Chapter 4-Advances

Fern and Sue Ellen didn't speak the next day. But they thought of each other a lot. Fern was confused with her feelings. She thought she loved Amanda. They'd been secretly together for four months. They'd almost done things. Fern was timid though and not ready. Amanda didn't mind. She said she'd wait. But now there was no future there. No more waiting, Fern guessed, just nothingness-the abyss.

Sue Ellen was just as confused. She knew she had bisexual feelings, that she liked girls and guys. She never thought she'd like Fern. They'd shared deep thoughts. They bonded over her mother's friend doing what he did. Sue Ellen knew another victim. It brought them closer. She thought it took them past the border between childhood friendship and life-long friends. She thought they couldn't be lovers. But maybe she was wrong.

The next night was the LGBTQ meeting. It was time for testimonials. Q told them about going home, how he had to lie and pretend to be his sister. They discussed the issue of going home and having to be someone different. It was a subject many could relate to, even the straight people at the meeting.

Afterwards, Sue Ellen went out for drinks with Donnie, Prunella, Q, and another girl. Sue Ellen was pushed into the corner. She didn't have much to say so she stayed quiet. She thought about Fern. She blushed. Q noticed and smiled to her. Sue Ellen looked away.

"Come on, let's talk," Q said. He led her outside. It was a little chilly but they sat nearby. "So, who do you have feelings for? Guy or girl?" "A girl," Sue Ellen nodded, "But it's not who I thought it would be. I knew I'd meet new people at college, and I expected to be attracted to them, but this is different." "I know the feeling. It's hard for me to date though. I'm not fully transitioned so people don't see me as a guy. You all do because you know me. Other people? Not so much."

"I'm not sure what to do about this one. I don't want to talk about it though. I'll figure it out," Sue Ellen said. Q nodded, "Just some advice before we get out of this ice box. Don't wait. Just go for it if you can."

Sue Ellen nodded. She went back to her dorm. Fern was already asleep. Sue Ellen changed and got into bed. She then heard Fern crying. She thought about ignoring it. She couldn't though. It hurt her to hear her crying. She called to Fern. Fern came to her bed and crawled under the covers. They held each other and fell asleep in each other's arms.