Chapter Title: One Year Previous
Oh, is right. Or well, it's good. No, no oh is…
And the resulting giggle is for more than just my scattered thoughts.
I mean, honestly, how I always get myself into these fixes is some sort of karmic joke. Just last week, that guy on the bus thought I has said… well, I don't really know what he thought, but somehow we both got kicked off the bus. I didn't stick around to find out what was up; as soon as the doors opened, I just decided to run for it.
Then there was the misunderstanding at the gynecologists. It's not like I wanted my test results to come back positive, and I wasn't the one to mix up the results in the first place. So, it was completely uncalled for to ask if I wanted 'to step outside.' It must have been the hormones, at least according to the nurse. Apparently, they get that all the time. I am so very glad I didn't choose the nursing field.
And that poor old lady with her little dog incident. Although, she definitely didn't need to cry rape just for tripping over her miniature Poodle, especially since I felt really badly, and I did try apologizing. Thank god, no one called the police. Inuyasha is still upset over having to bail me out.
…for the third time.
Hey, active protesting is a rite of passage for college students.
He didn't go for that excuse.
So yeah, back on track… Oh.
How do I define: oh?
Oh is trying to be good, to do the correct thing, and making sure everyone gets something, even if it's not all that they wanted and it leaves me a bit short. Because I have what I need and I can handle missing out a little on what I want.
It's for every opportunity presented with the potential to unmake. It consumes in a way that creates and destroys with the pressing of a single moment for decisiveness; all of those possibilities that could be, but never realizes fulfillment. A singularity attained only from that dark, crisp place within us that belongs to nature, the flora and fauna both aggressive and sweet.
Oh is a precarious balance over some dangerous thing. Dangerous because it is wrong -in the ways that curls and encases, suffocating the good that makes happiness abundant- and yet it is so very right. Or so very right now! Prodding with intensity that reason, fact, choice, and even love vanishes for such a minute second that it's felt endlessly everywhere.
Oh is intimately close -his breath stirring my hair, his smell stirring other things- to a blond bombshell. A man healthy, strong, and penetrating in his concentration, for whatever he's intent upon; sculpted in mind and body.
My hands -oh- on his torso, both sets of fingers curling the curves of his sides. The palm of one hand pressed cozily to his solid stomach, the other experiencing the wonder of the beginning of his right hip, the tease of pants banding and concealing skin from questing skin. My breath weaving along the wispy-fine hairs at the side of his neck, wafting back to me to tantalize the nerves of my face. Just inches –only inches?!- from touching, drawing lines of sweet reverence.
I felt lightning skitter through my veins all the way to the arches of my feet, where the furor settled, churned, and answered with a prickling zing throughout my body. The rousing rush loosened and massaged everywhere leaving me lazy and disjointed.
Wrong brother, wrong feeling… everything was so very wrong… but oh, so oh…
"Kagome?!?" Oh, is a very big, no. "Sesshoumaru!?! The hell is going on here!?!"
The fear, anxiety, and embarrassment -guilt- kept me from noticing, too much, the various brushes and awkward contortions of my body as I moved to regain my balance and push away from my Sesshoumaru support base.
"Kagome?" The betrayal, not so much the anger, hurt me in such an empathetic way, nausea gurgled in my gut and sympathy pains sprang up along my spine in the cause of a physical hurt. Tears like jagged glass swelled in my ducts ready to slice forth. "You're fucking him."
Forget sympathy! Coal fires of hellish rage whooshed and charred red my face.
"You're fuckin' Sesshoumaru."
And then, just as suddenly, I was tired. Well, not suddenly, as I'd been tired for a long while.
"Yep, you are absolutely right. We're having sex."
That took the wind out of his sails. The absolutely aghast look that clearly said, 'Really, you are?' woke me up, helping energize, if even a little, for the conversation brewing. Even Inuyasha didn't believe for a second that Sesshoumaru and I were up to such a sick twisting of relations. He's just looking for a fight, like always.
This is the way it's been since college started. The culmination of daily pressures, the distance created from different paths taken, the uncertainty and loneliness in a 'barely ever see each other anymore' relationship. There is love still, and that keeps us hanging on, hoping and not wanting to hurt. But we do hurt, because we love in a way that is not 'in love' and we have begun to resent our situation. We resent the love and the one we love. It' unhealthy and it is destroying. And it needs to end.
"Sesshoumaru, do you mind..?" He leaves without the usual quip or degrading remark that would muddle the situation more, which is unreal. It's a perfect opportunity, ripe with loads of witty material. Heck, even I could think of a few, and I'm an emotional wreck, currently. But he leaves, and I have no idea what he's thinking or much of anything about his thoughts, really. It is unusual; maybe he's just as tired as we are.
As I watch Sesshoumaru pass Inuyasha and out the door, I see the expression on Inuyasha's face: weary self-chastising smirk. That's a step in the right direction; no looking to start a fight with his brother, no denial, no distracting himself. Maybe this conversation won't be too horrible?
Inuyasha looks up at me, and I see sadness, resignation, resolve… understanding. I guess we don't need a conversation at all. We both know it's over.
"I'm, ah… I was offered a spot on the team… in, ah, Italy." Okay, so I'm the one that has to say it out loud.
"I knew you would." Oh, he really is going to make me be the one to say it. The infuriating..! He's just nodding his head, and looking at me, but not looking directly in my eyes.
Now, an eyebrow has risen and is wagging a command at me to get the deed over with. It would serve him right if I just cheerfully waved him on his way, all sugar and hugs and let him stew for a bit. Maybe then he would learn to buck up and be a man. Maybe then he would know not to leave things unfinished, that even though a situation is unpleasant, some things just needs be done.
Maybe I should just take my own advice.
"We're not going to see each other for… for years, I suppose?" Again with that agreeing nod and nothing else, "It's probably best that we see other people." God, I did not just use that line. Pathetic.
But he's still nodding, "Yeah. Yeah. That's best." He realizes that he might sound too eager, because he does, and adds, "Because… you know…" I do, but I'm not going to help him. So I shake my head slightly, no; leaving me to be the one to say it out loud, pahshaw. "I wouldn't want you to be tied down or nothin'."
Uh hum. "You just want to sow your wild oats."
"Hey." He frowns at me, and I smile a little. His soft boyish grin answers, the one that looks slightly hopeful and a bit in wonder, and has gotten me into trouble on occasion.
He squares his shoulders and puffed out his chest. "So," a small break in his bravado, "…see ya'?"
And he's not going to apologize for his words or assumptions, either. Typical Inuyasha.
"Yeah, see ya'." And then he's gone; a chapter in my life that was wonderful and troublesome done, vanished out the door in the way of all prospects not carried out.
Oh is for all the times the clumsy in me produced trouble. It's getting caught every time.
Disclaimer: See first page.
AN: Alternate titles- 1 year 3 months 6 days 8 hours 23 minutes & 41.42.43 seconds previous
or Ode to Oh
Run ons much?
Because someone already asked: drawing lines of sweet reverence = gentle kisses/slightly opened mouth but not wet. I may need to edit that sentence, but I like it, so probably not gonna happen.
This is it. No mass for this universe. If I do write more on this plot it will be about Inu and Kago in the before. So ask if you want, but I'm like a rock too big to move.
Yes the chapters are backwards. I don't care.
I had trouble writing this in anything other than first person. Sorry it's inconsistent with the other chapter.
Please don't read my other stories, yet. They are in a bad way, and need some overhaulin'. I mean if you even care to. Thank you.
Oh, and thank you to everyone that reviewed. When I –finally- signed back in and saw how nice ya' all have been I got ta' feeling guilt and that motivated me to writing again. So yeah, thank you.
As for Inu's team?... It's cycling! Or whatever sport you want him to be involved with.
Also, clumsy: she tripped and landed against Sess. That's it. Done.
Unless you want to read on.
Month or so later:
Stupid friends. Well meaning, loving, caring, but stupid friends.
There's Miroku looking entirely full of himself after just shoving an abused Inuyasha at me, and Sango with an apologetic, yet hopeful look. They really don't get that we split up amicably and for good reason.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
"Uh?" Inuyasha is looking uncertain himself. Please don't tell me he wants to get back together, 'cause that would be very, very bad. "So, I'm supposed to come over here an' make nice? We're… well, I thought we were cool, an' all?"
Thank you, baby Jesus! He thinks our friendship is in jeopardy, no thought of love life rekindling.
"Yes, we're cool. Why would you think any different?"
Now, he's defensive. "I don't know! Miroku's all: pushing me an' acting like you're upset over..," he wants to say the breakup, but can't bring himself to mention it, "somethin', or … somethin'." I do miss the amusing expressions, the way his face contorts in disgust and even the pout has always been endearing to me.
"They think we should get back together."
There is a slanted eye look, with a guarded meaning of: 'Please, no. I'm getting laid regularly by lots of hot young women, and yes, sowing my wild oats was part of the plan.' Too funny!
My response is a look of: 'Not on your life, bub.'
"Hell, I'm never getting' married. Sango's got him so henpecked, and he's made to go along with her schemes."
"You have it backwards," because Sango is the 'man' in that relationship, "Miroku is the one with schemes and wanting to spread the joy and merriment with all. He's the one that thinks just because he's happily married, that everyone needs to be, as well."
Inuyasha sends a squinty eyed look at the man in question, and then barks out a laugh, "True." Then there's another slanted, but playful this time, look to me. "I can't believe I thought you were… ya' know, 'with' that ass."
"Yeah," I laughed honestly, "that would be the day."