Title: Sophisticated, Seasonal Serpent-Wear
Author: WingedPanther73 & Sybil Rowan
Summary: Finny's gifts to Snake's friends get out of hand, thanks to Elizabeth. Comedy.
Pairing(s)/Characters: No pairings really, but mainly includes Finny, Snake, and Elizabeth.
Warnings: Hints of crack-fic, but good, clean fun. Also, assume Snake has telepathy with his friends, similar to Sybil's story Paradise.
Author's Notes: We wrote this on a trip back home using a 50 Sentences Challenge.
Disclaimer: Black Butler is owned by Yana Tobosu.
Beta Reader: WingedPanther73 & Sybil Rowan.
Date: October 25, 2014 at 4:35
"How do you think he likes it? I worked very hard to give him something he likes," Finny said, lofting squirming Oscar into the air.
"It's great, Oscar says," Snake played along with the obtuse gardener as he endured the mental cussing from the snake in question.
"I wanted to compare how the girls looked in pink ribbons," Finny looked around, but didn't see them.
::Listen! All you have to do is endure it,:: Snake thought furiously to his friends.
::Is their another choice?:: Keats asked franticly, hiding under the dining room's credenza.
::After all, Oscar is looking a little pale,:: Emily added, hiding under the settee in the drawing room.
"And I took the sequins off this one, so Oscar would look real tough," Finny said to Snake. To which, Oscar testily projected, ::As if that's a feature?::
::Do you girls really want him to think you've gotten injured and risk him tearing the place up looking for you?:: Snake mentally projected to Emily and Brontë.
Finny kept running around the mansion, calling the snakes' names. Then to Snake's consternation, Lady Elizabeth showed up into the dining room in her quest to find Ciel. She paused and looked at the squirming snake in Finny's super grip.
"Oh that ribbon makes Oscar look so tall and handsome!" Elizabeth squealed in delight as Finny showed off his handiwork.
::I don't think it's too high of a price to pay to make him happy,:: Snake projected, trying to cajole his other friends from their hiding spots. After all, Finny had been so very nice to all of them when they first arrived at Phantomhive Estate. And Snake, well, couldn't find the heart to hurt Finny's feelings. That, and the boy might start wailing or accidentally start smashing stuff.
::Perhaps not, but now that Lady Elizabeth is involved, the price is too high,:: projected Emily.
After searching about again, Finny suddenly spotted the mottled tip of a tail. "Hello there, Keats!" Finny said, lofting the weighty, oak credenza.
Elizabeth squealed in delight as Keats received his own blue ribbon from Finny, which effectively strangled the poor snake. "Oh!" Lady Elizabeth said as if she remembered something. She retrieved a hat box and turned to Snake. "I have a new bonnet for Mister Snake over here, because he has to dress like Sebastian!" Lady Elizabeth squealed, displaying the yellow and lace monstrosity. Snake's stomach clenched in horror as she advanced on him. Now he was getting mad as his friends mocked him when the bonnet went on.
Emily decided, upon witnessing Snake's plight, to present herself to Elizabeth in hopes of preventing pain and humiliation, however Emily underestimated the girl's ability for dishing out both. "Oh this pink complements your scales perfectly!" Elizabeth squealed to Emily as she tied on a ribbon furnished from Finny's pocket. "You know, Finny, I think they need lace for summer," Elizabeth mused.
"I can get Brontë a red, fur stole for winter!" Finny replied.
Snake wanted to sneak out of the mansion to avoid his friends' wrath when Elizabeth insisted on a formal ball to show off the snakes' new "clothes." After a moment of reflection, he had to agree with Brontë; Elizabeth took things over-the-top. Snake thought Finny was bad, but the gardener was a piker compared to the noble girl.
The nail in Snake's coffin was when Elizabeth telephoned Miss Nina for tiny bonnets at Finny's pleas. Now his friends were very, very, very pissed. Having had enough of the mental shouting in his head, Snake collected his friends and removed them from the presence of the two maniacs.
Finny looked down at his now empty hands and asked, "Where did Oscar go? He was having such fun."
"Don't worry about that," Elizabeth insisted, "We can't stop working on the Sophisticated, Seasonal Serpent-Wear collection!"
::Was that a noise?:: Emily projected as Snake, Oscar, Brontë, and Keats cowered in Sebastian's armoire. The others had all escaped to the attic when they heard what was going on.
Sebastian flung open the door to his armoire, "You have a job to do, and I'm sure trembling in my armoire isn't part of of it." Then he touched Brontë on the forehead when she thought about how "good" the butler would look in a bonnet and whispered in her ear, "Perhaps sarcasm works on your friend, Snake, but not with me." Brontë stared at the butler in sudden horror.
"...and I'm sure Ciel will be open to carrying our serpent-wear in all of his stores," Elizabeth insisted. Finny wasn't as confident, but he was willing to ask the young master. If Snake saw that the young master was willing to sell serpent-wear, maybe he would let his reptile friends model in the nice storefront windows. Then everyone could see how adorable they were!
"And they need a swim-wear line!" Elizabeth bellowed with a lofted fist.
"Oh that would be so cute!" Finny agreed; Lady Elizabeth's enthusiasm was so contagious.
"Fine," Sebastian replied to Brontë's pleas. In exasperation, after Snake's tale of woe, he relented after a sigh. "I will save all of you from their silly shenanigans. Slither to the attic after Snake takes off those ludicrous ribbons. Snake, like I said, you have a job. The letter is in my pantry."
When Elizabeth and Finny came to Ciel with the idea of Funtom selling a product line called Sophisticated, Seasonal Serpent-Wear, he could do nothing but stare at them in horror, his jaw agape.
The two buffoons pressed on, leaving Ciel aghast! "...and next would be the summer swim-wear, so they could look fabulous at the pool," Elizabeth carried on.
Ciel looked up at Sebastian as he wheeled in the tea cart and parked it by the desk. The two buffoons yakked on to each other about beading and lace. Ciel whispered to his butler, "Please tell me you laced my tea with arsenic."
"Now, now young master," Sebastian chided, "arsenic and Henry & Son's oolong don't mix well." Sebastian then cleared his throat politely and gave his attention to the two chattering blonds that now stood silent. Both their heads were cocked to the side with baffled expressions. "I believe you've selected the wrong pet for your clothing line. Might I suggest a pet better suited for this, say the dog? After all, snakes are more dignified, whereas, dogs, not so much. Also, dogs have the limbs needed to keep clothes on when they become active."
Pluto sat up from the shadows and wagged his tail enthusiastically, but Finny pouted. The gardener said, "But Snake will be so disappointed, because he loves his friends so. I wanted to something nice for them." Ciel shook his head, knowing the footman had more sense than that.
Elizabeth turned to Finny excitedly and said, "You always have to remember to go where the money is, and more people have dogs than snakes! And besides, this lets us have terrier tutus!"
Soon Finny and Elizabeth were skipping around Ciel's office, happy at the idea of doggy clothes. Meanwhile, Ciel sneered softly to Sebastian, "I wonder what their skulls' contents are."
"Certainly nothing substantial, my lord," Sebastian said with the utmost dignity as he poured the arsenic-free oolong.
Snake made an effort to scorch the ribbons with a flamethrower, but he'd never used the contraption. On his way to the butler's pantry for the letter, he decided to take a detour to the kitchen.
Snake had planned on blaming the cindered ribbons all on Bard. His lie would consist of his friends scaring the chef, and the chef would overreact. Yeah... it was believable!
"Oy! Kid! What are you doing with my flamethrower?"
Snake's spine stiffened, he swirled, and then he lofted Oscar. The snake hissed on cue. Bard flung up his arms and glared at the reptile. "Get it back! Get it back!"
"I'm in a very bad mood, says Oscar. You will rid us of these ribbons or we'll nest in your bed tonight," Snake reported the very real threat.
"Okay, okay! Just don't come near me!"
As Sebastian had predicted, the two would-be artisans got bored with the actual work of designing doggy dress-up, and the whole crisis was quickly averted. Once Ciel got them out of his study, he slumped in his chair in relief. No matter how jaded Ciel was, he'd rather stomp on a baby bunny than hurt either Elizabeth or Finny's feelings. Not that he'd really do either.
Pluto kept preening himself on Ciel's desk, to the young earl's disgust. The hellhound was still under the impression he was to get new clothes and be a special feature of the Funtom stores. "The minute England's people start dressing their dogs in clothes, I'll know that our country is doomed," Ciel confided to Sebastian as he started cleaning up after tea. "And kick this stupid mutt outside!"
"With pleasure, my lord," Sebastian said, wheeling the cart in front of him and dragging the hellhound by the collar behind him.
Ciel sputtered his morning tea as he was reading his newspaper a week later. He saw an advertisement for Sophisticated, Seasonal Doggy-Wear designed by Miss Nina.