If you couldn't guess my reviewing is in bold.

Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) (First it's spell gothic, second that's not witty, just dumb) 2 (Text talk and numbers, fucking great, clearly this is going to be some Shakespeare style work!) my gf (ew not in that way)(Ew? So cute if its boys, Ew if its girls?) raven, bloodytearz666(Bet you she has a myspace!) 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. (Clearly not good enough help) U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life (Oh god you're one of THOSE goths.) u rok 2! MCR ROX! (I like the band, but I still don't like you.)


Hi my name is Ebony (To be fair I've heard dumber) Dark'ness (Oh here we fucking go) Dementia (What even is this!) Raven (Because you're name wasn't long enough…) (Also what's with the two words in one names describing the colour black, I know you have the bird but I doubt that's why she chose this) Way (Well that name went downhill) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) (Wow fucking deep) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes (No one just has eyes anymore do they?) like limpid tears (That line is completely unoriginal) and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee(Very few girls are actually that fucking beautiful) (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). (hm, judge much?) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was (Reality check, if you were related to him you couldn't fuck him, which I'm assuming is what you want. Why do so many fangirls want to be related to the man they want to screw, do they not realise incest is illegal and morally frowned upon? That said, incest may explain how said author came about…) because he's a major fucking hottie.(Not that you're going to be a shallow main character or anything…) I'm a vampire (Well that came out of nowhere? Why? How? Is that even possible in the Harry Potter canon? You can't just casually throw that out there!) but my teeth are straight and white.(You know I like how you can be creative and change features of typical horror monsters, but the teeth seemed pretty fucking vital to what a vampire is!) I have pale white skin.(Of course, coz your oh so goffic!) I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England (don't say that to the Scottish, they hate us enough already without being called English!)where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)(Because you were oh so fucking subtle about it!) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic(Yeh, you know I've never been to one in my entire life! Why do people just assume Hot Topic is the only place that's sells rock stuff? Hell Primark sells GnR shirts for Christ sakes!) and I buy all my clothes from there. (Expensive habit) For example today I was wearing a black corset (of course) with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt,(It has to be mini) pink fishnets and black combat boots.(This going to be a thing isn't it?) I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation,( I thought you were already pale?) black eyeliner and red eye shadow.(Well that was riveting, though please, you didn't tell us how you styled you're hair today!) I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.(Ah yes, happy that the rain was destroying your makeup, while snow covered you're clothes making them wet through.) A lot of preps stared at me. (Probably thinking who wears a fucking miniskirt when its raining!)I put up my middle finger at them.(Bit of a harsh reaction,t hey didn't do anything!)

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!(Oh fuck no!)

"What's up Draco?" I asked. (Oh he's probably crying when girls hit him, being an overall scum bag and horrible creature all round. Seriously why do girls like him?)

"Nothing." he said shyly. (ohh I wonder where this could be going?)

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. (Bit rude)


AN: IS it good? (No.)PLZ tell me fangz!(Again, not funny or witty…)