*Rises from the dead* Whoop, I'm back!:D This time with a HTTYD story (my current obsession) - so, be warned, if you haven't seen HTTYD 2 yet, I do HIGHLY recommend to not read this story! ;)
Aaand here's some Disclaimer: I do not own How To Trai Your Dragon or its characters, film, series and books belong to Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks, them cuties! :D
Enjoy the story! :D
It was raining outside when Hiccup sat in the house, alone, his head in his hands. With a sudden lost apetite, he poked around the food on his plate, staring glumly at the rosted chicken as if accusing it of something. His mother was on a trip to Dragon Island with Gobber and Toothless usually sat on the roof top at night, trying to watch over the village. Hiccup smilet faintly at the thought of his protective friend. Eventually, he sighed and pushed his plate away. The darkness had returned. He had been able to lock it out, to shelter his heart from all that pain and sorrow that lingered inside of him, but somehow it came back to him at some time, overwhelming him like a giant wave.
When the wave came, he was at the counter, putting the plate away; it struck him hard and for a second, he stumbled, his hands clutched to his chest.
He was gone for two months, now. Hiccup tried to manage every task as good as he could, but he felt like it wasn't enough, it just still wouldn't be enough, no matter what he did. Sometimes, when he was alone at night, laying in his bed, he missed him so much. When his father had died, Hiccup suddenly found a deep hole inside of him he didn't even know it existed. But it did, and it almost drove him crazy. He could only guess that his mother felt the same, but she just didn't show it. Hiccup closed his eyes. I don't even want to know in what state she is when she's alone, behind closed doors, he thought and immediately felt guilty, without really knowing why. No, maybe not guilty, more ... shocked. Shocked at the bitterness of his thoughts. And I wouldn't want to know what I was like behind closed doors, he added bitterly. His thoughts drifted back to Astrid and the hurt in her eyes. Yesterday, he had yelled at her without any good reason, questioning their whole relationship, everything. He had just been fed of of her constant optimism and her endless tries to help and lift him up whenever she could. Hiccup knew that he should be thanking goodness for it and he loved for trying to help and encourage him, but somehow he had lost it. She had stumbled back, as if he'd slapped her and slowly turned away, mumbling a "Excuse me, chief".
Again, Hiccup sighed. He just had to mess everything up, didn't he? People tried to help him and all he did was turning them down. Then, he looked up, in sudden determination and slammed his fist on the wood of the counter. I'll go and apologize to her. Something I should have done right away., he thought and mentally braced himself, reaching for a cloak. Just as his hand lingered on the door knob, a hesiating knock came from the other side of the door.
Partly annoyed, partly puzzled, he opened up, only to take a step back, almost feeling shocked as he found himself staring into a pair of crystal-clear, ocean-blue eyes.
"A-astrid", he managed to croak. Suddenly, his throat felt dry. She smiled a little, insecure smile, which was unusual for her.
"H-hey", she whispered, "may I ... come in for a second?"
"Oh, oh, of course!", Hiccup stuttered and mentally slapped himself for not asking her to enter. "Come in ..." As she stepped in, her fur hood brushed his bare forearms and made him shudder. Quickly, he closed the door, turning around to face her.
"Astrid, I ... I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I ... shouldn't have said those horrible things to you yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking, it just came over me-"
"Hiccup", she cut him off, softly, and took his shaking, cold hands. "I know. And I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have been pushing you. I know that sometimes I can be very annoying-"
"No, no, you're not ... you're not annoying me!", Hiccup exclaimed, now responding to her touch and clasped his hands around her slender fingers. He exhaled. "You ... you always try to help me, always lift me up, always finding the right words. And I know that you're right, even if I sometimes hate those words ... but they come from you. And that means everything to me.", he said honestly, looking her deep in the eyes, he felt as if he'd drown in them if he wouldn't pull back soon, but he kept looking at her. "I'm an idiot.", he mumbled and finally broke eye contact, looking down, ashamed of himself.
Suddenly, she threw his arms around him and hid her face in his shirt. Almost unwillingly, Hiccup responded to her touch and sneaked his arms around her, holding her tight, his face burying in her soft, fair hair.
"Yes, you are", she said in a muffled voice, clutching him even tighter. "But you're my idiot. And no matter how much you yell at me, that won't change so fast."
She pulled back and smiled at him, her hand on his cheek. Hiccup closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. "You won't get rid of me that easily, Haddock", she whispered, a smile growing on her face when she saw his lips curving. Hiccup opened his eyes and locked his gaze with hers again. "It's good to hear that", he replied a little huskily, but tried to sound earnest. And because it was the right thing to do, and because he wanted to feel her touch, he thoughtfully cupped her face in his hands and slowly leant down, until their lips touched.
And when they did, he felt as if he'd float somewhere high, high above the clouds, he felt free like he would only feel free on Toothless' back. For the first time for months now, he felt some of the joyous, overwhelming feeling return he thought he'd lost.
Astrid's hands were tangled up in his hair, his one hand was still cupping her cheek, the other slowly slid down to her waist, still pulling her closer.
Right now everything was warm and happy and safe again. He almost gasped at the thought that she, only she, could bring back those feelings in him. When he held her now, he finally felt happy again.
When they parted, her gaze was filled with so much love that it almost made him dizzy. Gently, he stroked her soft cheek, leaning his forehead against hers. "Please stay", he whispered, his voice breaking. "Please, stay with me. Just this night."
For a little while that seemed like an eternity to him, she said nothing. The only sound to be heard were breaths and pounding hearts. Astrid's gaze met his, blue and green fusing together. Then, she spoke and sounded like an angel to him. "Yes. Of course. I'll stay."
From her words, Hiccup felt tears pricking in his eyes and he didn't even bother wiping them away. He just broke down, almost collapsing in her arms.
"It's just so ... lonely", he breathed, his face a mask of pain as he tried to surpress the tears. Gently, Astrid stroked his back. "I miss him so much."
Astrid swallowed. "I know", she replied, her voice trembling a little, "Me too."
"And I ... I feel so scared every minute, I'm scared of going to bed, afraid of my dreams, I'm afraid when I open up my eyes because it's just another day without him. I'm not as strong as him, Astrid. I'm not ... I'm not a chief. And it's my fault he is dead, Astrid! It's my ... my fault ..." Now he was sobbing, clutching to her as if he was drowning.
"You never told me that", she said in a voice so small it was almost a whisper. "You never told me how you feel. Have you caged that the whole time?"
Her eyes were filled with fear and worries now. Hiccup closed his eyes again, feeling guilty again. Slowly, he nodded. "I just ... didn't know how to deal with my feelings."
"But if you don't talk about it with someone you'll only break on them, Hic", she said, softly but firmly, stroking his cheek, wiping away his tears. Hiccup sighed. He felt exhausted and tired but knew that he owed this to her.
"Can we ... go upstairs?", he asked hesitantly, searching her eyes again. Her lips curved a little and she nodded slowly, as if to reassure him.
So he took her hand and led her upstairs to his bedroom. When they stood in the warmth of the little room, she didn't let go of his hand and gently pulled him down to the bed, snuggling against him, trying to warm him a little. Almost instinctively, Hiccup wrapped his arms around her and they lay in the dark, cuddled up in a tight embrace, as if to protect each other. Eventually, Hiccup would finally dare to speak.
"I feel ... alone. Even though I know that I have you and my mother and Toothless, of course, but ... it's not the same without him. He was always there. He was there when my mum wasn't, he ... he tried to believe in me. And now he's gone and all I feel is left behind, like a broken man, I feel like there's a hole inside me. I would've never thought that his constant ... complaints and, and stubborness and ignorance would be something I'd miss. But I do. I want him to be here and tell me what I do wrong and how I can make it better."
He felt her nodding against his chest, but she said nothing, silently gesturing him to continue. He took another deep breath and continued: "I feel exhausted. Not only because of the chiefing, but I'm ... tired of the pain. I just want it to stop, even though I know that it won't. I just don't want to miss him but I do. I feel ... guilty. I know it's not my fault, my mother tells me almost everyday, but still ... I feel like I could have saved him if I'd acted differently. Maybe if I had moved a little faster, I could have pushed him away faster, I ... I ...", his voice broke off. With rough hands, he rubbed his face. "I just wish he was here."
Even in the darkness, he could see her bright eyes. And somehow she didn't even need to say a word, he found everything he needed in her beautiful, honest eyes. Her hand stroked his face, brushing away his hair. "It's okay, Hiccup", she softly whispered, "It's okay, just ... let go one time. Just this once."
And Hiccup did. It felt so good to finally let go of the tension that he built up inside him the whole day, he just broke down and sobbed, hiding his face in the crook of her neck, his tears leaving dark marks on the fabric of her shirt. She just held him and continued gently stroking his hair, letting him cry in her arms.
Eventually, there were no more tears left to be cried. Hiccup was still holding on to her, his face buried in her neck, breathing heavily. "Better?", she suddenly asked in a soft whisper. He exhaled apruptly. "Better", he croaked, his voice sounding rasp and tired.
He raised his head again and looked at her. Moonlight was dripping into the room, illuminating her face. Hiccup was sure he had never seen anything more beautiful that her face drenched in moonlight. She gave a little smile at his amazed expression.
"I love you", he suddenly blurted out and fell into her eyes, sparkling in the silver light. His forehead touched hers. "I should have told you more often the past few weeks", he whispered, feeling guilty again. "I'm sor-"
"Oh cut it, you", she breathed and silenced him with a gentle peck on his lips. When they partened, she smiled at him. "You did tell me, Hiccup. With every inch of your body, with every stupid little glance you give me when I walk by, with every little smile you save for me even when feeling like this. I don't need words to know that you love me and I love you."
And there he was, only amazed by the woman in his arms, dropped in light, and could only smile. Finally, he broke out into a grin. "There", she said, almost chuckling, tapping his nose, "I have my goofy idiot back!"
Wordless, he nuzzled his nose against hers and closed his eyes. Again, they laid in silence, until she asked quietly: "What do you feel right now?"
He smiled against her warm, soft skin. "Right now, I feel nothing but love." He paused. "Okay, that was a lie. Not only love ..." He felt her smirk a little but kept his eyes closed, "Trust. Pride. Relief. Happiness. Warmth. Safety. Hope."
He tightened his grip around her and breathed in her warm, sweet scent. She made a little noise that sounded a little bit like a light giggle. "If only the others could hear how hopelessy cheesy their chief is", she mused. Hiccup gave a little laugh. "Well, I'd rather call it romantic, but ..." "You would?", she said, mockingly surprised. "Yes, excactly. But let me tell you a secret", he lowered his voice and brought his lips to her ear, softly whispering: "Only you are able to bring that side of me to the surface, milady."
He felt her shudder at the sensation of his warm breath against the sensitive skin of her ear. She shifted a little to face him and smiled sweetly. "I do most sincerely hope so, my chief.", she said, sounding daringly. Hiccup only grinned and slowly bent down to kiss her.
He tried to pour all his love for her in this single kiss, his unspoken words that asked her to never leave his life, to spend eternity with him.
She rested her head on his chest, snuggling yet closer to him. "Goodnight", she whispered softly. He smiled and kissed her hair. "Goodnight, milady. I love you."
"I love you too, you big idiot", she murmured against his skin, her eyelashes fluttering against it. And the last words she heard before she drifted into sleep were:
"Thank you for staying with me."
Aahh, the feels, OMG! (I got carried away, sorry) :O
Feel free to leave me a review - gimme some critique, folks! ;)