[A/N: This is a response to the last chapter. Duh. Review! And enjoy!!]
Subject: Re: News on the Alien Front
C'mon, Clark. Say it like a big boy:
You got aroused, and it made you shoot fire from your eyes.
And, since I know you're blushing all the way down to your well-worn work boots as you read this, I'll answer the unspoken question. I may be a few years younger than you, but I wasn't born yesterday. I, too, am a teenage boy, and even "abnormal/special" males such as us go through the same miserable adolescence. I have met Lana, you know. Just, you... well, you're special-er than the rest. Your lust has side-effects!
All hail the King of Weird.
Can I be the prince?
And I'd absolutely love to come back to Cow Country and make it all better for you with my amazing telepathic powers, but all these Edge City doctors are freaking out about my brain, and Auntie Em can't deal. It sounds like you're doing pretty darn well on your own, Warrior Angel. I doubt you'd really need my help, considering your capability to (in the words of your mother) "bench press the tractor" an' all. Pfft. And you complain.
Man, you are the densest person alive. I'm starting to think that's why I can't read you, and Hot for Teacher couldn't seduce your sorry ass. To hell with alleged alienism. I'm pretty sure a superior intelligence would be able to tell when there are two beautiful girls (and a guy, maybe) fawning over him. Wake up and smell the manure, farmboy! Your only girl troubles are with yourself. I don't even need telepathy to tell you that.
So, is Lex still married to this chick? He shouldn't be, or there's a disturbance in the Force. That man is destined to be alone in his life, Clark. Don't disturb Fate in her slumber.
So ends tonight's Miss Cleo lecture.
I have to go, but I'll call you in a day or two. I can't wait to hear your voice, and about all the funky new stuff you can do with heat vision. Or maybe I should call it Boner Vision? No, but seriously. Heat vision, man! You are truly the luckiest alien –- no, person -- I know.
Your psychic pal,