Disclaimer: They aren't mine. Skyy Blue is a registered trademark to someone. So is Ashbourne.

Notes: Speaking of Ashbourne irish cream, I've finished a nice third of the bottle. Blame any typing mistakes on it. For background, you know those Dove Promises? Lovely chocolate, and they have a little saying on the inside of the wrapper.

Dedication: This one's for Timey, and probably Melly, who wanted strong women. I think this qualifies, being as there isn't a single male. Well. They mention them.

Bag of Promises
by Ana Lyssie Cotton

"I cannot believe I'm allowing myself to be roped into this."

"Give it up, Dom, I see that gleam in your eye whenever someone mentions chocolate."

"Shut up, Lorna."

"Don't tell her to shut up."

"I can--hey, are those milk chocolate?"

"Yes."

"Never mind then."

"Ahem. If we're all done bickering?"

"Yes."

"Yes'm."

"Fine. Here's how it goes. You read the chocolate's message, you eat the chocolate, you drink your shot of irish cream. Who wants to go first?"

"I will."

"Hey, how come Dom's smirking?"

"I have a higher alcohol tolerance than any of you."

"Ah wouldn't bet on that, sugah."

"Fine, fine. Just give me the damned chocolate, Jeannie."

"Don't be crass or I'll make you go last."

"Yes, mother."

"I wonder which one she'll get? Probably something silly."

"Hush, Lorna."

"'Inspire the life of a child.'"

"...Dom, do you even go near children?"

"Does X-Force count?"

"Yeah, but are violent tendencies a good thing to inspire?"

"Yes."

"Your turn, Jean!"

"'Everything happens with chocolate.'"

"Oh, right. Sex, violence..."

"Sex, and rock, and violence and sex..."

"Driving to the store?"

"Kicking Magneto's ass. With chocolate!"

"Apocalypse's Chocolate Balls?"

"Eeeew!"

"Jeeeean!"

"*smirk* Rogue's turn."

"Are you sure you didn't start drinking before us, Jean?"

"Never."

"'Laugh out loud.'"

"Boy, they really tried when they made these, didn't they."

"What would you have them say?"

"'Oil your gun regularly'."

"Real inspirational there, Domino."

"I thought so, Bets."

"My turn. Ahem. 'Savor every moment.' Hrm. Even when you have to swallow?"

"Lorna!"

"C'mon, Jean, I can't be the only one."

"If Ah knew...."

"You're not, Lorna."

"Thank you, Betsy."

"That said, 'Be nice to a stranger.' is rather simplified."

"And makes it difficult when you're living in New York City, and the stranger you're nice to decides to stalk you."

"Dom..."

"I know, I know, I'm being too extreme. And--*snort* Well, isn't this amusing?"

"What?"

"'Go easy on yourself.'"

"*snicker*"

"How apropos."

"'There is joy in giving back.'"

"...riiight."

"I guess we should all sign up at the Salvation Army!"

"They'll love having a new crew of mutant chicks, I'm sure."

"Fer shure, Sugah. Gah. Sorry, Rogue."

"No worries. Besides, Lorna honey, this seems right up your alley. 'Who needs therapy when you have chocolate?'"

"Right on!"

"Preach it, sista."

"..."

"I don't need therapy, I just really like guns."

"Hrm. 'Eating chocolate is like giving yourself a big hug.'"

"Really?"

"Pile on Dom!"

"ACK! Off! Off!"

"Jean, oh, good. Dom, we don't want to hurt you, we--"

"Just want to cuddle."

"Auuuughck. Smothered in X-women."

"Think of it this way. Every male in this mansion, and quite a few out of it would PAY to be where you are."

"I'll start taking money at the door, then."

"Oh, poo."

"'Live your dreams.' I *am* living my dreams."

"Your dream is to run around in butt-floss?"

"No. I'm snuggling up to Cable's girlfriend."

"..."

"Bets, sweetie, all you ever had to do was ask."

"OK, ladies, I think that's enough piling up on Domino. Everyone back to your chairs."

"Yes'm."

"Another round of shots?"

"I second that."

"How many have we done, so far?"

"There's a good three more rounds in this bag."

"What about the booze?"

"I think we're gonna need another bottle."

"So why isn't the oh-so-controlled Storm down here?"

"Ororo's gone out with Yukio for the night."

"Ahhh. Getting her itch scratched."

"Probably."

"All right. Everyone down at once."

"*glug* Oops. Refill me, Jeannie."

"*sigh* Domino..."

"Yes, yes, just give me the flonqing booze."

"Hey, I just had a thought. What do we do when we get a saying that's already been said?"

"Make one up."

"Cool."

"But, we have ta see that it's a duplicate."

"Bah. My cunning plan, foiled."

"Hey. Are we out of irish cream?"

"Oops. We are."

"I'll go get another bottle."

"Bye, Jeannie."

"Hey, did you notice the shot glasses?"

"What?"

"Mine says, 'Pity the Fool' and there's a tiny cartoon picture of Mr. T."

"Ugh. How kitsch."

"Dave and Busters: Chicago."

"Mine's blank."

"Aw. Don't pout, Lorna."

"..."

"What is it, Dom?"

"'Gun-toters Anonymous'..."

"Oooh. Wonder if that was made up special."

"No. Scott found it when we were down in Tennessee for part of our honeymoon."

"Right, so do we start again?"

"Open the bottle, and pour, Dom."

"Absolutely."

"Heh. Bet Dom never gets a double, since she wants one."

"*gesture*"

"Oooh, sounds like fun."

"Ahem. 'Life without chocolate is too terrible to contemplate.'"

"Amen."

"My god, they even contemplate it?"

"How sad."

"GAH! Jeannie, this is horrible irish cream."

"It was cheap. And came with two nifty glasses."

"And that's your excuse for poisoning us?"

"You could NOT drink."

"Oh. Nah. Gimme another shot."

"'The further out of reach, the stronger the temptation.'"

"Oh, there are places I could go with that."

"God. Even the future isn't too far for temptation."

"I like a bit of temptation with breakfast. It's like a really good cup of coffee."

"...That's *my* line."

"Nothing is as good as coffee."

"Depends on what he does."

"Or she."

"Good point. Rogue?"

"Ah got a double."

"She does."

"Well, what's your sappy advice?"

"'Don't kiss unless he gives ya chocolate'."

"..."

"I can get behind that one. Are we talking first date? Because Alex was cheap on our first date. And, I don't think he *ever* gave me chocolate."

"Did he give you other things?"

"Good sex."

"But that isn't chocolate."

"No."

"Lorna?"

"Oh. Right. Hrm. Mine's a double, too."

"Every time someone says double, I want another shot."

"The bottle's right there, Dom."

"Good."

"'Never give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry'."

"That's it?"

"It was all I could think of. Now give me that bottle."

"Yes, kemo sabe."

"'Never settle.'"

"And, suddenly, Betsy, we know why you and Warren are still dating."

"Bite me, Jean."

"Tell me where."

"*snicker*"

"'Enjoy life's sweet surprises.'..."

"Wasn't there another one like that?"

"Hey... There was. Can I say better advice?"

"No."

"Damn you, Jeannie."

"Been there, done that."

"Everyone should go to Hell before their 30th birthday."

"'Chocolate is the language of love.'"

"Mmmm. Nutella."

"Oh, yumm."

"You girls are making me hungry."

"There's chocolate."

"For sex, dear."

"Mmm. Yes."

"Mah turn, sugah. Hrm. Double again. 'Never forsake protection'."

"Pro--Rogue, you haven't!"

"Latex is useful, Lorna."

"Oh, this is good. Rogue, do you make him wear a full body condom?"

"Sometimes."

"'Little things can make big differences.'"

"Gee, Lorna, sounds like something you would know."

"Thanks, Dom. But of course, it's all in the genetics...."

"Oh, in your dreams, Lorna-sweetie."

"Ah can't b'lieve it. The Summers men are small?"

"That's what Warren tells me, Rogue."

"Betsy! And here you used to lust after Scott."

"Jean, dear, I lusted. I never consummated."

"Hrmph."

"Ahem. Ladies, to your corners."

"Another round of shots."

"The bottle's empty again."

"Damn."

"Awww."

"Frell."

"I was just getting to like that shit."

"Got anymore, Jeannie?"

"Out of irish cream. I checked when I went to get this one. There's tequila, though."

"Ugh. Tequila and chocolate?"

"We could do limes..."

"Mmmm. Margaritas."

"You put de lime in de coconut--"

"And drink it aaaaaall up!"

"Yes."

"I hate tequila."

"Get it anyway, Jeannie. And anything else you might have in that liquor cabinet. Like the scotch."

"Would you like the kitchen sink, too, Dom?"

"Sure. You pansies could puke in it later."

"Ew."

"Gee, Dom, tell us how you really think."

"Well, Bets, you've got great legs. Lorna, I know people who've paid for racks like yours. Rogue, the leaning on men--got to stop. And Jean needs to screw Scott more. Then they'll both relax."

"*snicker*"

"What was that, Dom, dear?"

"Nothing, Jeannie."

"Mhmm. Well, I've brought a bottle for each of us. Who wants the tequila?"

"Gimme."

"Right. Scotch, vodka, whiskey, or Skyy Blue, Rogue?"

"Ah'll take the vodka."

"I dibs the whiskey, Jean."

"Lorna?"

"I'm feeling exceptionally hip. Pass over the Skyy Blue."

"Lovely. I like vodka, anyway."

"You drink enough before sleeping with Scott..."

"What was that, Betsy?"

"Nothing, dear."

"Looks like we have two more rounds left. Everyone want a shot before we begin?"

"I would assume so, Jeannie. *gulp* Ahhhh."

"OK, then. Let's begin again with Domino."

"I've got a double. 'Controlled mayhem is still mayhem.'"

"Very profound."

"You got that off a cereal box."

"Yes. Lucky Charms. They were Nate's."

"Frosted Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!"

"'Friends are there for chocolate.' Well. Isn't that true."

"Hee."

"Mah turn. 'If I could, I'd bathe in chocolate.' Yum. Oh, yes."

"And then you'd make some poor sod lick it all off of you, eh, Rogue?"

"Of course, Bets. Yum."

"'Call an old friend.' Hrm. Anyone know how to get hold of Random?"

"Not I."

"As if."

"'Forgive your enemies, for they may bring chocolate.'"

"*snicker*"

"Bets, honey, would you forgive Matsu'o?"

"If he was willing to give me his sword..."

"...My god. Betsy cracked an innuendo. Call the newspapers."

"Just because I'm not crude all the time, doesn't mean I can't be, Lorna."

"Oh, of course not, anyway. Jean. Your turn."

"Hey! It's my turn, Madame. Ahem. 'All's fair in love and chocolate.'"

"Eh. This is almost getting boring."

"We've only got four more platitudes to go."

"Three. Jean's just tossed hers in the trash without reading it."

"I was hungry."

"For chocolate?"

"Yes."

"She looks so innocent, too."

"Bah. She once took over the world, ignore the innocence."

"Aren't we getting off track?"

"We had a track?"

"Sex."

"Oh. Right."

"So."

"Logan?"

"Too much hair."

"I dunno..."

"Personally, I'd rather do Brad Pitt."

"I'd do Brad Pitt, but I'd be thinking of Anthony Stewart Head."

"Kinky, Bets."

"Thanks."

"Ah've always wondered about Brendan Fraser."

"Purr. Yum."

"Mmm."

"Y'know, next time, we should just rent some good movies.

"And not fucking chick flicks."

"Yes. The Mummy, for instance."

"John Hannah! Be still my beating heart."

"You can keep him. Ardeth is mine."

"I get Viggo."

"Only if I don't see him first."

"Scruffy swordsmen. Mm."

"...I hate elves."

"Then we won't make you watch the parts with elves, Dom."

"Don't like fantasy, anyway."

"*snicker*"

"I'll make sure we get something with lots of musclebound guntoting men."

"Mmm. Guns."

"Anyone for tennis?"

-end-