Author's Note: Was intending for this to be a one-shot but if people like me to continue this, then I might. Happy New Year!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Sasuke was at a loss for words. His roommate had left just a simple note announcing that he was moving back to Suna and now Sasuke was stuck with an empty room and the missing half of the rent for next month. So with no other options, Sasuke placed a few flyers on some message boards in the city and waited for phone calls. He had less than two weeks to find a roommate fast before he gets kicked out.
He wondered if it was a big mistake to put his phone number on the flyer as he ended up getting calls from what he could only imagine as low-end prostitutes looking for a cheap thrill. When he managed to sift through the prank calls and drunken voicemails, he ended up with a good list of ten potential candidates.
The first guy came to his apartment at around 10 am. He seemed normal enough. With short brown hair and a heavy winter jacket on, he looked like a potential roommate. He introduced himself as Kiba and Sasuke gave him a quick tour of the place.
"So what do you think?" Sasuke asked as they finished the tour and were now headed towards the front door.
"It's nice. A little small for Akamaru's taste but I think we can make it work."
"Akamaru? Is that your girlfriend?"
"Oh no, he's not."
"Oh, boyfriend? That's cool, I don't judge."
Kiba laughed. "No, he's my dog."
Sasuke paused. "Dog?"
"Yeah, he's the cutest thing ever. You'll love him!"
Sasuke did not want a dog in his apartment. Even though the apartment allowed for pets, a dog was the last thing on Sasuke's mind. He wanted a clean, tidy place and a dog would mess it all up. There would be hair all over the carpet and what if it barked at night?
"Sorry, our place doesn't allow pets."
"What?! But I thought-"
"Nope, sorry. Thanks for coming by," Sasuke interrupted as he shut the door on Kiba.
The second guy came at around noon and he brought over a can of paint.
"What's that?" Sasuke asked.
"Paint." He introduced himself as Sai. "I actually don't need a room but I saw the picture on your flyer and it looked like it could use some color so I thought I would lend you my services."
Sasuke stared at Sai before shutting the door on him. "Weird hippie artist," Sasuke muttered under his breath.
The third guy came at around 3 pm. He was eating out of a bag of potato chips when Sasuke opened the door.
"Chouji," the guy introduced himself between bites of potato chips.
Sasuke wrinkled his nose. He could see a piece of chip on Chouji's shirt and there were crumbs falling to the ground. Sasuke didn't want to let him in but he had no choice as Chouji barged in with chips in tow. Reluctantly, Sasuke gave the fastest tour of the apartment as he could while avoiding opening any doors to the bedroom since it was carpeted.
"Okay, that's the place," Sasuke rushed quickly.
"But what about the bedrooms?" Chouji asked.
"Uh, it's under renovation right now. But it looks basically like the flyer," Sasuke lied.
"Okay, do you think we can add another fridge in the kitchen? Or maybe my bedroom?"
Sasuke stared at Chouji. Was one fridge not enough? There was only going to be two people living in the apartment. Did the guy want to hibernate through the winter or something?
"No," Sasuke replied curtly. "You can probably do a mini fridge in your room if you really need to."
Sasuke watched as a few crumbs fell to the floor of his living room. He frowned. This was the opposite of a clean, tidy space.
"Okay then. I'll take it!" Chouji responded with a grin.
"Actually, I have more people coming in to view the place so I'll contact you if you get the place."
"What are my chances?" Chouji asked as Sasuke began escorting him to the front door.
"Very high," Sasuke said through gritted teeth as he tried to get Chouji and his crumbs to leave the apartment as soon as possible.
"That's good. Then I'll hope to hear from you…"
Sasuke shut the door.
"…soon," Chouji finished as he stared back at the door.
The fourth guy never showed up and Sasuke could only imagined that he got lost. "A no-show from Kakashi," Sasuke muttered as he crossed the name off his list.
Sasuke glanced down at the list. There was only a few more names left.
The fifth guy came five minutes before the scheduled time and rang the doorbell excessively. Sasuke opened it in annoyance to see a bushy eyebrow man with a huge smile on his face.
"What a youthful looking man!" spoke the bushy eyebrows.
"You must be Lee."
"Indeed I am! I am burning with the fire of a thousand suns in excitement to be your potential roommate."
Sasuke nodded absentmindedly as he waved Lee in. The quick tour ended up to be half an hour as Lee talked nonstop about every single room and every piece of furniture along the way.
"That looks like a wonderful bed to be doing a lot of youthful activities!" Lee exclaimed.
Sasuke crossed his arms and tapped his fingers impatiently as he listened to Lee drone on and on. "Yes, yes. Everything is youthful here. I have another viewer coming in five minutes so sorry to cut this short."
"Absolutely no problem! I will also love to join in and see what questions the next person has!"
"I don't think that is advisable," Sasuke said as he guided Lee to the door. "But I'll call you if anything."
"Do you have my number?"
"No," Sasuke said as he closed the door on Lee.
The sixth guy called Sasuke on the phone.
"Your place is too troublesome to get to. Can I just not meet up with you?"
Sasuke stared at the phone. He didn't know how to respond. If the guy didn't show up, how would he know if he was a lunatic or not?
"Sorry, I have to meet the person to be my potential roommate. I'm sure you would want the same, Shikamaru," Sasuke said.
"Too troublesome." The phone line clicked and went dead on the other end.
The seventh guy was Shino and he was quiet and kept to himself as he toured the place.
"This seems to be a tidy place," Shino remarked.
"Yes, I like to keep it that way."
The conversation was short and brief and Sasuke was beginning to like the guy. "So, as long as you keep the place clean, it shouldn't be a problem," Sasuke said.
"You don't have any pets, right?"
Shino shook his head. "No pets."
Sasuke settled on Shino and cancelled the rest of the appointments. Orochimaru had sounded like a rapist on the phone and Sasuke was glad to not have met up with him. He only reached the voicemail for Neji but his voicemail had sounded pretentious and Sasuke could feel like he would not get along at all with Neji. He hung up before he could leave any voicemail for Jiraiya. Sasuke wasn't sure if he dialed the wrong number or if Jiraiya was a pervert with fetishes for anime girls.
Shino moved in that week and had unpacked all his belongings when Sasuke was out studying at the library.
"You unpack quickly," Sasuke mentioned when he got home.
Shino nodded and quickly returned to his room and shut the door.
Sasuke expected Shino to be quiet and reclusive but not to that point. He guess it was better than the talkative Lee.
Another week passed and Sasuke was home alone studying for his police academy exam when he saw something moving out of the corner of his eye. He was sitting in the living room and he could have sworn he saw a black shadow crawl from behind the television to the couch. He quickly took off his slipper as he walked behind the couch. A giant spider was crawling against his white couch and with a brute force, Sasuke slammed his slipper against the spider.
It died on his slipper and Sasuke cringed at the spot on his couch. He would need to sanitize it or something.
The front door opened and Shino announced his presence.
"Oh you're home. Be careful Shino. There might be a bug problem in here. I just killed the largest spider ever," Sasuke said as he held up his slipper.
Shino's mouth dropped open as he dropped the grocery bag in his hands. He slowly walked forward as he took off his sunglasses and reached his hand forward to the slipper.
"My baby," Shino gasped.
Sasuke backed away slowly from Shino. "Wait, what?"
"You. Killed. My. Baby." Shino collapsed on the floor with the slipper cradled in his hands.
From that day on, Sasuke never heard from Shino again as Shino packed up his things and left the apartment the next day. Shino didn't even ask for the rest of the rent back and all that remained left of him was probably the rest of the spider guts on Sasuke's slipper.
"What am I going to do?" Sasuke said to the other line of the phone to his best friend, Naruto.
"So you killed his baby?" Naruto asked.
"I didn't kill his baby. It was a freaking spider," Sasuke retorted.
"Yeah, but I bet he didn't see it that way."
"I said no pets. The guy had like a bug farm in his room." Sasuke sighed. "Look, I am able to cover for this month's rent but next month is an issue. I don't want to go through the interview process again. What if I end up with another freak like the spider lover?"
Naruto laughed. "Don't worry. I have the perfect person for you. My friend needs a place and I think you two would work out perfectly."
Sasuke frowned. "I don't know. Your idea of perfect also includes eating two bowls of ramen with no vegetables whatsoever."
Naruto ignored that response as he continued on, "Clean and tidy. Won't talk you to death. No pets. No weird fetishes. Not a rapist. Not lazy. Geez, what more do you want?"
"Can they cook?"
"Yeah, better than you ever could," Naruto snickered.
"I don't think you're one to talk. You only know how to boil water," Sasuke said dryly.
"I'll call my friend and you two can meet up tomorrow afternoon?"
"Okay, let's do 2 pm."
"Great. I'll let her know."
They hung up and Sasuke went back to his bedroom to sleep for the night. It was only ten minutes into dozing off that he sat up with a start. "Wait, did Naruto say her?"
Sasuke slowly lay back down on his bed but he kept wondering if Naruto knew he wanted a male roommate and not a female one. A female one would be too complicated. They would leave hair in the drain and make the bathroom smell like flowers. They would probably go crazy once a month and complain at him for the littlest things. Yeah, Sasuke did not want a female roommate at all. In fact, they were the worst kinds. Maybe even worse than that rapist sounding Orochimaru. He couldn't be too sure.
Afternoon rolled by and Sasuke waited by the door as the clock ticked to 2 pm. A strong knock came at the door and Sasuke opened it.
Standing before him was a girl. With pink hair and emerald green eyes, she smiled brightly at him. She was dressed in green scrubs underneath her white coat.
"Hi," she said brightly. "Sorry I look like this. I just came straight from work at the hospital."
"Oh," he replied. "You work at the hospital?"
"I'm an intern there. May I come in?" she asked.
Sasuke grudgingly opened the door wider as he allowed her entrance into his apartment. "Listen, I don't know what Naruto told you but…"
"My name is Sakura. Naruto told me a lot about you Sasuke. Said you were real stuck-up but I would get used to it after a week," Sakura interrupted him.
Sasuke frowned. Stuck-up? He couldn't really answer to that since technically, it was true and even he would admit to that. But it's not like Naruto had to tell everyone that.
"Listen, I don't think it's a good idea for us to live together," Sasuke started.
"Why not?" Sakura asked as she whirled around.
"Because… you're a girl."
"And I'm a guy?" Sasuke continued on with even more questionable tone in his voice. What part of the message was this girl not understanding?
"Why? Are you planning to attack me in the middle of the night?" Sakura questioned.
"No! That's not what I meant!"
"Then what's the problem?"
"You'll leave hair in the drain…"
"I clean up after myself, thank you very much."
"You'll make the bathroom smell like flowers with all your scented items."
"Would you rather it smell like bathroom cleaner?"
She had a point. Sasuke actually didn't mind the scented flowers. He actually quite liked it. It would have been weird to have it there with two guys in the house but with a girl as a roommate, it was a passable excuse.
"But… each month…"
"I'll pay the rent on time for each month," Sakura said with a sigh.
"Er, that's not what I meant."
"Look, I'm clean and tidy and won't be in your way. I have work at the hospital during the day and then into the night so I probably won't even be home most of the time. I just need a place to sleep."
Sasuke ran out of arguments to counter the girl. Besides, it was Naruto's friend. It couldn't be all that bad to live with a girl.
Sakura smiled brightly. "Great, because I brought my suitcase and it's downstairs in the lobby."
'Wow, this girl made her decision before I even made mine,' Sasuke thought.
"Do you need help bringing it up?"
"Don't worry. I'm a strong girl," Sakura said as she walked to the front door. "Oh, since Naruto informed me that the last guy already paid for the rest of this month, I can just stay here for free until next month, right? Don't worry, I make really delicious dinners. Take it as my partial payment."
Sakura smiled. "I already moved out of my old place so this would really help me out. It's a lot closer to the hospital for me. Thanks roomie!" she said as she disappeared into the hallway.
Sasuke was at a loss for words. "How annoying," he murmured with a smile.