Garfield's Creed III
A climatic tale of passion, friendship, assassination, and ultimate destiny!
It was day of relaxation as Garfield and Jon Arbuckle were at home playing video games when suddenly game was interrupted by buzzing static on TV screen and burst of annoying dubstep music which was suddenly replaced by the laughing evil laugh of bearded old man in lab coat surrounded by cronies.
"Ha ha ha ha Garfield! I am Doctor Warren Vidic and we are Abstergo and we have come to taking over your world by launching our mega satellite which will rain annihilations upon America with space laser cannon!" Said Doctor Warren Vidic as he doled out his evil plan to Garfield.
"NONSENSE! How many more of you evil doers of the Assassin and Templar creed shall it be dead by my hands before you realize the futility of destroying America when it is under my defense?" Roared Garfield with rage. "And since you ruined my game now IT IS PERSONAL"
"We will be seeing each other soon Garfield!" Laughed Doctor Warren Vidic with tauntings as Garfield angrily put a fist of the vengeance of justice through the TV screen deatomizing it with his sheer rage.
"Oh no Garfield that was our only TV and those nefarious Abstergoes destroyed it!" Said Jon Arbuckle with sorrow. "What will we do?"
"Do not cry like little baby girl over spilled warm milk Jon Arbuckle. I will find Abstergo and with my VENGEANCE and JUSTICE I shall make them buy me new TV with their dying breaths." Garfield said as he clenched his fists, channeling inner energy.
But before Garfield could embark on journey to find Abstergo he heard the roaring whirl of Blackhawk helicopter with skyhook attached as it ripped off the rooftop of Garfield's mansion. Then Abstergo Black Ops led by Otso Berg descended on ropes and surrounded Garfield with automatic rifles.
"Not if we come to you first Garfield! Now it shall be you that pays for your own stinking television after we perform the experimentations on you!" Laughed Otso Berg with desire to capture as Blackhawk helicopter unleashed tranquilizer bullets upon Garfield. But to Blackhawk helicopters horror Garfield casted energy shield in time to block all of the bullets.
"Capture this instead!" Said Garfield as he grabbed a large wrecking ball he used to weights and threw it at the Blackhawk helicopter.
"Oh no I have been downed!" The Blackhawk helicopter realized with horrifying last moment as it exploded.
Garfield then leapt into the air as the Blackhawk helicopter wreckage fell from the skies and with quick reflexes he grabbed the rotor blades and attached them to his legs and with upside down spinning Garfield kick he unleashed cyclic fury upon the Abstergo Black Ops!
"Oh no team He is far too man than I had anticipated switch to level 11 priority threat response!" Screamed Otso Berg with fear as his mercenaries misfired all their bullets as legs quivered in fright like crippled child at track meet
"You miss mark worse than turkey on wrestling show here let me teach you how to shoot straight, with tuition fee of your lifes!" Said Garfield as he quickly withdrew his Desert Eagles and blasted away Otso Berg's entire team with perfect headshots, killing the last man before the first had even died.
Garfield wiped his hands of blood and dust as he settled down. But then he felt cheap trick from behind as Otso Berg tried to stab him with machete only for the machete to crumple up like melted butterstick upon Garfield's steel back muscles!
"Garfield you have slain all men I command! Those passionate nights we shared after lights out in boot camp now are nothing because of you! For this you shall perish like honorless mutt you are with might of my backstab fueled by sorrow and desires of revenge!" Otso Berg said with tears running in voice of battle-broken scarred veteran.
"Two can play that game!" Said Jon Arbuckle with interception as he merrily stabbed Otso Berg through the back of his head with his golden revolver's barrel.
"Thank you Jon Arbuckle for the save but I had him." Said Garfield as he crushed head of Otso Berg like squishy ravioli in hands.
"Garfield how could the Assassins and Templars have being resurrected if you had slain them all in prior adventures?" Said Jon Arbuckle with confusion.
"Only one thing must be certain. After destroying Haytham and Binky the Clown in my last adventure I mustve reset all of reality bringing them all back to life to begin their wicked ways anew." Said Garfield with multiversal concepts of relativity and continuity reboots.
"Garfield let us hunt them together!" Said Jon Arbuckle with proposal of team-up as he whirled golden revolvers with his fingers.
"I am sorry Jon Arbuckle but for Abstergo has made this too personal for you to come along so I must hunt them to ends of all by my own!" Said Garfield with solitary intends as he and Jon Arbuckle walked to his arsenal.
"Then Garfield what will I do?" Asked Jon Arbuckle with lost questionings.
Garfield shook his head with much disdain at the question. "Jon Arbuckle are you not my manliest disciple or are you instead really foolish crying baby lost in toy store?"
"Forgive me Garfield for it is the first time any of us have been faced with such a personal threat and I am feeling the pressure of much!" Jon Arbuckle said with respect as he fell to his knees and bowed before Garfield.
"Jon Arbuckle if I do not return at a leisurely pace be sure to assemble the Powerful Ally Welfare Syndicate whom I have assembled for you to lead to defend world in my absence." Said Garfield with orders as he handed list to Jon Arbuckle with names on it.
"Yes Garfield I will be sure to not let you down!" Said Jon Arbuckle with affirmations before Garfield opened up the Garage door and hopped in his All-American classic 1960s Muscle car blaring heavy rock and roll before speeding off at maximum speed.
Meanwhile at a secret warehouse base Rebecca Crane and Lucy Stillman were trying to find the secret hidden in past to save the world to no avail as they shifted through Desmond Miles memories.
"Oh no this is hopeless the memories of Ezio Auditore are completely useless for saving the world!" Said Rebecca Crane with frustration as she ripped Desmond out of the Animus and slapped him for uselessness.
"I am sorry for being sheer dead weight!" Weeped Desmond Miles with ineptitude like crying girl slapped by daddy as Rebecca continued to kick him with anger.
"If Desmonds memories are useless for he is not the real chosen one how are we to find the pieces of the Lasagna of Eden in time before Abstergo does? Is there any man in here man enough with lineage to save the world?" Said Lucy with panic.
"Ahem. I believe that it is finally my time to shine in the spotlight." Said Shaun Hastings as he stepped out of the shadows with voice of greedy self-interest and ego wearing malicious glasses.
Desmond Miles hid behind Lucy and Rebecca with cowardice like beaten child behind mothers legs as Shaun approached them with darkness swirling in his wake.
"You have no more other options than to try with me!" Said Shaun Hastings as cackling as he stood before them.
"Oh no Shaun you are far too wicked to be put in Animus!" Said Rebecca with stern refusal. "Your memories will only lead us to destruction!"
"Then I shall make you put me in!" Said Shaun Hastings as he charged up his nega-chi and exploded dark tentacle demon tendrils from his back with intentions of fist but before Shaun could act there was sudden explosion as Garfields Muscle car exploded through the windows to hard rocking hype pumping heavy metal music.
"My quest for JUSTICE and VENGEANCE has brought me to this seemingly insignificant warehouse!" Said Garfield with detective work. "What have we got here – none other than a nefarious Abstergo agent undermining the forces of good!"
"Kill Lucy for she is the traitor!" Said Shaun Hasting with lies of covering own weaselish back.
"LIES for no honest good man would dare to hit a woman to force her to see his way!" Said Garfield with true gallantry with the song "You Got Another Thing Comin" playing as he strolled up to Shaun. "And now you shall know the toll price of deceit at the gates of judgment!"
Shaun then tried to flee like scampering mouse but Garfield leapt out in front of him blocking path knocking Shaun down and with fury fists he smashed all of Shauns ribs in before he grabbed Shaun by the legs before tearing him in half like paper doll.
"And you see here this is the Abstergo camera he was using to relay information to the enemy with!" Said Garfield with confirmation as he reached into the mutilated corpse of Shaun and ripped out enemy device.
"Impossible? One of us, working for Abstergo! How could it be?" Said Lucy Stillman in great shock.
"I should've known it for he was true pitiful minnow under sheets." Rebecca mumbled in shamed hindsight.
"What will we do now?" Said Desmond Miles with needing of guidance.
"I am your new leader!" Said Garfield as he took charge. "What have you been doing here?"
"Garfield we have been scanning the memories of Desmond Miles ancestry with the Animus for it is being foretold that his ancestors all came across fragments of fabled Lasagna of Eden which we can use to stop the Abstergo plot of doom!" Lucy told Garfield with catch-up speed. "But all hope is seeming to be lost as his memories are only being dead-ends!"
"Hope is never lost as long as one brave soldier maintains his post upon the battlefield!" Said Garfield with inspirational speech. "I shall use your machine to travel back in time to confront Desmond Miles ancestors in person and if they do not relinquish their fragments to me I shall pry it from their cold selfish hands."
"But Garfield Animus is not a time machine it is merely simulation device!" Said Rebecca with technological know-how.
"Your ANIMUCK may be useless now but not after it has been rebooted with my hands!" Said Garfield as he ripped the Animus apart and began to retype code into machine and in two minutes had turned the Animus into a time machine.
"Wow Garfield how could you have done that! I have tried the same thing but I always lack the knowledge of singularity and quantum physics to complete the process!" Rebecca Crane awed with heavy wonder as Lucy and Desmond gasp at marvel of Garfield's time machine.
"Oh ladies spend a night with me and I shall disperse to you all the secrets of my knowledge." Said Garfield with saucy offer.
"Oh Garfield you are a true romantic!" Said Rebecca Crane with fawning eyes as she leapt into Garfield's open arms and felt his muscle bulging as he flexed.
"What about me? I am wishing I am to join festivities but it is true tragedy for I am Desmond's girlfriend." Said Lucy with monogamy.
"Lucy do not fear to go for I realize that Garfield with far greater man than I am for it is honor for him to do the act of romantics with you!" Said Desmond with smart realizations as he handed Lucy to Garfield.
"Pay close attention Desmond Miles and in time you may learn from me to become real man instead of useless tumor you are upon these ladies." Said Garfield with sternness of wise master as he scooped up the babes with his arms tightly.
"I cannot wait for that!" Said Desmond Miles as his eyes sparkled bubbly like sycophantic puppy dog.
"But before I am to embark on my ultimate journey through time I shall spend a night getting to know you two." Said Garfield with wink as he took Lucy and Rebecca to their private chambers as soulful music of the 60s 70s and 80s played to begin a night of wild passionate romance as lineages of years flowed in fluid and became one under sheets.
To be continued…