Well...this is it. Last chapter of my first Fan fiction. It was alright but I know I can do better! In fact I have TWO more stories I am going to post pretty soon so if anyone is interested look out for them! C:

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Special thanks to Crow4711, InsaneDutchGirl, Bookworm563, phoebe.7, and awesome5689 for the constant reviews! And I can't forget all you guest people! c:
Really all my readers deserve a hot cup of coffee or tea. If you don't like either of those I'll just buy everyone pizza. Yeah Pizza is good.

since I haven't done this once, Ha oopps I will do this now to sum up everything

Disclaimer: I own literally nothing. I don't even own my car so how would I ever own anything TMNT related.

Enjoy my last and final chapter. I'm keeping my tears at bay! I do get fuffly but I like happy endings.

I think I am dead.

It's the only reasonable explanation. I can hear nothing pounding through the dark; I have no feeling of a body, just my spirit. It is oddly soothing.

I feel lighter. There is no more pain, no more ghost of insanity scratching my mind.

I am free.

So this is what death looks like; an eternity of darkness with only thoughts to accompany me. It sounds frightening and lonely, yet I am at peace.

Except, I wish to see my brothers one last time, my real ones.

Maybe this is supposed to be a time to look back on my life. Look at all the mistakes I've made. I think that's a thing I saw on TV once. My life is supposed to be flashing before my eyes or something like that. But it's not. So I start thinking. What is really weighing on my mind is my age. It's a shame I died so young, I didn't get the chance to really live.

No. that's not true. I had a life. It was abnormal and harsh, but it was good.

I think of all the bad times: When we would come home from a lost battle bloodied and bruised, but that was nothing compared to our broken spirits. The times we yelled and screamed at each other, taking out anger and frustration. The lair would have high tensions for weeks on end with little communication. I recall when someone got majorly injured everyone would hover around and watch with anxiety. I remember the days we would spend training hours upon hours until we were physically and mentally exhausted. Sometimes we dealt with having the weight of the city and even on occasion, the world, on our shoulders. We could never stay out of trouble long enough to take a breath. At times, it was unbearable, especially when it became something we could not change.

Yet, the good times are what really stick with me the most. The times it was us against the world, at least we knew we didn't stand alone. We had each other to find light through the darkness.

I think about each of my brothers and the little things. I recall the faint smile on Leo's face when the rest of us would goof around. He tried to remain the mature and responsible brother, but beneath his façade he still was that playful loving little boy. His laughter booms in my head, it was always my favorite sound. He didn't laugh as much as the rest of my brothers, but when he did it held the room at attention.
I love the memories when Raph would sneak even the smallest form of affection. He tried to stay the tough, hard rebel. But there was no question about the twinkle in his eyes. When things got rough, he would put a hand on my shoulder to let me know he was there; sometimes I would hug him and he would hold on for dear life like he needed it more than I did. He would tackle us to the ground, pretending to beat on us but I knew better. He was showing his love and affection.
I remember when Donnie would finally decide to grace us with his presence after working hours in the lab. He would be exhausted but a wide grin would always be plastered to his face. We all seemed to stick to him like glue for the rest of the evening, all delighted to be a full unit again.

I think about the breakfast mornings, the same old routine of starting the day. They usually insured sloppy teasing and sleepy grins. The days when we were graced to just lay around the lair together, doing nothing but be close. We would watch movies, take cat naps, banter back and forth but most importantly be around one another. I loved the feeling we would get after a great fight, proud of not only of ourselves but each other.

I would walk through fire for my brothers, and I know they would do the same for me.

Yes. I had a good life. The length does not matter, it is the quality.

But I want I back. I ache for my life. I miss my brothers.

No, I am not ready to die.

I want to live.


A blinding white bursts in front of my eyes.

Is this it? Is this the final stage of dying? Wasn't there a something about 'going into a bright light'?

Except, the harsh light dims and the first thing I see is a shadowy concrete; a ceiling. I watch it for a good minute as confusion settles in. I shift under the blanket and I feel the warm fabric slide against my skin. My body!

My own beautiful body! My own throbbing body…I feel so sore!

I shift my head and I see the red masked turtle asleep, his head in his arms and on the bed next to my bandaged hand. This looks familiar.

I stare at my hand, gauze wraps around my thumb making it almost immobile. I try to move it and feel sharp stinging pain. I know that pain, it's broken. How did I break my thumb?

I glance again at the turtle snoring loudly next to me. My memory sparks as I recall this same situation.

I remember.

I remember everything. I gasp as the memories coming flooding in at one time. I attacked him.

Is this real? Is this a trick? I look at my wrist and prepare for the gruesome wound, but I see nothing but my green skin. I push off the blanket and ignore my body's protest as I perceive the rest of me. There aren't any gashes or blood; not even scars.

What?

I don't understand, I thought that was real. I again observe the snoozing turtle. Is he my brother? My real brother? I want it to be him but I can't shove away the nagging sensation.

He was the one who hurt me, but I have no wounds to prove it. Does it mean that it wasn't real. Is this is real? Is this truly him?

The last thing I do recall is a strong voice telling me to keep my eyes open. It was his voice. Was that him? The real him? Or am I still stuck in a twisted reality?

I watch his sleeping snoring form. His breathing is a steady soothing rhythm. I watch his face. Normally it would be scrunched in a fierce growl or a sly smirk. But now it rests in a peaceful expression. This must be my brother.

I attempt to sit up completely but the aching hits me harder, I instinctively groan loudly. I surprise myself and quickly snap my eyes back to the red turtle's face hoping he is still asleep. My hopes are crushed. He hasn't moved, but his blazing green eyes now bore into me. He watches me and remains frozen. I stare back at him, searching for any signs of a lie.

I am afraid.

He slowly straightens out but we keep silent.

Please be my brother, I need my brother.

"Mikey." He whispers and I flinch at my name. He reaches out a hand and I scoot away from it.

I don't trust him.

He notices my hesitation and I recognize the disappointment in his eyes.

"I'm not gonna hurt ya." He says roughly. My mouth remains snapped shut as I look him up and down.

He hurt me; he pushed me to the edge. I was bleeding, I was trapped.

"Damnit Mikey! I am not gonna hurt ya!" He growls louder with frustration. I close my eyes and prepare to be hit by a fist but it never comes.

I peek open and see him take a deep breath.

"It's me. I won't hurt you" He strains his voice to be softer.

I see anger and frustration, but I also see love. His green eyes shine with sincerity.

I see a protector. He would never hurt me, he would never attack me. It really is him. It is my brother. He is real.

Real!

I feel tears form in my eyes but I keep them from falling. I missed him, I missed him so much!

"Raph!"

A smile blasts from my face as I pounce on him. I don't even care about my screaming and aching body. He was unprepared for the sudden movement and I knock him to the floor. I hear a joyful, deep laugh rumble from his throat. We sit up but his hand refuses to let go of my arms.

"GUYS! Sleeping beauty finally decided to wake up!" Raph shouts loudly and continues to bubble with laughter.

"Please tell me that you didn't kiss me!" I chuckle. His smirk transforms into a genuine smile. He pulls me into a giant crushing bear hug. I wouldn't expect anything less!

He knows it's really me, and I know it's really him.

I hear footsteps barge in the lab. I turn and look up at the beaming faces. They stare at us as Raph's arms refuse to unlock from me.

Donnie's face instantly drops and looks extremely annoyed.

"What are you doing on the floor? You should be resting! Raphael you better not be hurting him!" He scolded. Raph pushes away slightly to look at my face.

His eyes turn serious but his lips still tug into a smile.

"I would never hurt him." He winks at me.

"Never." I laugh with happiness.


I sit on the counter quietly as Donnie fusses around me. He checks my blood, making sure I am poison free I guess. I still feel the ghosts of doubt creep along my spine every time I see my brothers. Whenever they come near or touch me I still feel the prick of fear.

I am wary and I can't help it.

I remember everything, but it feels like someone else's memories. I don't really know how to deal with the fact that I went crazy. I didn't think I was insane; I still don't. Yet from what my brothers tell me, I know I was.

I don't feel quite myself, I'm still afraid this is just some gross trick. That my brain is faking being cured, being with my real brothers. However dream or not, this is what I want.

"How long was I out?" I ask Donnie finally getting tired of the silence. I never did like the stillness of the room when it was quiet. Donne glances at me, his eyes are still happy and fill with joy.

"About four days…the poison was spread throughout your bloodstream. I was afraid we were too late but after we brought you home I gave you another injection and it seemed to work."

Four days? It feels like it all happened yesterday. I rub my wrist with my finger, careful not to bump my broken thumb. I can't help but check for the wounds I thought I had, my doubt is put to ease every time I feel the smooth skin instead of a slick bloody gash. Donnie watches me with a curious expression. He has been observing my movements ever since I woke up. He steps forward and I lift my eyes to his face, he grabs the wrist I was just feeling and studies it.

"What did you see?" He inquires. His tone is pure curiosity.

"I don't want to talk about it yet Donnie, I'm still don't completely trust that I am clear of my," I pause searching for the right word, "hallucinations."

Donnie wants to press it but keeps his mouth clamped. He knows better than to push it. He nods and releases my wrist.

"Well, looks like you are poison free! My antidote worked well thank god! If I didn't find it when I did then you probably would have—"

"Will I still have dreams?" I interrupt; partly because I want to know, but also because I don't want him to finish the sentence. I know I almost died, I remember. Donnie takes my question into consideration then he sighs.

"I speculate that it is likely you will have dreams. Not from the poison of course, but because of the traumatic event. But at least this time when you wake up, they won't follow you."

Great, even cured I can't escape the nightmares. I scoff at the irony.

Donnie's eyes gleam with compassion and sympathy.

"Hey, we will be here for you when you wake up. I promise we will." Donnie smiles and grabs my shoulder with affection. He makes another promise that I know he will keep. I grin back into his elated face.

A voice startles both of us and we look towards the lab door. Leo stands upright and confident; his posture is straight and ridged. You would never catch Leo slouching.

"May I please speak with you alone?" He asks but it's actually a command. My stomach drops and my caution slams back into me. I fearfully look at Donnie and he reads my panic in an instant.

"It's just Leo remember. I'll be right outside alright?" He smiles softly and I nod.

Then there were two.

We remain quiet as he walks deeper into the room. I shift uncomfortably, I really do hate silence.

"Do you remember?" Leo whispers, his eyes are sad unlike my other two cheerful brothers. I nod my head yes.

"Everything?"

My eyes are glued to his. I immediately know what he is talking about. He's talking about the incident on the roof when I almost killed myself. Although it was my hallucinations that guided me into it, it was still my choice. I wanted to die in that moment; I was too confused and angry to recognize the truth between lies. It wasn't like when I was drowning, I thought I was fighting to survive then, but on the roof… I was fighting to die.

"Yes." I tear my gaze away from his, ashamed to look in his eyes. I feel him take steps toward me.

"Leo, I'm sorry…I-I thought…I couldn't…I had to end it. I'm sorry, I didn't…I—" I stammer for words.

"It's okay I understand." He states clearly and sternly. I still feel the shame and guilt rumbling through my belly. I raise my eyes from the floor to his face.

"You didn't tell them?" I ask.

"No. They don't need to know. Besides it's not my decision; if you want them to know then you will tell them yourself." A heavy silence descends around us again. I am the one who breaks it this time.

"Donnie says I could have dreams still. Leo, what if I have them and fall back into that craziness? I mean sure the poison is gone, but I can still feel the grip of fear. I have this nagging sensation in my head. What if I end up falling again?" I murmur in a low and shaky voice.

Then he surprises me, a hint of a smirk touches his lips.

"Mikey don't you learn? Every time you fall I'll be there to catch you."

I blink once…twice…then start laughing.

"Geez Leo! You must be real because no one else is that cheesy!"

Leo flashes a grin and crosses his arms. His shoulders and muscles instantly ease but the natural confidence still radiates off his body. I laugh and tease him, but I finally feel my burden vanquish within me.

They are real and they will protect me.

I mean look what they did for me. They won't hurt me, they won't leave me. I remember something Donnie told me once. During a bad time when Splinter was missing, Raph was seriously injured, and Leo plunged into guilt and anger, I felt like the team tearing apart. I recall him telling me that we had to do something about it, that it was our job to put our family back together. I remember Donnie saying,

We only have each other in this world.

He is right. I know no matter what dreams are going to haunt me, no matter how long it will take for me to trust my own mind again, they will fight for me. Because that's what we do, we fight for each other.

Sheesh, now look who's the cheesy one?

I hear a rough voice from behind the large lab door. Leo and I both turn our heads when it slams open and in marches Raph, Donnie on his heel. Leo glances at Donnie with annoyance. Don put his hands up in surrender.

"I tried to tell him you wanted to talk to Mikey alone, but you know this one! Doesn't listen! I would have fought him more but I don't really want another concussion."

I wince at the mention of Donnie's injury. I feel guilty about all of the hurt I caused them both physically and mentally.

"I am not letting this one out my sight." Raph points at me, "I think I might just make him wear a cow bell so I know where he is at all times."

"Really? You are going to give Michelangelo something that can make lots, and I stress, LOTS of noise? I think that's a bad idea." Donnie mutters. I give him a sharp glance and smile. He's right.

"He has a point Raph." Leo agrees.

"Gosh, I can't believe you all have such a low opinion of me!" I smirk. It was meant to be teasing but all their harsh and hurt glances made me rethink my words.

"Oh. No I didn't mean it like that! I was just trying to mess around. I know you all think highly of me, I mean obviously since we just went through that um..thing. I mean I went crazy and almost killed you all. I mean—sorry that I almost killed you all. I have thought about it once or twice...oh gosh, I am just teasing again. I am trying to lighten the mood here! Stop looking so worried! Oh shell I'm just making this worse aren't I? I—"

"Mikey. Shut up." Raph says.

"Don't tell him to shut up!" Donnie retorts with obvious annoyance. I think he's a little mad that Raph ignored him and barged into the lab.

"Don't tell me what to do brainaic."

"Stop being such a pain in the shell Raph."

"Nerd."

"Hothead!

"Geek!"

"Shell for brains!"

"I have to say, it's sort of amusing when it isn't me arguing with Raph." Leo declares as he leans in close to me. I look at him and give him a bright grin. It's not a real argument, so it is pretty funny. Raph and Donnie both sharply bore holes into Leo.

"Leo, take my side here." Donnie says.

"Hey! Don't drag Leo into this!" Raph snaps.

"Yeah, don't drag Leo into this!" Leo repeats and attempts to hide his smile.

"Oh so you can tell me what to do but I can't tell you?" Donnie growls.

"That's right! I mean I am older then you anyways." Raph proclaims. I can tell he is having fun with this playful bickering. Donnie however actually looks annoyed.

"You are older than me by mere minutes! Besides I wouldn't take orders from someone who can barely spell his own name!" Donnie snaps. Raphs face that was full of amusement turns into a scowl at the cut to his intelligence. Of course he can spell his name, but it was the classic thing for Don to do when he was irritated, shove his intellect in our faces.

"Here I'll help you, R-a-p-h-a-e-l." The genius barely gets the last letter out before Raph pounces on him. They slam into the ground.

"NOT IN THE LAB!" Donnie shouts but they keep rolling around on the floor. Raph obviously didn't care.

"Raph! I am still getting over a concussion!" Donnie hisses as he tries to crawl away from his brother. Raph grabs him and pulls him back to land a playful punch to his side.

"I'm sorry Donnie, I don't know what concussion means." Raph remarks with a sarcastic tone. I giggle and stare at each of them with affection.

They are real.

"Turtle pile?" I ask Leo as I laugh at the ridiculous turtles wrestling. Leo puts a hand to his face and sighs, seemingly tired of his brothers immature squabble. But then he quickly glances back up at me with a laughing smirk.

"Turtle pile" he agrees and we both jump in.

Finally, I am home.

That's all folks. Hope thats a good ending! Remember if anyone is interested in more stories by little old me, two more coming soon c: I LOVE YOU ALL. (geez take you to dinner first right?) Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did! C: till next story, my good readers.