Altered Lives (The Parody)
Copyright Info & Disclaimer.
"Altered Lives (THE PARODY)" is Copyright (c) 2002 by DBM. This story is an Amateur, Non-Commercial work by an Anime/Manga Fan. This story was created in the Spirit of the Copyright Exemptions regarding Parodies & Satire.
"Neon Genesis Evangelion" is Copyright (c) 2002 by Gainax. All OTHER material is Copyright (c) 2002 their owners. All materials used for PARODY purposes.
If you like the story, you may keep a copy for your own personal records, but you may NOT post it on any websites/newsgroups, NOR may you include it in any printed publication for sale/public distribution. If printing out a copy for yourself or a friend, you may reformat it (paragraph spacing, page-breaks, font & font size, borders, bold/italic, etc) to fit the paper you use, but please do not change any of the actual words or wording in the document.
Sole web-posting at FanFiction.Net - Author's E-Mail address on File.
Censorship Info & Disclaimer.
NOT Recommended for Children.
Intended for MATURE Audiences.
There are NO 'sex scenes', but, just like the original NGE series, the story will explore the results & side effects of such activities. Along the way, there'll be swearing, violence, drugs, Adult situations, & frank discussions of sex education/family planning information, as well as thoughts & opinions on the morals & ethics of sexual assault, dating, courtship, marriage, alternate sexualities, pregnancy, childbirth, parenthood, Family Values, etc.
Fandom Alerts & Disclaimer.
AU Alert (Alternate Universe).
OOC Alert (Out Of Character).
ACC Alert (Author Created Character).
SI Alert (Self Insert - Author appears in the story as a character).
SPOILER Alert (May 'spoil' surprises in the Manga & Anime TV/Movies).
WARNING! Concepts of Parody & Comedy vary between Peoples & Cultures.
Being a 'Western Otaku' (European Anime & Manga Fan), my concept of Parody is based heavily on the 'MAD' Magazines I read in my youth. Being an Australian, my concept of comedy may be somewhat bizarre to Foreigners.
Regardless, my own personal visions of Parody & Comedy prompted me to change the names of the Main Characters, into 'joke' versions of themselves. I'll admit, Finding names that were halfway fitting (at least in MY view) was a task in itself, albeit one that saw me laughing/swearing at the puns & possibilities.
These are the names I've settled on for my story. I do hope they're close enough to the originals to make character identification easy. If not, here's a list of clues to help you along.
Aesir Skrewyou - The hair colour of this Teutonic Terror is a subtle warning that her general attitude is like her name - 'I say SCREW YOU!' - spoken with an accent. Quite a few Fans refer to her as one of the two 'Goddesses' of the show, so I decided to change the name to Aesir, which is Norse for 'Gods'. As for her Bright Flaming Red/Orange hair being a 'subtle warning', well, with HER 'personality', she NEEDS some sort of public warning system.
AVE 'Maria' Units Won & Too - What dark secrets lurked within these mostly harmless armour-plated-giant-weapons of mass destruction? HINT Medieval armies named cannons after women, Ancient Warships were 'christened' with the blood of a female sacrifice - which is why ALL ships are referred to as 'she'. Maria, or Mary, is famous for being a mother.
AVE 'Maria' Limited Editions - Created by STEELY, & used to attack Units Won & Too, in an attempt to increase their scarcity, & thus 'collectability'. Perhaps STEELY should have just tried to sell them through the Franklin Mint instead?
Cagey Rogue - Secret Agent, & series 'Babe-Magnet'. How secret? So secret that NOT even HE knows who he works for! Or where the Pay Cheques come from for THAT matter! Definite SMOOTH B-----D!…
Central Dogs Mess - Something you REALLY don't want to set foot in.
Dr Nayokay Akatlover - Despite being a Brilliant Female Scientist, she flunked the 'Doctor Spock' school of raising children, & had a 'weakness' for Evil B-----Ds. Proof that an 'Intellectual' is merely a person whose education has exceeded their Intelligence?
Dr Ritzy Akatlover - Another Brilliant Female Scientist, she STILL inherited her mother's weakness for Evil B-----Ds, DESPITE being a Blonde Bombshell with an IQ larger than her bust size! Please note, that's NOT a sexist comment! We Australians use the Metric system, & measure personal measurements in centimetres - so WE think she's 2.5 times smarter than those who use inches!
Dr Yoo-hoo Atari - Yet Another Brilliant Female Scientist with a 'weakness' for Evil B-----Ds. Is this an emerging TREND here, or what?
E.T. Field - 'External Thinking' Field. Can ONLY be created by someone capable of 'thinking outside the box', where the box in question, is their own skull.
Fu2ok - Senior Advisor to an Evil B-----D. I think it kinds of suits him - after all he IS going against the REAL bad guys.
Glando Atari - Evil B-----d in Charge, & Full-time Total P---k! Wears his 'Nazi Beatnik' uniform with Real Style! 'Ataru' is a Japanese verb for 'hitting', & 'Atari' is a dialect version - together with the first part of his name, there is a SUBTLE 'Jap-Lish' insult there!
Hickory Harikari - Closet Authoritarian. The first name is a play on being plain or a 'Hick' & refers to her mousy appearance, second name refers to her love life, which is committing suicide by going after guys like Toe-Jam.
Kantsee Hayeater - Cyber-nerd, voyeur, & gun nut/survivalist. The first name is obviously because he wears glasses, the second is because he strikes me as being a stereotype - the U.S.A. Hick town 'farm boy' who goes to college in the Big City, & walks around with a grass stalk in his mouth.
Kowmoo Nogreeze - Easygoing person who "loves his fellow man." (The first name is because he's supposed to be as placid as a cow, the second, is a joke on his hair style, you just KNOW he doesn't use Hair oil! As for Rumours about him… Did the Fans REALLY vote him most likely to A. get a sex change operation-if he hadn't already had one PRIOR to appearing in NGE, B. star in the Yaoi (Gay) remake of the 'Over Fiend' Sex-Horror series, C. be S.N.A.G. enough to be the sister Aesir never had, D. provide the voices for the Japanese dubbed version of 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert'. For the last one I keep thinking of 'Godzilla' doing a 'Drag' act, with HIS voice.
Little - The 'codename' for the white giant in the basement is one H--L of an understatement. Still, it's in keeping with the sort of 'Military Intelligence' that appeared in parts of the original show.
Mayi Buttin - Bridge Bunny, shy, quiet, Professional & dependable. Secretly a BIG 'XENA – Warrior Princess' Fan, although Definitely NOT the sort of girl who'd ride a Nitro-burning Harley Drag Trike down the main street during the 'Dykes on Bike' segment of the 'Sydney Gay Mardi Gras'.
Mazurka Kutsarug - an expert at the 'Cloak & Dagger Two-Step'. A couple of dancing puns, the Mazurka is a dance, & another term for dancing is 'cutting a rug'. Her dangerous professional life, coupled with her dangerous private lifestyle, could be described as 'tap-dancing in a minefield'.
Moccona Hoover - Bridge Staff. Dependable, bespectacled, always on the job, racks up overtime like nothing. Mainly because he's such a Caffeine addict, he can never sleep. Will eat coffee 'Grounds', if liquid drink is unavailable.
MOGGY Super-Computers - named by Dr Nayokay Akatlover (BIG surprise there!), & imbued with her digitised multiple personalities. The first case of cyber-psychosis brought about by induced schizophrenia. Still, the computing capabilities of the MOGGY Super-Computers enabled them to play one HELL of a game of DOOM. Hey, where did you think they got the base floor plans from?
NERVIS - The Secret Organization, their motto "If you knew, what WE do, you'd be NERVIS too." Various shades of meaning in the motto, A. knowing what they 'know' & being scared by it, B. knowing what they 'do'- genocide, murder, corrupting governments, etc, & being scared by it, C. people 'wanting to join', probably because they LIKE the bits in B… By the way, the civilian population have some REAL fun with BAD puns based on the name of the group, one of the 'underground' posters depicts an Attack in progress, with the slogan "I'm not NERVIS, I'm just S------G myself!"
Rave Imanonymous - As much personality as the vegetables she ate! First name is a pun based on her 'Dual Heritage', which she shares in part with the AVE Marias, the second name, well, with NO personality, she WOULD be Anonymous.
Second Strike - A cataclysmic disaster that wiped all Human life from the Southern Hemisphere. Blamed on the Aliens, it is believed a 'Third Strike' will end the Human race. Or as they say in Baseball, '3 strikes & you're OUT'!
Shakey Atari - In a world of cloak & dagger mystery, HE was 'Mister Clueless'. Name is another BAD pun - is he 'shaky' because he's NERVIS? He wouldn't know how to GET a clue, much less use one. Basically, we're saying he'd need a map, written directions, AND a Tour Guide to find his own Backside!
Snug Suits - One millimetre thick protective combat outfit, suits are created by spraying 'Mutant Kevlar' particles directly onto the body of a person, just peel off & use again. And YOU thought they were only 'body paint'? HA! Actually, if you DON'T use 'Barrier Cream' BEFORE spraying them on, it's like a FULL BODY WAX job when you try to remove them - OUCH!! ALL Over!
STEELY - The even MORE Secret Organization! How secret? So secret that NOBODY knows THEIR motto! But it's probably written down somewhere in their Corporate Mission Statement!
TLC - Transparent Liquid Concoction. As the saying goes, "a little TLC is all that's needed to bring people together…" Yeah, perhaps, but it takes 'super-glue' to KEEP 'em that way!
Toe-Jam Snoozehard - Athletic Ignoramus! Can outperform any of the other Pilots at Field & Track, & Sleeping In! Actually has an IQ lower than his body weight measured in Kilos. Remember that 100 is the IQ of the AVERAGE person, & 160 is Genius level!
Uhoh Surfsup - Bridge Bum. Long haired Surfy type, & would be Lead Guitarist. Often 'CosPlays' as the Transvestite Rock Star from Robotech, usually while doing a music gig at "Thor's Purple Helmet", a local Gay Bar.
If you haven't been scared off by NOW, then what more can I say?
ON WITH THE STORY!