The Reconstruction of Keitaro Urishima
by the CrossoverManiac.

"Love Hina" and its characters are the property rights
of Ken Akamatsu. I want to think Genma:The Destroyer
for his help in this fic.

Chapter 1: Epiphany

"I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down."
"Sober" by Tool

June 28, 2002

"Praise be heaven! It's done!" Keitaro breathed a
sigh of relief from what has been a grueling three
weeks of work and studies. He just took his fifth
test to get into the prestigious Tokyo University a
week ago. The extra study time and exam caused his a
backlog of chores around the Hinata Girls' Dormitory,
leaving him with a 16-20 hour workday. It wouldn't
have been so bad had it not been for a sudden
onslaught of inspiration that came upon Suu and the
following explosion that were the fruits of that same
inspiration. His weeks were a blur of stopped-up
toilets, scraps of wood and brick that was once a part
of the Hinata, soap suds from scrubbing the women's
bathhouse, and an occasional one-sided fisticuffs from
Naru and Motoko when Keitaro didn't do the work fast
enough. But now, everything is back in order. There
was nothing left to do now except wait for the results
of the test. He was certain he would get into Tokyo

It was so peaceful, so quite, as if the Hinata was

"I wonder where everyone ran off to," thought Keitaro. "Naru,
Shinobu, Motoko, anyone." At first, there was no
reply except for the hum of the central cooling

"Yes, Keitaro, you'd need anything?" It was Haruka
calling across the hall, from her room. Keitaro
strolled inside. Haruka was lounging on her couch

"So, where did the rest of the girls go?"

"Motoko, Kisume, Shinobu, and Naru are gone out

"What!" Keitaro shouted. "Naru and Shinobu both told
me they were having financial problems and couldn't
make rent."

Haruka let out whiff of smoke from her mouth as she
sighed. "Don't tell me you let them con you out of

Keitaro held his head down in shame. "The second
month in a row."

"If you keep this up, you'll be in the poor house,"
Haruka shook her head. "You'll never amount to
anything being this spineless."

"Great, now even my aunt starting to think more like
Naru," thought Keitaro. "I swear, the longer I stay
with people, the more they think I'm a pile of crap.
But she may be right about Naru," Keitaro thought.
Keitaro shook that thought out of his head. "But Naru
might be her: the only person in the world that loved
me for me. The one that made the promise to me that
would be together forever if we go to Tokyo University
together." Keitaro couldn't risk being heavy-handed
with Naru. It was the main reason why he was tolerant
of her abuse. "No, it's not abuse." Keitaro rebuked
himself for thinking like that. "She must care for
me, somewhere deep inside. Even if there was a one in
a million chance Naru's the one, I have to take it or
risk losing her." His inner voice said otherwise.

"That's a load of crap! She hates you, she thinks
you're the dog crap she stepped on while walking on
the sidewalk, and she abuses you because she can get
away with it and she know it. Oh, did I mention she
hates you."

"But what if she's..."

"So, what. 'Oh, look. I got a kiss 17 years ago; a
smile here; a pat on the back there. That makes up
for the 759 times she hit me, the 2120 times she
called me degrading names like 'baka' and 'hentai',
and the 43 times she deliberately embarrassed me in
front of the tenants.'"

"She didn't him me that often."

"I'm not exaggerating, Keitaro. I counted. It is
759. And I got a count on the rest of the other
things, too."

"I won't risk losing her. If there's nothing but a
one in a million chance Naru's the one, I'll take it."

"You're heading for a fall, Keitaro."

Keitaro wanted to get his mind off of this. He didn't
have a long enough lifespan to dwell on all of his
shortcomings. "So, what's you're doing, Haruka?"

"I'm watching this old show, called 'I'll lean on

Keitaro's mind became clouded by the melancholy of
nostalgia. "That show. I've heard of it before,

"It was your favorite show when you were a kid."
Haruka chuckled. "You used to pitch such a fit if
anyone dared turned the TV when it came on. You cried
for a week when they canceled the show."

Keitaro laughed himself. "Couldn't be that good if I
forgot about it."

"Got time out of your busy schedule to watch it with
me, landlord."

"I just took my entrance exam to Tokyo U, and the
Hinaka's all cleaned up. Why not?" Keitaro ran to
the dining table to get a chair and sit down to an
evening of goofing around the TV set.

Seven hours later....

And we'll continue with our 18-hour "The best of 'I'll
Lean on You'" in a moment.

"How did I ever forget this show?" Keitaro asked
himself. Keitaro felt lighter-than-air, all of his
fears and frustrations melted away with each episode.
But he couldn't put his finger on why he liked it.
The plot was contrived and always nonsensical. How
many times do modern-day pirates kidnap children
anyway? And the story resolution was ridiculous.
This show reeked of camp. But it was
mesmerizing, and despite it's utter lack of substance,

"Keitaro, you're not six anymore," complained Haruka.
"Can we turn the damn thing already? Seven hours is
enough TV time for anyone"

"Please," pleaded Keitaro, "just a few more episodes."


"You'll be my favorite aunt."


"I'll go to my room and finish watching it."

Keitaro takes his chair and matches to his room. On
the way, he runs into Naru and Shinobu. "Just where
you do think you're going, baka," Shinobu snapped.

"Listen, can it wait, I'm in the middle of something
important here." Keitaro sidestepped Naru in his rush
to get to his room, but Shinobu steps in his way.

"The light in my room is shot," said Naru, "we need
you to go to the store and get some more bulbs. It's
almost getting dark."

"I promise you, I'll run and get some as soon I take
care of some things. You can use the bulb out of my
room until I get you some," Keitaro replied.

"What's so important you can't make run to the store
for us," yelled Shinobu.

"It's hard to explain." Especially to a shrew like
you, Shinobu, Keitaro thought. Two years here, and
you're getting as bad as the rest of the girls.

"He's watching an 18-hour marathon of some show,"
Haruka called out from her room."

"What's sort of landlord leaves their tenants in the
dark to run off to watch TV?" Sneered Naru. A sword
was un-sheaved from behind Keitaro.

"What's this I hear about leaving your tenants in the
dark?" Motoko wasn't too thrilled about Keitaro
derelict in his duties. Then again, Motoko was seldom
pleased with anything Keitaro does. Motoko pointed
the sword within inches of Keitaro's face.

Keitaro started whining. "I told Naru she could use
the lightbulb in my room. Now please let me finish my

"ALRIGHT ALREADY!" Shinobu screamed. "WE'LL TAKE THE

Motoko put back her sword. "There's nothing more
pathetic than hearing a man whining."

"Yeah," said Naru in agreement, "this is a low, even
for..." Naru then noticed Keitaro was gone. A second
later, he came running out of his room with lightbulb
in hand. Keitaro slapped into Naru's and ran off.

"This folks," said the TV announcer, "is the #1
episode of "I'll Lean on You"; requested by more of
our viewers than all of the other episodes combined.
I'm pleased to bring you, "The Promise".

"This must be a really good episode if they more votes
for than all of the others," whispered Keitaro. He
started fidgeting in his chair in anticipation of the
big finale of the marathon.

On the screen, a young boy and girl are playing on the
beach making sand castles. Keitaro paid particular
attention to the girl, who looked so familiar. She
almost looked like...

The little girl began patting the loose sand together
to keep her sand castle from crumpling apart. The
sides of the structure were pox-marked with tiny
handprints all over it. The little girl turned to the
little boy saying...

"Did you know that if two people who love each other
go to Tokyo University..."

Keitaro's jaw dropped open. He stared in complete

"...they'll live happily ever after?"

"No!" Keitaro's thoughts screamed inside his mind, "It
can't be!"

"Really," replied the young boy.

Keitaro dropped to his knees. His breathing was
heavy; his brow moist with perspiration.

The little girl kisses the little boy on the cheek and

"Let's go to Tokyo University together."

Keitaro began crying uncontrollably.


The girl of his dreams, a character on TV?


The only person who gave a rat's ass about him, a
figment of his imagination?


The only thing in his life he had to live for.


Keitaro collapsed on the floor. The room began
spinning around him. The steel-blue light shining
into his window from a streetlight outside began
rotating. It started spinning faster and faster

17 years ago...

"Keitaro, I told you not to come," spat a man, in his
early thirties dressed in black suit and tie.

"But I...*cough*...*cough* I had to say goodbye to
grandpopa." Keitaro, age 4, wiped his nose on his
sleave. Keitaro's father backhanded him, knocking him
off of his feet.

"I told you not to wipe snot on your good clothes, you
little $h!t !!!" Keitaro's father looked down upon
his son, waiting for him to up. Keitaro got to his
feet, but stumbled, almost falling over. "Now get out
of those clothes, before you turn that good suit into
a snot rag."

Keitaro staggered into his room. "Why did grandpoppa
have to die?" Keitaro cried. Who would be there to
kiss him where he got hurt, who would be there to play
racing games with his toy cars? Who else would care
about him and love him. Daddy? He doesn't seem to
like Keitaro. He hits him all of the time, and call
bad dirty names. Mommy? She's always telling Keitaro
to go to his room when her 'special friends' come over
and make those groaning and wailing noises in mom and
dad's bedroom. She does it all of the time and
doesn't like Keitaro to be around her and her 'special
friends'. Although, she never hits him as much as
dad, except when he talks about her 'special friends'.
Keitaro changes into his bunny pajamas. He walks to
the kitchen to get a glass of water (maybe dad will
give Keitaro a glass of water, if he's not still mad
at him) when he saw it. It was a brand new episode of
"I'll Lean on You", and it had his two favorite
characters. They were his favorites because they were
always together. They stayed together no matter what.
They always beat the mean hate pirates that tried to
take love out of the world, and even made them all
good. They even like holding each other's hand,
something that none of the other kids in school would
do for Keitaro. He reclined on the couch watching.

"Did you know that if two people who love each other
go to Tokyo University..." said the little girl to the
little boy.

"I wish someone would love me like that." The bump on
his head where daddy backhanded him began to throb.
Keitaro felt light-headed and dizzy from both the flu
and the blow to the head.

"That little boy, if I was only him." His vision
became blurry. He used up what strength he had left
to push himself off of the couch to get a closer look
at the television. Even though he was right next to
the TV, the images were still blurry.

"He does look sorta like me." Keitaro pupils became

"I'm the little boy on 'I'll Lean on You'" And
Keitaro collapsed.


Motoko ran out of her room and into the hallway
towards the screaming; sword ready to slice any
evildoer who dared to deserved the peace of Hinata,
namely Keitaro.

When Motoko finally got there, she saw that Naru and
Su already beat her to Keitaro's room.

"Keitaro, what in the world is going on in there?!?"
Naru pounded on the door.

"Will you beat, hentai wussy boy?" Suu asked
enthusiastically. For her, Naru and Keitaro were
real-life 'Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote'.

"What's all of the commotion?" Shinobu asked as she
hastily threw her robe on.

"The coward must have had a bad dream," spat Motoko.

"Keitaro, are you okay? Answer me!" yelled Haruka.

"Unlike Keitaro," sneered Naru, "I have classes at
Tokyo U to attend. I can't sit up all night while
he's screaming. Naru barged into the room. "Now look
here, baka..."

Naru stopped in mid-sentence when he was a figure in
the darkness. *It* was crouched over, chest rising
and falling with its rasping breath. Naru stepped
back, intimidated by the figure. It slowly turned its
head towards her; eyes glowing, reflecting the ambient
light shining from the hallway. Kitsume barged in
with a flashlight shining it into the room. The light
went back and forth across the room and settling in on
the figure. It was Keitaro, but somehow different.
He looked twisted, his fingers curled up. But that
wasn't what made Naru back off into the hallway or
Motoko so petrified she dropped her wooden practice
sword. It was the eyes. For never in the world of
fiction has eyes held such utter rage and hate since a
19th-century New England mariner lost his leg to a
great white whale


And at that moment of realization, with his past
revealed, Keitaro
comes to a conclusion.

His life's goal is a sham. A lie. He's suffered
indignity after indignity for nothing. He's wasted so
much time, on a *dream*.

And very angry.