My first Hamtaro fanfic (I bet you're used to people saying something like that by now.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro the tv show and if you sew me, it would be friggin stupid cause this is none profit, a sign of fan appreciation, and most or all of the people who read these don't own Hamtaro so it's a very likely chance that you don't own Hamtaro either.

A Very Hamtaro Satire

by flashfox (duh)

Episode One: Digital Cable

(Hamtaro and Laura are sleeping when the alarm goes off. The floor shakes as the loud alarm sounds off. Laura reaches out for the alarm clock. Hamtaro is running around the cage panically.)

Hamtaro: Aaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!! Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Woman and Hams first!

(The floor under the night stand that the alarm clock is on gives way. Soon after, Laura's mom turns it off.)

Laura's mom: Breakfast is ready Laura!

Laura: OK! (Faces Hamtaro) Sorry I can't take you to breakfast with me, Hamtaro. (Runs down stairs.)

Hamtaro: (Thinks to self) Man, she really likes saying that.

(Laura runs back up.)

Laura: Sorry, I forgot to tell you what I'm doing today so it would lead you to a looney adventure with your other Hamster friends that I'm not supposed to know about.

Hamtaro: Heke?

Laura: Awww darn... I caught you outside your cage yesterday... Looks like I'm caught. Oh well, you can't do anything about...

(A flash is seen. Hamtaro is seen with sunglasses and a nurolizer in hand. He puts away nurolizer and sunglasses.)

Hamtaro: You were digging up worms at the park and eating them. That is all you did yesterday.

Laura: See ya Hamtaro! (Runs down stairs. A faint "Hi mom, I want worms for breakfast" and a loud thud is heard. Hamtaro sneaks out of his cage and goes down the rain pipe like he dose in every episode. When Hamtaro lands, he is in a wet dark place.)

Hamtaro: Where am I?

(Hamtaro feels sharp teeth with his right paw.)

Hamtaro: Shucks! Brandy slept with his mouth open again!

(It didn't take long for Brandy to yawn which made it perfect for Hamtaro's excape.)

Oxnard: Hi Hamtaro. Brandy slept with his mouth open again?

Hamtaro: Yep...

(They take a tunnel to the clubhouse by passing disgusting parasites that seem to have not moved since Hamtaro and Oxnard first walk through it.)

Oxnard: I haven't had a meal in 2 minutes, I'm starving!

Hamtaro: Don't worry, we are almost there.

(Hamtaro opens the door to the clubhouse. All the Hams are huddled around something. Music is heard.)

Hamtaro and Oxnard: Heke?

(The get a closer looks, they see Ham tap dancers on a tv screen. This only deepens their confusion.)

Bijou: He's so graceful!

Hamtaro: heke?

(The tap dancer falls.)

Everyone: Gasp!

Bob Saget: (In tv) Wow that was the funniest home video ever!

(All the Ham-Hams are panicking to find the remote. Boss grabs the remote and changes the channel. Everyone sighs in relief. The screen shows the back of their heads.)

Everyone: Heke?

(The Ham-Hams look for where the camera maybe. Boss takes out a book and messes with it.)

Boss: It's the book!

Everyone: Gasp! Destroy it!

(Boss lays it on the floor and hacks it with a pick ax. The picture on the screen still remains.)

Dexter: Ummm... Boss... That wasn't it...

Boss: I know, I've been wanting to destroy this annoying book for weeks!

Maxwell: (Bends down over remains of book and cries.)

Boss: Oh come on, it's just a book!

Maxwell: Don't tell me it's just a book! It's the best book in the world and you don't appreciate it! (Raises shovel.)

Boss Oh no!

(Maxwell hits Boss over the head with the shovel.)

Sandy: Maxwell... how could you...

Maxwell: He destroyed the book!

Sandy: You mean the one you were holding in your arm the whole time?

Maxwell: Why yes... Doh!

Dexter: What should we do with Boss?

(Boss walks in.)

Boss: Hey guys, I went to get some... Woah, what did you do with my stunt double?

Everyone: Heke?


Kana: I can't believe you had worms for lunch

Laura: It tastes like chicken.

(Travis walks up to them.)

Travis: Hi Laura! I'm here to pretend I don't know you have a huge crush on me.

Laura: Heka?

Kana: People don't say Heka Laura...

Travis: Man, me and my big mouth, I read your diary earlier and...

(A flash is seen, Laura and Kana are both wearing sunglasses. Laura is holding a Nurolizer. They put that stuff away.)

Laura: You didn't read my diary, you were just thinking of asking me to eat with you sometime.

Travis: maybe we can eat together sometime, bye Laura! (Runs off)

Kana: You and Mr. Perfect!

Laura: Ya!

Kana: Hey, I've been wondering, why is the fic showing what is happening now?

Laura: It's in my contract.

Kana: That is so cool!


Boss: I see you guys saw my new big screen tv. I bought it for 800 sunflower seeds in celebration of just getting my digital cable hooked up!

Everyone: Yay!

(They all sit around the tv.)

Boss: Let's view the digital tv guide for what's on.

(Boss presses a button on the remote and the guide appears on the screen.)

Howdy: Wow, 800 hundred channels and nothing to watch...

All the Ham girls: No fashion channel? (Storms out of the club house.)

Boss: Glad they left, this is when the real fun starts!

Everyone but Boss: Heka?

(Boss Changes it to the Ham-Boy Channel.)

Everyone: (Sweat drop)

Later on in Laura's room...

Laura: (Thinking to herself what she is writing in her journal.) I ate allot of worms today! Travis asked me if I can eat with him some time!

Hamtaro: (Thinks) Telling from my super power of being able to read your mind to find out what you are writing, you had a good day. Mine was long and pointless, and wish I didn't watch the Ham-boy channel so much for I'm feeling woozy...

Laura: Today was a good day, and tomorrow will be much better!

Hamtaro: Hope so.... I mean Heke

The end of chapter one, stay tuned for a chapter two hopefully.