The Creacher

Set before the series.

Kisshu sighed, toying with his pencil. He was sitting in math class, and he was bored out of his mind. He started doodling a picture of his teacher as a monster on his paper, complete with horns and warts. When he was done, he titled it 'The Creacher' and set it aside. Suddenly a shadow fell on him, and he looked up to see the math teacher glaring at him. "How many times do I have to tell you to pay attention?" the man asked wearily. "And what did you draw this time?"

Kisshu showed him the paper, and the man groaned. "If you're going to call me a creature, can you at least spell it correctly?" he asked.

"It's a combination of the words 'teacher' and 'creature,'" Kisshu said. "So technically it is spelled correctly. By the way, why don't you have green skin?"

"Why would I have green skin?" the teacher asked.

"Well, you're some kind of monster, right?" Kisshu asked. "The punishments you give me are proof of that. So why don't you have horns, green skin, and warts?"

"The office, Kisshu," the teacher said.

Kisshu sighed and got up- then snapped his fingers. The teacher suddenly had a pair of short black horns, and the class burst out laughing as Kisshu teleported out.

The principal looked up as Kisshu landed in front of her desk, and asked, "What happened THIS time?"

"Kisuke-sensei took offense to me asking why he didn't have green skin, horns, and warts," Kisshu said sulkily. "I can't believe he hasn't noticed he's a monster…."

"Anything ELSE I need to know?" the principal asked wearily.

"He's got horns now," Kisshu said. "You know, Dinosaur Lady, you might look good with horns too."

"My name is NOT 'Dinosaur Lady'," the principal said. "That's another week of detention, and go undo the spell you used to give Kisuke horns."

"Mmph," Kisshu said, and went back to class. He found his classmates still laughing, and Kisuke glared at him. Kisshu sighed and snapped his fingers. The horns on Kisuke's head vanished, and he asked, "Well, what did Principal Kazumi say?"

"Dinosaur Lady said that I have another week of detention," Kisshu said. "By the way, if you weren't so boring, I wouldn't have done all this."

"Mmph," Kisuke said grouchily. "Now that you've successfully wasted all this time, it's almost time for you to go to Biology."

"Oh great, the Devil's Perverted Sidekick teaches that class," Kisshu moaned.

The class burst out laughing again, and one of the boys gasped, "That's priceless!"

"Thank you, I thought it up myself," Kisshu said, giving an exaggerated bow. "Would anyone like to hear the rest of the teachers' nicknames?"

"YEAH!" everyone said, completely ignoring Kisuke's attempts to get their attention.

Kisshu smirked and said, "Kisuke-sensei is 'The Creacher', Shigeru-sensei is 'The Devil's Perverted Sidekick', Umi-sensei is 'The Wrinkly Old Hag', Kanako-sensei is 'Lizard Lady', Hiro-sensei is 'The Rotten Rodent', and Shiina-sensei is 'The Boring Dinosaur' 'cause she's like five hundred years old. And I'm sure you all know Principal Kazumi is 'Dinosaur Lady.'"

The class was in hysterics by this point, and all Kisuke's attempts to calm them down did absolutely no good. He finally gave it up and glared at Kisshu, who said, "Sorry, I'm immune to death glares. Setting me on fire with your eyes isn't going to work too well, and you'd have to pay for the damages to the school if you set it on fire. If you don't mind, I think I'll go ruin Kino's day. Ja ne!" He grabbed his bag and teleported out.

He landed behind Kino, a kid his age, who was in another classroom, and snapped his fingers. Kino's hair turned hot pink, and Kisshu added little gold sparkles. Then as Kino turned, Kisshu snapped his fingers again. This time Kino's school uniform turned into a bright pink fairy costume, complete with wings. "IKISATASHI, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!" Kino screamed as everyone in his class burst out laughing. Even the teacher wasn't holding it together very well as Kino lunged at Kisshu, who dodged, tripped Kino, and snickered as he fell flat on his face. "See ya, Kino-baka!" Kisshu said gleefully, and teleported to his next class, which was Biology.

The teacher was the only one in there, and he asked wearily, "Where is everyone else?"

"In hysterics," Kisshu said nonchalantly. "Did you know that I can make people laugh just by mentioning that I renamed you 'The Devil's Perverted Sidekick?'"

The teacher glared at him and said, "Can't you ever give me a bit of peace?"

"That's kind of hard to do," Kisshu said. "Hey, do any of the kids or teachers have birthdays today?"

"I believe it's actually Kino's birthday," the teacher said. "Why?"

"I thought of a new variation on the Happy Birthday song," Kisshu said. He teleported back to Kino's classroom, and the boy in question glared at him. "What now?" Kino asked. "I can't even have a nice birthday?"

"Oh right," Kisshu said, then sang, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, you look like a goblin, and you smell like one too!"


"What's the magic word?" Kisshu asked teasingly.

"GO TO HELL!" Kino screamed.

"If I go to Hell, your hair will be stuck like that for a week," Kisshu commented. "But since you asked, I think I will go to Hell- just not the kind you mean. Ja ne!" He teleported off again, snickering.

Landing in the Biology room, he found that his classmates still weren't there, and the teacher was gone as well. Kisshu quickly went to the blackboard, and wrote on it, 'The Devil's Perverted Sidekick' after erasing the teacher's name, which had been there since the first day of school. Then he went to the math classroom to find his classmates.

He found his classmates and the biology and math teachers in there, and his classmates still laughing while the two teachers attempted to calm them down. His appearance didn't go unnoticed by the teachers, and the biology teacher glared at him. "Where were you?" he asked sternly.

"Telling Kino he looks and smells like a goblin," Kisshu said. "Oh, and he's got pink hair with gold sparkles."

Kisshu's classmates had been calming down, but that set them off again, and the two teachers sighed. Then 'the Devil's Perverted Sidekick' dragged Kisshu off to the principal's office.

When they went in, the principal groaned. "Kisshu, you're giving me gray hair," she said. "WHY must you continually disrupt class?"

"I think Kino DESERVED to be turned into a pink fairy," Kisshu said sulkily. "And if the Creacher and the Devil's Perverted Sidekick weren't so boring, you wouldn't have as many of these problems."

"So in other words, you're bored with the work?" the principal asked.

"It's not the work; it's the way the work is explained," Kisshu said. "I don't get why all the teachers here use their robot imitations to teach. They just drone on and on about who knows what, so I had to come up with some entertainment. Oh, and by the way, how can I be giving you gray hair? Your hair was gray when I first got here, so it can't just be me. Besides, you're four hundred and thirty-two years old; how can you expect to have whatever color hair you did when you were younger?"

"I'm not THAT old," the principal said grouchily.

"Well, you're younger than Shiina-sensei; she's five hundred and sixty-three years old," Kisshu said. "And Umi-sensei must be at least seven hundred; she's certainly wrinkly enough. She looks like dried meat to me."

"Are you by any chance a cannibal, Kisshu?" the biology teacher asked.

"What's that?" Kisshu asked.

"Someone who eats others of their own species," the principal sighed.

"Eww…." Kisshu said. "Why would I be a cannibal? Being a vampire around here is bad enough; Cyniclon blood tastes awful compared to that of humans."

The principal concentrated briefly, and five minutes later, Kisshu's aunt Yuki teleported in. "Alright Kisshu, what did you say now?" she asked wearily.

"I told them I was a vampire," Kisshu said. "They asked if I was a cannibal, but I don't really know why. I was just joking about sucking peoples' blood…."

Yuki sighed and asked the principal, "Why did you think Kisshu was a cannibal?"

"He claims Umi looks like dried meat to him," the biology teacher said dryly.

"Well, she does have a lot of wrinkles…" Yuki said. "But just because Kisshu says something like that doesn't make him a cannibal. I already did a mental evaluation on him; he's not insane, just an impossible-to-control prankster. Is he suspended?"

"Not exactly, but I'm sending him home for the day," the principal said. "I think he's done enough damage for one day."

"Mmph," Kisshu said. "What's wrong with laughter? They say it's the best medicine."

"But no one here is sick," Yuki commented. "Come on, let's leave the principal in peace."

"Oh fine," Kisshu said sulkily. Yuki took his shoulder and teleported back to his house.

They landed in front of the front door, and Kisshu looked at Yuki, who pointed to the door firmly. Kisshu sighed and opened the door, calling gloomily, "I'm home…"

His mother, Anzu, came out of another room and said, "It's not even lunchtime! What did you do now?"

"Apparently everyone's laughing too hard at Kisshu's antics to concentrate," Yuki said dryly. "Kisshu is expected back tomorrow, though."

Anzu gave Kisshu a stern look and said, "Thanks Yuki. Would you like to stay for lunch?"

"No, I should get back to the hospital," Yuki said. "I'll see you two around."

"Bye," Kisshu said.

Yuki smiled and waved as Anzu said her goodbyes, then teleported off.

I thought that was hilarious, so I hope you did too! Please review, and I'll try to write more soon!