What The Bloody Hell Is Going On Here?

Chapter 1 - He Can't Start A Story Like That!

"I do."

"I hereby declare you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

The kiss was one of those fairytale kisses that only happen in Hollywood romantic comedies. If a rousing musical score were added no one would have thought it out of place. Maybe the musicians might have got in the way of the ceremony but then that is just me speculating.


"I can't believe that you actually got married. Not that I thought you would never get married but ever since Anya I thought…but you don't want to hear that." Said Willow.

"Just say congratulations, Will." Xander said, with a calmness that is so often lacking in his voice.



Xander and Willow moved towards and hugged. She turned her head towards him and whispered something into his ear to which he nodded solemnly. Then they parted and Xander turned to face Giles.

"I don't know what to say."

"You're not going to do a Willow, are you?" This remark earned Xander a glaring look from his red-headed friend.

Giles smiled and removed his glasses to wipe them. After he had done that he put them on and looked back at Xander.

"I'm proud of you."

"Thank you."

There was a slight bit of nervous tension between the two as they both tried to figure out what they should do. This usually happens when two men are put in this kind of situation. It doesn't matter how close two men are they are still faced with the eternal question, to hug or not to hug. Now this problem doesn't seem to affect women, they hug everyone and everything, often with only the minimum justification. 'Oh, your cat died' – hug. 'You broke a nail.' – hug. 'The waiter brought you the wrong meal.' – hug. And so on. However for men there is no definite hug situation. It doesn't matter whether your mother died, your wife left you for the nurse who helped you recover from third-degree burns you got when your house burned to the ground, or that the world is about to be destroyed by a thermo-nuclear bomb. In all these of situations the same question would be asked by the men, whether or not a hug is appropriate. And so this cosmic question now fell onto the two men standing opposite each other at the wedding reception, Rupert Giles and Alexander Harris.

It was Xander who was the first to move. He slowly but noticeable moved his right arm from its original position by his pocket up by his waist. Giles saw and understood what this meant. The question had been answered and the result was a handshake. Whether Xander felt that this was the more suitable thing to do or whether he thought that is what an Englishman would expect, we shall never know.

After the handshake the three of them stood in silence. Willow was looking at Xander with a newfound admiration, Giles was considering whether he should clean his glasses again and Xander who had a huge grin on his face was thinking about the day's events.

Then Giles, deciding not to clean his glasses, looked over and asked, "Where is…"

"Over there." Willow, instantly knowing to whom Giles was referring, pointed to one of the corners of the room.

"Is it me or does it look like she is undressing?"

"It's just you. Although she does seem to be in a spot of trouble."

"I better go over and help. Or maybe I should wait for her to undress. No, I better go help."

In the corner of the room there was a woman, who was seemingly being attacked by a large white dress. Xander walked over in her direction to see if he could help.

"You know, they never tell you how hard it is to go to the toilet in one of these things."

"I wonder why."

Buffy smiled and looking into Xander's eyes mouthed, "I love you."

"I love you too."

End of this chapter. Please read again if you missed the hidden message about you-know-what.

Author's rather large note: Chapter two is coming up. When I say coming up I mean that I am in the process of writing it as you read this. Well maybe not if you are American, as I will probably be asleep when you read this. But then again you may be reading it at a weird time and it might be possibly that I am writing it as you read. Anyway, it is being written and I should warn you it might not be what you expect. If you are a regular reader of mine you may be assured to know that it will not (hopefully) but as off-the-wall (as someone once described my writing style) as many of my other works (particularly my short stories. Man, I don't know what I was on when I wrote them). However I'm sure there is bound to be some off-the-wall elements (I am currently toying with the idea of giant radioactive monkeys but it is surprisingly hard to find an adequate plot device in which their presence could be justified). But the idea behind this story is that it will be more about the basics of storytelling (i.e. love, romance, giant radioactive monkeys, action and adventure). For the non-regular readers of mine (and that is my polite way of referring to you) then you should be prepared for inappropriate humour and bizarre plot turns. Also there is always a healthy dose of parody in all my Buffy stories. And finally I hope that the coming story is enjoyable for all of you to read. If it is not then tell me so and don't be afraid to insult me and/or my father (my mother is off-limits). Of course I may find out your address and come round to burn your house down but that is a risk you take with every review, good or bad. I can't think of anything else to say at the moment so I shall leave you to either carry onto the next chapter (if it is written) or go back to your porn sites.