few minutes with our menus..." The pony stammered as she plopped the "prancing pony" menu on the table and she retreated toward the kitchen area. "Hey! you only left us one menu...ugh... Nevermind..." I said as I slammed my head down again, good thing I'm not a unicorn or I would be poking holes in the table. "Quite the selection here..." Celestia said as she giggled at my expense. "Do you want anything in particular?" She asked as she studied the menu.

"Is there any beef?" I blurted and I quickly covered my mouth, way to go DJ... Celestia gave me this odd sideways glance that shifted to deadpan. "No...they don't have...beef..." She said plainly as she shook her head. "Yeah...uh humans eat..." I tried to explain but she interrupted. "I am well aware that you are an omnivore..." She said with a weak smile. "Wait how did you know?" I asked curiously, I don't remember telling anybody that. "Well it was quite obvious when I noticed you had canines aswell as flat teeth in the back..." Celestia explained with a bored expression, there must be other meat eaters in equestria because she doesn't seem that bothered by it.

"Oh...well what are you getting?" I asked with a sigh, the looks of lust are getting on my nerves, I could feel all the peeks that the ponies were taking, if I looked at them they pretended they weren't staring at me, I guess they think they're slick. The worst part was the Princess didn't seem to notice... Or maybe she didn't care. "Well I'm getting a Hay sandwich with Hay fries and some Cake, nothing fancy..." Celestia shrugged. "Oh as well as some Tea!" She added with a giggle, ugh fuck... Not her too!

"I straightened up in my chair and stared at Celestia, she looked puzzled. " Is something wrong? " she asked innocently. Yes there is something fucking wrong, how the fuck am I supposed to eat hay?! "Humans don't eat Hay. They can't digest it..." I explained. "Hmm...that may be true but you're not a human at the moment..." Celestia said with a deadpan expression. "Right forgot about that...but..."


"Maybe I can eat hay now but what happens if I turn back into a human? The hay would probably screw up my stomach then?" I question.

"Well I'm pretty sure by the time your transformation expires, the food would have already been digested so there is no need to worry..." She stated firmly.

"Oh...forgot it... I'll have the same thing you're having..." I said with a sigh, Celestia smiled smugly and placed the menu down.

"Oh yeah but I'll have coffee or something not tea" I said with distaste. Celestia looked at me like I was insane. "You're not getting tea?" She asked in confusion. "Hell no I'm not getting tea! I hate that stuff!" I said with a disgust. "You don't like TEA? Everypony likes TEA!" The Princess said, her voice loud so everyone looked, like I committed a sin or something. "Oh my god Twilight said the same thing!" I said as I slammed my forhead on the table again. Celestia looked at me differently now.

"Hey in case you forgot I've only been a pony for less than an hour... MOST Tea just makes me sick to my stomach..." I said truthfully. "True...ah well at least you like some teas..." She said with relief. "What kind doesn't make you sick?" She asked. "Well its mostly those herbal teas I hate, I'm all for those sweet fruity ones!" I said with a smile. "But I'm still more of a coffee guy" I reminded. Celestia seemed to shudder when I said that. "I'm not very fond of coffee to be honest, Twilight sparkle often uses it to stay up when she studies all night, it's a bad habit of hers..." Celestia admitted with a giggle.

"Why am I not surprised... Looks like Twilight will be up by herself mostly because I'm not planning to go on a study binge at 3 AM in the damn morning..." I said with a chuckle, I heard Celestia's musical laughter as she nodded in agreement. I saw that pony waiter from earlier finally decided to emerge from the kitchen to take our fucking order. She nervously trotted back to us with a notepad.

"What will you and your...guest be having your Highness?" She asked, wobbling. While the Princess told the waiter mare our order, I turned around. There that guy was AGAIN! This whole time there's been this white unicorn with blue hair that's been hiding behind a newspaper and scowling at me a few tables away, what's this guys deal? OK I'm tired of this shit!

When the waiter hobbled off again I quickly turned back to Celestia and whispered. "Hey do you still want to do that picnic thing?" I asked nervously. The Princess seemed to visably brighten up a shade. "Yes that would be nice... Why do you ask?" She said with a raised brow. "Well I kinda changed my mind... The atmosphere here is too...hostile for me..." I said, tapping my hoofs together nervously. Celestia finally looked around and she caught some of the jealous glimpses. She bit her lip and turned back to me.

"I see...we can have the food to go and have our lunch privately..." She said as she saw my discomfort. "Just you and me?" I ask, now more comfortable with the idea. "Just you and I..." Celestia repeated reassuringly.

" OK cool let's ditch this circle jerk! " I said standing out of the chair quickly.


"Nothing..." I said as we waited for the waiter to come back so we could pay and leave.

Notes: Sorry this took so long, I wasn't able to work on this for like a solid 3 days because of family annoyances. Well I have a little treat! If I can get it working properly on fimfiction I am including a picture of pony DJ using pony creator! (I think I'll include a pic of his cutie mark too.

Anyway after the next chapter or two I should be going into the main episodic part of the fanfic. I called it the misadventures of DJ so once everything is established and the stage is set each act will be a new misadventure. Some will be longer than others and some will have action in them, some might even be written in a way where each could be a mini standalone story. Some of them will be alternative episodes and events from the show and some will be complety original. Others might even follow somepony else's POV entirely, while others may take place in 3rd person. These misadventures will range from action/adventure, to more romantic and feely stories with suggestive themes (no clop) as well as some that have a darker tone to them. In general I'll try to keep it light hearted and funny throughout. I also plan to do slight crossovers (you'll see what I mean whenever the first one comes up).

A few things: i would greatly appreciate it if one of you talanted artists decided to grace my story with nice fan art! It doesn't have to be anything specific as long as DJ is on it, though if I had to choose I would do something like Having the mane 6 plus the Princesses and spike surrounding him as a piny and he has a nervous smile,then his shadow would be of his human form. I would do it but things never turn out as good as I'm my head...

Also it would be nice if someone volunteerd to be my Beta/editor to hell me fix these errors an stuff.