Yo yo dawg. I have indeed updated once more on a Wednesday. Yayyyyy for schedule. Also: I have an extract thingy of my marauders play at the end. Just a short one :)

Set: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 11 (The Duelling Club)

"There's something else," said Harry, watching Hermione tearing bundles of knotgrass and throwing them into the potion. "Dobby came to visit me in the middle of the night."

Ron and Hermione looked up, amazed. Harry told them everything Dobby had told him- or hadn't told him. Ron and Hermione listened with their mouths open.

"The Chamber of Secrets has been opened before?" said Hermione.

"Huh," Ron considered. "Well that fits neatly into the red herring of this plot."

Harry sighed. "Great. Now we can carry on blaming Malfoy. It's funny how we blame him in every instance, except the time he actually is to blame."

"Are you still going on about that? Y'know I thought we covered that in the last chapter-"

"Shut up, Ron." Harry rolled his eyes. "You know I'm right. Or I will be… in four years…"

Hermione gritted her teeth, and pushed aside her potions book.

"It's been opened before?" she repeated.

Harry and Ron frowned. "Yes…?" they chorused in confusion.

"Why on earth are we still here?" Hermione shrieked.


"Hogwarts! Why on earth are we still in Hogwarts!?"

"Because that's where we go to school?" Harry said slowly, looking at Ron. His ginger friend shrugged helplessly.

Hermione frowned. "I read about a case. It sticks out, because Hogwarts has a surprisingly low number of fatalities for a school that teaches magic to minors. Fifty years ago, a girl was killed. This must be when the Chamber was last opened. It has a history of death! And the teachers must know what it can escalate too!" she panicked. "And poor Colin nearly died! Anyone of us could be next. Even Malfoy said so-"

"Since when is Malfoy right about anything?" Harry questioned, still looking miffed at the idea that Colin Creevey Stalker Supreme could be 'poor'.

"Yeah Hermione," Ron agreed, cheered at the opportunity to insult his nemesis. "Since when does Malfoy know anything?"

"Apparently he knows better than the teachers." Hermione snarled. "I mean, I was doubtful of their ability last year. Putting an item as valuable as the Philosopher's Stone in a school full of eleven years olds was a bad idea, but behind a door that could be opened with a simple alohomora?"

"I got to save the day though," Harry pointed out. "No way could I have done that if safety precautions were taken."

"No, you wouldn't have been able to risk your life," Hermione said sarcastically. "What a shame."

Harry nodded eagerly.

Hermione ignored him. "You know, it wouldn't surprise me if the teachers this year are yet again so incompetent that you have to venture into some kind of dangerous chamber-"

Ron spoke quickly. "C'mon Hermione. Don't spoil the plot twist. And this is Hogwarts. What else can Dumbledore do? Where else could we go?"

"Literally anywhere. We're magical. Surely there's some kind of house or building or cave that we could go to. Anywhere's safer than here!"

Harry and Ron shared an amused look. "We couldn't all fit in a cave."

"Magic." Hermione growled.


"And isn't there a department in the Ministry that deals with dangerous animals? If the Chamber has been opened and a beast is loose, isn't this a valuable time for them to get the castle evacuated and searched by professionals?"

The two boys shrugged.

"So now that we've established the teachers are idiots, and parents somehow don't catch wind of this and bring us all home- we need to solve this mystery before someone gets killed or disappeared. This really shouldn't be up to twelve year olds, but what can you do? How awful would it be if no one really did anything until a young first year died!?" Hermione narrowed her eyes.

"You've got an active imagination, Mione. Dumbledore wouldn't let that happen." Ron scoffed.

"Hmmm. Okay, so now that we know there was a murder 50 years ago that's probably linked, all we need to do is investigate. I'm sure if we find out the name of the girl, we can move on from there. Records or something."

"Good idea," Harry said, looking pleased. "A nice solid plan." He turned to Ron, and raised his eyebrows. "Can you imagine what would happen if Hermione conveniently got petrified? We'd probably end up following a vague clue like 'follow the spiders', and risk our lives."

"Thank Merlin for Mione," Ron agreed sagely.

The trio sat on the bathroom floor, solemnly contemplating how rubbish adults were. Suddenly, a small, nasally voice sounded from one of the toilet seats. "Excuse me."

Ron, Hermione and Harry span around suddenly, images of a furious Filch discovering them fresh in their minds… only to come face to face with a pigtailed Moaning Myrtle.

"I couldn't help but overhear, that you were talking about the Chamber of Secrets," she giggled. "Would you like to hear how I died?"

Hermione's eyes widened. "Of course! The murdered girl was Myrtle! Quick, where were you murdered?"

"Right here," Myrtle said coyly. "In this bathroom. It was awful, there were these big yellow eyes and a boy-"

"No time." Hermione snapped. "We're going straight to Dumbledore. Now that we have a witness, he has to do something."

She got to her feet and gestured for the others to follow, marching out of the bathroom. Ron and Harry trailed after her, with Myrtle taking up the rear, hiccupping at regular intervals.

"Don't you think it's weird," Harry said. "That we've been discussing all this in the bathroom for a good while now- and Myrtle never said anything?

"Plot convenience," Hermione glowered.

Hermione stormed up a staircase, and the others followed obediently.

"If this was a real school," Hermione grumbled, bushy hair flying out behind her. "We'd be on the train home this evening."

"Yeah," Harry allowed. "But Hogwarts isn't a real school. It's death and danger wrapped up into one castle of doom."

"Mmm," she grunted.


Remus: I can't believe Professor Slughorn is late to our first Potions class of the year. We're going to fail our NEWTs, I know it.

Sirius: Calm down Moony. What does a Potions NEWT actually give you?

Remus: Qualifications for literally every job. Didn't you even read those careers leaflets? If only you lot would pick up a book once in a while-

James: (interrupting) This year's the year.

Remus: (Turning to the other marauders) Am I mistaken or is he finally taking his studies seriously?

Sirius: (laughing) Oh, poor, innocent Remi. You're so behind on the times.

James: He's not very… awere is he?

Sirius: He's a little bit out of it. One could say…he's a little bit 'moony'.

James: Maybe he 'wolfed' down his breakfast too fast and has indigestion.

Peter: Oh 'deer'. Anymore of these ratty puns and he'll be howling.

Sirius: Good one, wormtail! Doe you could do better….

Peter: Thanks.

Remus: (fed up) Have you finished being idiots, yet? You're acting like a bunch of kids.

(Lily enters with Narcissa and Snape. Sev looks suspiciously at the marauders and Narcissa gazes at James. Lily ignores them).

James: (Feigning offense) Why, Moony. You're acting a bit uncivil. Anyone would think you're half savage!

Sirius: (mock concern) Is it your time of month?

(Lily overhears and looks up angrily. She marches over.)

James: Admit it. You are acting quite nasty.

Lily: What's that Potter?