Disclaimer: I don't own hamtaro or the ham hams so help me god.
Anchor man: We interupt this satire for some breaking news in the Dr. Heke vs the captain and a seal. We go to Steven U Doedoehead for the details.
(Steven is standing in a courtroom)
Steven: Well It's the bottem of the 9th of August and the base of the witness bench is loaded as FF was called up to testify. The defence makes his pitch... and FF hits him with a bat! He runs from the base of the witness stand to the first base! Now he is running to second! The bailiff throws the night stick towards third but FF incredibly makes it to third safe and now he is stealing home base! He goes for a slide and... He lands a home run! FF wins the game! Just watch those bailiffs carry FF off! This is a night to remember! Back to you Bob!
Anchor man: Thanks Steven. Now back to our regular program.
A Very Hamtaro Satire
Chapter 10: Osmosis Hamtaro
(Laura shivers as she enters class. She spots the infamous Mrs. Green standing in front of the chalk board. She's green and scally and looks like a dragon. She burns her name into the chalk board as Laura sits in her seat.)
Mrs. Green: Hello class (snickers) are you ready for some fractions?
(Everyone gasps remembering the book this scene is parodying.)
Mrs. Green: Come up here Kana.
(Kana gulps and stands next to Mrs. Green)
Mrs. Green: Do you know fractions Kana?
Kana: (shivering) no...
Mrs. Green: ok, then let's do the problem on the board as a class!
(Kana screams and runs out the door)
Mrs. Green: (Dose problem on the board) So you see, when you divide a fraction, you have to multiply it by it's reciprical.
Mrs. Green: Now who can spell really well? Hehe! I made a rhyme!
Class: (Shivers again)
(Meanwhile in the clubhouse...)
(The ham hams have boarded the Magic Hambus.)
Dexter: This is one fine bus!
Howdy: Brought to you by Scholastics for Hams, pubilishers of Harry Otter and Humamorphs!
Dexter: What did you say? It better not be another one of your jokes Howdy!
Howdy: It was nothing (grins)
Maxwell: Let's get on moving!
Ham Hams: Oompa!
(The magic hambus shrinks and flies into Oxnard's mouth. They go down the throat. Howdy the driver lets go of the wheel.)
Maxwell: Umm... Howdy? I think you should keep on holding the wheel...
Howdy: I've seen this episode of The Magic School Bus and Mrs. Frizzle let go of the wheel too.
Dexter: Still into The Magic School bus Howdy? Maybe you should just go play with your dolls.
Howdy: I'd have you know that we're in a cartoon!
Dexter: Not at the moment. So you better grow up or go to the kiddle charale cowboy.
Howdy: (Ravin') Why I outta...
Maxwell: Howdy! Look out!
(The schoolbus reached the end of the throat to find a big dark pit.)
Howdy: Aaaah! We're ganna fall right in!
(The bus falls out of the throat and into the pit, the ham hams scream.)
(Hamtaro wakes up to find a white blood cell. It looked exactly like Harmony from Ham Ham Heartbreak, but clear like.)
White blood cell: oh you are awake, that means you'll be just fine.
White blood cell: No my name is Melody. Or as some people call me as Cellody.
Melody: please rest, you need you're strenth.
Hamtaro: Where am I?
Melody: You are in the EAC, East Artery Current. I saw you nearly get crushed to death in the stomach so I took you here.
(Hamtaro notices he's riding on a red blood cell in a highway of red blood cells.)
Melody: Ever since Sabu injected me into Oxnard, I've been looking for you.
(The ham hams are floating on a sunflower seed shell in the dark.)
Howdy: I can't believe we lost the bus!
Maxwell: It seems we're on some ocean of some sort...
Dexter: But Maxwell, arn't we still in the stomach?
Maxwell: I thought we were...
Pashmina: Maxwell! I thought I saw something moving in the water!
Cappy: Land ahoy!
(They hit land and exit ship, they see a large door with inscription on it)
Maxwell: Hmmm... It's Hamchat. It says Speak Friend and enter
Boss: What dose it mean?
Maxwell: It means that if we are friends we say the password. OPEN SESAMEE...
Maxwell: hmmm... I'll have to rethink this (sits down, puts on long grey pointy hat)
Cappy: (looks at it) It's a riddle... Hey Max, what's the hamchat word for ?
(Doors open, they walk inside. A long tenticle grabs Cappy.)
Dexter: Oh no! It has the ring berrer!
(All the other ham hams look oddly at dexter)
Dexter: never mind...
Sandy: (Aims bow and arrow and hits the tentical holding cappy. Cappy is free!)
Maxwell: Wow, nice shot!
Sandy: thanks (feels now pointy ears)
(More tenticals pop out of the water and they are forced to go into the cave.)
We'll be right back
Toucan kids: No thanks to you viewers for you did completly nothing to get Sam's colors back!
Evil Peacock: No more! (Give Sam's colors back)
Toucan Kids: yay! now the frootloops! (holds up frootloops)
Narrarator: What new frootloops are inside? Vote for what color you want in your reviews [yes, I'm serious. Make it a really rediculus color.]
Sam: Frootloops, it's magically delicious!
Lucky: I'll get you Sam!
Speaker: Hello I'm a random fix it guy supporting our new product Oxyclean. This new product will get stains out of your cloths in minutes! (Takes out Oxnard from cage)
Oxnard: please be gentle this time...
Speaker: Just simply rub gentlely on the stain (Wipes cloth with Oxnard)
Oxnard: Ack! I thought you used fabric softener....
Speaker: And the stain is gone!
Oxnard: Wow... Didn't work yesturday...
Speaker: Call now and you can get the Oxyclean brush and you'll also get the Bossclean from counters!
Boss: (Being used to scrub a shower) I hate my job...
Speaker: Order today!
Side note voice over: The makers of Oxyclean is not responcible if bitten or charge of animal cruelty.
And we are back
(Hamtaro and Melody appear in the stomach)
Hamtaro: What are we doing here?
Harmony: I heard from reports that your friends were spotting in the stomach.
Hamtaro: The ham hams came to rescue me?
Harmony: I guess so...
(An explosion is heard. A virus that looks like spat appears.)
Harmony: Oh no! It's Spit!
(The ham hams make it out of the cave)
Maxwell: (Holding up a map) Now we head through he forest to reach civalization.
Howdy: How did you get a map?
Cappy: I got it when I traded a ring from a Cracker Jack box for it from some guy named Golem.
Kana: Have you fallen asleep again? You missed Mr. Black's lecture.
Laura: Mr. Black?
Kana: Yes, Mrs. Green was sick. Oh well, you didn't miss much, he talked about his horror novels.
(Teaching the class is the one and only gabriell black. Laura runs up to him and hugs him. The class stares at Laura.)
Laura: (Walks back to seat blushing in embarrassment)
Kana: Why did you do that?
Laura: I have no idea...
Maxwell: ok... we're in the middle of the woods...
(A giant beatle appears and stares at them)
The ham hams: Aaaah!
Beatle: Who are you?
Maxwell: We... We are the ham hams, we are friends of Oxnard's... We must go now...
Beatle: Friends of Oxnards eh? My children wouldn't eat Oxnard, but how can I stop them when a meal comes so willingly? Good bye friends of Oxnard.
(Beatles come down from everywhere)
Howdy: Do you know some sort of spell to stop them Max?
Maxwell: What do I look like, Harry Potter?
(The Magic Hambus comes stage left. The ham hams board the bus and Howdy floors it. They reach civalization where they nearly run over Hamtaro.)
Hamtaro: Ham hams?
Ham hams: Get in! Quick!
(Hamtaro gets in, the beatles aproaching)
Spit: ...This is out of my leage...
(The magic Hambus goes to flight mode, andflies out of the stomach and through the belly button. The bus goes to normal size.)
Oxnard: (in bed) I feel fine now, I have a small stomach ache.
Oxnard: I think I'll eat this green apple (Picks up Cappy and swallows him whole)
The ham hams: 0.0
Bijou: Here we go again!
THE END (Finnally!)
Hamtaro: Hi, I'm Hamtaro!
Laura: And I'm Laura!
Hamtaro: The Ham Hams go on strike because of lack of sunflower seeds, except Cappy.
Laura: Oh no! How can the show go on with just one ham ham?
Hamtaro: Don't worry, Cappy agreed to do all the characters
Laura: Well this is going to be interesting...
Hamtaro and Laura: Next time, Cappy Cappy Cappy see ya there!
Author's Note: Phew, after many months, finnally got myself to write this. It's just school got in the way, and my social life was having some adjustments too. I'm hoping to get my writting back in track. See ya next time! (Don't forget to vote on the frootloop color)