Chapter Eight - The Ballad of Xander and Buffy

As she stood outside of the bathroom door she could see steam emerging from the door. If she didn't know better you would have shouted Fire! Fire! And ran out of the house like a small badger running from a honey-covered spoon, but she did know better. "Buffy? Are you done yet?" Asked Willow.

There was no answer.

She decided to try again, "Buffy?" Admittedly this doesn't sound like she tried very hard. I mean how hard is to repeat someone's name? Of course that depends on the name because if it were something like Johann then it would be relatively hard to repeat it. However I think you will agree that Buffy isn't a particularly hard name to repeat, it's not a particularly good name either but that is another point for another story for another author for another language for another use of 'for another'. "Buffy?" See what I mean, not hard at all. It doesn't exactly take a brain surgeon to repeat Buffy over and over again, though why a brain surgeon would be more able to pronounce words than someone else is anyone's guess. "Buffy?" I should probably get back to the story. I don't have too, it is not like there is any kind of obligation for me to write a chapter about Buffy or any of the other character (yes, they are just characters)…However thinking about it there may be an obligation since this is a fan fiction in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer section of the website (yes, it is just a website). "Buffy? You done yet?" I just got the weirdest feeling of déjà vu…

"Yeah." The response came from behind the door then suddenly she emerged like someone emerging from something that one emerges from. Basically there was a lot of steam…hmm…steam. Sorry I just had a great mental picture there…just had it again. Okay I'll get back to the story for good now…

"Why all the steam?"


"No I meant, why all the steam?"


"Okay…Let's try this one instead. Why so long in the bathroom?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Buffy, you've been in there longer than that fuzzy milk has been in the fridge."

"I told you before, that milk is perfectly fine!"

"Buffy? It has taken over part of the fridge! And anyway I was asking you spend so long in the bathroom. "

"Yes you were."

"Are you going to answer?"


"Fine. I'll just go phone Xander and see if…"

"Okay! I'll tell you."

"Man, I'm good. I could have been one of those people who break spies…ooh! I could have been the bad cop in a good cop/bad cop partnership…or I…"



"Do you want me to tell you or not?"

"Oh, yeah. Tell me."

"I got a date…with Xander. I have a date with Xander. Xander and I have a date. We are dating."



"You and Xander are going on a date?"


"Xander and you?"


"You're dating?"


"It's about time!"

There followed some smiling and hugging, you know, the girly kind of stuff. I won't go into details. Just imagine a friendship scene from practically any American teen-drama.


The corridor leading to her room was decorated with an array of discarded clothes. Dawn wondered what was going on. "What is going on?" She asked.

Willow, who was standing at the edge of Buffy's room, turned to face Dawn; "She's trying on clothes."


"Its today."


"Well, tonight really."





"I didn't know it was tonight."

Willow looked around at the clothes and then back at Dawn, "its tonight."

"Yeah…What are we talking about?"

"I thought you knew."

"I don't."



"Buffy…She's got a…um…date."

"A date?"


"With who?"


Dawn's voice went so high as to verge on dog territory, "Xander?"


"Buffy? And Xander?"


"On a date?"


"Buffy and Xander on a date?"




"That's good…right?"


"Buffy and Xander?"


"That's good."

Another piece of clothing flashed past Willow's eyes and hit the wall before coming to rest upon a large pile.

"Does she need any help?" Asked Dawn.

"I don't think you are qualified to give the sort of help she needs." Replied Willow. "Oh, you meant clothes-wise. I think it is best if she is left alone, kind of like when a Yak's on heat."

Dawn looked blankly at Willow.

"What?" Said Willow.

Dawn was about to reply when the doorbell rang. Everyone stopped. Dawn looked at Willow. And Willow looked at Dawn. The fish looked at the other fish. The other fish looked at the original fish. No one looked at the 18th century colonial desk. No one made a sound.

Then suddenly Buffy emerged (that's twice now) from her room looking amazingly beautiful, the way only women going on first dates look.

Willow and Dawn both said at the same time, "Wow."

"Good wow? Or bad wow?" Asked Buffy.

"Good wow." Said Willow.

"Very good." Added Dawn.

There was silence as Dawn and Willow just stared in awe at Buffy. Then…

"Ahem" Xander coughed from behind the front door.

"Xander." Said Willow as if the thought as just entered her head. "You stay here," She said talking to Buffy, "And I'll go let him in."

She opened the door and saw a very smartly dressed Xander. That's not a great description but then I'm too lazy to write great descriptions. Suffice to say, Xander was looking very sharp indeed. "Wow." Said Willow for the second time that night.

"I clean up good, don't I?" Said Xander with a smile.

"Very good."

"Is she ready?"

Before Willow could reply Buffy emerged (third time's the charm) at the top of the stairs and Xander's mouth just dropped. "Wow."

"Yeah." Said Willow.

He hardly blinked as she made her way down the stairs.

"You look…you look…amazing." Said Xander.

"Thanks." Replied Buffy.

The two of them looked at each other and then at Dawn and Willow. They both become very self-conscious as Dawn and Willow smiled back at them. "Shall we go?" Asked Xander.

"Yes." Said Buffy very quickly.

They were almost as quickly out of the door.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Willow called after them.

Xander was going to say something funny but decided against it mainly because I couldn't think of anything funny for him to say. And so the chapter ends…You can review it by clicking the button at the bottom. Or alternatively you can slap yourself across the face with a small herring. The choice is yours.