A/N: "But Airey," you, the loyal reader, cry out desperately, "where is the last chapter of 'Jana von Karma-Gavin: Ace Attorney'? I've been waiting for almost a month now!"
"Shut up," I say, "it's only been twenty days exactly since I last updated."
"B-But," you say, almost on the verge of tears, "shouldn't you have been working on that instead of whatever this is?"
"Hmmm," I say, sagely stroking my beard that doesn't exist because I am a girl, "perhaps what you say is true." Perhaps I will soon restart work on that last chapter. In the meantime, I upload something I wrote purely because I was somewhat sleep-deprived...
April 14, 6:00 PM, Miles Edgeworth's House
The last thing Phoenix Wright expected was to be invited, out of blue and somewhat desperately, to Edgeworth's house.
Which meant, of course, that arriving there and being greeted by eight different Edgeworths hadn't even made the list.
"What?" Phoenix said, standing in Edgeworth's doorway with his jaw hanging open.
"Shut up," Edgeworth - the normal Edgeworth, Phoenix assumed, since there were only three that looked (or at least dressed) like the Edgeworth he was used to - growled, clearly at his wits' end, "just shut up and come inside before someone sees."
Deciding it was best not to push his luck, Phoenix obediently stepped inside and shut the door behind them. All of the Edgeworths began talking at once. There was a short, 9-year-old Edgeworth wearing a bowtie; a roughly-teenaged-looking Edgeworth wearing the jacket that Phoenix was more used to seeing in a frame in Edgeworth's office than on a person; an Edgeworth who looked very much the same as the one who had just been telling him to shut up, except there was coldness in his eyes and predation in his movements; there was an Edgeworth wearing a dark blue trenchcoat and scarf who looked a little depressed; there was the Edgeworth Phoenix was used to, who, as stated, was probably the most fed up with the whole situation, which was saying a lot; there was an Edgeworth who wore glasses and lines on his face and amusement in his features; a female Edgeworth who appeared to be identical to the usual Edgeworth apart from gender; and finally there was an Edgeworth who was virtually indistinguishable from normal Edgeworth and extra haughty Edgeworth except for the mischievous softness in the way he looked at Phoenix. Honestly, the last one was a little… uncomfortable….
"Sorry, but could you all just talk one at a time?" Phoenix said, a little overwhelmed.
There was a little pause before the oldest Edgeworth (hereafter referred to as Glassesworth, in Phoenix's mind) said calmly, "I suppose you must be wondering why there's eight of us."
Phoenix gave him his best "no, really" look, but Glassesworth took it so much in stride that it actually irritated Phoenix. For a moment he considered the possibility that this was some elaborate joke, but normal Edgeworth wouldn't have called him over unless he were in on the joke, which was not only out of character but also unlikely considering how exhausted he looked.
"He said it had something to do with some magic trick your daughter was working on," little kid Edgeworth (hereafter referred to as Mini Miles, even if Phoenix hadn't called Edgeworth "Miles" at any point in his life - he just liked the alliteration) said, pointing at Glassesworth.
"…I don't have a daughter," Phoenix said.
"You will," Glassesworth said, "and I said it might have something to do with it. Personally, I don't think it's very likely, but I don't see how else…"
"It doesn't matter how we all got here," extra-ruffly 20-ish-year-old Edgeworth (hereafter referred to as Bratworth - thanks, Mia) snapped, "what we need to do now is figure out how to get back to our own respective times and places. I don't see how he can possibly help us with that," he added with a derisive sneer at Phoenix. Ice queen Edgeworth (the Demon Prosecutor, Phoenix thought) appeared to share Bratworth's low opinion of Phoenix.
"What did he ever do to you?" Mini Miles said defensively.
"What didn't he do?" Scarfworth muttered.
"…so," Phoenix said pointedly, "you all came from different points in time? And space, I guess. Or something." All the Edgeworths nodded. "So you-" Phoenix pointed at Mini Miles, "-are in fourth grade, right?"
"Yes," Mini Miles said politely.
"Like that was hard to figure out," Bratworth said, rolling his eyes.
"And you're from when you first started prosecuting," Phoenix said to Bratworth. Bratworth refused to answer, but the other Edgeworths (sans Mini Miles) all nodded. "And you must be," Phoenix said to the Demon Prosecutor, "…the Edgeworth from, um, three years ago - before the resolution of DL-6, right?"
Both Bratworth and the Demon Prosecutor flinched a little at the mention of DL-6, but the other Edgeworths (again, sans Mini Miles) indicated assent.
"You're, uh…" Phoenix pointed at Scarfworth, slightly lost. He had never really seen Edgeworth like that before.
"I believe he's myself from last year," the usual Edgeworth said, pursing his lips severely. I'm probably not supposed to bring up the whole "chooses death" thing in front of Bratworth and Mini Miles, Phoenix guessed. Scarfworth muttered something in what was probably German.
"You're normal," Phoenix declared, pointing at his Edgeworth.
"Yes, thank you," said Edgeworth said sarcastically, "that's nice to know."
"No, I meant, you're from this time… right? This is your house," Phoenix said lamely.
"We get it," Glassesworth said with an almost imperceptible smile.
"Yes, I'm the Edgeworth from this time," normal Edgeworth said tiredly, "I woke up in this house this morning - and came downstairs only to find seven different versions of me arguing in my living room."
"Arguing," Phoenix said flatly. He didn't doubt it, frankly, but…
"Yes," Glassesworth sighed, "it seems my younger self does not at all approve of what we turn into."
"It's not what you turned into," the Demon Prosecutor said irritably, "there's nothing at all wrong with being Chief Prosecutor." Phoenix raised his eyebrows.
"Rather, it's who you turned into," Bratworth said, crossing his arms, "someone soft and sentimental-"
"Please," Scarfworth said, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, "do not get into this conversation again."
"Why prosecutor, though?" Mini Miles was asking, "what happened to becoming a great defense attorney like Father?"
There was another brief pause, during which Phoenix turned to Glassesworth and narrowed his eyes.
"I'm from the future," Glassesworth explained, "about eight or so years. It's good to see you looking so young again."
"Er… sure," Phoenix said, and turned to the genderbent Edgeworth. "Now, I know you can't possibly be from the past or the future or-"
"Obviously," fem-Edgeworth said sardonically, and Phoenix was unsurprised to hear that she sounded a lot like Franziska, "although I believe apart from the fact that you and I are both men in this… time and place, everything is the same."
Phoenix nodded. Edgewoman seemed pretty reasonable, and he wasn't ashamed to privately admit that she was kinda hot. He mentally shook himself. I'm missing someone, he thought, and as if that was a cue, the remaining Edgeworth who had so far not said anything put a hand around Phoenix's waist. "Gah!" Phoenix yelped, jumping away from him, "who is-?"
"Gay Edgeworth," all of the other Edgeworths said at the same time.
"…oh," Phoenix said flatly, "yeah. Okay."
"Problem, Wright?" Flirtworth said, and it sounded halfway between typical Edgeworth fare and straight-up purring.
Phoenix turned to present-day Edgeworth. "Do you have something you need to tell me?" he asked as neutrally as possible. Modern Edgeworth made a face. Glassesworth chuckled ominously.
"We don't have time to talk about your sexuality issues," Bratworth said.
"Meanwhile, you're so repressed a technician couldn't turn you on, you robot," Edgewoman said under her breath. Phoenix snorted. Typical Edgeworth raised an eyebrow at him.
"He does have a point, though," Glassesworth said evenly, "we do have to figure out how to return to our proper times… and wherever you two came from," he added with a nod at Edgewoman and Flirtworth, who was standing a little too close to Phoenix.
"How are we supposed to do that?" Mini Miles said. He honestly sounded like he believed one of the adults might have an answer.
"Good question," Scarfworth said, frowning.
"Listen," Phoenix said, grabbing his Edgeworth's shoulder while the other Edgeworths discussed this amongst themselves, "I get that this is ridiculous, but why did you have to call me here?"
Normal Edgeworth sighed deeply. "I'm at the end of my rope, Wright. I have no idea what to do."
"Neither do I."
Edgeworth jerked his head towards Glassesworth. "He said there was a possibility that this happened because of your daughter from the future, which makes you our only lead, really."
"If you must know, it wasn't my idea."
"Oh," Phoenix said, "then whose idea was…" He was interrupted, and likely answered, by Flirtworth offering him a glass of grape juice. Glassesworth, meanwhile, was glaring at… the grape juice? Huh?
"Maybe this situation will resolve itself on its own," Edgewoman was saying.
"Unlikely," the Demon Prosecutor said flatly.
"I don't see you offering any better ideas," Scarfworth said.
"I wonder how old future-Phoenix's daughter is?" Mini Miles wondered out loud.
"She was sixteen when I left," Glassesworth said. Mini Miles looked disappointed. Phoenix did the math in his head. Wait a minute…
Another interruption in the form of another Edgeworth arrived. He looked exactly like normal Edgeworth, Flirtworth, and the Demon Prosecutor, but when he opened his mouth a string of Japanese flowed out instead of English.
"There's a ninth one?!" Phoenix and current Edgeworth objected at the same time.
"…did we forget to mention him?" Bratworth said. He sounded almost apologetic. Almost.
"S-Sorry," Mini Miles said.
"This is Mitsurugi. Like Adelaide Edgeworth, he seems to be from some sort of alternate world," Glassesworth said. Mitsurugi bowed politely.
Oh, so that's her first name, Phoenix thought, glancing at Edgewoman, it's pretty, even if I'm probably still not allowed to use it.
"A woman version of me is a dream come true for you, isn't it, Wrightzhumikhin?" Flirtworth murmured in Phoenix's ear, which caused Phoenix to cringe away from him yet again.
"…what did you just call me?" Phoenix said defensively.
"Ignore him," normal Edgeworth said drily, "it's just a terrible pun that would fly over your head anyway."
Suddenly there was an earthquake.
"…huh?" Mini Miles said, looking at all the older (and alternate) versions of himself passed out of the floor, curled in fetal positions.
"You'll find out when you're older," Phoenix said, frowning.
"I'm… I'm not sure I want to," Mini Miles said, grimacing.
"Yeah, you really don't. My condolences…"
"Adelaide" is an English name with a similar meaning to "Miles". Because using "Melissa" would have been too easy.
"Wrightzumikhin" is a combination of "Wright" and "Razhumihkin", a character from the novel Crime and Punishment who is the best friend of the main character Raskolnikov, whom he may or may not have a crush on. At the end of the book, he gets married to Raskolnikov's sister Dunya, whom is explicitly stated many times (even by Razhumikhin himself) to be extremely similar to Raskolnikov. No wonder general consensus is that Razhumikhin is bisexual!
In case it wasn't clear (it really should be): Mini Miles = elementary schooler!Edgeworth, Bratworth = 3-4/AAI1-4!Edgeworth, the Demon Prosecutor = pre-1-4!Edgeworth, Scarfworth = JFA!Edgeworth, usual/normal/typical/Phoenix's/etc. Edgeworth = T&T/AAI!Edgeworth, Glassesworth = DD!Edgeworth, Edgewoman = fem!T&T/AAI!Edgeworth, Flirtworth = T&T/AAI!Edgeworth except he won't stop hitting on Phoenix, Mitsurugi = GS3/GK!Edgeworth a.k.a. Japanese!T&T/AAI!Edgeworth.
I may do another version of this with a bunch of different versions of Phoenix.