The Mind of Teddy Lupin

CH 1 "Teddy at 5"

Teddy Lupin from 5 to 6

Takes place in the universe of my story Almost Happily Ever After.

The title is a tribute of sorts to Northumbrian, in my view the best author of Canon Harry Potter Fan Fiction on this or any site. Check out his The Mind of Arthur Weasley. Again thanks to FriendofMolly, my beta, for her contributions.

My name is Teddy Lupin, and I'm 5 years old. I'm pretty happy, but I'm different. No five year old really likes being different. They call me the oldest of the cousins. I don't mind being the oldest, but I'm not really a cousin. I do not mind that I can change my hair color. That's kind of fun. I can change my face sometimes too, but Victoire does not like it when I do so I do not do it very often.

Victoire is my favorite cousin. She lives with her mummy and daddy… that's something else different about me. My mummy and daddy are dead. I'm not really sure what that means, but I can not remember them. They are somewhere, but I've never been there. I do not really understand what they are talking about.

I live with two grandmothers and a grandfather. Grandmum Andromeda is my real grandmother, but they tell me she is fragile. She does not break like when you drop something on the floor, but she seems real sad lots of the time. Sometimes she has to go to St. Mungo's to get better. I know she loves me.

Grandmum and Grandpa Weasley are the others. I live at their house, the New Burrow. They tell me that the old Burrow was destroyed about the time of the Battle of Hogwarts. My mummy and daddy were killed at the Battle of Hogwarts, and Uncle Fred Weasley was also killed at the Battle of Hogwarts, and that makes all of the grown ups sad. I know being killed is not good. And Grandmum and Grandma Weasley are not really grandparents, but they are, because they love me and take care of me, most of the time.

I do have a mummy and daddy, but they are not my REAL mummy and daddy. They are my godmother and godfather, Daddy Harry and Mummy Ginny. Daddy Harry is some kind of big hero, because he has a book written about him, The Boy Who Lived, The Hero of Hogwarts. Daddy Harry picks me up Friday night or Saturday morning, and we go to Quidditch games. Mummy Ginny is a chaser for the Harpies, and she is a good flyer. I like seeing her fly. She makes lots of points. She and Donna Lionheart are the best chasers in all of Quidditch. When the game is over Mummy Ginny comes home with us, and we stay at their house until Sunday night or Monday morning. I like it having a mummy and daddy, even if they are not my real mummy and daddy, and even if I don't live with them most of the time.

I have lots of cousins. Well, they are not real cousins, but they are sort of like cousins. Freddy is the oldest. Sometimes they call him Freddy and sometimes they call him Fred. His Daddy is Uncle George Weasley, and his mother is Aunt Angelina Weasley. They own a store, and it is real fun going into their store. All the cousins are Weasleys'. Fred is just a year younger than me. I like him, but he is pretty wild some times. He is usually fun to play with, but he is not my best friend because he is hard to talk to. He has a little sister Roxanne who is only two. It's hard to talk to a two year old.

Molly Weasley is named after Grandma Molly. Her daddy is Uncle Percy and her mummy is Aunt Audrey Weasley. Her daddy works for the Ministry of Magic. Her mummy helps teach us. Cousin Molly is real shy. She is smart enough but she does not talk much. She is only a couple of weeks older than Victoire, my favorite cousin. She has a sister Lucy who is even younger than Roxanne.

Victoire is my favorite. Her mummy Aunt Fleur Delacour Weasley is French, and she speaks French to us so we are all learning to talk in French as well as English. It's fun to talk to Victoire in French. She was born 2 years after the Battle of Hogwarts, on the same day that Daddy Harry won the battle of Hogwarts and Mummy and Daddy were killed and … lots of stuff happened. Even though Daddy Harry won the battle, thinking of it makes everybody kind of sad. Thinking about the battle makes me sad. Victoire's daddy is Uncle Bill. He is the oldest uncle and he has something to do with money.

Victoire is real pretty, and she talks a lot more than little Molly. She likes me and I like her. She is my favorite cousin. She has a little sister Dominique. Dominique is also pretty, but she is little.

Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry do not have any children. I think they want some. Their house is big enough for children. Uncle Ron Weasley and Aunt Hermione live right next door to Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry. They do not have any children either. I think Grandmother Molly wants them to have children. She really likes being a grandmother. Even though I'm not really her grandson, I feel like her grandson. I know she loves me.

Grandma and Grandpa Weasley live in a big house. They live downstairs on one side of the house, and Grandma Andromeda lives downstairs on the other side of the house. There are a lot of bedrooms upstairs, and I live upstairs. There are a lot of other houses around here. Most are new, but the Longbottom Mansion is old, and further away. Frank Longbottom is close to my age. His father is an Auror, and also works with plants at Hogwarts. He is named after his grandfather who is in St. Mungo's. His grandmother is also in St. Mungo's. Another grandmother is dead. There are a lot of sad stories. Sometimes I think that everyone I know has a sad story.

Frank's daddy is practicing with a big yellow machine. It is a Muggle machine but it has magic stuff on the front, and it makes a lot of noise and shoots flames and does a lot of other stuff that I do not understand.

It's Monday, September 8, 2003. Something big happened today. Grandpa Weasley came back home and said "Harry did it! Harry and his team did it!" Grandma and Grandpa Weasley seem happy. I'm not sure what will make Grandma Andromeda happy, although she is not sadder.

It's Thursday, and everybody is still happy. Tonight Grandpa Weasley was very happy they captured another person. They always whisper when they are talking about Werewolves. I know daddy was a werewolf, and some werewolves are real bad and others are good. They tell me that daddy was a good werewolf. I know that he was real poor. The photographs of him show him in clothes that are not very nice.

I cannot forget it. Grandpa Weasley came home and said "Violet Brown tried to committed suicide this morning. She said that she had not had a day since the Battle of Hogwarts when she did not hurt." Grandma said "Oh Arthur, when will it end!" They were both crying.

I don't know what suicide is, but it can not be good. I can not forget the words. Grandpa said that Daddy Harry was crying. I'm not sure if I have ever seen Daddy Harry cry. Daddy Harry is an Auror, and my mummy was an Auror. Auror's catch bad people and do good things. Maybe I'll be an Auror when I grow up.

Grandma and Grandma Weasley are taking me to Mummy Ginny's game today. Daddy Harry is going to be at the game later. I love seeing Mummy Ginny fly. She is so good.

NOOOOOO! The bludger hit Mummy Ginny in the head. We've got to go back to the New Burrow. What is going to happen!

Nobody is telling me anything. They are telling us that they do not know if Mummy Ginny will be all right. Everybody says she was hurt. I saw her get hurt.

I think it's been the longest week in my life. Grandma Andromeda is back at St. Mungo's. Grandma Molly has been there with Daddy Harry. Everybody is a little happier, because Mummy Ginny is awake. They tell me that Mummy Ginny is never going to play Quidditch again, but she should be all right. How can she be all right if she can not play Quidditch? I want to see her. Sometimes she kisses me when I get hurt, to make it feel better. I want to kiss her and make her better. Its hard being a little boy when something bad happens. No one tells you anything.

It's Sunday morning. Grandma Weasley told me that Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry are going to be here this morning. There she is! "Mummy Ginny, Mummy Ginny. You're going to be all right? Teddy so scared! Grandma Andromeda so scared she in St. Mungo's too."

I feel a little better. Mummy Ginny seems to be all right. She walks a little like the baby cousins but she talks all right and she says she will be all right. She is going to be back tomorrow. I wish she did not leave me alone. I like living with grandma and grandpa Weasley but I wish I had a mummy and daddy.

Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry are letting me go home with them tonight! I am going to live with a mummy and daddy. Maybe I will be a REAL boy with a real mummy and daddy. I am sorry Mummy Ginny got hurt but I am happy that she can be my mummy. Grandma Andromeda is still in St. Mungo's.

We are going to go to San Francisco in North America. I do not know where that is, but it is a long away. We will not be able to come back on Sunday. I told Victoire, and she is real unhappy. I am unhappy to be away from Victoire, but I want to go with Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry. REAL boys go with their real mummy and daddy. We are going to go after Christmas. We will be gone for almost half a year. I do not know how long it is, but it seems like a long time. Grandma Andromeda is also sort of sad that I will be gone for a long time, but she says that I should go.

I'm in school. Well it was sort of school around Grandmum and Grandpa Weasley's house. Usually in the morning you did some school work alone or with one other person, and in the afternoon people got together. There were older children who were in classrooms, but not very many. Here there are five or ten of us in a classroom with only one or two teachers. Usually the teachers are witches but there are a few wizards. Some of the people who help are real old, but most are like Mummy Ginny.

Mummy Ginny is helping to teach us. Sometimes she goes to school. I did not know that grown up witches and wizards go to school, but Mummy Ginny is learning how to write. She does a lot of writing at night while I play. Daddy Harry studies real hard. He is here going to school too. They both have what they call 'wizard laptops.' Mummy Ginny says "I'd use one of the newer quick quote quills but they remind me too much of…" I don't remember the name, but it is somebody Mummy Ginny does not like.

We talk to Victoire and everybody else every Sunday. Victoire is not happy I am gone. Sometimes we use a magic mirror so everybody can see everybody, and sometimes we use a telephone. Victoire is not very good at using the telephone.

I know Grandma Andromeda misses me. She usually smiles when she sees me. I feel sorry for her. She is so sad so often. I miss Grandma, but not enough to want to go back.

Daddy Harry and I go to fun places some weekends. We went to Disney Land and other fun places. We ride on fun rides, and eat strange food, and see lots of things. Mummy Ginny comes along, but since she got hurt she can not ride on the fast rides. Her stomach is upset. She says the food here does not agree with her, but I think she is sick.

Grandmum Tonks caught a bad guy? She was scared, but she was very brave! Grandma Tonks is being my REAL Grandmum. She teaches me while Mummy Ginny rests and does homework.

Mummy Ginny is getting fatter. Something is going on, but I do not know what it is. I hear Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry talk, but I do not always understand what they are talking about. What does pregnant mean? I think it is important and I think it is what Mummy Ginny has, but I do not know what it is. I asked Mummy once if pregnant was a good thing or a bad thing, and she said it was a very good thing, just the best, but that I was too young to understand. I do not like being too young to young to understand.

It's my birthday! I'm 6 years old! This is my first birthday that I can remember without lots of cousins around, but I'm still 6. We had a small party. Daddy Harry has to be gone a lot the next couple of months, to the Wize n gamma in May and then to the International Confed…something, in Swiss land, sometime in June. Mummy Ginny says we will be going to see lots of fun places while Daddy is gone.

Victoire came to visit me just after her birthday. She misses me. I really miss her. Some of the girls make fun of me because I like Victoire. I don't care! I was so happy she was here.

We had a vacation. We went all over America in a house on wheels. Daddy Harry says it is a good thing we went in the motor home because Mummy Ginny has to go to the bathroom all the time. She is getting bigger and bigger. It was a lot of fun, but we are going home tomorrow. We have been away a long long time. I am happy we are going home.

We came back to Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry's house. Mummy Ginny is going to have a baby boy. I will have a brother, sort of. He will be a god brother, not a bio-logical brother. I do not understand everything. I want to have a real mother and not a dead mother. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be here when Mummy Ginny has a baby. Grandma Andromeda is so sad. Maybe I need to stay with her. I wish I did not have to choose. It's hard being a six year old boy and having to choose. I had one bedroom and one mummy and daddy when we were in America. It is getting confusing again. I want one bedroom, but I want to have Mummy and Daddy and the Grandma's too.

Daddy Harry bought a car, and we are trying it out today. I wish I could see everybody today but Mummy and Daddy are waiting until Sunday morning to see everybody. It is hard to wait when you are 6 year old.

I'm home! I'm home! I saw everybody! Victoire was unhappy I was gone but happy I came back. We talked, just Victoire and me. I mostly talked and Victoire listened. Her mummy is going to have a baby boy too, so we will both have brothers. Victoire has a real mummy and daddy. I wish I could have a real mummy and daddy. Grandma Andromeda was so happy I was home. I kissed her before going to bed, and she cried and held me. I think I need to let her kiss me and kiss her every night. I think it was a good thing to do. I'm going to stay here because Grandma Andromeda needs me. I'll still see Mummy Ginny almost every day.

It's so boring eating dinner with Grandmum and Grandpa Weasley and Grandmum Andromeda. I think Grandma and Grandpa Weasley talk when I'm not around. I want to eat dinner with Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry. Maybe I can see Daddy Harry at dinner. I miss him. I need to learn how to floo to their house and back, so I can go there. Maybe one of the older boys around the New Burrow will help me.

I did it! I learned how to floo all by myself! Dick and Harry Appleleaf taught me how. We took the floo from their house to the New Burrow and back over and over. We took the floo to 12 Grimmauld Place, and the house elves met us and were a little mad until they knew who I was. I can do it all by myself!

Victoire wanted to know if I had to go to Daddy Harry and Mummy Ginny's house every night. She asked her mummy and daddy if I could eat dinner with them. I am going to go to Victoire's house on Friday. Maybe I can go to dinner with Victoire some Friday nights. I like Victoire's mummy and daddy. They like me too.

Victoire's mommy had a baby! He is a boy, Louis. He's not a little boy that you can play with. He is just a baby. Victoire's mummy feeds him. Victoire says only Mummies can nurse babies. Victoire wants to grow up and be a mummy and have babies and nurse babies and be real pretty. I think she is already real pretty, but she is kind of flat on top. Victoire's mummy is not flat on top, and Mummy Ginny is not either. Mummy Ginny is going to nurse her baby too. She says that is what mummies do. Mummy Ginny has not had her baby yet. She is real big in front, and says that it is hard to walk.

Mummy Ginny finally had her baby. He was late. People are real mad at me when I am late, but no one seems to be mad at James even though he was real late. James is also a boy but he is a baby too. I am going to be eating dinner with Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry and James on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday, mostly except when they are busy. Some Fridays I eat dinner with Victoire and some Fridays everybody is busy and I eat at the New Burrow. It is kind of hard when your mummy and daddy are dead and your grandma is fragile, but I have a lot of people who love me.

Daddy Harry wants to show James to his mummy and daddy. His mummy and daddy are dead too. They are buried in the same place. I don't know what being buried means. They are put in boxes. I hope I can see them. Daddy Harry says you can talk to a dead person, but they don't answer back. I do not understand a lot about being dead. Daddy Harry says I can come with them and see my mummy and daddy. I've never been to a cemetery before. Maybe if I can go to the cemetery where my mummy and daddy are I can see them. I want to show Victoire my mummy and daddy. I like her mummy and daddy and I hope she likes my mummy and daddy.

We are going to see mummy and daddy! Victoire and her daddy are here, and we are going to the cemetery with Daddy Harry and Mummy Ginny and baby James.

It's just a big place with stones and names on them. Daddy Harry says the bodies are in boxes under the stones, but the people are not really there.

Mummy and daddy are there? Under the ground? Dead? Dead! I can not see them, just these stupid stones with their names on them. Dead? That's what dead is? I'm never going to see them, just these stupid stones. And I took Victoire to see my parents. This is so dumb. I might as well say something to mummy and daddy.

"I don't know if you can hear me, mummy, and daddy. I have good grandmas and Daddy Harry and Mummy Ginny are the best, but sometimes I wish I had a real mummy and daddy. I know you did the right thing and are heroes and all that. I'm happy you are heroes, but sometimes I would rather have a living mummy and daddy than dead heroes."

No one answered me. This was such a dumb idea. I need to say something to Victoire. "Your mummy and daddy are so nice, and I wanted you to meet mine. I think it was a stupid idea. I'm sorry."

Victoire is hugging me "Not stupid!' she's saying. " I sorry your mummy and daddy are dead."

I need to say something to Daddy Harry and Mummy Ginny. "Thank you for letting me come with you."

Oh my. "They're dead. They're not just gone, they're dead. Dead."

I should not be crying like this, but I can't help it. They are dead! Victoire is holding on to me. Her daddy is on the ground. I need to hug them. I need to hold them. This is so stupid. Victoire is saying, "Not stupid, Teddy. Not stupid."

Daddy Harry is saying something. "Remus, Tonks, I just want to say that Teddy is growing up to be a fine young man. He acts like the oldest of Arthur and Molly's grandchildren, responsible for the other grandchildren like they are his cousins. He is smart, polite, a joy to all. He is surrounded by love. Thank you for the gift of Teddy."

I hope mummy and daddy can hear Daddy Harry. But they're DEAD.

Victoire's daddy is saying something. "Teddy has adopted us as another family, and we love him like another son. Thank you for Teddy, Remus, and Tonks."

I love you, Victoire's daddy. I need you. I need Victoire. I need Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry because my mummy and daddy are DEAD. Dead. Dead.

It's Sunday. I think I cried from the time I saw that mummy and daddy were under the ground and I would never see them until I went to sleep. It's OK. Well, it's not OK, really, but there is nothing I can do about it.

Maybe I know why Grandma Andromeda is so sad all the time.

I need to be happy. I need to be happy for Victoire. She was named Victoire because there was a victory at the Battle of Hogwarts. If she is sad all the time it's not a victory. I need to be happy because mummy and daddy are dead and I am alive and I need to be happy for them because they are dead but I am not.

I need to be happy because Grandma Andromeda is so sad, but when I am happy she is happy sometimes, and when I am sad she is always sad.

Mummy and Daddy, if you can hear me, help me to be happy. Help me make Grandma Andromeda happy. Help me be a good cousin even though I'm not really a cousin.

Victoire wants to marry me and have lots of babies. I don't know about marrying her, but she is my favorite cousin. My life is pretty good. My mommy and daddy are dead, and Grandma Andromeda is fragile, but I guess I am happy.

I have to make my own way. I am the one who asked to live with Grandma Andromeda, because she needs me and I want to help her be better. I am the one who asked to have dinner with Mummy Ginny and Daddy Harry, and to have dinner with Victoire and her mommy and daddy.

I need to be a good boy, and a happy boy, and a smart boy. I will. I'm Teddy Lupin. I'm different, but I'll be OK, because people love me.

I'll be OK.

I'll be OK.

Mummy and daddy, if you can hear me, help me be OK.