Purely written for the giggles. Seriously. Slightly AU because of reasons... There will be mentions of Sakura/Sasuke, Neji/Tenten and implied Ino/Shikamaru (but that can be more than easily overlooked).

Mission: Seducing Naruto

"So you've never…?"

Hinata squirmed in her seat, trying desperately to will her ever-present blush away. Sakura looked at her curiously, but not unkindly.

"No," she said softly. "But I want to! I know that I want to. I just don't know how to… How to…"

"Seduce him? Jump his bones?" Sakura wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Do the nasty?"

Hinata went scarlet. "I wouldn't put it quite like that. But yes."

Sakura's mouth twitched teasingly. "I know, sorry."

"How did you…?" Hinata trailed off, still a bit uncomfortable with the subject, even though she had brought it up in the first place. She tried again. "How…? Sasuke is so… How did you…?"

Fortunately for Hinata, Sakura seemed to understand what she was trying to ask. "You shouldn't think so much; it happens when it happens. Don't rush it. And," she added with a mischievous smile, "if I managed to make Sasuke beg for it, you should have no trouble with Naruto."

Hinata frowned and looked down. "But... He always stops before we get too carried away and it is starting to make me... To make me so... So..."

"Frustrated?" Sakura filled in helpfully. She looked thoughtful. "I didn't think of that. Naruto is probably too much of a gentleman, a stupid gentleman, but a gentleman nonetheless, to actually just go ahead and ravish you. Are you sure you shouldn't just wait until the two of you are married, then? Problem solved."

Hinata eeped before she could stop herself. Nobody had ever said it so casually – not out loud. She had, of course, thought about being married to Naruto. A. Lot. But she had never discussed it with anyone, least of all with Naruto himself. "We're not even engaged, and... And I'm still a Hyuga; with all required preparations and rituals we wouldn't have our wedding for at least an other eighteen months. Besides," her voice lowered dejectedly. "I don't even know if he wants to marry me."

"Of course he does! He loves you, you know that. Everybody knows that," Sakura smiled at the younger girl. "But I have to agree with you. Eighteen months is an awfully long time, especially since you've already been together for almost nine months. It's a wonder you haven't combusted yet. Lord knows, I would have!"

"So how did you and Sasuke...?" Hinata trailed off again. She might be turning twenty soon, but there were some things she still felt uncomfortable talking about, even to her girlfriends.

"Well, " Sakura said. "About a month after we got together, I was at his house eating dinner, when I managed to pour half the dessert all over my dress. I didn't have any spare clothes at his place yet, so he offered me to pick something out of his closet." She smiled softly, apparently lost in memory.

When she didn't continue, Hinata spoke up. "And?"

Sakura shook herself slightly and laughed apologetically. "Oh, I'm sorry. Anyway, I settled for one of his Uchiha-shirts he loves so much. They went half-way down my thigh, same as my dress had, so I thought 'why not'?" She smiled ruefully. "Apparently, seeing me in his shirt and family crest kick-started his sex drive or something, because next thing I know, we are making out quite heavily. And, well..." She shrugged, still with a smile on her face.

"So, I should try on some of his clothes?" Hinata was skeptical, but if it had worked for Sakura and Sasuke...

"Hinata, are you here? The door was..." Naruto stopped talking as he laid eyes on his girlfriend who emerged from his bedroom. Clad in his old orange jumpsuit.

It did not quite fit. It was too snug over her chest and hips, but too baggy everywhere else. The legs and arms were a bit too short, and the zipper refused to zip all the way up. Frankly, she looked ridiculous; adorable, but ridiculous. He couldn't help himself, and started laughing heartily.

"Is that what you are wearing to Ino's costume party?" Naruto was too excited to notice that Hinata's face fell abruptly. "Oh, man! If you are going as me, I think I have the googles somewhere here too. Oh, oh! Maybe I should dress up as you, that would be awesome! Wait here!"

Hinata sighed. Maybe she would have to come up with a Plan B...

Hinata took a deep breath and steeled herself before she knocked on the door. It was hard enough to summon up the courage to ask Sakura, and here she was on her way to ask Ino, too. But there was no denying that Ino seemed to have half the male population hankering after her, despite her being taken since a while back.

"Hinata! What a pleasant surprise," Ino greeted, as she opened the door. "Come in. I was just about to pour myself some tea, would you like some?"

Hinata accepted graciously, and soon had a steaming cup in her hands.

"What brings you here?" Ino asked as she sat herself down next to the dark-haired girl. "Not that you're not welcome. It just seems like you have something on your mind. Something big. Something interesting. Something... About Naruto perhaps?"

Hinata hung her head, and groaned quite uncharacteristically. "Sakura told you."

"And I am so happy for you! Oh my Kami, how was it? I wish you would have gone to me, instead of Sakura! I could have given you SO much advice. Answered all of your questions; I mean the first time I saw a penis in real life, I was all like "'woaw, what is that? That is NOT how I pictured it in my head! Get it away from me!'"

Hinata went a furious shade of scarlet, and tried to hide, unsuccessfully, behind her tea cup. "Actually... We didn't..."

Ino eyed the other girl with sudden sympathy. "You didn't? Didn't you feel ready, after all? Which is fine! No need to rush, let it take all the time it needs."

"I don't think he understood what I was trying to do, if I'm honest."

"Well, he is pretty dense," Ino said thoughtfully. "No offense! But when it comes to social competence and romance, he is not exactly, well, me."

Hinata couldn't really argue with that, but then again, she didn't think there was anyone who was like Ino in that regard.


"Oh, don't worry!" Ino said with an excited grin."I know just the way – trust me. When he sees you in what we're going to buy for you, he will pass out from blood-loss!"

Hinata had a bad feeling about this... "We're going shopping?"

"Oh, yes!" Ino clapped her hands together, looking positively starstruck. "I know just the place too. Oh, this will be so much fun!"

Naruto was a bit dumb-founded about his girlfriend's behavior, to be honest. After dinner she had disappeared into the bathroom to take a shower – nothing strange about that, even though she had seemed a bit more on edge and nervous than usual. Almost reminded him of her behavior some seven-eight years ago, he thought with a fond smile. But she had gone in there over an hour ago now, and the shower had stopped running forty minutes ago. She wasn't the type of girl to spend that much time prepping. Maybe something had happened? Maybe she had fainted? Maybe an enemy nin had... That was it. He was going in.

He knocked gently on the bathroom door. "Hinata, is everything alright?"

He heard a small crash from the room, and was about to force the door open, when he heard a small, "I'm okay. Just... Give me a minute."

"Are you sure? I heard a noise -"

"Yes, I'll be right out, I'm just... Taking care of... Girl stuff. Nothing to worry about. Really."

Naruto hastily back away from the door, a mixture of fear and trepidation visible on his face. "Say no more. Got it! Right. I'm here, ready to support you if you need me! Yep, right here. Do you need me to get anything? Like a... A... A... Um-" He desperately tried to recall anything Jiraya had said about girls and their... Monthly peculiarities. He drew a complete blank. "Band-aid...?"

"No, no," Hinata replied, to his complete and utter relief. "I just need a minute. That's all."

On her side of the door Hinata felt like either crying of frustration or laughing at her situation.

She was stuck. She had no idea how, but somehow she had managed to trap her arms and legs in all the straps and bows that came with the lingerie Ino had insisted she'd buy. No wonder Ino bought them, her boyfriend happened to love puzzles and riddles after all. Hinata had almost managed to free herself with the help of a kunai, when Naruto's knock on the door had startled her so much she had dropped the kunai and knocked down the soap dispenser, which broke into a hundred pieces.

So now, here she was, laying on the floor, trapped in her own, newly bought lingerine, with porceline shards and soap all around her, and her only hope of salvation had slid under the bathtub.

She closed her eyes in defeat. Over to plan C...

"Tenten?" Hinata asked timidly, with a quick glance over to her cousin, Neji. She had found Tenten and Neji lounging underneath a tree, quietly talking after a sparring session. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, of course," Tenten said with a smile, and pocketed her weapons smoothly. She got up from where she had been sitting polishing. "What's up?"

"... Privately?" Hinata dearly hoped Neji did not notice how her cheeks slowly lit up.

Tenten furrowed her brow slightly, but nodded and led the younger girl some distance away. Neji gave them a searching look as they departed, but thankfully didn't say anything. "I'm guessing this has something to do with Naruto?"

It was not exactly a secret Neji was more than a little protective of Hinata and her sister, which was unfortunate for Naruto. And, Hinata guessed ruefully, a great reason to way she and Naruto didn't take their relationship to the next level. Neji could be more than a little terrifying when he wanted to.

"In a way..." Hinata cleared her throat, painfully aware that her blush seemed to intensify by the second. She knew Tenten was involved with her cousin, and she tried to keep the more intimate information about their relationship to a minimum. Tenten was not the kind of girl to gossip about her private affairs either, so it had worked just fine thus far. "Actually..." Hinata steeled herself. "I'm looking for some advice about... About... About, eh..." She choked. She couldn't do it. She couldn't ask Tenten for advice knowing her experience came from doing stuff with Neji, who was practically Hinata's brother!

"Oh!" Tenten said knowingly to Hinata's chagrin and relief. "Right, Ino and Sakura mentioned something about that. I'm surprised you'd go to me, considering..." She cast an obvious eye over to Neji, who met her gaze with slightly furrowed brows. Oh no, he was getting curious.

He knew. Oh, Kami, he knew!

"Don't worry about him!" Tenten hurried to calm the younger girl; Hinata's panic must have been written clear as day on her face. "I won't say anything about what we're talking about, and trust me," she smiled cheekily and blinked at Hinata, who was starting to regret she came here at all. "I can distract him if necessary."

Hinata tried to come up with a way to excuse herself politely, when Tenten cut her off with a sentence Hinata later wished she could purge forever from her memory. She once even went as far as researching obscure memory-altering genjutsu's in Tsunade's more questionable section in her vast library. Unfortunately, it would come to follow her to her grave.

"Neji has a thing for being overpowered and dominated."

Naruto was feeling awesome! The weather was awesome. He had just finished an awesome mission. He was with the most awesome girl, who had said she wanted to show him something, probably, awesome. All in all, his life was pretty, darn awesome.

"Hey, Hinata, what was it y -"

"Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms!"

Well, Hinata quickly came to the conclusion she had probably surprised and overpowered him just as planned. However, she just as quickly realized she hadn't really taken in to account the unfortunate lack of consciousness from Naruto's part, or the trip to the emergency room (with a laughing-until-she-cried Sakura), or the overwhelming guilt of accidentally hurting him, even after Naruto, too, had laughed at it all and told her he was proud of her.

All in all, it was clearly a failure. Again. Was there even such a thing as a plan D?

"Heard you had some trouble getting Naruto in the sack," Tsunade stated bluntly, without any preamble at all.

"W-what?" Hinata stuttered, her eyes almost popping out of their sockets. "Wha-what are..."

"Tss, one hears things around here after all," Tsunade replied with a nonchalant wave of her hand. "Anyway, the secret to all life's problems is always sake. Alcohol. Anything that creates a buzz and lowers inhibitions. Trust me, I've tried and tested this a million times. Works like a charm every time! A couple of drinks, and BAM, you are getting la.. - Hinata? Where are you going, you ungrateful brat?!"

Hinata didn't even feel sorry for running away at that point.

"Oh, wow, Hinata, maybe you should take it a little easy," Naruto said with a laugh, and playfully tried to take a bottle of sake from Hinata's hands. He had been amused, and a bit startled, when he had found his slightly intoxicated girlfriend making him dinner, as he got home. That had been two hours, and who knew how many glasses of alcohol ago.

Hinata responded, quite dignified, if she may say so herself, by giggling uncontrollably and clutching the bottle tight to her chest. "No, I don' wanna!"

"Seriously," Naruto found her to be equal parts hilarious, baffling and totally out-of-character. The latter was the part that made him quite concerned, to be honest. "What's gotten in to you? Did something happen?"

Hinata shook her head violently. "No! And thatsch whatsch the problem! Nosching! No sching!" Oh, she probably shouldn't have shaken her head. The room tilted alarmingly.

Nope. Obviously a bad idea. Should not have done that. Maybe if she lay down for a minute? Oh, Naruto looked comfy. Actually, she knew for a fact that he was super-comfy. He was without a doubt her favorite pillow in the whole world. She wanted to drape herself all over him. Oh, hadn't that actually been the point of this whole escapade? Yes, she clearly knew and remembered the point being her and Naruto laying on top of each other.

"Hinata? Oh, okay, yeah, eh... Sleep away, I've got you." She felt his arms encircling her in a warm embrace, as she, very gracefully of course, face-planted against his chest.

Yep, so much better, she thought to herself smugly and promptly passed out.

"Hello Kakashi, what brings you here?" Hinata asked with a smile when she saw who had knocked at the door. "Naruto just went out, if it's him you are after?"

He didn't answer her. He only crinkled his eyes at her and thrust a book into her hands.

Before Hinata could ask him about it, he was gone again in a puff of white smoke and a giggle lingering in the air. She curiously examined the book in her hand, and hastily dropped it like it had suddenly caught on fire when she saw the title. Icha Icha Paradise. An embarrassing eep-like sound escaped her mouth.

She cast a paranoid glance about herself, before she shoved the book inside with her foot and slammed the door closed. She glared at the book for several long moments, feeling conflicted.

But a little research couldn't possibly hurt...

Naruto would never forgive his old teacher, and current Hokage, for the near heart attack he had when he came home and found Hinata knocked out cold, face down on his kitchen floor, with blood running out of her nose. It wasn't until he had enough presence of mind to notice the filthy book resting mockingly next to her outstretched hand that he could actually breathe again. And scream bloody murder.

Needless to say, Kakashi (almost) learned to never meddle in his students' affairs again.

"What is this?" Hinata frowned down at the small, clear bottle Shino had given her. It looked like some sort of clear fluid rested inside. She couldn't for the life of her figure out what it was for. "Not that I'm not grateful for your gift, of course! I'm just confused, to be honest."

"That is pheromones I have extracted from the Bombyx butterfly into a perfume of a sorts," Shino said in his usual straight to the point manner. "I heard from an acquaintance of mine that you were having trouble of the carnal kind and I thought I could help you."

Hinata had grown increasingly more red the longer Shino spoke, and by the end she was a dead ringer for Naruto's friend, the young Kazekage's, hair.

"Where have... W- who told you this?" She managed to stutter. She eyed the bottle with creeping trepidation.

Shino retreated further into his customary hood. "I do have friends, who I do talk to, even if that might seem unlikely."

"Oh, Shino, I didn't -"

"I hope it will be of help." He turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Hinata feeling a mixture of a guilty conscience and total creep-out. Shino really was a sweetheart, but sometimes he was more socially awkward than even Sai.
The innocent flask burned in her hand as she quickly pocketed it and strolled away. Plan... F? G? Was set in motion.

Hinata was overall quite happy with the way she looked. She had brushed her dark hair until it shone, a small amount of make up enhanced her features, and the dress she wore was not immodest per say, but not entirely appropriate for anything other than a date, either. She felt good. The only thing missing now, was a light sprinkle of perfume and she would be set to go meet Naruto for the picnic she had planned.

She eyed the bottle she had been given with a frown. How much was she supposed to use? Shino hadn't said. She opened the cork and gave an experimental sniff. It didn't smell like anything. Maybe it did once it came into contact with her skin? She dabbled some on.

Still nothing.

She put on more and more, until the bottle suddenly was empty. She sighed in defeat, but soon perked up again. Oh, well, she would still enjoy her picnic with Naruto, that was a given!

She exited the Hyuga Compound in a good mood, the picnic basket dangling from her wrist. The sun was shining and she could hear birds singing; an unusual amount of butterflies swiveled around her as she walked, too. She set her sights on the forest, where she knew Naruto would be waiting. She gasped in delight when a small butterfly landed on her collarbone. She smiled, and with a delicate hand transferred it to her finger instead. Another butterfly joined the first, and a third landed in her hair. She let out a startled giggle. What was going on?

Her giggle slowly died out as another handful of butterflies settled on her bare arms and neck. She started moving faster, hoping they would leave her. Some more joined the others, their feet tickling her skin.

In alarm, she noticed another dozen hovering just behind her head.

She started running. She saw in her peripheral vision a stunned Naruto shouting after her as she passed him in a flash, butterflies butting against her skin, obscuring her vision almost completely.

Her record-winning sprint ended with a splash as she crashed into the river.

"Hello, Hinata. How are you today?" Sai greeted her with a pleasant, but quite empty, smile. He continued before she had the chance to even open her mouth. "I hear Dickless isn't using his dick, so I drew these for you." He thrust a couple of drawings into her stunned hands. "You know, to inspire him."

All the blood drained from her face all at once as she saw the drawing at the top. It was of her and Naruto in a very, very intimate position, completely naked. She could only stare in horror.

"I have, of course, taken some artistic license when it comes to your body, since I haven't had the opportunity of seeing you naked yet. I assure you my depiction of Naruto, on the other hand, is quite spot on. I even included that weird mole he has right next to his... Oh, there you see it!" He pointed at the drawing with a beaming smile. Hinata was frozen. He took the top drawing from her hands, sliding it to the bottom, apparently eager to show her all of them. "This is what I think is the winner. With you on your knees, and his... Oh, you're leaving? That's the spirit! Just tell me and I'll make some more!"

Hinata would never, ever admit it. Ever. But she didn't actually throw the drawings away. Instead she stored them secretly in a sealed box under her bed. The one time Naruto asked what was in it, she lied.

Hinata yawned softly and curled up against Naruto on his couch. He put his arm around her with a smile, seemingly content to keep the silence. Her hair was still slightly wet from her earlier shower and she hoped he wouldn't mind her resting her head on his shoulder. She had given up on being this great seductress, she clearly wasn't that good at it. He bestowed a small kiss on her forehead, which made her smile. They sat like that for a couple of minutes, Hinata being on the verge of dozing when Naruto spoke.

"Hey, Hinata," he gripped her tighter against him. "Is it just me, or has everybody gone insane?"

She stilled. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know, I just get this... Feeling," he emphasized the last word, "that everybody is either laughing at me or pitying me. I don't get it! People have been super-weird lately, and you..." He trailed off.

Hinata took a deep breath and lifted her head to be able to meet his eyes. "It's my fault. I'm so sorry, Naruto. I was being stupid and... I'm sorry; I never meant for it to get so out of hand." She blushed prettily, which she knew he noticed by the grin he was giving her.

"Wait, what?" His arm slid down to rest against her hip. She tried to ignore it; she failed miserably. "Why were you being stupid? What's going on?"

She lowered her gaze to the fingers she kept pressing together compulsively. "I wanted some advice about – about – about -"

He nudged her playfully in her side. "About?"

"You know," she whispered, suddenly mortified. Not by the thought of them having sex, but about how she had handled it. She should have just let it be.

"No I don't, that's why I'm asking you," she could hear the smile in his voice. He put a hand under her chin, forcing her to eventually meet his gaze. "Advice about what?"

And just like that, as she looked in to the man she loved's eyes, she felt utterly calm. This was Naruto! Sweet, oblivious, knuckle-headed Naruto. She smiled, feeling almost mischievous. "Seducing you. Sex."

It was Naruto's turn to completely freeze. The emotions that rapidly came and went across his face, made her almost swoon and giggle at the same time. Thunderstruck was replaced by dumbfounded that became disbelief, to finally settle on wide-eyed awe.

"That actually explains so much," he said when he found his voice again. His hand underneath her chin unfroze, and slid to her hair. His smile became a grin, before he right out started laughing. "I thought I was going insane, and you... You!" His laughter died down to a chuckle. "No wonder Sai kept calling me dickless, and Sasuke kept smirking that moronic smirk. Hell, that even explains why Sakura suddenly wanted to give me the talk and kept shoving condoms in to my pockets; Kami, I'm an idiot!"

Hinata joined in with a giggle of her own. "Yes, but so am I apparently, so..."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Naruto said and kissed her softly on her lips. And Hinata knew. She just knew, this was it. This was exactly what she wanted; them basking in each others company, laughing, being generally silly. So she kissed him with more force, determined to show him she was actually serious. She had told him. Now it was time to show him, too.

To her delight, he caught on pretty quick.

The end

I hope you had as much fun reading, as I did writing. Please let me know what you think! Thank you for reading, regardless!


"Sai? What the... What are you doing here?! Get out!"

"Research. Now, could you not cover yourself, please? I want to get this right."

"I'm in the fucking shower! Get the hell out of here!"

"In a minute. You should thank me, you know, I'm sure Hinata will want the drawing to be as faithful as... Really, a Rasengan, Dickless? Is that actually neccess..-"