Last Chapter

Note: Generally, all comments on both FFN and here agreed on the notes as a last chapter, and that adoption would be okay if someone wanted to take the story on – if there is such a person, feel free to contact me! The email address I use for both AO3 and FFN is still active and I will try to react to any message in a timely manner!

To be perfectly honest, I hadn't planned out super much for this story! I've got maybe ten pages of notes, four of which are timeline and bdays and stuff I should remember, but the other six are what I kind of had planned for each of the main characters, kind of.

In general terms, I kind of wanted to set up the story to in a way mirror canon, so it was intended to last for the 7 years of Hogwarts – I think my last chapter uploaded takes place in their fifth year? Obviously it wasn't set in stone, but that was the general lay-out. I wanted to explore some things from canon in a sort of alternative setting, and see what I could do with that, but also keep it true enough to where it came from, in a sense. There are bits in the story that come from more fanon-culture, like names and background bits I used to worldbuild, because let's be honest, as good as JKR's character building is her worldbuilding is shite. I had a lot of fun with the characters, as I tried to reimagine them in changed circumstances. Some surprised me a lot, like Petunia – that was not what I had vaguely planned for her but it really fit well with the way her character arc was going, hah. In a sense, adding 'Haesel' to the mix was like throwing a stone in a pond and then describing the ripples, to me. In some ways, the changes are more drastic for people closer to the source than further away, but I was still working on some things I'll try to illuminate now :D

Because the story was meant to mirror canon, it was going to end roughly when it came to the point where it started, though I've not actually reached that point in story and only mentioned it in the summary: the scene in the train station after Harry (Haesel here, obviously) gets hit with the second AK, and s/he has the option to go further or go back, which in canon is to either continue on to death (and his parents and loved ones) or go back to life (and his loved ones there). I kind of made this into a 'go back in time' thing instead of coming back to life minutes after dying. It was always my end goal to set up a situation where Haesel is once again killed by way of Voldie's AK, and then have her have the original choice of going on to rest in peace or come back to life.

Honestly, was a bit torn on what choice she would ultimately make in the second meeting with Death (whom in my story offered her the chance to go back in time, instead of Dumbledore, though she might've talked with him first as in canon, just not been offered the choice by him). I was a little tempted to let her choose life, but in the end, I was going to let her die, as in, going to let her choose to rest in peace. I think personally that this would work better for what she went through in both lives. Let me explain! :D

Firstly, it had to do with how she got to the past and her 'powers of seeing'. I did not want to do a 'goes back in time with perfect recall and then fixes stuff' approach, but wanted to do something different, part of which was that she did not, in fact, remember with perfect recall. This allowed for the Haesel of my story to be kind of her own person a bit too? And grow according to the world she was living in and the people she was close to (like her family) and develop new bonds with people without the burden of having known them in a different way (like her parents, godfather, etc).

Part of the deal with Death is, in my mind, the opportunity to start afresh (without memories) but not having them at all would defeat the purpose of going back to change the past too! So the deal is that she gets her memories back in the form of dreams and precognition, allowing for an element of free choice for those around her The older she gets, the clearer those memories get, but they are not always accurate anymore to reality (like take Petunia, for example – conflicting memories of an aunt that mistreated her vs memories of a loving sister that died for her) thus her foresight could never be entirely reliable, thus making it into less of a plot-device and more of a guideline for a possible future, and allowing for the characters to at least have (the illusion) of free choice in what they were doing.

The second thing was that I always imagined that when Haesel chose to go back, in order to possibly save those that had died and give them another chance, like her parents for example, her own timeline/the future did not get erased, because from the moment she woke up as Haesel Dearing, after whom she was named and who originally died tragically with her parents in a car accident in 1966, the timelines diverged, so the world she died for (the one with Ron and Hermione) continued on without her, since everything that happened there already had happened. I chose to have it this way, since I figured that canon!Harry (or at least, my interpretation of his character) would never choose to erase his own beloved friends and chosen family if he could help it (since he went and died for them, yk). The consequence of this was, though, when Haesel completely recovers her memories when she meets Death the second time (dying for the 2nd time/4th time depending how you look at it, 4th hit with an AK) she remembers completely all the people she left behind then.

What I wanted to do with my story was bring in how bad the First War against Voldemort was, according to what JK herself alluded to in the books (when adults talk about how horrible the war was, she doesn't give super many details in the books, more like vague statements). All the terror, the killing, the confusion and fear, the different cultural elements she goes less into (like Pureblood culture) and factions (werewolves and giants, for example, which she explores more). In any case, canon!Harry grew up in a time of relative peace, and was only really at (open) war for one year, during which he was on the run. So that was a totally different atmosphere, and I wanted to explore what total war/terror would mean for a different [Haesel] while still showing some light-hearted moments and bonding with family and friends, but also what war can do to people, because I don't really feel JK explored that herself? Then, her writing style is more whimsical and fun, so I don't think it would've fit anyhow :P If you'd like to better look at that in YA, read the Hunger Games books, in my humble opinion they show the devastation that war can do to a young person's mind (or really anyone). Not to say that was inspiration, but I was trying to go for a more realistic and intense emotional vibe, without going total emo and dark (hope it kind of worked? Heh). So, in conclusion of that point, I seriously think that the Haesel of my story was, by the end of two intense lives, seriously traumatized and tired. Not to say that in that situation, giving up 'into death' is the best and only option, if I may phrase it that way, but it did seem realistic to me that someone who's been beaten down and had to fight their entire life, yet still managed to make the most of it, wants to rest after two hard lives, knowing that in both, she gave the people she loved the best chance for a far better future.

So yeah, in the end I decided to allow her that rest. I think canon!Harry was in a total different place, and it fit for him (from a story perspective, as an author – really only talking about the story here) to choose to go back and live.

If you'd rather, when reading the character sections (I wrote out the open story threads regarding how each main character's life went) you'd rather imagine she did choose life again, that's of course fine by me! The beauty of me not actually having written this is that this way the story remains open, and you can choose which ending you like best ;)

∞§∞§∞

The above is what I remember of what I had in mind, so now I go on to what I actually wrote down – open story threads for each of the main characters! I've sort of put it as a little bio. Most of these pick up where the story left off, in a very broad sense.

Haesel Evans

30 January 1960/31 July 1980 – 2 May 1978

Original parents of Haesel Dearing (Erwin and Ianthe Dearing) die in car accident in München in 1966. She wakes up with no memories, aside from confusing dreams, and is later adopted by her Aunt and Uncle and takes on the name Evans. Original Haesel Potter took the offer of Death to 'live with those she loves' and inhabited a body whose soul had died (mother's cousin she was named after), essentially, getting her memories transferred as dreams, which cease to be entirely trustworthy due to the changes she's infliction on the world around her (knowingly and unknowingly). Becomes Girl-Who-Lived (again) on 10 December 1974 after the sacrifice of her sister Petunia, and is then hunted by Voldemort until a final confrontation on May 2nd, 1978, when she is hit by another AK by Voldie and meets Death again (after talking once more to Petunia). Decides to take the train forwards (death).

Robert and Ivy Evans

(1933-2017, and 1934-1997)

Petunia (1956-1974) was a bit of an accident when they were quite young, but lucky for them (for a given value of luck) they received an inheritance (from the death of Ivy's parents in a plane accident) with which they could buy a house, after which their combined earnings helped them establish a comfortable middle-class life by the time Lily was born (1960).

After Petunia's death in 1974, they grow estrangled in grief from their other daughters because they blame magic for Petunia's death, and move to Canada where Ivy has a huge garden in Petunia's honour, and Robert becomes an avid bird-watching enthusiast. Robert's mother, Evangeline Evans née Bones comes to live with them until her death from old age in 1983 (considering her house was burned down by Voldie's minions).

With time and distance (mostly from the conflict going on and the memories in England/UK), they are able to grieve properly and rebuild bonds as a family. Summer and other holidays for Lily and Haesel in 1975, 1976 and 1977 are spent at their home in Canada (under much spellwork by the Order, of course). Especially the summer of 1975 is very emotional, as the remaining family members grieve together and grow closer.

After Haesel's death in 1978 they completely renounce the wizarding world (since it has only brought them grief and took two of their daughters) and refuse to return permanently to England after Haesel's funeral, only visiting for the birth of their grandchildren. From then on, it's always Lily that visits them in Canada (she even gets a phone and later internet to connect to her parents more easily) though Lily and James spend a lot of their summers in Canada with her parents, especially after having children.

Ivy dies first of a bloot clot in the brain, quick and painless. Robert dies about twenty years later of advanced old age after a period of illness. They are both buried in Canada, and Lily keeps the property, vacationing there for a while and eventually retiring there. The property remains in the family for generations.

In case Haesel lives, about the same happens except they don't completey renounce the Wizarding World and will visit their daughters occasionally, though they visit in Canada more.

Lily Evans and James Potter

(30 January 1960 – 2082, and 27 March 1960 – 2080)

Get together in 6th year, after growing closer and becoming good friends and realizing they have much in common (and of course like each other, hah). They keep butting heads over Severus Snape, especially after a big fight in their 5th year (around December 1975) but end up agreeing to disagree, especially after the final confrontation in 1978.

Lily goes into Healing and graduates with honour after several years of study (including residency), eventually re-educating herself in muggle medicine in her 30s to be able to truly bring to life the dream she shared with Petunia of combining both to reach innovative and creative solutions to problems plaguing both worlds. James becomes an Auror, being very successful and ending up department head when he is about 50. They are both, alongside most of their friends, considered decorated war heroes, and both endeavour to give back to the community with programs for disadvantaged children. They are considered very well-matched and are very well loved and respected in the community, both in the UK and internationally.

They marry on July 30th, 1979. A year later, Lily goes into labour with their first child, but the baby – a son, Harry - is only born on the 31st. They ask Sirius and Alice to be godparents, and Lily is likewise godmother to Alice's son Neville born 30th of July 1980.

Unfortunately, Lily suffers an early miscarriage of a baby girl at about 12 weeks, that they posthumously name Marigold Petunia, on 31 October 1981.

In 1984, they have another son they name Edward Robert (after James' uncle and godfather, and Lily's father respectively). One year later in 1985, their daughter Rosemary Haesel is born. Unexpectedly, they have another child in 1997, Daphne Elysia, only a little before Ivy Evans dies, who is fortunately still able to meet the child.

Unfortunately, both James' parents and their second son, little Edward 'Teddy', contact Dragon Pox, and all three succumb to the illness in 1993. This motivates Lily to go into muggle medicine, as there is no cure for Dragon Pox in the Wizarding Community, and it becomes her life-long goal to find one (she eventually does, much later in life, with a little help of an old journal of Severus Snape's).

The Potters die shortly after each other, aged 120 years (James) and 122 (Lily), in their home in Canada. Their bodies are entombed in the ancestral Potter manor in Wiltshire, where they lived most of their lives (after the death of James' parents, and until their retirements upon when the home went to Harry), and where their children were also buried, especially wee Marigold and little Teddy.

Severus Snape

(9 January 1960 – 2 May 1978)

Has a fall-out with Lily about his Dark-leanings in April 1976, after which he betrays an overheard prophecy regarding Voldie and Haesel to the former, who after this takes him into his confidence (also because he's a very talented potioneer already creating his own improvements in potions and even some rudimentary spells). He thusly falls deeper into the Dark side, experimenting as much as he wishes and disregarding the ethical side of what he is doing sometimes, despite having misgivings occasionally.

When a plot to kill Haesel in Hogwarts results in Lily lying in the Hospital Wing in a coma for several weeks due to a potion Severus created over the summer for Voldie in the beginning of sixth year (October 1976), he starts to seriously doubt his path and convictions, and that the ends justify the means as Voldie preaches (remembering his prior misgivings, his original goals which were a bit more noble, and what his mother wished for him – she dies in their fifth year from the abuse she suffered under his father, who's jailed for this), and eventually in the new year (1977) becoming a spy for Dumbledore until he dies in June 1977. (like in canon, Dumbledore was suffering from the curse he got from the ring in the Gaunt shack and used Severus to kill himself, so that Severus would be able to stay in Voldie's good graces and be a successful spy for the Light side. The ethics of this are, again, slightly dubious).

Perfects the Wolfsbane potion, ostentiously to provide Voldie with fighting monsters (werewolves) in full control of themselves, but in actuality to impress Lily, show her he changed, and show her that he came back to the 'good side' – and of course to leave an impressive legacy – he after all remained a Slytherin ;)

Due to them supposedly still being on opposite sides of the war, this doesn't end up working out for him (as in, she gets the fighting monster propaganda and not the truth until much later) and his continued attempts to reach out to her plus the more humane and well-meaning research he is doing instead of delving deeper into the dark gets him Voldie's suspicions instead, who orders him to kill Dumbledore to prove his loyalty at the end of sixth year (June 1977). Dumbes uses this for his own gain, establishing Severus among the death eaters but making a reunion between him and Lily almost impossible at the height of the war.

While the Marauders go on the run in their seventh year (as Hogwarts is taken over following Dumbles' death) Lily and the girls among others become part of an underground resistance in Hogwarts operating from the Room of Requirement since Lily has to go into hiding pretty soon anyhow. Severus tries to support her as much as possible, actually saving some people's lives with timely interventions (often with clever use of potions) but as they are on totally opposite sides this is alas not clear to Lily and Severus is too afraid to risk her to openly seek her out. The one time they meet in person (shortly after the start of the school year, and right before she goes into hiding) she even wins in a duel - they were both fighting seriously since they had a lot of hard feelings to battle out. Severus ends up writing her lots of letters detailing what he went through, in an attempt to reach her anyhow, and leaving lots of coded notebooks with his actual research, the kind they imagined they would do as kids, which reaches her a couple years after the war and end up helping her develop a cure for Dragon Pox decades later, which finally allows her to heal from the rift between them and remember the good times they had fondly.

Severus ends up dying before he can reconcile with his dearest friend in person (or with anyone else he had a connection to – I kind of had a redemption arc of sorts planned that is cut tragically short) at the Battle of Hogwarts on May 2nd, 1978, but not before managing to gift Haesel invaluable intel regarding Voldie's last Horcrux (which is not the same as the books, but that's of no consequence here so won't go into it, hadn't planned it out yet either heh). Since she is with him as he dies, they manage to reconcile somewhat, as they've had a stained and difficult relationship when they were younger – Haesel felt he was taking her sister away from her (she might've been a tad possessive of her sisters) and Severus felt she rejected him without giving him a chance because he was a poor loser, and thus always coveted her friendship and yet hated her for dismissing her (in my view, no romantic entanglements involved here – if anything, he crushed hard on and loved Lily). It is however cathartic for him to reconcile with her a little at least before he dies, as they manage to reach out a bit and say sorry, so at least that bridge was a little mended before his death.

Initially, Lily didn't struggle too much with his death (much more so with the death of her last remaining sister), as as far she knew he had been an evil agent for Voldie working for the Dark and doing inhumane experiments and other evil things. She thus initially refused to read his letters or journals, believing he had a hand in Haesel's death, but finally opened them after her son Teddy's death in 1993 out of a desire to know and possibly make peace with his death. She struggled for many years with feelings of guilt and regret, especially after being able to use part of his research for a cure for Dragon Pox, thinking that if they'd been able to reconcile earlier – if she'd been able to get over her hurt feelings and see what he had actually been doing, they might have been able to make up before he died (or even help him survive), and moreover, his research could have perhaps helped save the life of her son. Though being able to develop a cure (and calling it the Potter-Snape cure for Dragon Pox or whatever) helps her make peace with this to a certain extent, this remains a lasting regret and sadness for her until her death. She did not name a kid after him, but displayed a photo of them as happy kids in her office and dedicated a lot of her research to him, sometimes building on his own (in which case she always credited him, thus allowing him to actually have a positive legacy and restoring his good name for his actions as a spy).

I'm not sure how much of the above was visible in the story, but this was about my intention. He's a pretty interesting character in canon, which does good things but also some pretty vile things (like bullying kids as a teacher – not okay, that) so I did want to explore that though it happened in the background, heh.

Remus Lupin

(10 March 1960 – 30 December 2057)

After the war, which gave him many scars that made him look rather ferocious and scary (which along with his revealed status as a werewolf, made it hard for him to date along with problems trusting anyone who was not a trusted friend from before the war, and a certain degree of paranoia), studied magical defence and creatures, becoming an internationally renowned expert in his field (academic). Joins Sirius for several years and developed much field experience, but retires from adventuring in the early 2000s to teach at Hogwarts, becoming a favoured DADA professor after Lily succeeds in uncovering the truth of Severus' work on Wolfsbane and he can thus safely remain in the castle during the full moon. Meets and falls in love with Nymphadora Tonks-Black, eventually having a son they name Edward Remus in honour of Nym's father and the late Teddy Potter, whom was Remus' godson, and whom is born in 1997.

Remus is such an excellent and beloved teacher that he ends up becoming the first werewolf Headmaster of Hogwarts in 2037. He dies a scant 20 years later, partly due to complications from the severe injuries he got in the war, and from being a werewolf, leaving a wife and two sons (John Hamish, born in 2002) but being remembered fondly as a great teacher and headmaster.

Florence Night

(19 September 1959 – 2053)

Gets in accordance with family tradition/expectation two masteries, in Transfiguration and Warding, but then defies tradition and expectation to go adventuring with Sirius and Remus in 1993, gaining an additional four masteries during that time, before retiring from adventuring to teach at the Magical University of Cambridge in 2023. Occasionally, she can't resist the call of adventure, and goes out again. She has many flings and short relationships, but never settles with one person (though there is an interesting poly-romantic entanglement that almost results in a marriage but unfortunately ends, partly due to her inability to sit still and stop going out on 'hare-brained adventures'. Florence has no regrets, though). One of her apprentices during her teaching tenure is actually one Hermione Granger.

She's voted most fun and interesting professor for about 15 years in a row (a record) due to her past as a war hero (about which she was very open, partly because she was not ashamed about anything she did, and partly because she wished to have her students know the reality of war and not the famed, exaggerated tales of it told years later) and also due to her notorious habit of going adventuring, sometimes in the middle of the academic year.

She eventually dies on a trip to find the magical sunken kingdom of Atlantis in 2038, 'young, pretty and in a blaze of glory'. Her friends, family, students, and biographers consider this a fair assessment of her death (though Hermione Granger, in one of those biographies, also calls it a 'tragic waste of a brilliant mind'.)

Alice Little

(28 December 1959 – 2053)

Marries Frank Longbottom shortly after the war and becomes a decorated Auror, famed for her sharp instincts and quick spell-fire. Retires briefly during her career as an Auror to raise son Neville (1980) and daughter Anne (1982; named for Petunia Ann Evans, as Alice felt she owed her life to Petunia's intervention in December 1974, and that she owed her and Haesel a life-debt, and she wanted to honour them both), but then returns to the force when both are at Hogwarts in 1993.

She becomes a legend in the force for her unceasing devotion to fight the good fight, endlessly pursuing some of the worst criminals of the Wizarding World, both in Britain and abroad, earning the nickname of 'Crazy Alice' for her sometimes daring antics. Whenever she tries to retire, she always ends up inevitably returning to the force, to the point James just keeps her a desk in the DMLE somewhere for whenever she inevitably gets bored of being at home and un-retires. Her drive to fight often causes her and Frank to fight, who feels she gave enough for the cause and while a good Auror himself, does not have her drive and doesn't always understand her almost blind devotion to throwing herself into any fight she can. They always find their way back to each other, making up quickly and remaining devoted to each other through many years of marriage.

She ends up becoming morally wounded in a hostage situation in September 2053, dying of her wounds not long after successfully rescuing a small child. On her deathbed, she confides in Lily Potter, on shift at the hospital and able to be with her friend and tells her that she considers this an honourable way to die, as she is giving her life for others, and that she feels she has now been able to repay the debt she owes to the Evans' sisters, after which she passes in peace. Though no others (not even Frank) manage to make it to the hospital before she passes, the peace apparent on her face makes Frank feel as if she has finally managed to reach what she was so desperately striving towards all her life, and this gives him at least a level of comfort.

Mary McDonald

(4 May 1960 – 2085)

Has arguably the most low-key life of her friends, as she becomes a professional Quidditch player after the war, being a star beater for the Holyhead Harpies for almost 10 years until an injury to the spine forces her to retire. Mobility for always reduced – not even magic can fix all injuries – she starts a program to coach poor and unfortunate children in sports, supported by Lily Potter who feels inspired by this to found a much larger foundation in memory of Severus Snape and all children like him, who have nowhere to go and come from broken homes and situations, calling it the Hope Foundation which not only provides them with access to sports (Mary heads this), but also other avenues like education, housing, scholarships, etc. Mary vetoes a reference to Snape (since she did not get along with him at all) but concedes to that children like him – and him, too, in hindsight – deserve much more chances and opportunities, so she supports the broadening of the scope of her program to include things other than sport, which Lily among others head, though Mary remains the founder and very much involved eventual head of the general foundation until her death.

She marries widow Edgar Bones, younger cousin of her old Captain and teammate Seraphina Bones, becoming the plus-mother of his young daughter Susan and having only one daughter herself, Willow Grace Bones (1992). She eventually dies of old age in 2085, one of the last surviving of her friends.

Sirius Black

(31 October 1959 – 2 May 2089)

Devastated after losing Haesel, he at first loses himself in becoming an Auror and gathering up all the remaining death eaters together with James (who's a little more restrained, Sirius is often considered a bit of a dangerous wild card), only calming down a bit with the birth of his godson Harry in 1980. After Teddy Potter's death in 1993, he joins Lily in going through the archives of what she has left of Petunia, Haesel, and Severus in an attempt to deal with her grief over the loss of her son, and discovers a letter addressed to him from Haesel, written years ago but never sent. It's a long, happy ramble written in the summer of 1977, shortly before they had to go into hiding hunting Horcruxes, and mentions her wishes for after the war, namely a wish to go out to explore the world and experience many wonderful things.

Inspired by the letter (which he spelt unbreakable and carried always) he goes out adventuring, joined by Remus and Florence (and many others over the course of many years) and growing famous for discovering many places like El Dorado, Atlantis (the expedition on which they lose Florence).

Before leaving on his first adventure, he laid down the mantle of Lord Black, passing it on to his brother Regulus (they had reconciled sometime back in 1976, and Regulus was an active part of the underground resistance in Hogwarts, to the eternal wrath of Voldie who never did get the Black family in his legion of minions, with the exception of Bellatrix, who was booted out of the family for serving a half-blood – Narcissa managed to walk a fine line between her Death Eater husband and family, never actually being involved and in fact fleeing when pregnant to raise her son as Draco Black since Lucius managed to survive after the war for a bit but then went cray-cray; Andromeda was initially cast out for marrying a muggleborn but reinstated when Sirius became head at the death of his father in 1983). Regulus married a perfectly respectable pureblood girl and had perfectly respectable children (and kept their mother in check).

Sirius was the favourite uncle of many of his friends' children, since he always brought back amazing stories and crazy presents. He himself never in fact married nor had a relationship, staying loyal to Haesel, and when he ended up as the last surviving of his friends despite a wild career of adventuring, finally stepped through the Veil of Death in search of the next Great Adventure on the 111th anniversary of Haesel's death on May 2nd, 2089.

If she survived, they both become adventurers together (he still lays down the mantle of Lord Black, deciding politics is nothing for him) after Haesel gets a mastery in DADA and Sirius's been an Auror (much less crazy) for a while. They do have three children, but they name them Rigel Sirius (1983), Leo Arcturus (1985) and Lyra Cassiopeia (1990). They live all over the globe, sending their kids back to Hogwarts, but eventually retiring to the estate in Canada to live with Lily and James in their last years, dying old and happy, Haesel in 2078 and Sirius, after keeping Lily company after James' death in 2080 until her own death two years later, finally dies peacefully in his sleep on May 2nd, 2089.

∞§∞§∞

So there you have it! I intended to write the story until the Final Battle at Hogwarts on May 2nd, 1978, and then finish with an epilogue of Sirius stepping through the Veil on May 2nd, 2089 after he reflects on his long life and says goodbye to the headstones of his friends' graves, which would be the end of the entire story.

End notes:

I'm glad I wrote out these notes! Some of you replied that knowing what would happen with the story (not just an endless silence) would give closure, and having written this, I realise that this, while not truly finishing this story and writing the ending, doing this also gave me closure on this story. I am incredibly grateful to each and everyone of you for your support, kudos, comments, follows, favourites, and everything! Thank you

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this story – I hope it gave you some enjoyment! If you feel inspired to adopt it (or it inspires you to write something of your own, based on some idea I explored here) feel free to contact me! My account will likely stay active – I'm not deleting this or any other stories, and the email linked to my account will remain active, so feel free to reach out, I'd consider it an honour if you want to continue this in whatever way! Though I must say I'm almost never on FFN anymore, so Archive of Our Own (AO3) is probably a much better way to find me, heh.

I don't think I'll write anymore fanfiction – I'm honestly more exited to write some of the ideas I've had and projects I've been working on the side the last fifteen years, and write my own stories hopefully in the future, though that might have to wait a little since I'm currently incubating an alien parasite (aka I'm pregnant hihi :P) so that's also a bit of a reason why my focus has shifted a lot, heh.

I'm glad I can give you the notes above as a way to provide at least a bit of an ending. I learned a lot while writing this story, and I had fun, but I also struggled a lot, mentally and sometimes physically, which impacted my writing. The last couple of years have not been easy, but it's been worth it! I really needed support back in 2017 and 2018, and many kind strangers on the internet (on FFN and AO3) gave me so much kindness, and that to date remains one of the most wonderful things I have experienced in my life! If I learned anything at all the past years, it's that sometimes you struggle, and it is hard, but it will get better. Please don't give up! I'm so glad I didn't. Find the right people, do what makes you happy, and persevere – you will get there. You will! I did.

Thank you all so much again and all the best wishes!

This is the end of the story 'A Life Once Lived'. Thank you for reading.