I love her. I love her to the point where it hurts to breathe sometimes, but there's no way I can ever do anything about it. She belongs to Ron now. I'd love to hate him for it, for winning her heart when I wanted it so badly, but I can't. He loved her before I did. Merlin knows how fate let that happen.
I respected her from the moment we met. Ron couldn't stand her. I admired her during our first lessons. Ron called her a know-it-all. I realized, she did know it all. And then, by some odd twist, Ron and Hermione became friends, and then, I was allowed to befriend her like I had wanted to.
Since then, they've had so many rows. Big fights every year, except perhaps second, but they were both a bit preoccupied, trying to keep me from jumping out a window or something equally drastic. And somehow, he had the fortune of falling for her fifth year, just before I realized what a treasure Hermione was. I was blind, and I hate myself for it now.
So now, Ron has her love. It's hard to look at them sometimes. I have trouble breathing around them. When I see Ron kiss her, it feels like I've been punched in the stomach. And I hate myself for being jealous; they're happy, that's what matters. At the same time, I can't help it. She's the deepest desire of my heart, and she happens to be the one thing I can never have.
She doesn't love me. I see the way she looks at him, and though jealousy eats at me, I can't bear to see her suffer. On the other hand, it wouldn't be much use to let her go, if he doesn't love her. I can't help but wonder, though, if she would be happier without me.
And I see the way he returns her looks, and part of me thinks that he just might love her in return. How can I stand in their way? Why should we all be miserable when there's a chance two of us could be happy?
There was a time when I thought she was the One. I thought I would never love again. I see now that I was wrong. We're not always good for each other, Hermione and I. Consistently, we both try to change each other. She wants me to study more, be more serious, and I want her to lighten up and study less. We're both too stubborn for a compromise.
I do love her, very much, but she loves someone else. I've tried to break it off with her, let her go. A clean break. But I suppose I went about it the wrong way. I told her my intentions, she told me I was an idiot and we didn't break up.
Still, shouldn't I set her free?
I'm in love with my best friend. Except, not the right one. Of course, I'll never act upon it. I couldn't bear to hurt Ron, and why should I, if he doesn't love me? I care about Ron; if I can't have the one I love, what's wrong with ending up with my best friend? Perhaps I could learn to love him eventually. It was just a crush at first. But it could be something more. If only I could get over…him.
It was two years ago when I fell, and literally. I tripped, and almost fell down the stairs, but there he was, arms catching me nimbly and lifting me back up. And though it sounds entirely too poetic, I felt as though he lifted all of me up. Our eyes met, and it was then that I knew. I was in love with Harry.
I've tried to move on, forget these feelings, but it never works. The more I try not to love him, the more I do. Harry is the best person I've ever known. He's never selfish, never hesitant to help, always kind, always…always perfect. Granted, there are girls that could find many faults with him. He's flawless in my eyes.
I wonder what point there is, to me feeling this way. Harry deserves something better than I can offer him. I'll stay with Ron, and I suppose we'll start a new branch of the Weasley family. Harry will meet some wonderful woman, and she'll be everything I can't be, and more. He'll be happy. I suppose that will have to be enough.