(Warning: If you are looking for a serious story, you've came to the wrong place. Enjoy!)
The sun had just broken through on the horizon as Nala bent down to begin drinking from the lake.
The only sound around was the birds singing, and even through that the lioness was still able to pick up the sound of grass rustling behind her.
Nala closed her eyes.
I hate him, she thought.
Suddenly, as she'd correctly predicted, Simba burst out through the grass and shoved her into the water.
Now this wasn't an unusual occurrence, but – today – it was a fairly displeasing one, simply for the fact that it was the coldest day they had had all year.
Nala jumped back out of the water, drenched, shivering and livid.
"SIMBA!" she snapped, "I thought we agreed not to play this game when it's below 50 degrees?"
"I'm pretty sure it's above 50 without the wind chill," mused her mate.
From a nearby tree, Zazu was confused, until he remembered that these lions had American ancestry and probably meant 10 degrees Celsius.
"Oh really?" asked Nala, "how about you test it out for yourself?" she asked, grabbing her mate and tossing him into to the water.
She threw him in head first and a smile spread across her face. That was … until she began to see a small trail of red liquid rising up from the bottom of the lake.
Nala's heart sunk. Simba's head must have hit one of the rocks at the bottom!
The lioness ran back into the lake, grabbed the 350-pound lion and pulled him back out to safety.
"Oh heavens, Simba – are you alright?" she asked, checking him over. She could see the tiny cut on his forehead, other than that he looked OK. But still, she wanted to make sure. "I—I'm sorry," she stammered, "please tell me that you're OK!"
"What happened?" asked Nala's mother, Sarafina, arriving on the scene.
"He hit his head on one of the rocks in the lake," Nala replied. "It's my fault. I threw him in. I just hope he's OK."
Finally, Simba lifted his eyelids.
"Ooh…" he moaned, "…what happened?" he asked.
"Oh, you're OK!" exclaimed Nala, wrapping her forelegs around him. "I'm so sorry I threw you in!"
Simba let out a little growl. So that's what happened?
The lion king tossed Nala off and got back onto his feet.
"Simba," snapped Sarafina, "what's gotten into you? She said she was sorry."
"I don't want to talk to her," replied the lion, turning away. "You punish her."
"Punish her?" Sarafina retorted. "For what?"
"Tossing me into the water!"
"Eh, you did it first," Nala interjected. "It's a fun game we always play, remember. You can't be punished for having some fun with your mate."
"Uh, excuse me," Simba called back, "you are so out of line, young lady."
"Young?" Nala laughed. "Some insult, Simba. I'm three days older than you."
"Oh, ha, ha, you know that's impossible. And what's this with you calling me my mate all of a sudden?"
"Um … because you are?"
Simba turned to Sarafina in disbelief. "Are you hearing this?" he asked. "It's like she's forgotten she's my daughter."
"WHAT!?" Nala and Sarafina chorused.
"Simba," asked Nala, slightly frightened, "are you sure you're OK?"
"Never better," replied the lion, walking up to Sarafina and patting her on the back. "Come on honey, let's get out of here."
Nala's jaw dropped as Simba walked away. She and Sarafina exchanged glances.
"He thinks you're his mate," Nala said to her mother.
"Hey, Sarafina, come on!" called Simba. "Everyone's left the cave for the morning, we might be able to have some alone time!"
Sarafina's ears perked up.
"OK!" she replied.
"MOM!" shouted Nala.
"What? Nala, I've been alone for six years. Give me this one, OK?"
"HE'S MY HUSBAND!"
"Look, I won't let him give me any more than a cuddle."
"You have no idea what 'come with me to the cave, it's empty and we can be alone means,' do you?"
"Wait, I've got it!" exclaimed Sarafina, clicking her toes. "Nala, as your mother, my punishment to you for pushing Simba into the lake is grounding you to Pride Rock for the rest of the morning." Sarafina smiled. "He can't do anything if his daughter's in the cave."
Nala smiled back. "Sounds good with me."
Simba groaned, continuing to drum his toes on the floor of Pride Rock as he watched Nala lying across the room, eyeing him. Sarafina, meanwhile, was making the most of the experience, resting her head on his mane.
"How do we get rid of it?" Simba asked.
"Perhaps if you stop staring at her, she'll stop staring at you," Sarafina suggested.
Suddenly, the group all turned their attention towards the cave entrance, where Sarabi had just walked in.
"Well, there go our plans of any fun for the morning," Simba moaned.
Sarabi stopped dead in her tracks.
"Uh, what's um…" she began, noticing that Sarafina was pressed up against Simba while Nala was across the cave, alone.
"Psst, Sarabi, come here," whispered Nala.
Sarabi made her way over to her daughter-in-law.
"What's going on?" Sarabi asked, in a voice so that Simba and Sarafina couldn't hear them.
"Simba's received a bump on the head and now he's convinced Sarafina is his mate."
Sarabi grinned. "You serious?"
"This isn't a joke, Sarabi! This is a real problem, and what's worse – my mom's playing along with it!"
"Well then time to fight fire with fire," Sarabi suggested. "Think, just get another lion and make him kiss you. Somewhere inside, Simba will be so jealous that he might just break through and remember that you're his real mate."
"Small problem," Nala noted. "Simba's the only male lion in this pride."
"Hmm, good point," Sarabi mused. She drummed her toes on the floor a couple of times, but then: "Ah, I've got it! Just pretend to come out and say you're a lesbian! I kiss you, Simba gets angry and everything's resolved."
Nala blinked. "Was Simba the only one who got knocked on the head?"
"Hey Simba, Sarafina!" exclaimed Sarabi, turning around. "Nala just came out to me and told me the great news – we're lesbians – and we're going to start dating each other!"
"Don't be daft, Sarabi," Simba called back over, "you're her grandmother!"
Ignoring Simba's misguided family tree, Sarabi turned around and gave Nala a lick on the muzzle.
Simba got up and stormed over to them.
"It's working," whispered Sarabi excitedly, while Nala was still a bit startled as to what Sarabi had just done.
"Nala listen," called Simba, walking up to his mate – no, daughter – "I've raised you since you were a little infant, and never have you shown any interest in lionesses. I'm not sure what game you're playing here, but I know you're not a lesbian."
"Well I wasn't," Nala replied, beginning to play along with Sarabi's idea, "but there aren't any other male lions in our pride so what choice do I have?"
"Who said you have to date a lion?" Simba asked.
Suddenly, Zazu flew into the cave.
"Hey Zazu," called Simba, "how would you like to date my daughter, Nala?"
Zazu flew out of the cave.
Nala sighed. "Simba, it's time we were straight with you, I'm your mate – OK? You hit your head on a rock this morning, and so you think Sarafina's your mate, but it's not true."
"Nala, what are you talking about?" Simba asked.
"Yeah Nala," added Sarafina, running up and joining in on the conversation. "That seems a bit extreme, doesn't it? Come on Simba, let's go back to snuggling."
"That's it! I'm leaving!" exclaimed Nala, storming over to the cave entrance.
The three others watched her go, not really sure of how to stop her. Simba and Sarafina didn't really want to, and Sarabi was just too confused to even begin to say something.
Nala was stopped, however, at the cave entrance, as she came across four creatures standing right in front of her.
It was Zazu, Timon, Pumbaa and Rafiki, all dressed in tuxedos.
"What on Earth?"
"Nala," begun Zazu, "I have watched you grow as an infant, never thinking I – as an annoying, British non-lion – would never have a chance, but – now that the opportunity has arisen, I would be pleasantly delighted to take you out on a date."
Nala's jaw dropped.
"And I," added Timon. "Nala, I know we never got on well as old buddies – but that's because I was jealous of Simba for having such a beautiful and wonderful lady such as you. I even parked a Rolls Royce out back just for today's occasion."
"And I," added Pumbaa, "well, I'm just after anyone who doesn't mind my gas."
"I'm not interested," confessed Rafiki, "I just dressed up as the vicar in case a wedding occurred."
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" bellowed Nala.
The lioness stormed back into the cave and cuffed Simba hard across the head.
The group around her gasped as Simba slammed down onto the ground.
"THERE!" Nala exclaimed. "Remember now?"
Simba groaned and then opened his eyes. The first face he saw was Nala's.
"Nala, my love, what happened?"
A collective sigh of relief from Nala, Sarabi and Sarafina emerged, as they realized that Simba was back to normal.
"I don't know," Nala replied. "I don't want to talk about it and I want to forget that all of this ever happened. Rafiki, do you still have some of that forgetting potion?"
"Here it is," replied the mandrill, presenting a coconut shell full of yellow liquid towards the lioness.
Nala picked it up and drank it all down in one, tossing the shell away when she was finished.
A smile finally crossed her face as she forget about the fact that Sarafina wanted to date her mate, and that Sarabi's kiss had tasted good, and that Zazu, Timon and Pumbaa all wanted to date her.
"There," Nala added, now with fresh memories. She began to head out towards the cave exit again. "Now if you'll excuse me everyone, I'm heading out to find my mate … Scar."
(A/N: Hmm ... looks like the forgetting potion has it's side effects. Ah well, reviews appreciated!)