Author's Note – Hehe, like the title? I laughed when I thought it up. Although, the title preludes to the story in a way that you'll have never suspected. I've found that writing Blue Seed fanfiction has almost become my calling. So here's another short, I hope you all enjoy it. Oh, and happy Thanksgiving minna!
Rated – PG
Special Thanks To – The Dictionary of Cell and Molecular Biology (http://www.mblab.gla.ac.uk/dictionary/)
Merriam-Webster's Online Collegiate Thesaurus (http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/thesaurus)
Kusenagi go BOOM!
Kusenagi smiled at the idea. He snickered at the idea. He patted himself on the back to congratulate himself on the idea. Taking out several blank sheets of paper, Kusenagi started looking for a pencil.
"You'd think that Matsudaira would keep a pencil around this lab somewhere." He said as he began digging through the vast amount of drawers in the newly-rebuilt laboratory (since an Aragami destroyed the TAC building, lab included, a year earlier) for the desired writing utensil.
"Kusenagi, what are you up to?" Momiji asked as she walked up behind him. Kusenagi and Momiji had been busy picking up some specimens for Matsudaira to take up to the main office for a presentation that he had to make the next day when Kusenagi had been struck with his great idea.
"A pencil." He said as he closed another drawer,
"I have one in my lab coat." Momiji said as she held a red mechanical pencil in the air for him to see.
"Thanks!" Kusenagi said as he snatched the pencil and ran upstairs. Not one to question his motives, Momiji shrugged and lifted up the giant cardboard box that she had been holding before Kusenagi had asked for a pencil.
Kusenagi raced up the stairs and into the main TAC office, where everyone had been sitting around, doing nothing.
"I found a cure for our boredom." Kusenagi said slyly as he held up the sheets of paper and pencil.
"It's a Monday, and for the first time since I began working, I can honestly say that I have nothing to do. I feel like such a slacker." Kunikida said with a growl as he and the other TAC members lazily turned their chairs around to face Kusenagi.
"THAT'S OUR CURE?!" Koume said angrily as she threw a paper wad across the room.
"Yeah, it's easy! See, why don't we do an interactive story. Here, this is what we do. Somebody starts a story about something, and then writes one paragraph. They then pass it on to the next person, who writes another paragraph, and so on and so forth. By the time every person has written a paragraph, the person who started it gets it back, and reads it."
"But Kusenagi," Momiji said as she walked up behind her green-haired boyfriend, grunting as she carried the heavy box. "This isn't like you."
"I'M FREAKIN' BORED, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?!" Kusenagi yelled as he threw his hands up in the air. "I've been stuck in this damn office building for five days straight, and those damn reporters still haven't gone away!"
"Serves you right for flying over the freeway during rush hour and slicing people's tires with your spikes while they're sitting there." Ryoko said as she gave Kusenagi a stern look, "It's your own fault, can you blame them? The general public has never seen a man fly without any assistance before, let alone seen one with green spikes poking out of his arms!"
"I was just having fun!" Kusenagi snorted,
"You sure have strange definitions of fun." Momiji said as she dropped the box next to Matsudaira's desk. "And besides, why DID you run back here after you were done?"
"Because I had to pick you up for our date, remember? That's when the stupid media came!"
"Amazing how they were actually able to follow you back here, considering how fast you fly and how slow traffic was going." Matsudaira said absent-mindedly,
"Easy, every person who saw you had a cell phone, and they all called their local radio stations and TV stations to report you. You left a trail of cell phone calls five miles long! All they had to do was trace where the last caller was and what the caller had described for a building that you disappeared into, and the rest is history." Yaegashi said as he leaned back in his chair.
"Puh, yeah, well, whatever. Are you people with me or not?" Kusenagi said as he motioned his head towards the paper in his hand.
"Why not, it's not like we have anything else to do." Yaegashi said with a sigh as he pushed his glasses up on his nose.
"Great! I'll start then." Kusenagi said as he sat down in front of Koume's desk and began writing.
"This should be most interesting." Matsudaira said as she leaned over her desk to see if Momiji had gotten everything that she had asked for.
Two hours later, every person in the TAC had contributed to Kusenagi's little story. Koume, being the last one to write in it, handed it back to Kusenagi to read. The papers read:
Once upon a time, there was a group of people called the TAC that worked for the government. They helped kill these things called Aragami. Of course, they didn't really know what they were doing, so they employed the help of a smart, hot, sexy, cool guy named Kusenagi.
"Help us because we're weak!" They all yelled,
"Because I am so generous and strong and you really need me, of course I will!" The brave and honorable Kusenagi said as he flew gallantly through the air, defeating the Aragami one by one. Suddenly…
A very interesting specimen emerged from the ground. In a spectacular shower of mineral dust molecules, the creature made its way from the sediment and stood against the setting sun. Its capacious jaws snapped malevolently at the prideful man as it emerged from its hard shell to face him. The Multicellular eukaryote looked through its many optical lenses and leaned forward precariously. The man smiled at the creature as it set to attack him. The highly pleiomorphic organelle of eukaryotic cells smashed into Kusenagi, trapped him within its many cristae. The creature laughed evilly at the man,
"I will kill you through my tricarboxylic acid cycle, as my main function is to regenerate ATP by oxidative phosphorylation!" The boy screamed in fear as the creature set out to destroy him when al of the sudden…
A large meteor crashed into the creature. Yelling out in pain, it let go of Kusenagi and toppled backwards. Hitting the ground with a loud thud, the man was rendered unconscious. With little hope of winning, the TAC, who had been on orders by local authorities not to attack until the plant-man had been taken down, went into action. A blue-haired maiden by the name of Ryoko took aim with her Beretta M92F and shot at it repeatedly. The rest of the TAC group stood behind the sharp-shooting policewoman in awe as she fearlessly ran up close to the creature and searched for its mitama. With orders from her boss coming in through her headset, the quick-minded woman deducted where the mitama might be, and found it. With shouts of encouragement from the rest of the TAC, Ryoko took aim when suddenly…
Kusenagi's loving, caring, beautiful, Goddess-like girlfriend ran up to help him. Running bravely through the battlefield towards her beloved, Momiji sat down next to her strong, hot, handsome, green-haired, cat-eyed, perfect boyfriend and lifted him into her arms. The rest of the TAC, especially Mr. Kunikida, yelled for Momiji to come back before she got hurt, but Momiji didn't listen. Her thoughts were only for her love, so pure and true. Cradling him in her arms, she lowered her head and pressed her lips against his in a kiss filled with so much love that it made the gods cry. Slowly parting from him, Momiji prayed for him to be alright, going so far as to ask for God to take her instead. With a slight moan, Kusenagi opened his eyes to find Momiji sitting over him, love and worry etched in her eyes.
"Momiji…" Kusenagi started, "I love you." Momiji, taken aback by the revelation, hugged Kusenagi tightly. "I love you too." She said as they kissed in each other's arms, knowing that they would be happy from that day forward.
All the meanwhile, the rest of the TAC stood by and watched as Ryoko took aim. Firing three rounds, her face suddenly twisted in fear as she watched the bullets fly right through the Aragami's mitama. Quickly reacting to this, the smartest member of the TAC, Yaegashi, ran to the van and grabbed his laptop. Swiftly striding back, Yaegashi opened up his computer and began processing information at a rapid rate. Ryoko in the meanwhile screamed and ran back over to where the main group of TAC members stood.
"What'll be do?!" Ryoko yelled in fear as she hid behind her boss.
"I don't know." Kunikida, boss of the TAC, said.
"I have an answer to that!" The intelligent Yaegashi said as his computer finished processing the data. "All we need to do is…"
"Kill it with this really large grenade full of gunpowder and other really explosive stuff." Yaegashi said, "Koume, you're the only one who can handle this type of task."
Koume looked at the team, who were all eyeing her in anticipation. Not one to turn down any challenge, Koume agreed, and the help of Matsu, got the grenades ready to be launched with her trusty dusty custom grenade launcher. Carrying along her recoilless rocket launcher and CZ 75 sidearm just in case, Koume bravely ran up close to the Aragami and, with meticulous aim, fired the first grenade at the Aragami. Hitting it with full force, the Aragami screamed and died. Then, to do the world and Momiji and favor, Koume aimed the grenade launcher at Kusenagi next, and fired the last remaining grenade at him. Kusenagi went BOOM!!! and the world was happy and everybody hailed Koume for the strong heroine that she was. The end.
Kusenagi read the last part and sweatdropped heavily.
"Hey now!" He yelled as he held up the last piece of paper.
"What?" Kunikida asked, "Not what you expected?"
"That was actually quite entertaining." Matsudaira said as she went back to scouring the articles that Momiji had brought for her.
"B-b-but, I DIED!" Kusenagi said angrily, as he slapped the papers down on Kunikida's desk. The entire TAC gathered around the story and laughed as they were able to easily figure out who wrote what section.
"Jeez Momiji, could you possibly be any sappier?" Koume said sarcastically as she read through it.
"Speak for yourself Koume, you killed him!" Momiji said defensively,
"Hehe, yeah, Kusenagi go boom!" She said as she imitated a mushroom cloud with her arms. "You have to admit, it would be doing the world a favor." Momiji punched Koume in the arm.
"Ow! HEY!!!" Koume said, rage boiling,
"Maybe not doing the world a favor per se, but I can see your angle Koume." Ryoko said with a sigh.
"NOT YOU TOO!!!" Momiji and Kusenagi yelled at the same time.
"What?" Ryoko said as she looked around at the shocked faces of the rest of the TAC, her comment taking everyone by surprise. Momiji's lower lip quivered and she grabbed onto Kusenagi's waist.
"Well I love him and that's that!" She said with a pout. Kusenagi stood tall with his girlfriend's support as the rest of the office members tried hard not to gag.
"I still think that blowing Kusenagi up was the best part." Koume slid in. To Kusenagi's horror, the rest of the TAC (minus Momiji and Matsudaira) nodded their heads.
Hehe, well, I hoped you liked it. I had a horrible time with Matsudaira's little short, I had to visit two online dictionaries to get it right (see Special Thanks To section at the top of this fic and you can see my sources, LOL). Please review, I love doing little omake-ish ficcies and I'd like to know if everyone else enjoys them as well. Love you all!