[Gravity Falls is the creation of Alex Hirsch, who has no responsibility for the following misuse of his characters.]
"Aunt Mabel."
"Huh?" I disentangled myself from Pacifica's arms and sat up in her bed.
"I'm hungry."
"Oh." I turned to my niece and nodded. I put on my slippers and robe, took one last glance to see that Pacifica was still sleeping peacefully, then carefully shut the door and turned to her daughter. "So Emerald, what do you want this morning?"
She looked up at me with her green eyes shining. "Pancakes!"
"And?"
"Sausages!"
"Sounds good to me."
Twenty minutes later Emerald looked up from her plate. "Morning, Mommy."
"Good morning, Emerald." Pacifica walked up behind me and looked over my shoulder. "That smells delicious."
"I made some for you."
"Well, perhaps a bite." She nibbled on my earlobe.
"I also made coffee."
"Thanks. I wouldn't know what I'd do without you." She kissed me on the cheek then turned and poured herself a cup. "So, what's on the agenda today?"
I looked up from the skillet for a moment and saw that Pacifica had one leg posed seductively out of her matching robe. I quickly flipped a pancake. "You'll meet a busload of tourists at two p.m., then a Chamber of Commerce meeting at five."
"Tourists." Pacifica frowned at her coffee.
"It's expected, from the princess of Gravity Falls."
"And it's all a lie."
"Truths are what you make them. I know I made the girl of my dreams finally agree to what I offered, and I've never been happier. But not tonight, of course."
"Tonight?" Pacifica raised an eyebrow.
"It's your time, right?"
"Oh, that."
"Don't you oh that to me, Pacifica Pines. He's your husband, it's only proper that you have kids. We agreed, right?"
"As you wish."
"It's part of having a family. Family's important."
"Well this is a much better household than it was when I was a child here. Isn't this a great house, Emerald?"
Her daughter looked at me, then back to Pacifica. "Yes Mommy."
I glanced at the clock. "Emerald, it's getting late. Time to get you ready for your first day of kindergarten."
"Do I have to?"
Her mother turned to her. "Emerald Northwest Pines, you must never be afraid to meet the people. Show them that you are a proud Northwest girl."
Emerald looked at me then bowed her head slightly to her mother. "Yes, Mommy."
Pacifica took the plate I had prepared for her and sat down next to her daughter. She turned on the news, then muted it and turned back to me. "When will you be back, Mabel?"
"I was going to go shopping for some groceries."
"I'll need a bath to steady myself for the day, and given the drought it's best to share those." She winked at me.
"I'll hurry back. Shopping can wait until later."
After that long bath, I carefully braided Pacifica's hair into a ponytail, then picked out a brilliant dress with rustic tones for her, and a much less splashy skirt, blouse and west for myself.
I stood beside and slightly behind Pacifica as she made the spiel to the tourists, then she waited in the car as I went into Candy's preschool to pick up Emerald. We dropped Pacifica off for the chamber meeting, then went shopping.
"Mabel."
I looked up from the various brands of canned tomatoes. "Grenda, I haven't seen you in years. What brings you back to Gravity Falls?"
"Just visiting family. So you had a daughter?"
"This is my niece Emerald Pines, and this is my old friend Grenda."
"Hi Grenda."
"Niece? So she's Dipper's daughter?"
"And Pacifica's."
"Oh. I didn't see that one coming. I thought he had a thing for Wendy?"
"That's all in the past. So how have you been doing?"
"Got engaged." Grenda held up her ring finger. "Headed back east for the wedding in a week."
"Feel free to drop by anytime and we can catch up."
"At the shack?"
"No, the Northwest estate."
"So, you're just hanging around? Never found the right man after all?"
"Aunt Mabel doesn't need a man, she's -"
I cut my niece off, "Yes, I'm perfectly happy with the way things are now."
"That's what I used to think. Well Mabel, you've just got to get back into the game. I'm sure you're find the right man for you someday."
"I'm sure I'll find someone."
"Well, talk to you later."
Emerald waited as Grenda waved and walked off, then turned to me. "Secret?"
"Yes, a secret. Lots of secrets in Gravity Falls. You need to be careful with them."
"Yes, Aunt Mabel."
After I loaded the groceries in the car, we went to pick up Pacifica, and I dropped mother and daughter off at the Northwest Estate. Then I drove to the Mystery Shack, or "hack", as we never did manage to get that "S" to stay put.
"Welcome to the Mystery Hack. Oh, hi Mabel."
"Hi Soos. Is Dipper in?"
Soos looked around to see that as usual there were no customers then turned back to me. "He's down in the basement, doing secret stuff."
"He's turning into Stan, isn't he?"
"Wasn't so bad when Stan was around. I really miss that guy."
"We all do." I went to the back room and entered the secret code on the vending machine, which hadn't actually had any candy in it for a decade. Then I went down the dusty stairs to find my brother slumped onto his desk, snoring. I shook his shoulder.
Dipper jumped back in his chair then looked at me. "Oh, it's only you, Mabel."
"Hi Dipper."
He rubbed his eyes. "What brings you out here?"
"It's Pacifica's time."
"For?"
"We've decided that you two ought to have more kids."
"You mean, you've decided."
"If you can't stand to look at your own wife, then why don't you throw that out?" I pointed to the scrapbook right in front of Dipper, with the historical and scientific books shoved back to make room for it. It was open to a full page photo of Pacifica wearing a flimsy negligee that was so transparent that it concealed nothing as she radiated lust at the camera, or more precisely at me holding the camera.
"I wish she'd look at me that way. She's a lot easier to look at than to live with. Mabel, I don't see how you put up with her all the time." Dipper closed the scrapbook, placing a random piece of paper from his desk as a bookmark.
"Pacifica is a very lovely woman. I'm sure you'll see that someday, but for now you just need to perform your matrimonial duties for three nights, and we won't bother you again for at least another month. With any luck you won't be forced to sleep with your own wife for another few years."
"Another?"
"We've decided that you two need to have three kids. So counting Emerald, that's only twice more, if you do it right. If you find you like it this time then you can sleep with her every night."
"How would you get Pacifica to agree to that?"
"You'd only get the nights."
"Does it have to be tonight? I'm so close to finally discovering the secret."
"And you've been that close for years. I saw what you were studying. You need a break. Get some fresh air and a distraction."
"Yeah, a distraction."
"Tell you what Dipper, do this and I'll make a sequel to that scrapbook. Just tell me what you want your wife to wear."
"Alright. Let's go home."
-HJC