Till I'm Gone
An Outline and an Apology
AN: I'm so sorry guys. I can't bring myself to write this final arc - not when I'm not recovered from my own depression. I've always struggled with writing the recovery part of hurt and comfort. I guess a part of me wonders "why my characters get to have happy endings when I can't seem to find mine?" I know, I know. It's an irrational thought. But it's a thought that blocks my writing.
Before you guys get too worried, I am pretty happy in my day to day life. But I know that I'm still a bit depressed - that it doesn't go away. It's like dark spots on a sunny day and everything can go fuzzy at a moment's notice. It's always kinda looming from the edges of my peripheral vision. But I know what causes it and I can manage it. But it's a constant battle and sometimes I just get so tired. And for a lot of stories of depression the resolution happens with the depression being fought back until it's not there anymore - it's been eradicated and everything is happiness from then on. I can't write that. I can't give Hiro that kind of ending. I want to - by everything that is holy I want to so desperately.
But I can't. I can't give it to him. Despite how hard I've tried with this story, I can't seem to give Hiro that type of ending. I can't seem to end on that note. Or even build up to it.
It's been two years. You guys deserve to know at least the briefest of outlines on what I was planning of doing for the final arc of this story.
And who knows, I might come back to this. I might be able to finish this one day. Till I'm Gone was my coping mechanism for my most stressful year of high school. It got me through some of my darkest days of that year. This story has a lot of meaning for me and it hurts that I can't give it the good ending it deserves just yet.
So I'll give you this. This scaffolding to cling to and fill up your imaginations with.
I hope you guys have been okay, in these two years. I hope that life is treating you well, that you are surviving and thriving in your lives. And if you're struggling, please know this: you're doing so well, you're going to be beautiful and that the world needs you. You are all beautiful and can face the world and its horrors. You are all so strong, so brave. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being yourselves. The world would be so much emptier without you. Please don't forget that. Please don't forget that you are all made of stardust and in your veins run the infinities. Through you and your actions - realities are made, possibilities become more than just probable. Even a small stone can help change the course of a river's flow.
Thank you for being here.
-Tomoko and Gift finally meet through the miracles of modern technology and video interface.
-Tadashi tries to go to do student housing but Hiro freaks out at the possibility of Tadashi leaving him and nearly relapses.
-Tadashi decides to stay with Aunt Cass and Hiro and commute to SFIT on his new moped.
-Tadashi meets Callaghan after Tadashi proproses Baymax's concept at the SFIT science exhibition.
-Hiro sneaks out later that same night and Tadashi discovers Hiro's illegal botfighting.
-Their relationship is strained and Tadashi throws himself into developing Baymax as a result.
-Hiro convinces Aunt Cass to enroll him in online courses, allowing him to speedrun through his high school credits and graduate early.
-Hiro witnesses an increasingly disheveled and tired Tadashi returning home as the college semester progresses (each scene would highlight some amusing injury from Baymax's malfunctions). Eventually, as the deadline for Tadashi's project report nears, Tadashi simply stops coming home, opting to sleep overnight (or pull overnighters as is the case more often than not).
-This causes Hiro to throw himself further into botfighting. He finds that Aine has disappeared and that her botfighting teritory has been taken over by one of the local Yakuza lords, Yama.
-Hiro scams Yama and Tadashi has to rescue him on his moped, Just like in the movie however, both of them land in jail with the Yakuza.
-Tadashi shows Hiro Baymax and events begin to roll as Hiro finds his passion for building things other than botfighters again.
And now, here is the last thing that I had written, that I had wanted to see for so long in the context of this story. It's the scene that sparked this entire story and it's the end piece that I had wanted to tie in so desperately but never got the chance.
"Alright geniuses, lets brings those hungry brains of yours back to the cafe, dinner is on me!" Aunt Cass sang.
Everyone's faces lit up.
"Nothing is better than free food!" Fred crowed.
Hiro grinned, still on the high of actually getting his acceptance letter from Robert Callaghan himself. He felt a hand tap his shoulder and he turned to see Tadashi motion his head over to a more seculded spot.
"Aunt Cass? We'll uh,.. We'll catch up, okay?" Tadashi said.
Aunt Cass' estatic grin softened into a gentle smile. "Sure." and then she did an excited dance and pulled both of her boys into a group hug. "Oh I'm so proud of both of you!"
Both boys were left to squeak out strangled "Thanks Aunt Cass!" in reply before she was off.
Tadashi lightly hit Hiro's shoulder and lead him away from the crowds, stopping to lean up against the railing overlooking the science building.
"I know what you're going to say." Hiro said swaggering up next to his brother. He deepened his voice to an aproximation of his brother's own deep tenor. "'I should be proud of myself cause i'm finally using my gift for something important."
"No, no… I was just going to say your fly was down for the whole show."
Hiro rolled his eyes. "Ha. Ha. Hilarious." His eyes darted down… just to be safe. "WHAT!?" he squeaked, zipping up his fly - as it had been indeed down. Angrilly, Hiro whacked Tadashi on the shoulder.
"Haha-Ow!" Tadashi leaned back a bit, his arms at a defensive position incase Hiro decided to engage in further combatics.
Quickly, they settled back down into a relaxed comraderie. It was slient for a moment.
"Welcome to Nerd School… nerd." Tadashi smiled warmly at Hiro.
Hiro rolled his eyes. Then he took a deep breath. "Hey… I… I wouldn't be here… if it wasn't for you. So…" he averted his eyes. "So you know…. Thanks… For not giving up on me."
When Hiro chanced to glance up, Tadashi's eyes were full of love and glimmering with unshed tears. Tadashi rested his hand on Hiro's shoulder.
"I'll be with you far past 'til I'm gone, Hiro." he said softly.
Hiro opened his mouth but the screaming sound of a fire alarm caused him to shut it sharply as Tadashi jerked his head back to the Showcase Hall. Screams filled the night air as both Hamadas ran towards the source of the commotion.
Great gouts of flame broke through the windows, the heat radiating high into the sky. Even twenty feet away from it, Hiro could feel it pressing against his skin.
Tadashi steadied a coughing woman. "Are you okay!" he demanded.
"I'm okay… but Professor Callaghan… he's still in there!"
Tadashi's face hardened into a look of determination. Hiro grabbed at Tadashi's arm. "TADASHI NO!" he screamed.
"Someone has to help!" Tadashi protested. Hiro's hands weakened in shock and Tadashi tore away from Hiro's grasp. A numbness was beginning to creep into Hiro's chest.
As Tadashi ran up the steps, his hat was blown off his head by the heated air's backdraft. It fluttered for a brief minute, spinning and twisting until it landed at Hiro's feet.
The Biggest Thanks to:
Thank you so much. Your support has meant everything to me.
But it is now time for me to say goodbye
and close this chapter on my life.
- Sora Matasuki