I don't know what to do anymore, what to think or what to feel. It seems like all you want me to do is be something I'm not, something I'll never be. You push me to the corner. It's cold and uncomfortable.
I'm trying to tell you, trying to speak my mind, but words won't come out of my throat. But instead, I get pushed to the corner by you, by your eyes.
I stare quietly into the wonders of the sky. I ignore all sound and get lost from my reality. I let myself sink away. I breath the warmth and love I'll never be able to get from you and I go on. I go on as if nothing happened. But then again, nothing did happen, and nothing will, not if you are in control.
Everyday I wait for you. It's like you said, even if I don't want to be with you, I cannot stand a second without you. Your stares are pinning through, and it feels as if you're burning me with your gaze, molesting me with your eyes.
I still remember that magical night when I first set my eyes on your figure after all those years. That faithful night that started this dangerous addiction of you. It was in a bar in Suna, after I completed my solo mission and decided to spend another night in Suna before setting home .I first noticed something familiar in the air, an aura I felt before but not exactly the same. I saw him then, sitting in a corner table by himself with a drink of some sort in his hand, and I froze. He looked different, still like himself but different. He seems broader, like he finally came to possess a man's body and not a boy's like when I last saw him. His hair was longer and straiter. He seemed to gain more hight although I didn't see him standing. For some reason it seemed like he was happier even though he wasn't smiling. And it was then that he saw me. His dark eyes setting on my green ones. I wanted to look away and run but I also craved to go up to him and embrace him. But I couldn't do either since I was frozen to my seat.
The next thing I noticed was him standing up and approaching my way. He came right up to me.
Is that my name? I don't quite remember it sounding that way. I felt like he was awaiting some sort of reply.
"What are you doing here?" it came out a bit colder than I intended.
"I like Suna, people are surprisingly accepting of me here, and a lot of people here needed help in various things. So here I am. You?", there was a different tone to his voice that I have never herd before, calmness?
"Mission". Why am I suddenly feeling anger towards him?
"How have you been?", he asked as if really interested in me and my well being.
"Fine". I sharply answered back.
"How is Naruto? And every one else?", his second attempt at a conversation.
"I don't know. Why don't you come and see for yourself?", I'm sometimes amazed at how mean I can be.
"I'm not yet done with my travels. I don't feel comfortable coming back", he stated and I felt socked that he was actually opening up about his feelings. It's like he seemed to progress farther and I just went back a few steps.
"I thought you would be happy to see me again after so long", he said and I detected a bit of coldness and anger coming from him, but with the way I was talking to him it's highly understandable.
"I am... But I'm also angry at you. I haven't seen you in over two years.. You said you were coming back. I thought you will be gone a few weeks or months at a time. I didn't expect this.. this silence from you". I blurted out.
"I didn't know what to expect either. But once I started this journey I couldn't look back, I couldn't come back until I felt like I deserved to". He said.
"You do deserve to come back to Konoha. Everyone wants you there, they're all waiting for you to return" I stressed out.
"Everyone?" He questioned.
"Some more than others, and some more than they led on" I said with a little smile.
We talked all night long. We talked about everything that happened in those years after the war. I talked more and he mostly listened, throwing sentences here and there. At some point I felt his hands on my waist, on my hair, my face, and as the night drew on I felt them in places never explored by others before. Only him. Only ever him.
As I lay on my roof in Konoha, gazing at the stars I remember what a fool I was then and how I put all my faith to his promises of return. Every time we met again after that night, some by coincidence and some planned, he will end every night by telling me how whole I make him feel, how he missed me so much it hurt him to leave, and how soon, very soon he will come back to Konoha.
Oh, how was I so naive to believe every word that came out if that perfect mouth of his.
And the next time I see him, when ever it is, I will tell my self that it's all lies and that this time I will most definitely not spend the night with him, I know I won't be able to do that, I know that he can pull me in with just his eyes and with those sweet words of promise.
And I know how irrational this addiction is, but I still can't let go.
Because it's him. Only ever him.
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