TITLE: Confessions of a Mary Sue
AUTHOR: Silence
DISCLAIMER: Like I own anything belonging to J.R.R. Tolkien. But yes, LotR and anything to do with Middle Earth belongs to his estate I'm assuming, and sadly that does not include me. Do I claim the Mary Sues? Sure why not. But yeah.. Don't own anything else mentioned, like Buffy, Dragonlance, Smallville, etc. They are all owned by their rightful owners too. Okay?
SPOILERS: Well duh. It'll be spoiled all the way to the end of Fellowship of the Ring (The movie at least, bookwise.. it's debatable.)
FEEDBACK: Please? Flames will be not only laughed at but also sent to various people for more mocking, and probably plots of childish revenge that involve explosions and penguins.
SUMMARY: See what goes on in FotR: The Movie in the eyes of a really bitter Mary Sue.
BLAME: The many Mary Sue fics I've been reading lately. Some good, some bad. And because of the fact I tend to LIKE Mary Sues in general.. well.. this sprung forth. Plus I've watched FotR like 25 times since picking up the extended dvd.. I so need a life..lol
AUTHORS NOTES: I wasn't going to write this. I really wasn't. But my mind would not let it go. For two days it's been sitting here. Waiting. Pounding on my skull and demanding I let it out. So just to keep my sanity, I'm doing this. And if anyone wants to tell me I should have left it in my head and not let it be seen for the public, *shrug* I don't let many see the majority of my fan fic in the first place but frankly I feel like sharing and so it is done. Don't like it, DON'T READ IT. It's called free will. Deal with it. So why the movie continuity and not the book? Simply put, it's easier to work with. It's already bad enough I'm writing this for a fandom I adore, but must I go all the way and taint the actual books? I think not. Lol. I'll settle for a slightly cooler level of Hell by using the movie.
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PROLOGUE
You already hate me. I know this for a fact. I'm somewhere I shouldn't be, and I could wreck everything you worship with a single word.
As if I care. YOU aren't the one stuck here with these two ditzes and their uber perfection.
You see, I'm a Mary Sue.
We all know what that is. If you don't, go look it up. If you read fan fiction you have an idea. If you read Lord of the Rings fan fic you definitely know.
It wasn't meant to be this way. I mean, I LIKE Mary Sues at times. But now that I am one, I just want to throw myself off Caradhras.
I suppose I should share how I got here, that is if you haven't decided to leave and ignore me all together..
It started one week ago..
----
It was Tuesday, my favorite day of the week. Why? Well it's Buffy and Smallville night of course! I'm such a fangirl. Sad state, but it is true.
I had an hour to kill before Buffy started, so I decided to try reading Fellowship of the Ring. Again. I've tried to read it thoroughly at least 4 times since the movie came out, but each time.. I don't know, maybe if it had been one of the first fantasy series I read, it would be easier. I guess I was spoiled by the easy read of the Dragonlance series. But then again, I've read through all of Shakespeare's plays and can actually understand them, so maybe I'm just crazy.
With my book in hand, my black hair in those funky soft curlers you can sleep in and wearing my favorite pair of pajamas with penguins plotting world domination on them, I threw myself onto my couch and flipped the tv onto MTVX for some background noise.
You just can't have a Mary Sue without some description about hair.. at least mine isn't perfect. Or twilight filled or something. It's black. That's it. Just black. Long and black. With a few split ends no doubt. Not that I care.. Let's see you worry about hair when you work all day in a Pizza Hut cooking for the buffet demanding freaks.
Anyway, I was nibbling on a Twizzler stick as I idly tried to get through the first chapter without giving into the urge to flip to any chapter with Legolas in it.
That's right, I'm a Legolas fangirl too. As if the hatred you bore me wasn't strong enough now. Get over it already.
Before I knew it, I was starting to doze off, like I always seem to do when reading this book. It's a complete insult, and I don't mean to, but it happens. I totally respect Tolkien for the beautiful world he created and the wonderful story he told, but I just don't have the capabilities to handle his writing completely. Lord knows I wish I did.
The book slipped from my grip as my head settled onto my penguin shaped pillow and the sleep sisters took total control of me.
Vindictive witches they are. They come when unwanted and enjoy mocking me when I need sleep..
The next thing I knew, these annoying voices were shaking me awake. You know the kind. The ones that belong to the perfect girls in high school and Miss Universe pageants.
My eyes opened carefully, because I don't know many people and none of them sound like that. Except my friend Eric, but then again he also looks better in a dress then I do. To my shock I found myself staring at these poster girls for princesses.
They were both taller then me by at least 6 inches. (I'm only 5'4 1/2") One had this shiny white blonde hair that was cut really close to her face in this perfect little style. The other had curly red hair that screamed dye job, but again, it was styled perfectly to enhance her features. They both had the greenest eyes I'd ever seen, although the blonde's eyes had these warped flecks of silver in hers.
Something was very wrong here. I shoved them away from me and stood up. "Who the hell are you?"
"We're your traveling companions." Red stated in a tone that seemed to assume I understood.
"My what?" I asked. I narrowed my eyes, ready to tell them off, when I noticed their clothes. Both were dressed in elegantly tailored tunics of blue and green, with gold embroidery decorating the edges. They carried ridiculously fancy looking swords at their hips and matching black cloaks.
I paled and took in my surroundings. An extravagant looking forest, trees hued in those autumn colors I loved, and leaves falling ever so lightly to the ground. Next to a large oak, or what I guess was an oak, as I know nothing about trees, was a large pond full of crystal clear water. I bolted for it and took in my reflection. I gasped.
There I stood in my normal glory. Meaning I still looked like me. My hair was hanging to my waist and had loose but rather sloppy waves. My brown eyes were unchanged or enhanced, thank god. I was still pale looking from being inside too often and I had the distinct pleasure of my nose, which I hated, being exactly the same.
Wherever I was, I must be here to make these bimbos look even better.
At least I wasn't wearing pjs anymore. I had on a pair of black leggings tucked into ankle high leather boots with a dark purple trim. I also wore a dark purple dress that stopped at mid thigh and a matching sleeveless overcoat type thing. Attached to the shoulders of the coat was a billowing cloak that blended into the fabric of it as it was the same dark shade.
I sighed. I had to admit that it was a nifty outfit. Hence my semi detailed description. And it WAS my favorite color. But geez. Over done much?
I checked the pouch that was attached to the ornate looking belt I had on and found a matching pair of gloves (which I put on of course) and what I had been praying for. A pair of hair sticks. Thank you god. I began winding my hair into a tight bun as the perfect duo began chatting.
"The three of us are on our way to Rivendell for the Council of Elrond." Red said.
I nodded and managed a muffled "Mhm" as I held my wooden sticks in my mouth. Rivendell. Okay that solved where I was. But why was I here? I considered asking them, but the girls had these completely vacant look in their eyes.
Blondie spoke up. "We represent a small kingdom of mortals beyond Mordor." She smiled sweetly. "You're our hand maiden."
I stabbed the second and last stick into my hair with an annoyed growl. "I'm your what?"
"Our hand maiden." Red said. "You do what we say, when we say it."
"Like hell I am." I snapped. If they thought I was going to be their little groupie, then I'll have to beat the living hell out of them to prove otherwise. "I don't even help my family when they need it, you think I'm going wait on you two? Get a flippin life or throw yourself in front of an oncoming bus."
They exchanged looks and blondie made a 'tsk tsk' sound. "But you have to. You see, we're the stars."
"And I'm a goddess." I muttered. I was already feeling like utter crap so I changed the subject. "So, Rivendell eh? How far are we?"
"Not far." Red answered. "We could make it soon if we don't stall."
In other words she wanted me to shut up and follow. Seeing as I had no real choice I shrugged. "Fine. Lead on, ladies. You seem to have everything under control."
They beamed at me and started walking. As I followed behind them, I counted off the many ways to off the others.
That's when I realized something.
I didn't even get a damn weapon.
Bitches.
AUTHOR: Silence
DISCLAIMER: Like I own anything belonging to J.R.R. Tolkien. But yes, LotR and anything to do with Middle Earth belongs to his estate I'm assuming, and sadly that does not include me. Do I claim the Mary Sues? Sure why not. But yeah.. Don't own anything else mentioned, like Buffy, Dragonlance, Smallville, etc. They are all owned by their rightful owners too. Okay?
SPOILERS: Well duh. It'll be spoiled all the way to the end of Fellowship of the Ring (The movie at least, bookwise.. it's debatable.)
FEEDBACK: Please? Flames will be not only laughed at but also sent to various people for more mocking, and probably plots of childish revenge that involve explosions and penguins.
SUMMARY: See what goes on in FotR: The Movie in the eyes of a really bitter Mary Sue.
BLAME: The many Mary Sue fics I've been reading lately. Some good, some bad. And because of the fact I tend to LIKE Mary Sues in general.. well.. this sprung forth. Plus I've watched FotR like 25 times since picking up the extended dvd.. I so need a life..lol
AUTHORS NOTES: I wasn't going to write this. I really wasn't. But my mind would not let it go. For two days it's been sitting here. Waiting. Pounding on my skull and demanding I let it out. So just to keep my sanity, I'm doing this. And if anyone wants to tell me I should have left it in my head and not let it be seen for the public, *shrug* I don't let many see the majority of my fan fic in the first place but frankly I feel like sharing and so it is done. Don't like it, DON'T READ IT. It's called free will. Deal with it. So why the movie continuity and not the book? Simply put, it's easier to work with. It's already bad enough I'm writing this for a fandom I adore, but must I go all the way and taint the actual books? I think not. Lol. I'll settle for a slightly cooler level of Hell by using the movie.
----------
PROLOGUE
You already hate me. I know this for a fact. I'm somewhere I shouldn't be, and I could wreck everything you worship with a single word.
As if I care. YOU aren't the one stuck here with these two ditzes and their uber perfection.
You see, I'm a Mary Sue.
We all know what that is. If you don't, go look it up. If you read fan fiction you have an idea. If you read Lord of the Rings fan fic you definitely know.
It wasn't meant to be this way. I mean, I LIKE Mary Sues at times. But now that I am one, I just want to throw myself off Caradhras.
I suppose I should share how I got here, that is if you haven't decided to leave and ignore me all together..
It started one week ago..
----
It was Tuesday, my favorite day of the week. Why? Well it's Buffy and Smallville night of course! I'm such a fangirl. Sad state, but it is true.
I had an hour to kill before Buffy started, so I decided to try reading Fellowship of the Ring. Again. I've tried to read it thoroughly at least 4 times since the movie came out, but each time.. I don't know, maybe if it had been one of the first fantasy series I read, it would be easier. I guess I was spoiled by the easy read of the Dragonlance series. But then again, I've read through all of Shakespeare's plays and can actually understand them, so maybe I'm just crazy.
With my book in hand, my black hair in those funky soft curlers you can sleep in and wearing my favorite pair of pajamas with penguins plotting world domination on them, I threw myself onto my couch and flipped the tv onto MTVX for some background noise.
You just can't have a Mary Sue without some description about hair.. at least mine isn't perfect. Or twilight filled or something. It's black. That's it. Just black. Long and black. With a few split ends no doubt. Not that I care.. Let's see you worry about hair when you work all day in a Pizza Hut cooking for the buffet demanding freaks.
Anyway, I was nibbling on a Twizzler stick as I idly tried to get through the first chapter without giving into the urge to flip to any chapter with Legolas in it.
That's right, I'm a Legolas fangirl too. As if the hatred you bore me wasn't strong enough now. Get over it already.
Before I knew it, I was starting to doze off, like I always seem to do when reading this book. It's a complete insult, and I don't mean to, but it happens. I totally respect Tolkien for the beautiful world he created and the wonderful story he told, but I just don't have the capabilities to handle his writing completely. Lord knows I wish I did.
The book slipped from my grip as my head settled onto my penguin shaped pillow and the sleep sisters took total control of me.
Vindictive witches they are. They come when unwanted and enjoy mocking me when I need sleep..
The next thing I knew, these annoying voices were shaking me awake. You know the kind. The ones that belong to the perfect girls in high school and Miss Universe pageants.
My eyes opened carefully, because I don't know many people and none of them sound like that. Except my friend Eric, but then again he also looks better in a dress then I do. To my shock I found myself staring at these poster girls for princesses.
They were both taller then me by at least 6 inches. (I'm only 5'4 1/2") One had this shiny white blonde hair that was cut really close to her face in this perfect little style. The other had curly red hair that screamed dye job, but again, it was styled perfectly to enhance her features. They both had the greenest eyes I'd ever seen, although the blonde's eyes had these warped flecks of silver in hers.
Something was very wrong here. I shoved them away from me and stood up. "Who the hell are you?"
"We're your traveling companions." Red stated in a tone that seemed to assume I understood.
"My what?" I asked. I narrowed my eyes, ready to tell them off, when I noticed their clothes. Both were dressed in elegantly tailored tunics of blue and green, with gold embroidery decorating the edges. They carried ridiculously fancy looking swords at their hips and matching black cloaks.
I paled and took in my surroundings. An extravagant looking forest, trees hued in those autumn colors I loved, and leaves falling ever so lightly to the ground. Next to a large oak, or what I guess was an oak, as I know nothing about trees, was a large pond full of crystal clear water. I bolted for it and took in my reflection. I gasped.
There I stood in my normal glory. Meaning I still looked like me. My hair was hanging to my waist and had loose but rather sloppy waves. My brown eyes were unchanged or enhanced, thank god. I was still pale looking from being inside too often and I had the distinct pleasure of my nose, which I hated, being exactly the same.
Wherever I was, I must be here to make these bimbos look even better.
At least I wasn't wearing pjs anymore. I had on a pair of black leggings tucked into ankle high leather boots with a dark purple trim. I also wore a dark purple dress that stopped at mid thigh and a matching sleeveless overcoat type thing. Attached to the shoulders of the coat was a billowing cloak that blended into the fabric of it as it was the same dark shade.
I sighed. I had to admit that it was a nifty outfit. Hence my semi detailed description. And it WAS my favorite color. But geez. Over done much?
I checked the pouch that was attached to the ornate looking belt I had on and found a matching pair of gloves (which I put on of course) and what I had been praying for. A pair of hair sticks. Thank you god. I began winding my hair into a tight bun as the perfect duo began chatting.
"The three of us are on our way to Rivendell for the Council of Elrond." Red said.
I nodded and managed a muffled "Mhm" as I held my wooden sticks in my mouth. Rivendell. Okay that solved where I was. But why was I here? I considered asking them, but the girls had these completely vacant look in their eyes.
Blondie spoke up. "We represent a small kingdom of mortals beyond Mordor." She smiled sweetly. "You're our hand maiden."
I stabbed the second and last stick into my hair with an annoyed growl. "I'm your what?"
"Our hand maiden." Red said. "You do what we say, when we say it."
"Like hell I am." I snapped. If they thought I was going to be their little groupie, then I'll have to beat the living hell out of them to prove otherwise. "I don't even help my family when they need it, you think I'm going wait on you two? Get a flippin life or throw yourself in front of an oncoming bus."
They exchanged looks and blondie made a 'tsk tsk' sound. "But you have to. You see, we're the stars."
"And I'm a goddess." I muttered. I was already feeling like utter crap so I changed the subject. "So, Rivendell eh? How far are we?"
"Not far." Red answered. "We could make it soon if we don't stall."
In other words she wanted me to shut up and follow. Seeing as I had no real choice I shrugged. "Fine. Lead on, ladies. You seem to have everything under control."
They beamed at me and started walking. As I followed behind them, I counted off the many ways to off the others.
That's when I realized something.
I didn't even get a damn weapon.
Bitches.