The Forest of Dean

A Harry Potter AU one-shot Fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. Harry Potter is owned by J. K. Rowling and Warner Brothers. Please support the official release.


The destruction of Slytherin's locket had allowed Ron and Harry to reconcile by the cold pond in the forest. And Ron in particular was feeling much better.

"Gotta say Harry, I'm sorry for running off like that," Ron said. "And with Hermione and all... I just got jealous and..."

"Nah, nah," Harry said, patting Ron on the shoulder. "It's okay man. Me and Hermione are... Um... Hmmmm..." He looked thoughtful. "Well, our relationship is... Uh..."

"What? Like... Just friends, right?" Ron asked. Harry blinked.

"Ummm..."

"Because I really need to apologize for how things went... Ya know, me running off and-"

"Errrr..." Harry coughed, and tugged on his collar. Ron blinked.

"Harry? Mate? You okay?"

"Uhhh... Well... It's kind of..." He rubbed the back of his head and sighed. "Come on."


Harry led Ron back to camp, and Ron smiled as he soon caught sight of a bushy head of hair. Hermione was tending to the fire, her back turned to him. He ran forward, and waved his hand. "Hermione! Hey!"

Hermione turned around, jaw dropping in shock. "R-Ron!"

"Hermione, I'm back and-and... And..." Ron had been unable to stop his progress in his run, and so his arms had reached Hermione's shoulders to hug her. He stopped short though and looked down at Hermione's belly. Which was far more noticable than before. "Uh... Hermione, you look... Different."

"It's... It's been three months," Hermione stated. "I just, I can't-"

"You look... Really different and..." Ron blinked. He studied the guilty look on Hermione's face. He looked back at Harry, wearing a similar guilty expression. He looked back at Hermione's belly.

"... Um, Ron, mate, see," Harry began... Which was as far as he got before Ron's fist met his temple.


After much screaming from Hermione (and hexing), and some healing potions applied to Harry's cheek, the three former friends sat around the fire. Ron glared death across the fire at the guilty Hermione and Harry.

"What the bloody fuck?!" Ron said, as he had been saying for the last few minutes. Harry sighed, holding a cold pack to his cheek as Hermione looked anywhere but at Ron.

"Well... You did kind of... Run off," Hermione said, puffing herself up. "And-And leave the two of us alone for three months-"

"I couldn't get back and you just-I can't believe-What the bloody fucking hell?!" Ron shouted. Harry raised his free hand.

"Look... Why don't we all agree... That we all have plenty of reasons to be pissed off at each other right now? And not act on those reasons?" Harry suggested. Ron felt guilt again, and studied the fire with his fists clenched. Hermione sighed.

"The thing is, Ron... Harry and I... We're... And you just..." She grimaced. "You left. We were together. We had feelings... We acted on them and... Well..."

"Well... What?" Ron asked in disbelief. "You just got knocked up?"

Hermione glared furiously. "Well it was a very trying time and I... I..." She looked aside. "I didn't..." She mumbled. Harry almost smiled. Ron blinked.

"You... What?" He asked.

"I didn't... ever... Learn a contraceptive... Spell," Hermione mumbled. Ron stared in disbelief at her.

"... You never... Learned a contraceptive spell?" Ron asked, laughing the last bit out. Hermione scowled death at him.

"It isn't funny!"

"Hell no, it isn't," Ron said. Okay, he was smarting from this... Betrayal. Harry was still smarting from it (not nearly enough, in his opinion). But without the locket's influence, Ron was able to recognize that he had indeed been a bit of a prat. And it had been three months.

And it was still a deep fucking wound to his heart and he still really wanted to hurt Harry for this, what the fuck...? But he focused. He had a job to do. They did...

And of course... The biggest issue was the one right at the center of this problem.

"You're pregnant. You have got to bloody go hide," Ron said earnestly. Hermione snarled.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, in your condition you're going to-!" Ron tried, but Harry was keeping Hermione from yanking out her wand. The youngest Weasley son took a deep breath. "I mean... It's very dangerous for the baby and... All..."

"Yes, it is," Harry said. "And I told Hermione all this before."

"And I stated, emphatically," Hermione snarled, "that it is pointless because you need me to complete this mission, and if I try to go into hiding you two idiots will fail." She glared at them both. "Or am I bloody wrong?"

"Yeah, but-but you're pregnant, Hermione!" Ron yelped. "I mean bloody hell... You might get-"

"Killed? Yes. Like everyone else involved in this," Hermione said flatly. "What, you think they'll stop hunting me just because I'm pregnant? Do you?"

"Well no, but-"

"Then it's decided that we're going to finish this quest, together, and if anyone would care to point out the bloody fucking obvious again, I will point out that being pregnant does not make me disabled," Hermione said. Harry sighed, looking resigned. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do some more plotting." She got up and stalked off to the tent. She glared over her shoulder at Ron and Harry. "And if you two morons try to fight again, I will just have to bloody finish this quest all by myself!" She went in.

Ron stared after her, and stared back at Harry. "Mate... What-?"

"Look Ron," Harry said with a sigh, "I'm sorry. This is a huge fucking mess but..." He looked determined. "But I do... Love her, ya know?"

"What about Ginny?" Ron asked, almost a whine. Harry shrugged.

"I care about her but... Ya know... Love can be a real bitch, mate."

"Tell me about it," Ron growled. Harry winced. Ron felt like making him wince some more, before he took a deep breath to steady himself. Harry looked Ron in the eyes.

"... I love her though. I really do. And I guess... Even with the danger and everything... This gives me something more to fight for." He shook his head. "I've lost so many people already Ron. Over and over. To lose her... And the baby...?" Harry very slowly nodded, eyes burning with full intensity. "I... I won't. I can't."

Ron stared at Harry. The hate and anger and hurt were still so fresh, so deep... But at the core, even he could see that his best mate was not the enemy here.

He was still a girl stealing bastard, and he'd gone and knocked up Hermione right in the middle of a bloody fucking war while they were on the run and put her and his own bloody child in harm's way and he was already getting ready to punch Harry again.

That would probably not help.

"... And you're still going to let her go on this? When she's got... Your baby?" Ron asked in anger and disbelief. Harry sighed.

"You think I want to? I already tried to make her go to Australia with her parents. You know what she did to me?"

Harry's eyes had a haunted look. Ron blinked.

"... No?"

"Well good, because you really don't want to," Harry said flatly. He sighed. "All I know is... I'm gonna have to kill anything that tries to harm her... And the baby. Because I won't let them succeed." His eyes narrowed. "I know you hate me right now, mate, but Ron... I need you. I need you more than anything else to fight with me... For her... And everyone."

Ron stared at his best friend for a long, silent moment, as the fire crackled merrily away between them. Ron took another deep breath... And sighed.

"... It's not like I have any bloody choice, right?" Ron asked. "You two... Are my best mates. I'm not going to just... Abandon you."

"Again," Harry said. Ron winced, as did Harry. "Sorry-"

"No! No... We're going to be bloody honest here, so we'll be bloody honest," Ron said angrily. "You two cheated on me, I ran off like a prat. We're all arseholes..." He sighed. "But we're still arseholes who have to save the bloody world."

Harry nodded. "Thank you... For what it's worth, we didn't do it to-"

"I get it," Ron sighed. "I get it... I'm just... Gonna need time." He paused for a minute or two. "And maybe to beat the shit out of you."

"I promise Ron," Harry said, smiling just a bit, "after this is all over? You can beat me up all you like."

"And you're bloody marrying her," Ron snarled. "You're not going to just run off! And you are gonna apologize to Ginny!"

Harry nodded. "I owe her that much... And I kind of proposed already."

Ron nodded. "Good. Good... I don't feel like punching you quite as much, now."

"Good," Harry said, just relieved to have his best friend with him again even with how fucked up everything had become. "... Cause... Ya know... I'll need a best wizard... And a godfather..."

Ron sighed. "Harry...? I'm at the point where I still want to bloody punch you out over this."

"Right. Sorry," Harry said. He took the ice pack off his cheek. "You could do it now... If you'd like."

"What? And risk Hermione's wrath? No thank you," Ron snorted. Harry shrugged.

"Okay... I'm just saying. I'm not apologizing for... Us, but we were arseholes so if you want to hit me-"

"Hermione... Said not to," Ron said uncomfortably. Harry smiled.

"Yes. Yes she did," Harry said with a nod.

Ron sighed. "... She's had us both whipped since we met, hasn't she?"

Harry shrugged. "It's not all bad."

That time Ron really did punch Harry again. Which got Hermione screaming at him, and hexing him, but Harry was asking for it.

Not that Hermione would ever agree with that. Huh... Maybe it wasn't so bad she was marrying Harry.

Least he wouldn't have to put up with that.


Yes, I know, time stamps and such in DH weren't that long but I made it a bit longer simply to posit this as a twist for Deathly Hallows: Harry, Ron and Hermione having to continue the quest and complete their mission while Hermione is pregnant, and there's that lingering anger and resentment over Harry and Hermione finding love and breaking Ron's heart. Everybody is in character, nobody is bashed-Just, how do things change with this?