A/N: It's been awhile since I put up a fic for these two, and I was in the mood to do something cute. So now here we are.
Dean groaned as he turned yet again in his bed. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get comfortable. His mind wouldn't shut off either. It kept firing on all cylinders, which was not needed at nearly three in the morning. The only saving grace he had was that he didn't have to get up the next morning. If he could ever manage to fall asleep then he could sleep the whole day away. But that was looking like a completely impossible if. It was driving him mad. He hated these kinds of nights. They happened too often for his liking. He couldn't even remember a time where these sleepless nights didn't plague him nearly constantly. Of course, when he had been younger, there had been a reason for him to not be able to sleep. The nights he had laid awake as a child had been out of fear. His mother used to leave him all alone to work the streets and feed her drug habit. Too often had he had to scramble out the window and hide in the alley while others broke into their home to try (and often fail) to find anything of worth to steal. And even if his mother happened to be home, those nights had been filled with hiding from whatever asshole she happened to be dating at the time. But now was different. He didn't have anything like that to keep him up. Just stupid insomnia that kicked his ass every single time. It was absolutely maddening.
He turned on his side, eyes narrowing as they landed on the bedside clock. The red numbers were mocking him now. He needed to look away. Watching the clock would only make it that much harder for him to sleep. But he couldn't bring himself turn over yet again. His brain started racing faster. What if he never slept again? It was a stupid and irrational thought. Yet it didn't seem that way now. It seemed like a perfectly legitimate fear to have. At the rate he was going, he really wouldn't ever get to sleep again. He would be stuck in this loop, doomed to try to function on absolutely no rest.
A loud sigh came from the spot next to him. The mattress shifted, and he turned to see Renee rolling out of bed. "What are you doing?" he asked with a frown.
She didn't answer him with words. Instead she walked across the room, shivering as the cool air hit her naked body. She went to their movie shelf and pulled a DVD from it. She turned on the TV and put the movie in the player before coming back to the bed. "The hell are you doing?" he asked with a frown.
"Making sure you go to sleep." She pulled the blanket back up above her chest but kept her arms free so she could pull him to her. "Come on." She kept pulling him until she got him laying against her, his head resting on her chest. "Watch the movie."
Dean frowned, but didn't argue. He nestled his head against her breasts, groaning as he realized she put The Wedding Planner on. "Really?"
"It makes you fall asleep," she explained.
Oh yeah. It did. He sighed and kept his eyes glued to the screen, waiting to see if the movie would have the same effect now. He thought about craning his head back to see if Renee was staying up to watch it too, or if she was just going back to sleep. Her fingers lightly rubbing his scalp answered that question before he had to move. His lips twitched and he draped his arm over her stomach. This wasn't really fair to her. Her sleep was being robbed because of him. But the selfish part of him felt happy that she was laying there and scratching on his head like he was a dog or something. It was nice to have someone who gave enough of a shit to even try to help him sleep. It wasn't something he was used to. He wasn't good at this whole relationship thing. The ones he had tried before had ended in disaster. But this thing with her was different. She was different. She cared about him as opposed to just what she could get out of him. She put up with the shit that he brought to the table, but was willing to knock him upside the head when he was being really, really stupid. It was good. It was healthy. It was almost weird for him, but he wasn't about to give it up. He had ruined enough good things in his life to go out of his way to not risk doing so again.
"Stop thinking so hard."
Dean blinked as Renee's voice took him out of his thoughts. "How do you know I'm thinking?"
"You grind your teeth." Her fingers moved from his hair and started running down the bridge of his nose instead. "Just relax. I got you."
Yeah. That she did. She had him really bad. She had sunk her claws in at the very beginning and hadn't let go since. He didn't really understand why she had chosen him of all people. She was smart and beautiful - she could have had any other guy in the world, yet here she was with him. She had chosen him. She loved him. That part in particular messed up his brain. He wasn't used to being loved. He wasn't used to hearing someone say it to him all the time. And she didn't even expect him to say it back. That was the kicker. She accepted his inability to say it back and kept saying it anyways.
"You're doing it again." Her voice brought him out of his thoughts. She sat up, moving him off her chest so she could try to face him. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He tried to keep his eyes off hers. His shoulders were starting to involuntarily twitch on him. He hated that the words were so hard for him to say. He felt it. He hadn't ever felt this way about any of his girlfriends before. He needed to just stop being a pussy and just say it. But every time he opened his mouth to do it, his throat would close up on him. The words always got stuck. Roman said that he didn't like saying them because that meant leaving himself vulnerable to someone else. It meant laying himself out there instead of keeping himself locked up and protected. Or some shit like that. He didn't really like it when Roman psychoanalyzed him, but perhaps he had a point. He had been hurt a lot in his life. Letting someone know they got to him the way she had freaked him out.
"It don't seem like nothing." She wasn't dropping the subject. "Come on." She grabbed his hand before he could start rubbing it across his shoulder and collarbone. "Talk to me."
He chewed on his lower lip. He was tempted to say it was nothing yet again. It was easier to get the subject dropped. But he stopped himself. This was dumb. He needed to just man up and say it. He felt it. Even if she knew that he did, she still deserved to hear it. He just had to say it. He could say it to Roman. He could say it to Seth. He needed to just be able to say it to his own damn girlfriend.
"Iloveyou." The confession was quicker and more unintelligible than he intended it to be. At first he thought he hadn't even said it loud enough, but the way she went still let him know that she understood at least some of it.
"I said I love you damn it." And that just came out just plain gruff. Damn it. He hadn't wanted to sound mushy because he hated that, but now he felt like he said it like some sort of asshole.
But apparently that didn't matter. Renee only grinned, her eyes lighting up as as she leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I love you too."
"Yeah?" He grinned back at her.
"Yeah." She kissed him again, this time on the lips. "Now will you try to go to sleep?"
"That depends." He grabbed a lock of her hair between his thumb and pointer finger and twirled it. "Can I use your boobs as pillows?"
She groaned. "Oh god Dean."
"What? Boob pillows have been known to cure insomnia."
"That is such a lie." Despite this, she laid back and patted a hand over her chest. "Come here."
He laid back down, settling his head against her breasts happily. He draped an arm over her stomach and let his eyes focus on the TV. "God this movie is terrible."
"Go to sleep honey."
This time he was able to comply.