Things That Go Bump In The Night

By Viv

SPOILERS/SEASON INFO: Small spoiler for Heat.

DISCLAIMER: All characters on 'Smallville' that appear in this story are owned soley and exclusively by the WB, DC comics etc. I am not intending to profit from anything, 'k?

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just a short piece that ran through my brain and out my fingers while writing my other story. Probably takes place about a year from now. Feedback is always craved and welcomed! ;-D

"Dear God. If I don't hear another scream I'll help Mom bake muffins for the sick and the elderly for rest of my natural life, no matter how long that may end up being. Dear God, if I don't hear another moan I'll help my dad do up his old Harley for the next county motor show and not be fake nice about it. Dear God, if I don't hear another grunt -"

Insistent grunting thundered through the walls, making Clark both moan and bite his tongue at the same time, before he resignedly stuffed another pillow on top of his head.

During the course of the last 45 minutes and 26 seconds, he had come to the emphatic conclusion that sometimes, being an alien with super strength, super speed and super heat ray vision beams shooting out from his sizzling eye balls wasn't as cool as it sounded. Because with super alienness came super sensitive, hyper intensified hearing capabilities that mere mortals couldn't hope to comprehend - like hearing two of his best friends going at it all night, every night, no doubt humping like rabbits and not giving a damn who was privy to their passionate manoeuvres and seemingly never ending pools of stamina.

"Oh God, oh Lex ..."

Clark swallowed resolutely, rolling onto his other side and yanking the comforter over himself, sweltering heat and his own hard on be damned. He punched his pillow in frustration, promptly regretting it as feathers exploded across his bed.

He briefly considered jumping out the window - without bothering to remove those bothersome bits of glass and furniture between him and freedom first. He also briefly considered going next door and asking Lex and Chloe to turn down the volume, because God, there were actually people in this tiny rich man's log cabin who wanted - and needed - a good night's sleep, because of the very fact that they weren't getting any. Which was distinctly beside the point, the point being that other people having sex besides Clark wasn't a capital offence per se, just that those said other people having the sex should keep it down already, because he was officially getting tired of waking up hot and sweaty and oh yeah - God Damn Frustrated.

And incidentally, if they didn't stop making all that noise, Clark was going to go stark, raving insane.

Thumping, heaving, banging and somewhere, the distant sound of voices crescendoeing in climax all conspired to separate Clark from his sanity.

"Shut up!" Clark gritted his teeth as he straightened, exhaling in defeat. "Fuck almighty." A picture of his mom in all her disapproving glory at his less than sanitary choice of language curtailed his vehemence a little. "Shit." He corrected, before heaving himself up against the headboard of the bed. "Oh ... darn."

Clark closed his eyes in resignation as he reached for his discman on the nightstand, acutely aware of the pulsating hotness in his lower regions. At exactly the same time last night, he knew what he had been thinking. He had been thinking the same thought that he was thinking now, which was specifically - why the hell had he agreed to this little camping trip with Chloe, Lex and Lana?

Because if God had designed the bestest torture ever for Clark, this would be it. Chloe and Lex next door, two people who couldn't care any less about what their friends thought of them and their night time activities. And Lana, who - lovely, gorgeous, sinuous creature that she was - was a little on the untouchable, fairy princess side.

So Clark had designated the particular situation that he was in - rich man's log cabin with two insatiable for sex best friends and one slightly cool but very nice girlfriend, as his worst nightmare ever. Unless of course, if it happened to be Chloe, Lex and Lana in bed together which would have officially - yes, he could probably say it - the worst torture for him on the face of the galaxy. And he was pretty damn sure he didn't even belong in this galaxy.

But Clark really shouldn't be thinking about that right now as he squeezed his eyes shut, wishing for his own pent up frustration to subside so he could get some sleep already and drown his ridiculously hideous sorrows in dark, dreamless sleep.

As he said - super powers are so not everything.

He yanked the ear phones over his ears, just as he heard a loud rapping on the door.

Clark snatched the ear phones off, not sure whether his super sensitive hearing had deceived his super senses. He could hardly dare admit that secret hope in his heart - in the place where all his hopes and dreams go to die actually - that Chloe and Lex had finally run out of energy for the night. Or had quit their twilight Olympics in thoughtful consideration of their best friend, the one who was suffering nightly due to the heinous noise that they were making.

"Oh Lex, oh God, please, please don't stop."

So, his ears definitely not deceiving him then.

"Clark?" Lana's voice whispered through the door. Although why Lana was whispering when the noise next door had officially cracked the ten million decibel mark was beyond Clark.

"Ah ... yeah?" Clark quickly smoothed his comforter over his body, trying to cover the tell tale mini tent that had erected itself over the lower half of his body. Okay, so smoothing over his comforter wasn't such a great idea after all.

He sat up and brought his knees to his chest instead, resting against the headboard for good measure.

"Can I come in?"

"Ah ... okay." Clark spluttered out as he closed his eyes, drawing on his vast reserves of will power to remain in control. This was Lana, he intoned to himself. Lana was ... good. Lana was pure.

And just thinking about doing all those things to Lana that Lex was no doubt doing to Chloe was making him so freaking, goddamn horny.

"Hey, you still up?" Lana came creeping into the room, softly closing the door behind her. Her pale pink tank top and comfortably fitting shorts shone against the darkness of the room as she rested her slim form against the door, looking across at him with silent, unblinking eyes.

"Ah ... yeah." Clark was spluttering a lot - which admittedly was entirely normal for him - but for profoundly different reasons right now.

"Am I disturbing you?" She asked, straightening as she began to close the distance between them.

"I ... no." Clark's voice rose a clear octave and he fought to regain the cool and calmness that had always been there for him under pressure. Okay, maybe not this kind of pressure but ... "No, not at all."

"Good." Lana stated simply as she sat down on the edge of his bed. "I'd hate to think that you could actually be getting any sleep with the degree of noise going on next door."

As if to emphasise her point, the sounds from the next room started up again, building in staccato rhythm to a primal beat.

His face broke into its first smile for the night. Okay, he could definitely handle this. Humour and fun were good, good ways to get his mind off previously emphasised horny feelings and those god awful bumps in the night that had nothing to do with noise. "You too huh?"

She returned his smile, her eyes luminous in the dim light. "Me too what?"

"Ah ..." Clark stumbled, wondering what she meant. Did she mean - no, of course not. "Well, you know. The noise ... it's um, really loud and I was," he glanced over at the open book lying docilely on the recliner in the corner of the room, "I was trying to get some reading done. It's hard to enjoy Tolstoy when there's so much .... noise next door."

"You were reading Tolstoy?" Lana asked incredulously, tracking Clark's line of sight to the book. "Why?"

"I'm trying to broaden my horizons." Clark replied defensively, wishing Lana wasn't eyeing him with that doe-eyed look that frankly, wasn't doing his control all that much good. "Is that so surprising?"

"Sort of." Her eyes suddenly glinted, polished obsidian in the darkness. She crawled softly across the large bed to rest by his side. "I mean, surprising that you could even contemplate reading when Lex and Chloe are going at it like rabbits only inches away from you."

Clark frowned, Zen-nish inner balance irreversibly shattered by the intensity of her gaze. Surely Lana wasn't being - surely she wasn't -

No, she couldn't possibly ... could she?

He coughed. "Well to be honest, there wasn't really much room for thinking. I kind of just wished ..."

Lana leaned closer, her face almost touching his. "You wished ...?"

He looked askance down at her, wondering why he had the creepy crawly sensation that this was leading up to something not quite right. "I wished ... that they'd just stop?" He finished lamely.

"Wrong answer, Clark." With one swift, fluid motion, she straddled him, putting her cheerleading toned thigh muscles to good use as she squeezed his outer legs. Even through the comforter he was almost positive that she couldn't mistake his unmistakable arousal.

Oh this just wasn't right, a tiny part of Clark's rational mind screamed to the rest of his incoherent part. He breathed. "Ah ... Lana?"

"Yes Clark." Her breath was really hot on his skin.

"Are you sure -"

"I know what I'm doing?" She cut him off abruptly, her breathing becoming unsteady as her hand snaked under the comforter between them. "I've been waiting six months for you to get a clue Clark. I've done enough waiting."

"But I didn't know - I thought -" He spluttered incoherently, trying to wrap his brain around the thought that he'd effectively put himself through this tortuous experience for absolutely nothing.

He tried again, although the bad part of him - the actually being a man with super charged hormones part - wanted her so badly to continue. "Um -"

"Don't tell me you weren't thinking about this while you were listening to that damn symphony next door." Lana leaned forward, draping her body over his as she slowly drew the comforter from his form. "Doing things to me that no one has ever done before ..." Her hand trailed down his taut abdomen, making them flex involuntarily. "Me doing things to you that you could never imagine me doing ..." Her hand closed around him, eliciting an almost painful groan from deep within his throat, while her other hand not so gently scratched across his chest. "How about it Clark? Open invitation, just waiting to filled."

And that was it. Clark felt blind, irrational, soul rendering passion course through his body, just aching to be released. He quickly flipped her over, pinning her slight form under his as he attacked her mouth, savouring the sweetly delicious mix of unsatisfied passion and something else, something that was uniquely Lana, strawberry and vanilla, clinging to her form.

She responded with a ferocity that quite frankly, stunned the part of his brain that hadn't already lost all capability for coherent thought. Who knew that underneath all her layers of pink on pink and even more pink lurked a passionate current of sizzling, white hot energy? More importantly - how the hell was Clark supposed to know what lay underneath Lana's cool and prim exterior?

Super senses could only sense so much.

"Oh god Lana ..." He moaned aloud, not even bothering to restrain his ardour. After all, being in Lex's cabin in the middle of nowhere and not at home did have its advantages.

Lana chuckled, slipping her hands over his and guiding it over the inside of her thighs, shivering at his touch. She helped him pull off her shorts, before deftly yanking off his boxers in one swift motion and running her hands over his exposed skin.

Looking up at him, her eyes shining with desire, she suddenly reminded Clark of a very dangerous, hell raising she-cat.

He entered her, his mind exploded with a thousand unnatural possibilities, all involving him doing things to Lana that his brain realised that really, weren't the exclusive realm of his hyperactive imagination after all.

She licked her way up the crook of his neck, sending a spasm of uncontrollable excitement through him as she rocked increasingly violently against him. She screamed. "Clark ..."

"Lana ... oh God ... Lana." Clark moaned, thinking that he should keep it down a little, but heady with the sensation of her wrapped around him he really couldn't muster enough energy to care.

And suddenly, a very ironic thought occurred to him.

He really couldn't give a damn about those bumps in the night.

(c) November 2002