A/N: Remus, Lily and Severus begin their plan to get revenge on Sirius Black.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Mean Girls.
The plan to destroy Sirius Black was to take away the three things that made him tick: his girl, his looks and his friends. I just had to keep his trust and continue hanging out with him and the Marauders like nothing was wrong.
"Marlene wanted to get back with Sirius," James explained as he and I walked to the Great Hall. "She's been thinking about it for awhile and at the party, she approached him. It's not his fault they kissed."
"I know," I said, looking straight ahead as he walked among the crowd of students.
"So you and Sirius are cool?" James asked.
"Of course we are," I said. "Marlene is a big girl and can do what she wants, right?"
We both reached our spot at the Gryffindor table where Peter was already sitting with Sirius and Remus. Sirius and I locked eyes for a brief moment before he turned to Marlene and gave her a sound kiss on the lips.
When they released, Marlene began to blush. Sirius smiled and said, "Isn't she the cutest thing when she blushes, Remus?"
I imagined then and there jumping across the table and pushing Sirius to ground, slamming his pretty face into the ground repeatedly and no one able to stop me. I even imagined the Wolf coming out, picking Sirius up by the front of the robes and throwing him up against the wall, revelling in the fact that he'd pee his trousers in terror.
But this was the real world, where people didn't just attack people for asking simple questions like that.
"Very cute," I said softly, biting the inside of my cheek as I took a seat across from them and between James and Peter. Things had to be dealt with secretly.
It turned out to be a bit harder than we thought. First we tried to attack his face.
"Here," Severus had said when he gave me a vial of odd-looking white liquid, "It's usually using for treating nasty boils on your back and feet."
I gave it to Sirius later that night, telling him it would prevent his face from breaking out. We thought it would make him smell like feet or have some adverse reaction to his face, but instead, it made his face smoother, creamier and Marlene loved the peppermint smell of it.
Then, I took all his school trousers and cut large holes in the seats to let his boxers show through. Everyone would laugh when they saw the famous Sirius Black's galloping hippogriff boxers.
Sirius entered the Great Hall grinning the next morning, strutting about the school like a fashion model and selling the look, until almost all the boys the school had cut holes into their trousers as well. Lily face-palmed with me on that failure, watching as Peter walked pass us, parts of his bare bum peaking through the holes in his trousers and his underwear.
"Nothing's working," Lily screamed as she, Severus and I walked out of Potions together. It had been about a month since we started and we had been failing constantly. Then she suddenly stuck her finger into the air. "We have to crack James," she said, "he's Sirius' best mate. Crack him and we unlock everything about Sirius. We need to plan tonight."
I shook my head and said, "I can't. I have to practice this thing with the Marauders for the talent show before Christmas break. We're performing to some song called-"
"God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs," Lily and Sev chorused, finishing my sentence for me. "They do that every routine year, and put in their own suggestive lyrics and dance moves."
We had stopped just outside the Great Hall where I usually waited for one of the Marauders. I looked a bit up the Hall to see Sirius walking this way. "Quick, Sirius is coming. Go," I said, moving a bit away as they walked into the large room behind the double doors.
"Why were you talking to Evans and Snivellus?" Sirus asked when he finally reached me, watching the pair separate as they went to their different tables.
"Why would I be doing that? They're so weird. I was just walking from Potions when Evans started talking to me about boring Muggle stuff," I said.
"That girl was always different," Sirius said as he leaned up against the wall. "Evans. We used to be friends in First Year. I know, so weird right? But then later in the year, I started going out with Amelia Graham and Lily was so jealous of her. If I blew her off to hang out with Amelia, she'd be like 'Why didn't you wait for me after class?' and I'd be like, 'Why are so obsessed with me?'
So by the end of the year, we were going to have a party in the Gryffindor common room. And I was like, 'Lily, I can't invite you because you're just a bit too obsessive. I mean, I couldn't have her there like that. She might start glomping on everyone, feeling them up inappropriately and making them have a horrible time. Professor McGonagall had to get involved and it was completely stupid. She went home for the summer and when she came back, she cut off most of her hair and now I guess she's gone even more Muggle this year."
I stood there silently, not knowing what to say or how to feel about what Sirius had just said. This was the story Lily didn't want me knowing. She had been friends with Sirius once but then Sirius thought she was too clingy and made up some story and blew it completely out of proportion?
"Oh, I love that smell. What are you wearing, my dear?" Sirius said to a passing Hufflepuff fourth year as she was heading into the Great Hall.
"Pomme de Terre," she said, while giving Sirius a wink. He winked back at her, causing her to giggle before continuing into the large room.
"It makes me want to gag, like 'Eau de Sewer' really," Sirius said as he scrunched up his nose.
I watched the Hufflepuff chattering excitedly to her friends, chancing a glance ever so often through the open doors at Sirius beside me. She looked so happy that he had complimented her, almost as happy as
"That's very interesting, Remus. You must be very smart to have joined us Fifth Years," Sirius said to me.
"Thank you," I said with a broad smile, feeling like I met a second set of friends.
Sirius then looked across the hallway at the small crowd of persons there. "You gonna send someone a candy cane?" he asked.
Hogwarts was having a candy cane treat. People would buy candy canes to give to their friends with little messages if they wanted. I shrugged. I hadn't really intended to do anything with the fund-raiser. "Are you?" I asked.
Sirius laughed and said, "I don't send any. I just get them." Then he got all serious. "So you better send me one."
Then he clapped me on the back, "See you, Remus," before he left and ran off to talk to a Ravenclaw who just stepped out of the Great Hall.
Sirius had Marlene but that still didn't stop him from flirting with every girl that caught his eye. With my jaw set, I walked up to the table manned by the Gryffindor Seventh Year. I was definitely sending one, three actually, and it would be the perfect way to crack James.
"Candy cane treats!" Frank called out as he entered my Transfiguration class the next day, the one I shared with James. Professor McGonagall stopped her lesson and allowed Frank to walk among the desks.
"Mary, Thomas, Patricia, Remus," he said as he reached into his bag and placed a couple of candy canes on their desks and one on mine.
"And wow, none for you, James," Frank said as he quickly left the room to deliver to the other classes.
James turned to me and asked, "Who's that from?"
"Thanks for being a great friend. Sirius," I read with a smile.
He grabbed the candy cane from my hands and read the note himself. I could practically see the gears turning in his head. Sirius had left him out. This was definitely the right thing to do.