Disclaimer: The show Victorious, its characters and other associated trademarks are property of someone else and not me.
I stare in shock at Lauren. Fuck!
"Lauren what are you doing here?"
"Well I was worried about you and came to visit and thank god I did. God Jade what the fuck is wrong with you? You were going to kill yourself; can you imagine what this would do to your friends, Tori? Mom or even me? Jade you selfish bitch how could you even thinking about doing that to me! We just lost our father I can't lose my best fucking friend too on top of that! First with the drinking now this shit! Jade I need you god I love you so much but hate you right now. Are you drinking again too?" Lauren stepped back from me pacing. I just shake my head no.
"Lauren I am sorry. I wasn't thinking but I promise you I wasn't trying to kill myself I just accidently went deeper than I went because you startled me!" I don't mean to raise my voice but I am guilty. I had no intention of killing myself but I know I didn't care in that moment if I died. It was only me I cared about in that moment.
"Well I didn't know if I showed up for a surprised visit that I would startle you into cutting yourself more." Lauren turns to me anger blazing in her eyes.
"I promise I wasn't trying to kill myself Lauren. And I promise I haven't started drinking again." I say sitting back down on the couch staring at the floor guiltily.
"God Jade. How long has this been going on?" Lauren says after a few minutes of silence still not coming near me.
"Since the night I broke up with Tori." I say as tears start to fall.
"Holy fuck Jade. I told you to be honest, I told you to talk to her. You keep saying you are doing what's best for her and letting her go. You don't get to do this shit and then hurt yourself! If you want to let Tori go because you are being stupid fine, but don't torture us by cutting and possibly killing yourself. Fuck." Lauren says pacing again not looking at me.
"I'm sorry." Lauren whips her head towards me.
"Fuck you Jade." Lauren says storming into my bathroom.
Lauren finally calms herself down and comes back out.
"I'm sorry about yelling at you Jade, but god this hurts. Imagine my surprise I walk in seeing a razor to your fucking wrist looking like you are trying to kill yourself. I mean I just got you to stop drinking now you switch to this this isn't any better! Why can't you just talk to me Jade? What the fuck. All this time you have me to talk to any time and your fucking cutting. All because you are too fucking scared to be honest." Lauren stops yelling to cry into her hands. I finally get up from my spot on the couch and go and hug her.
"I feel like I should take you to the hospital to have that closed up but I know you aren't going to let me. I also feel like even though I don't want to be in the same room as you I'm afraid of what you will do if I fucking leave. God I hate you so much Jade and I shouldn't because you need support but dammit you're being so damn selfish right now." Lauren says into my shoulder surprisingly hugging me tight. "I can't lose you too Jade, it will destroy me, it would kill me Jade." Lauren whisper tightening her grip on me.
We eventually break the hug and sit on the couch trying to just have a civil talk. We decide to hit the movies to see a horror movie and hopefully cheer each other up. I can tell Lauren is still very upset with me and I can't blame her.
"I have the week off from school so I am going to be staying here. You don't get a say." Lauren says when we get back going into the bathroom and brushing her teeth. I lay in my bed thinking of the horrified look when she first walked in and I can't help but cry.
I feel the bed dip behind me and her turn me and pull me into her arms. I just cry because I am selfish I don't think of other people. I didn't think of how Tori would feel when I dumped her, I didn't think of how anyone would feel if I just cut too deeply and did die.
"I think you should talk to a therapist. I'll even be there for you if you want but Jade, this cutting has got to stop, please I beg you. Maybe you should try talking to Tori."
"It's too late Dylan gave Tori a promise ring and she is happy I saw her slap page after she unblocked me. I'm too late. If I talk to her and tell her how I feel I will just ruin her happy."
"And whose fault is that? Ugh sorry I shouldn't have said that. A least see a therapist to talk to them since you obviously can't talk to me." Lauren said acidly.
I just roll away from her to my other side and try to sleep.
"I'm sorry, my emotions are all sorts of wacked out." Lauren says putting her hand on my shoulder.
I just shut my eyes and drift off into a sleep. When we wake up we go to get breakfast but Lauren is still cold towards me. I don't blame her I really did betray her.
"I'm not going to tell mom, if you promise to stop and see someone." Lauren says randomly while I am sipping my coffee. I look up at her.
"Blackmailing me?" I ask curiously.
"I care Jade and I don't want to upset mom, but I will if I need more help." Lauren says with a glare. She hasn't been this mad at me since we had our fight and I cut up her favorite shirt after she accidently borrowed one of my favorite shirts and shrunk it. I still think she did it on purpose after I didn't invite her out with the gang and I.
"I'll go, ill make an appointment for this week, will, will you come with me?" I say looking up at Lauren. Her anger actually disappears from her eyes. She reaches across the table grasping my hands.
"Of course ill go. Jade I am only mad because you're my sister and I care and I thought we could talk to each other." Lauren squeezes my hands.
"Let's go bowling after this, we haven't gone bowling in a while." Lauren suggest after our moment.
"Ugh, I hate bowling." I say with a scowl.
"Yeah I don't care, you owe me, you never brought me after you ruined my shirt."
"That was after you ruined my shirt by shrinking it and I know that was on purpose!" Lauren just smiles and shakes her head. She will never admit even if I was on my deathbed.
After we eat we drive to the local bowling alley here. It' moderately packed since it is a Saturday but there is still a few open lanes. We find appropriate bowling balls. I get the shoes but have no plan to wear them, it's bad enough I have to put my fingers in these dirty holes.
Lauren beats me at the first 3 games because I suck at bowling and Lauren is on the damn bowling team. I manage to do better the 4th game but I feel like Lauren actually let me win. After the win Lauren wiped my ass with the floor the last 3 games we play.
"That was fun." Lauren says when we get in the car.
"Yeah fun for you kicking my ass."
"Well you can still play me under the table with music, and you destroy me in darts and pool." Lauren turns on the music and starts singing along eventually getting me to sing along with the song.
Lauren went to a normal school because not to be mean but she was never talented in the music department or acting. I'm not sure where my talent came since neither of my parents could act to save their life.
We hit a grocery store on the way from the bowling alley to get food to make later and rent a few movies.
"I heard this was actually pretty scary."
"Okay it better be otherwise I am going to cut up another one of your shirts." I say with a smirk.
The movie turns out to not be so bad but it is nice to spend time with Lauren. She seems to be in a better mood.
The rest of the week goes by quickly and Lauren seems to be a little less upset with me. I still see an mix of anger and just upset when she looks at me. I get the appointment with my new therapist even though I really didn't want to go. Lauren holds my hand while I talk through everything with the therapist. At the end of the week I sadly say bye to Lauren.
"Promise you won't cut anymore Jade, please? Call me if you feel like you need to. Please?"
"I promise." I whisper. Lauren gives me a tight hug before leaving out of my apartment. I walk back to my couch turning on the TV feeling the loneliness take back over.
As I am sitting there I hear a knock at the door. I feel like that is Lauren forgetting something but I am not sure why she didn't just knock. I open the door to reveal a upset looking half Latina.
"Vega, what, what are you doing here?"
"I just heard some awful news, you tried to kill yourself?"
"What who the fuck told you that?" I ask shocked she is here and knew.
"Your sister Jade, who do you think. God Jade did you even stop to think for one second what that would do to me?"
"Why are you here Tori? You couldn't just call, you flew all the way out here?"
"I have time off from school. And I needed to see you, talk to you in person. Why Jade? Why did you try to kill yourself?" Tori says trying to keep ti together but I can see the tears struggling to break free.
"I didn't try to kill myself. I just made the cut a little deeper because my sister startled me. And it's none of your business since when do you talk to my sister or care about what's going on with me. You have your own little happy life with Dylan!" I snap getting angry. Tori just stares at me in shock as tears stream down her face.
"I have always cared about you Jade. Don't try to say I haven't every time I try to get closer to you and you just push me away and make me feel hurt all over again. Then you sister calls me upset saying you tried to kill yourself. Why would you do that Jade? "
"I didn't try to kill myself I just told you that!"
"Well why were you cutting! I know you lost your dad Jade but you have people that care that you can talk to. What happened if you actually did kill yourself? What would that do to your sister? What would that have done to me?" Tori says as she cries harder.
"It was a wasted trip here Tori I am sorry. I made a promise to my sister so you don't have to worry." I say turning from the door. I notice she is wearing the promise ring that looks more like an engagement ring on her finger.
"You know what Jade, I am done, I'm so fucking done. I don't know why I keep thinking you would change. I don't know why I still care I just need to stop. Have a good fucking life Jade.
For the next week I can't stop thinking about the blow up with Tori. I saw in her eyes she had finally given up on me. Just like I wanted. I hated myself even more but I had made a promise that I wouldn't cut anymore.
At the end of the week I decide to go home for a visit. I just need to spend some time with my mom and Lauren before I do something stupid.
"Jade? What are you doing here? I didn't know you where coming home."
"I just needed a break away from school, it's really stressing me out this year. So surprise!" I say with a smirk as my mom pulls me into a hug.
"Well come on, we are about to have dinner."
"Jade?" Lauren says when I walk into the dining room.
"The one and only." I deadpan walking to the table.
"Would you like some coffee?" My mom asks me bring the lasagna she made out to the table.
"Really mom? What kind of question is that?"
"So you want coffee with extra cream and sugar right Jade?"
"Don't you dare." I get up from my seat and follow my mom into the kitchen she laughs as she pretends to pour cream in a cup of coffee.
"Here's the sugar." She says handing me the dish I give her a glare taking a sip to make sure she didn't already put sugar in it. "That hurt's Jade that you don't trust your own mother."
"Not after you joked about poisoning my coffee."
"Oh Jade hush cream and sugar is not poison." I smirk following my mom back out to the dining room getting ready to eat.
After dinner we all sat in the living room to watch a show. It was the stupid show I have ever watched but I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard. It was better than the tryouts for American Idol.
I didn't tell Lauren or my mom my true intention of why I came back this weekend. I was hoping to run into Tori. I hated how I let her leave last time. The next morning I go to the coffee place I know Tori is obsessed with because she loves their lattes. We went there out first date.
I walk in grabbing coffee the way I want it and then sit at a table waiting. After an hour I am about ready to give up and leave when Tori walks in. I watch as she goes to the counter and orders her drink I decide this is the time to talk to her because she can't leave until her coffee is done.
"Tori." I say walking up behind her.
"Jade? What are you doing here?" Tori is shocked to see me.
"I came back to visit my mom and well I came here hoping to run into you. I just wanted to apologize. I am so sorry for how I have been treating you Tori, but you deserve to know the truth." I start saying.
"Stop Jade, just stop. It's too late Jade I can't keep doing this. It hurts too much."
"But Tori I have to tell you."
"No I don't want to hear it Jade. Just please, I can't do this anymore, it hurts too much to talk to you knowing you don't feel the way I do. I'm moving on like you pushed me away to do. Please just stop."
"Okay Tori, sorry for bothering you." I say turning form her grabbing my coffee and walking out to my car. I just made it to my car before I started crying. I fucked up. It really is done this time.
I go home after that to try to get my mind off of it. I don't tell Lauren about it because it is just too painful and I know I deserve it. Tori finally gave up on me. The next morning I leave and head back to my apartment. I want to but know I can't break my promise to Lauren.
I fall asleep after hours of tossing and turning not being able to get the image or Tori giving up on me out of my head. I still see my therapist once a week as the weeks pass but I don't feel any better. When spring break rolls around I don't bother to go home. I just stay at the apartment and not run the risk of running into Tori.
I'm sitting on my couch watching some horror movie playing. I am drinking straight vodka trying to drown my sorrows. I have found myself drinking more and more since my run in with Tori. I control my drinking so I am not as bad as before and can function at school and work. It's the one thing that helps me not cut. I drain the rest of my glass before getting myself some more. As I sit back down there's a knock on my door.
I open the door and am shocked to see who it is.
"Hi Jade, can I please come in?"
"Um yeah. Uh do you want a drink?"
"Uh yah do you have any coke?"
"Yeah I have some in the fridge, do you want any liquor in it?" I ask feeling pretty tipsy curious to why she is here.
"Yeah vodka please."
"Coming right up." I walk over to grab a soda and glass. I pour vodka in the glass first and then soda.
"So not that I am not happy to see you but what are you doing here?" I ask when I sit next to Tori on the sofa.
"You didn't come home for spring break." Tori says taking a sip of her drink.
"Um no, I just didn't want to. I didn't want to run into you." Tori looks at me sadly.
"I keep thinking about our last conversation I wasn't very fair to you not letting you tell me what you had to say."
"Its fine, it wasn't that important." I say getting up from the couch.
"I broke up with Dylan." I stop in my tracks turning around to face her. "I just didn't love her the way she loved me. I'm too busy being stupid and in love with someone I can't have. I thought maybe if I stopped talking to you that I could forget about you but I couldn't. I can't stop repeating the night we had sex over and over again in my head. Then Dylan gave me the promise ring and I thought I could make it work but every time I saw you I just remembered how much I still loved you and I was stupid because I had Dylan there not afraid to tell me how she really felt, not afraid I could hurt her even though in the end I did. It was going so well the first few months then I saw you spring break and it went down hill. Then there was Thanksgiving break. Then you sister tells me how you were cutting and almost killed yourself. It nearly killed me when I found that out Jade. I was surprised when Beck and Cat said you weren't coming home for spring break and that you thought I hated you. Then I heard something interesting from your sister. I overheard her talking to Beck and Cat about how you thought it was too late so you didn't tell me how you loved me. I also heard Lauren tell Beck and Cat how Dylan told you that she could make me happier because she could admit that she loved me. Why didn't you tell me you loved me Jade?" Tori looks at me with tears in her eyes.
"Because you were going away to school. And because Dylan wouldn't hurt you like I would."
"I would never cheat on you, I only started talking to Dylan to try to get over you, but you were always on my mind Jade. Jade you let me believe you didn't love me that night. You crushed my heart."
"Why are you here now Tori?"
"Because I wanted to hear the truth from your mouth. I know that's what you were going to tell me that day at the coffee place."
"I love you Tori, I have for I don't even know how long. I fucked up a lot though so I don't expect you to ever want to be with me. I only wanted to tell you at the truth because you deserved to know."
"So where do we go from here?"
"I don't know Tori, you go to school across the country. We would never see each other." Tori just nods.
"I'm sorry." I say sadly draining my glass.
"How long have you been cutting Jade?" Tori asks me randomly.
"Since the night I first broke your heart. I still haven't forgiven myself." I say getting up to get another drink."
"So fix that mistake now. Don't give up before we even try this Jade. I love you so much and I feel it in me that we can make this work. Don't break my heart again." I hear Tori say in a sad voice. I turn around and see Tori stand up from the couch. "Jade I know we have both suffered from not being together. Not from the distance either. What do we have to lose at this point?"
"Because I am not worthy of your love Tori."
"Stop that Jade. I don't care what you think of yourself! I am standing here telling you I love you and forgiving you for doing what you thought was helping me. Jade look at me." Tori grabs my chin and looks me in the eyes. "Please?"
"I'm so sorry for hurting you before Tori, you never deserved any of that I really thought I was doing you a favor letting you be happy. I love you so much but Dylan put in my head she would make you happy in a way I couldn't."
"Jade, no one but you can make me happy the way you do, you are the one I truly love." Tori says smiling through her tears.
"Then Victoria Vega, can I have a redo and take you on a date?"
"Only if you will be my girlfriend again?" Tori says blushing slightly.
"Yes." I say before leaning forward and giving her a kiss.
I pull Tori to my bed and soon we are naked and panting.
"So I never said this before but I like you apartment." Tori says giggling.
"Man I didn't give you a tour! There is just so many rooms you know." I say sarcastically earning a punch from Tori. I laugh then look in her eyes. "I'm so happy finally. I can't believe I let myself be so miserable for so long."
"Me either, but I am right where I belong." Tori says before kissing me.
That summer following spring break I split time between my apartment and parents house. Tori stayed at my apartment for a lot of the time and my house. I also had a few sleepovers at her house.
By that fall I was very sad to say bye to her until our next break form school but we planned skype dates and phone calls so this time I wasn't afraid of the distance I knew we would make it work.
"I'm going to miss you." I say sadly holding Tori close.
"I'm going to miss you too Jade but we can do this Jade, we can skype and talk on the phone. It's only a little over two months until Thanksgiving." Tori said sadly.
"I love you Tori." I whisper in her ear before kissing her. "Call me when you land safely in NY." I say looking into her eyes.
"I love you to Jade and I will." Tori gives me a quick kiss before boarding her plane. I watch her walk away sadly but I know we are going to be okay. After that first year and half, we can make this work.
When Thanksgiving finally came I could barely contain my excitement. I couldn't help smiling to myself thinking about how the first two years I didn't want to go home for Thanksgiving and now I couldn't wait to get there.
Tori was going to meet me at my house a little later after I got home because her plane was getting in later than when I was getting back.
"Hey sis!" Lauren said wrapping me in a hug when I walked through the front door followed by my mom. I am happy to see them. I still miss my dad terribly but we are all getting a little better day by day. I chit chat with Lauren while she follows me down to my room.
"You look happier than you have coming home any other Thanksgiving break. Does a certain girl have anything to do with it?" Lauren asks with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
"Shut up!" I say whacking Lauren's arm playfully and blushing but my smile never falters. I look like a lovesick fool and I don't even care anymore. "It may have to do with it a little but I am happy to see my mom and sister." Lauren smiles.
"I'm going to run upstairs and make sure mom isn't poisoning the coffee on us." Lauren says. She drinks her coffee strong like me with a little sugar.
I shake my head with a smile walking into my room not even noticing the figure sitting in my bed. "You look like love sick fool Jade." I say to myself looking in the mirror.
"I'd say." I hear and whip around towards y bed seeing Tori sitting down wearing a smirk. "What is all the smiling about Jade? Are you sick?" Tori says getting up form my bed.
"Oh it's no one special." I say with a smirk. "I thought you weren't coming home until tonight?"
"I got an earlier flight so I could beat you hear and surprise you/" Tori says still just standing and looking at me. I look at her for another second before I pull her into a tight hug.
"I missed you." I whisper out into Jade's ear.
"I missed you too." Tori says pulling back and giving me a heated kiss. I open my mouth allowing access to Tori's tongue.
"God I missed you, that was the longest two and a half months ever." I blurt out when the kiss breaks.
"Aw Jade." Tori says giving me another sweet kiss before hugging me tight.
"Hey baby? Are you staying for dinner?" I ask Tori.
"Yes if you want me to."
"Yes I want to spend as much time with you as possible." I give her another kiss before pulling her upstairs.
We split Thanksgiving spending time at my house with my family and at her house with her family. Her family was happy that we were finally together over the summer since Tori could stop moping around. I was just happy they accepted me after everything.
I looked forward to every break from school I had for the next two years. And when I threw myself into school this time it was just to get my mind off of Tori because I missed her from the distance, but I never doubted our ability to stay together ever again.
Finally the day came where we both graduated from college. Tori moved back home and I went home to stay for a while. We had never actually talked about or planned what would happen after college. When she came home I decided to ask her if she wanted to move into my apartment with me.
"Yes, I would love to move in with you!" Tori said excitedly jumping into my arms giving me a tight hug. Everything had finally started falling into place.
"So tonight is the big night huh?" Lauren asked me as I stood in Tori's and I's bed room. It was two years after we graduated school; we were living closer to our parents again. We had moved out of my studio and got a larger apartment that had two guest rooms since Tori and I shared a room.
"Yes it is." I say looking at myself in the mirror. "How do I look?" I asked Lauren. Tonight was the night I was going to propose to Tori.
"You look good like always. Are you nervous?" Lauren came over and played with my hair.
"Extremely." I say looking at Lauren through the mirror.
"Don't be she is going to say yes." I take the ring box out of my pocket and look at it. It's just a simple one-karat Diamond with dark purple Amethysts in a circle around the diamond. It was set in a thin white gold band. "She is also going to love the ring Jade." Lauren says causing me to look at her.
"Thanks Lauren. For everything." I say turning and pulling her into a tight hug.
"Anytime Jade." Lauren says squeezing me back. "I better go, Tori will be here soon." Lauren let her self out and I stood in my room staring at self in the mirror.
Tori came home not too long after from the studio. She quickly changed and got ready and we went out to dinner at the new Italian restaurant.
"I can't believe you got reservations here Jade I heard they had waits for at least 6 months for people to get in." Tori says when we sit down at our semi secluded table.
"I'm Jade West I get what I want." I say with a smirk.
We make small talk and I get us a bottle of wine for the table and sip it before we get our food. To say the food is delicious is an understatement. It is amazing I wanted to keep eating even though I wasn't very hungry. We decide to share tiramisu for dessert before I pay our check.
"Thanks for the lovely dinner date Jade." Tori says kissing me as we left the restaurant. "You know for a second there I almost thought you were going to propose."
"Tori why would you think that?" I ask when we got in the car to go back to the apartment.
"I don't know. It was just a really nice restaurant for a random date." Tori responds back as we drive.
"How cliché." I say. Smirking knowing what's coming when we get home.
We drive quietly home just enjoying each other's company.
"Come on, let's go relax in bed and watch a horror movie." I suggest when we pull into the parking lot.
"Fine, as long as it's not too gory."
"It won't be and don't worry I will hold you close the whole time." I smile taking Tori's hand walking into the apartment building.
We get into our apartment and change into our pj's. While Tori is using the bathroom I quickly take the ring box and put it under her pillowcase. I turn on the movie and the DVD menu loads up. I get into bed and wait for Tori to come to bed with me. I can't wait until she notices the box in her pillow.
"What are we watching?" Tori asks as she comes over to bed and gets in.
"You'll see." I say smirking pulling her into me as I start the movie.
At some point in the movie Tori moved just slightly but it was just enough for her to sit up.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"There's something in my pillow." Tori says reaching in and pulling out the ring box. "Oh my god." Tori's eyes go wide when she pulls out the ring box.
"Oh damn you found my Christmas present." I say jokingly. "Open it." I say.
"Oh my god Jade, is this an engagement ring?" Tori asks.
"Yeah Lauren's boyfriend go tit for her and wanted to hide it here." I say earning a smack form Tori who smiled as tears formed in her eyes.
"Victoria Vega, I love you more than words could ever describe. I made the worst mistake in the world ever letting you go. These past 4 years have been the best years of life spending them with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, as your wife. Will you marry me Tori?" I say before my tears start.
"Yes Jade." Tori says giving me a hard kiss. We both forget about the movie as we celebrate our engagement.
A year after our engagement and planning I finally found myself at the alter with Tori. Lauren was my made of honor, Beck as my best man and Cat as a bride's maid. Though Tori and I kind of shared her as a bridesmaid. Tori had Trina as her made of honor, Andre as her best man and Robbie as an usher. That day Tori became my wife and I couldn't be happier. Sadly my dad was not there to walk me down the aisle but my mom was.
We went on our honeymoon to Hawaii and spent a wonderful 2 and half weeks in paradise. I was sad to leave the beautiful weather but was happy because wherever I went Tori went so I was happy.
" Jade, what do you think of having kids?" Tori asks me randomly one day.
"Let's focus on getting a house first, then we can have babies Tori, I'd love to have babies with you." I say.
Thinking back to the summer before college when I stupidly dumped Tori and lied I thought I would never be happy again. I turn to look at the sleeping half-Latina and thank god we ended up back together.
"I love you Tori." I whisper to her giving her a kiss before shutting my eyes.
"I love you too Jade." Tori says pulling me closer to her body.
Well that's the last chapter. Hope you enjoyed the story sorry to those of you who thought it was stupid. RandR.