A/N This little plot bunny came whilst I was working on another story and I thought it would suit its own one shot rather than be a chapter. Hope you enjoy it - please review with any comments, things you believe I missed or errors!
Summary: when the group left the Shrieking Shack on that faithful moonlit night, Harry was quick enough to catch Wormtail as he tried to flee. This led to Sirius being freed and gaining guardianship of Harry, providing of course he met certain conditions. These conditions however Sirius finds hard to adhere to and a certain Healer takes it into her own hands to teach him a lesson.
Warning: includes nudity.
As the group left the Shrieking Shack all of them, bar Snape who was unconscious, saw the moon come out from behind the clouds. For a second everybody froze as the implications of this hit them. Then Remus started to change and Padfoot was right beside him, keeping him away from the three students. Pettigrew saw the opportunity and changed into his rat form to escape but Harry was too quick for him. He dived on top of the rat, preventing it from moving. As he moved it to his hands the rat stirred and started to squirm around, trying to get free. Harry couldn't loosen his grip because then he would lose his godfather's ticket to freedom so he couldn't to get his wand. Snape, Sirius and Remus were all unavailable and Ron and Hermione were frozen in shock. So Harry did the only thing he could - he hung onto the rat for dear life.
When Snape recovered a few minutes later he found that he was still with Potter and the boy was clutching something with blood running all over his hands.
"Potter what incredibly moronic thing you done to your hands?" he snapped. This broke the trance that Hermione and Ron had been in and they rushed over to Harry.
"Is that-?" Ron asked.
Harry simply nodded. He was using all of his concentration to block the pain and keep hold of the rat. Conversation would take too much brainpower away from that vital task.
"Potter..." Snape growled.
Ron, seeing Harry's continued struggle gathered his courage and answered. "I don't know what he did to his hands sir, but I would imagine that Pettigrew's bitten him trying to get away sir."
"Pettigrew has been dead for years Weasley. Potter let that rat go."
"Pettigrew set them up sir!" Hermione spoke up at last. "He was the Potter's Secret Keeper and then blew up the street himself before hiding as the Weasleys' pet rat for the last twelve years "
"Very fortunate that Potter is holding a rat then. You know there are ways to tell an animagus from an animal?"
"Oh please perform the spell sir. Professor Lupin and Sirius have already done it in the shack, it is a man sir!"
"Granger stop wasting my time. If Potter releases the rat now he may yet regain use of his hands."
Ron gasped but Hermione started begging. "Can you cast the spell or make a box or anything sir? Just so that Harry can stop. Can't you see how much it's hurting him?"
"I have already told him to release it, but he is as stubborn and arrogant as his father was before him."
Ron was trying to glare a hole through Snape's face as he watched both his friends struggle with their tasks. There was one particularly violent struggle where Harry lessened his grip a miniscule amount in pain and shock and the rat wriggled out.
"No!" screamed Ron. There was sound of an explosion and when the four looked down they could see a clear box encasing the rat.
"Well well how very touching. Accidental magic still at thirteen. Now all of you follow me to the Hospital Wing. No more talk of Pettigrew or animagus rats. Black's confundus charm did a very good job."
"But Professor-" Hermione started before she was stopped with a hand on her arm.
"Leave it Hermione" Harry whispered. "He isn't going anywhere. We'll sort it later."
Hermione sighed but nodded, they would never win against Snape anyway.
The following morning all three of the trio were still in the Hospital Wing when the Headmaster showed up. Poppy could find no evidence of mind-tampering spells but was keeping them all in for observation anyway.
"Professor Lupin told me a remarkable story this morning" Dumbledore started. "I don't suppose you know what I'm talking about do you?"
"Would it involve the company for the furry little problem?" Harry asked.
"Among other things" Dumbledore replied. "What do you know?"
Harry told the Headmaster everything he had learnt that night and from his patronus lessons. When he got to the part where they exited the tunnel he paused. "The box should still be there. Ron caught Pettigrew just as he wiggled out of my hands. If my story matches up with Professor Lupin's please go and look for it. I'll be a good little boy and stay right here. It should be just out of range of the tree. Please Professor?"
"A quick look could do no harm. I'll leave you with Madam Pomfrey." Dumbledore grinned as he walked out making Harry look behind him anxiously.
"You will jolly well stay here Harry Potter. You very nearly lost your hands to infection, I couldn't sterilise and contain it fast enough and your fever was climbing extremely quickly. I was about to have to amputate your hands to save your life."
"That bad huh? I thought Snape was trying to scare me when he said that."
"You have Professor Snape to thank that amputation was not necessary Harry. He happened to have a sterilising potion in his emergency potions kit which prevented the infection from spreading whilst we treated the bites themselves. What were you thinking?!"
"That I couldn't let Pettigrew get away" Harry replied honestly.
"Well for your sake I hope you are right. You will be here at least another week, probably longer until we have flushed all the infection out. Mr Weasley and Miss Granger will be released tomorrow morning. Do not test me on this Harry, the merest hint of an escape plan and I will stick you to that bed."
"Noted Madam Pomfrey." Harry grinned cheekily. "Now then, about that rat?"
As he spoke Dumbledore came into the room with a large smile. "The rat was indeed Peter Pettigrew and he has confessed to all the crimes Sirius was jailed for. Azkaban was deemed too much of a risk after Sirius's breakout so he has been obliviated and stripped of his magic. He will not be able to rejoin Lord Voldemort should he rise again. Sirius has been freed and will shortly become your guardian."
"But it will be before the summer right? I don't need to go back to the Dursleys'?"
"Of course not. The Ministry just wants to make sure he is in good health after his stay in Azkaban. No good you staying with him if he can't look after you. It'll be just a few more days. He'll probably be sorted before you get out of here." Dumbledore chuckled. "Well get better soon Harry. Sirius will be here to see you as soon as he can."
On his way out Dumbledore stopped by Madam Pomfrey's office. "Just so you know Poppy, the court ordered a full physical and psychological evaluation before Sirius is allowed to see Harry alone."
A week later, when Harry had just been released from the Hospital Wing, Sirius was walking through Hogwarts on his way to meet Dumbledore and Harry to discuss the guardianship. He was met by Poppy in the second floor corridor.
"Ah Sirius, just the man. Amelia was asking for your results today as noone in St Mungos seems to have any. She assumed that you must have come here."
"Poppy I-" Sirius tried to bluff his way out but Poppy interrupted him.
"You do realise that a court order is mandatory and reasonable force may be used to ensure its compliance don't you?"
"Yes Poppy, I assure you it's under control."
"Good. You have until the end of the day to get yourself an appointment with a Healer. If you don't I shall inform Amelia and do it myself."
Sirius moped around for the rest of the day, even during his discussions. Just before dinner Minerva walked Sirius to the Hospital Wing.
"Poppy are you there?" the Scottish witch called.
"Of course Minerva, what do you need?"
"I have been talking to Sirius and he's decided that he'd like you to do the "Ministry's bleeping nonsense". I've brought him here so he couldn't run away again."
"I do not run away!" Sirius exclaimed. "I just think that this is a waste of everybody's time including mine!"
"Thankyou very much Minerva. We shall begin after dinner. Will you be able to make sure he gets back up here?" Poppy continued like Sirius had not interrupted.
"Of course. Until later."
When Sirius and Minerva returned Poppy had set up an area for her to work in. There were trays of various instruments including several wands, baskets of potion bottles and the bed. Sirius was shown to the bed and asked to sit on it.
"What is all of this for?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Surely you can just wave your wand and watch all the answers come out the end of it?"
"You were requested a full physical examination. Diagnostic spells can only tell you what's wrong, they cannot give definition on your status" Poppy explained patiently.
"So how long is this going to take then?" Sirius continued with a resigned sigh.
"If you co-operate I think we could be done in about three days or so."
"THREE DAYS?" Sirius spluttered. "No way am I staying here for three days, if I promise to be really good can't you do it all tonight?"
"No. Your magic needs time to recharge in between some of the scans so they cannot all be performed at once. You will stay here until I am satisfied with your data. Now will you get into bed and we can begin? Tonight we will cover a general check and your base statistics such as weight, height, temperature, pulse rate, breathing rate and oxygen intake."
"And then tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow will be performing a more detailed scan of your muscles and bones. We will do muscle in the morning and bones in the evening. The third day will be a scan of your soft tissue and your psychological exam."
"I don't need a mental test. Can't you tell I'm sane from this conversation? Let alone the time I've been out."
"It's a Ministry order Sirius. There's nothing you or I can do about it. The sooner we get started, the sooner we'll finish."
With an exaggerated sigh Sirius swung his feet up onto the bed. "It seems I've got no choice. I suppose I'll just make myself comfortable here then." He conjured a magazine and started to read, completely ignoring the medi-witch busily closing the privacy curtains. She traced several spells over him and a hovering quill recorded all of the results onto a parchment.
"Ok Sirius I need you to take your shirt off now."
"To measure your lung capacity. Clothing rustles and distorts the magic."
With an air of extreme sufferance Sirius removed his shirt.
"Now take a deep breath in. Hold as much air as you can." Sirius did as he was told, never once losing the look of reluctance on his face.
"And breathe out as far as you can."
Sirius rolled his eyes as he let the air escape through his nose. He heard the quill scratching behind him.
"And in again."
"Did she miss her monthly torture of students?" he muttered to himself.
"Don't talk. Just breathe."
Sirius twisted around to glare at the mediwitch. "I know you don't believe me, but I'm not a child" he growled. "You don't need to treat me quite so forcefully."
"No need to fly off your broom handle. I will stop treating you like a child when you stop behaving like one. Now sit up properly and let me finish this test. Keep taking deep breaths until I tell you you can stop."
Sirius gave a long sigh. This was going to be a long three days.
The following morning when his breakfast was brought, there were several potions next to Sirius's plate.
"I'm not drinking them before breakfast" he stated.
"They are nutrient and vitamin potions, they must be drunk directly before food. You cannot eat before you take them."
Sirius grinned at her and reached for a piece of toast. It moved away from his fingers.
"You charmed the food!"
"I'm not stupid Sirius Black I know what you're like!" Sirius stuck his tongue out at her as she handed him the first bottle. He downed it with a grimace, but no sooner had he done that than she was pressing a second, third and fourth into his hand and demanding he drink them.
"Enjoy your breakfast" she said when he had finished.
Sirius had to admit that even if he did have to endure the potions, the breakfast was good. He'd forgotten how well the house elves could cook. However all too soon he was finished and Poppy was once again standing by his bed.
"I'm going to take a scan of your muscles today Sirius. I need you to keep as still as possible. It might feel a little uncomfortable but please let me know if you feel any pain. Any questions?"
"No just get on with it." He conjured his book again and lay back propped up on the pillows.
"I'm sorry Sirius but I need you to lie flat on your back. It should only be ten minutes or so."
Sirius lasted five minutes before he sat up.
"You know what Poppy, I don't want this" he stated. Poppy also straightened, knowing that the scan was now ruined anyway.
"I think I'm quite aware of that Sirius. You have always tried to get out of being in my care. However you have no choice on this one and you have never managed to leave early, so I would just ignore me as best you can."
"But I have one thing gong for me now that I didn't before." Sirius smirked.
"Oh yes, do share."
"I'm of age."
"And that helps you how? This was requested by the Ministry."
"Well you don't have any warrant confining me to this hospital wing do you? It was a recommendation or so I believed. Show me the court order and I'll stay here like a good little boy, but if you can't prove it, I'll be off."
Poppy didn't have any paperwork and both of them knew it. She knew she couldn't keep him from leaving now but she could have him brought back, likely under auror guard, in under two days if she wanted - with all the appropriate documents to keep him here until the scans were completed. But that would make Sirius angry, resentful and uncooperative, which would make a nightmare of the two days he was here. There had to be another way.
"Alright then, off you go" she said with a mischievous smile.
"What?!" asked Sirius, astounded.
"As you so eloquently put it I have no physical documents and you are of age. If you wish to discharge yourself I cannot stop you."
Sirius stayed frozen in his seated position whilst Poppy bustled around him, clearing up and banishing her equipment.
"Do you want to stay after all Sirius? I've just packed up all my equipment." Poppy sounded slightly annoyed.
"What? Oh no. I'm going. Bye Poppy!"
Sirius walked quickly out of the hospital wing not questioning why he could. He would sort a house out for himself and Harry today and then they could decorate it when Harry finished at Hogwarts in a few days time. He would do anything Harry wanted him to this summer. He was so excited about the time he was going to spend with his godson that he completely forgot about a very important condition to his guardianship. The medical results.
Two days later, the day before the school year ended Sirius forced himself to floo Poppy. He could not take Harry in without the blasted medical results. Every which way he tried came back with the same answer: if we see you taking Mr Potter without being his legal guardian we can and will arrest you for kidnapping.
"Poppy?" he called into the flames.
"Sirius, missing me already?" she replied with a grin.
"Nope, but I need your help."
"Why, what's wrong?" There was concern lacing her voice now.
"I can't get guardianship of Harry."
Poppy burst out laughing. "Oh Sirius I thought for a minute you actually had a problem!"
"I do! They won't accept me without those bloody great big test results!"
"Well then you have a dilemma don't you. Is your love for Harry greater than your pride?"
"Yes! I love Harry more than life itself!"
"I fail to see your problem then. You'll have to excuse me Sirius the entry ward has just gone off."
Sirius nodded and the connection was cut. Sirius thought for a few moments. What was a few days in relation to spending his life with Harry? Perhaps he could even go in just for the scans? Decision made he decided to wait half an hour or so to give Poppy time to deal with her latest patient begore flooing again.
"Twice in one evening Sirius! I'm honoured" she greeted him.
"I need these results to get Harry and Harry is the most important thing in the world to me. Please will you do it?"
"Will you co-operate and do everything I say?"
"Ok." Sirius gave a large sigh of relief. "I can fit you in in about two weeks?"
"In two weeks? Why can't you do it now?"
"I'm sorry Sirius but the end of the year is my busiest time. I have to stock take and test everything, work out a potions list for Severus and deep clean the whole wing. It's not a matter of life or death and I just cannot fit you in before then." Poppy mentally chuckled at Sirius's expression. If he was going to be so awkward when she was willing to help, she was going to be awkward now.
"And what about Harry?"
"He will have to do whatever he did before he knew about you. You will have to tell him why he can't stay with you straight away. You could always ask at St Mungo's, they might be able to see you earlier than I can."
"But they neglect him! You can't let him go back there!"
"Do you have tangible proof of their neglect?"
Sirius hung his head. "No."
"Then I'm afraid I can't do anything. I really must be off now Sirius, I have lots to do. Let me know if you want to take up my offer."
"I will do. Goodnight Poppy."
Sirius did call St Mungo's the following day and he made an appointment. They could offer him a week earlier than Poppy said she could do. The conversation with Harry wasn't fun but he understood Sirius's hatred of hospitals and Healers. "Just do it asap" was what Harry had said.
When Sirius arrived at St Mungo's and was shown into the consultation room he found his Healer to be a woman he didn't recognise.
"Good morning. I am Healer Ella McDonagh. You are here for a full physical examination, correct?"
"Yes. I cannot get custody of my godson without it."
"Ok, well if you could just put this on then we can get started." She held out a hospital gown.
"I'm not wearing one of those!" Sirius spluttered. "It shows your bum off to everyone!"
"You can wear no clothes at all if you want Mr Black." The gown was still in her hand and the threat was plain. Wear the gown or wear nothing.
Sirius took the gown with a glare and a grimace. At least he would be lying down whilst wearing it.
The Healer started setting equipment up, different to what Poppy had used and raised the bed so he was in a sitting position.
"What are you doing?" he said when she stuck something in his ear.
"Taking your temperature."
"Can't you do that with a wand?"
"Yes, but for full physicals like yours we like to use muggle methods where we can. They give much cleaner information. Spells work but are more for trying to diagnose a problem rather than determine the status of anything."
"I see. So you have to do everything again?"
"Again? What do you mean by that Mr Black?"
"I started this at Hogwarts with Poppy Pomfrey but it was never completed. She did all of the base steps upto the muscle scan."
"Why on earth did you stop there? I'm afraid she hasn't sent us the notes so we will have to go through it again."
Sirius spent the next three hours being prodded and poked as the Healer checked his general health, mainly the muggle way. The worst was when she put the stethoscope on him, it had to go right against his skin and it was cold! Not to mention having to turn around and having his back and bum exposed to an unknown woman. At one time he requested to go to the toilet and she even sent him with a sample pot to fill and return with. Sirius thought this was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever been through - unaware of what was to come.
"Ok, so you are malnourished and underweight but that can be rectified with a course of potions. Other than that you are in good health" the Healer said eventually. "I'll move on to check your blood now. You might feel a sharp prick as I insert the needle."
"Ouch!" Sirius squeaked as he jumped up. "What did you have to do that for?"
"Sit down please Mr Black. I have to extract some of your blood to test it properly."
When that test was done, the Healer moved onto the muscle scan.
"You need to stay incredibly still for this scan to work properly. It only takes ten minutes or so."
She lowered the bed back to flat and started to cast. Sirius tried his hardest to remain still but it seemed the more he tried, the more he started fidgeting. After a couple of minutes he suddenly gasped and sat bolt upright.
"Mr Black this is the second time I've had to ask you to sit down. Need I restrain you?"
"I'm sorry, you must have just caught something. I'll be ready for it next time."
Sirius managed to overcome that one but was caught by another just a few seconds later and sat upright again. He received another stern warning but when he again sat up Healer Ella decided enough was enough. A sticking charm took care of both the fidgeting and the moving.
"Right. Finally completed. That scan has an eight hour working period. No magic can be performed by you or on you until that time period has elapsed. This also allows your magic time to recharge."
"But you stuck me to the bed!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Because I had to to complete the scan."
Sirius growled as she wheeled him out of the consultation room and into a ward.
"I'll see you again tomorrow morning. If this scan fails we will have to repeat it tomorrow so I wouldn't advise attempting anything." She smiled as she left him be.
Later that evening, Sirius suffered the indignity of having to be fed his dinner by a nurse. He couldn't move his arms and no-one could free them for him. Initially he refused food because of this but the nurses told him he would be force fed if he refused because of his malnourishment. They would have to unstick him, turn him onto his front and force feed him through a pipe in his bottom. Which would mean he had to do the whole thing again tomorrow anyway. Throughout it all he mentally chanted "Harry, for Harry, for Harry."
The following morning the sticking charm was lifted before breakfast so he could eat normally. Then he was wheeled into an examination room. It was larger and more well equipped than the consultation room had been.
"Good Morning Mr Black. Did you sleep?" the Healer greated him.
"Today we will do a nerve and bone scan. The nerve scan has a four hour working period, the bone scan twelve. Any questions?"
"So I have to go through all that again?" Sirius asked incredulously.
"Fraid so. I brought an assistant to help me today, the nerve spell can be a little tricky for one person to control sometimes. I believe you know her already, come in Poppy!"
The two witches wore matching grins as Poppy entered.
"I thought you were too busy!" Sirius spurted out in amazement.
"Healer McDonagh's call came just as I was at a stopping spot. I was only too glad to help."
"You never said anything about a nerve scan" Sirius accused.
"I'm afraid the classification for a full physical evaluation has changed since I last performed it. Nerve used to be in with soft tissue."
"So you would have still done it?"
Sirius stared at the ceiling and so missed the two witches gathering bandages. He only noticed when he felt an arm get tied to the bed rail.
"Hey! What are you doing!"
"This scan tends to make limbs twitch. Given by your performance yesterday we decided that we would rather not have to repeat this test any more than we have to."
The Healers securely tied Sirius's arms and legs to the rails of the bed. Then Poppy tied one around his stomach and around the bed, meaning that he could not move anything but his head.
"Are you ready Ella?" Poppy questioned.
"I believe so." She turned again to Sirius. "A little pain is unavoidable in this scan I'm afraid and no other magic can be cast whilst it is scanning. Do you understand?"
"Ok, we'll be as quick as we can."
Sirius thought that saying there would be a little pain was like saying that Merlin had a little skill in magic. The only thing he could think of more painful was the time his mother had used the cruciatus on him and that was supposed to cause pain! Thankfully it only lasted a minute before it subsided. He was panting hard and so it seemed was that Healer. But he hadn't felt his limbs twitch he thought. After a few minutes for them both to recover he saw her point her wand at him again. This time he didn't feel pain but it really tickled! He tried his hardest to keep still but it was just impossible! Towards the end even his head had been tied down as they scanned it. Sirius was entirely at their mercy.
When it was finished Sirius instantly relaxed in his bindings. He quickly fell asleep and when he woke up he was back in the ward, unrestrained. At least that was what he believed until he tried to get up. No part of him was stuck to the bed but he could not leave it. He idly wondered what had happened with the bone scan but suddenly a different problem made itself known.
"Excuse me?" he caught the attention of a nurse, and unfortunately everyone else in the ward as well.
"Yes Mr Black?"
Sirius's voice was so quiet it was nearly a whisper. "I need the loo."
"I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that, could you speak up a bit please?"
Sirius sighed. The ward was silent and everybody was watching him. Oh well, he was committed now. He couldn't do much worse than somebody feeding him anyway and they had all seen that.
"I need the loo" he said in a normal tone.
The nurse picked up a bedpan from underneath Sirius's bed and handed it to him.
"There you are sir. Anything in it will vanish when full."
Sirius was mortified, but he truly did need to empty his bladder. He used the bedpan, extremely glad that neither Harry nor Remus were there to see him get so embarrassed.
That embarrassment paled the following day however when Healer McDonagh entered his ward.
"Good morning Mr Black, I have some good news for you. We should be finished by lunchtime and I'll have all the documents completed and sent to the ministry by tomorrow evening. We're a bit short on space today so I said we wouldn't mind just finishing off here. It looks like I forgot to include the hormone test in my initial assessment of you which I'm terribly sorry about. I thought we could add it after your soft tissue scan. I have got some privacy curtains to protect your modesty!"
"My modesty? What do you expect me to do? You've already put me in this ridiculous gown and have I complained?!"
"No you have not and Poppy said she was proud of you for not doing so. Shall we begin?"
"What did you mean protect my modesty, you aren't going to make me strip butt naked are you?" A glance at her face confirmed it. "You are as well. This just takes the biscuit." He turned away from her but then realised how exposed his back was and stopped, unsure which was worse.
The Healer chuckled at his predicament. "Let's deal with that later shall we? Now soft tissue is the easiest and fastest. It has only a one hour working time and is unaffected by movement. You just cannot eat, drink or urinate whilst it is active. Help me now and I'll do my best to find us a room for later."
Sirius turned back towards her, wiggled his eyebrows and smirked. "Ooh yes let's get a room for later."
"Do not flirt with Healers. The revenge is often unbecoming of a gentleman." Her tone was lecturing but her eyes and slight grin showed her amusement.
"I'm not a gentleman so it's fine" he quipped back.
She rolled her eyes and started casting without answering. Sirius let it all wash over him, enjoying the thought that this afternoon he would be free again.
A few minutes later she stood up. "All done. I'll be back to see you in an hour."
"See you then." Nothing could stop Sirius's good mood now. He was nearly free of the bloody interfering healers!
An hour later, when Healer McDonagh returned she looked contrite. "I'm sorry Sirius but there just is not another room to be had. A major incident has happened and everyone is everywhere. We'll put the curtains up, finish off and you can be released before lunch. How about that?"
"I don't believe I've got much choice" Sirius replied grumpily.
Suddenly a man came up to them.
"Sorry to bother you Healer McDonagh but I really need your advice on something."
"I'll be right back Sirius. I'll just sort out Mr Montcrieff. He won't give up until I've talked to him."
Three minutes later she returned and erected the privacy screens. "Sorry about that. Your hormone levels I can sort out with a spell, but a physical exam of the glands is required as well. I'll start with the spell then work my way down from your head with the glands to minimise your exposure. Does that work for you?"
The beginning part went smoothly, but just as it was finished the curtains were pulled back slightly.
"Healer McDonagh? I know your busy but there's a person here demanding you talk to them and disturbing the whole ward."
"Tell them I'm with a patient and I will speak to them when I am finished. I'm in the middle of an exam."
"Yes Healer McDonagh."
The nurse left and Healer McDonagh started her examination of the glands under Sirius's jaw.
"Healer McDonagh?" came the voice again. "He's refusing to wait. He says he'll come to you if you won't come to him."
"Call security then."
Nothing more was heard for several minutes and they reached the stage where Sirius was asked to undress. She charmed the curtains for privacy and got on with the job in hand.
Suddenly the curtains were ripped open and Ella McDonagh was roughly grabbed from behind, causing Sirius to wince as she was pulled away from him..
"I don't appreciate being kept waiting" he growled. "You promised last night and you didn't come, but I will take it now."
The man started to drag the Healer away from the bed and out of the curtains. Sirius, mindless of the fact he was stark naked, jumped on top of both of them and wrestled the man off. He pinned him to the floor before stunning and binding the man wandlessly. That done he retrieved his wand and sent two messenger patronuses out.
He did not get home by lunchtime. Between aurors taking statements, Poppy fussing over him and trying to make sure that Healer McDonagh was alright it was late afternoon before he was able to leave. Late in the evening an owl pecked at his window.
Thankyou for all your help today. Ella will recover, she calls you her knight in shining armour, especially as you didn't realise you were wearing nothing when you saved her!
I will be at your house at eight am tomorrow to conduct your psychological evaluation. You will have Harry with you by nightfall.
Sirius went bright red as he recalled the realisation of being in a public place with no clothes on.
The man was neutralised and the lady Healer was safe in Poppy's care. He saw Kingsley Shacklebolt coming towards him and he gave a statement to the auror, pointing out the attacker and victim. It was only at the end of their conversation when Kingsley pointed out Sirius's problem.
"You've got a pair Sirius, I'll give you that."
There was something in that tone of voice and expression that made Sirius pause. He looked at the man chuckling merrily and suddenly realised how he was clothed, or rather not. Sirius went beetroot red as he ran back behind the screen and grabbed the hospital gown. Throwing it on he went over to see how Poppy was doing. As he talked to her, he heard the infernal chuckle again. Suddenly he realised that he was up at the front of the ward, and the gown had no back! What was worse was that there were now no fewer than ten aurors in the ward, all of them getting a full view of his bum! Once more he was caught between showing him bum to the whole ward or putting it in the faces of the two ladies he was talking to.
Kingsley let Sirius sweat it out for a few minutes before draping his red auror cloak around Sirius's shoulders.
"Don't want it getting cold now do we?" Kingsley said with a smirk.
Sirius hid his head in his hands. He was never going to live this down.
Compared to the physical, Sirius thought the psychological test was a breeze. When he mentioned this Poppy smirked.
"Your physical could have been like that too if you'd just cooperated. Instead you insisted on being exact to the picky little details and an awkward sod to boot. I decided to play your game and stick stringently to the rules myself. You know I will always make time if you need something from me, but since you weren't prepared to work with me first time I didn't want to bend the rules for you. Ella and I devised the tests before you ever saw her. We stuck to the exact specifications of the definitions which included using the most reliable and complete testing facilities available. I gather this lead to a few embarrassments?" Poppy smirked as Sirius went red. "There are plenty of others we could have used, all give acceptable results with much less pain and humility involved. But that would not have taught the same lesson would it? Work with us, not against us. Healers have far more scope for embarrassing revenge than you could ever dream of." Poppy smirked again.
"Yes Poppy" Sirius replied.
"Now, your godson's waiting at Hogwarts. Why don't you go and visit him whilst I sort everything out in the Ministry?"
"He's not with the muggles?"
"I would never send a child back to a neglectful home Sirius, who do you think I am?"
"But you said-?"
"I know. I can't do anything without proof, that's true. But make up a magical illness and they are all too keen for him to stay in Hogwarts and not infect 'the decent folk'."
"Bloody muggles" Sirius growled. "Thankyou so much Poppy!"
"He's been waiting to see you, go on" Poppy told him with a chuckle. She flooed out shortly after Sirius to the Ministry. Sometimes a little revenge might just be worthwhile.