A/N: I intended this to be a one-shot, but I loved writing these two so much that there will be at least one more chapter. This one's a bit lengthy, 2100 words)
"Mr. Jones. This is Emma from Swan Bakery. I have a few questions about the custom cake you ordered. Can you please give me a call as soon as possible? Thanks."
Killian looked down at his phone in confusion. Cake? He hadn't ordered a bloody cake? This woman must be confused. Plus, she didn't leave her phone number for him to return her call. Leaning forward to his laptop, he searched "Swan Bakery" and found one listing in Boston. Clicking on the website, he was pleasantly surprised with the understated elegance of the cakes on display. The Contact Us page opened to large photo of a striking blonde woman decorating a wedding cake, with a bio to the right for Emma Swan, Owner and Pastry Chef. Killian was suddenly saying an internal thank you for whatever mix-up caused this beautiful woman to call him this morning. Dialing the number listed, he waited for the mystery to be solved.
"Swan Bakery, how can I help you?"
"Ah, hi, I'm returning a call from Emma?"
"This is Emma, is this Mr. Jones?"
Gods, even her voice was gorgeous. "Aye, you said something about a custom cake? Sorry to disappoint you, lass, but I haven't ordered a cake from you."
"Uh….hang on." Killian can hear the muffled sigh and ruffling of papers through the phone and he couldn't help but feel somewhat sorry for the woman on the other end of the line. She was not starting her day off on the right foot and he felt an unexplainable need to somehow turn her day around.
"Sorry about that. Ok, I have the order right here. I have a custom cake that was ordered last night on our website from Mr. Jones, billing address on file is 32 Market Street. That's not you?"
Killian suddenly realized what must have happened. His brother, Liam, must have placed the order and put their loft number on the order. Their home phone was forwarding to Killian's cell for the day, as he was expecting a return phone call from the dishwasher repair guy.
But wait….what the hell did Liam need a custom cake for?
Glancing at his laptop he spotted his calendar on his email and everything started to make sense.
Oh…no. He was going to kill him.
"Oh, sorry lass, that wasn't directed towards you. I think I can solve the mystery here. I live with my brother, also Mr. Jones, and Liam must have been the one who placed the order for this custom confection."
"Glad to hear I'm not completely losing my mind. It's been one of those mornings."
Killian chuckled, his mind already reeling as to how he could get Emma to conspire against the evil, horrible, no good brother of is.
"No, I'd say your mind is just fine, lass. It's my brother's fault for not putting his first name on the order. I can't tell you how many of his bloody packages I've opened. I apologize on his behalf for adding to your rough morning."
"It's okay, really. Any chance you can give me a direct phone number for him so I can discuss the design for his cake? I admit to being a tad bit confused, as I'm pretty sure there's a misspelling of the text he wants on it."
Okay, time to take a chance. He needed to turn this situation around in his in favor, so being direct was probably the best route. He knew what Liam was up to and he couldn't let him get away with it. Not this time.
"Let me guess. It has something to do with a pirate ship with the words, "Behold, the Rolly Joger" on there somewhere?"
"Uh, yeah. How on earth did you guess that?"
"Well, lass, before I tell you, I need to tell you something about my brother. He is an insufferable prat who has drawn you into a very embarrassing prank against his charming, completely innocent younger brother, Killian."
Emma's laughter through the phone was so bright and genuine, making Killian wish he was having this conversation with her in person. "Charming huh? You have quite a high opinion of yourself, Killian."
"I only speak the truth, lass." He winked, the reflex unstoppable despite no one but him being able to see it.
"If we're done talking about you and your charming self, can we please get back to this cake and how you knew what Liam wanted on it?"
Killian couldn't believe he was about to tell this story to a completely breathtaking stranger over the phone, but here goes. "Okay, but only on one condition."
"After I tell you, you have to agree to help me."
"Help you with what?"
"Turning this vicious prank around on my brother, of course."
Killian could practically hear her brain churning through her options over the phone. Then, the line got muffled as she yelled to one of her co-workers. "Hey Ruby, can you watch the front? I need to take this call back to my office."
"Okay Jones, you've somehow won my trust. I'm going to put you on hold for a minute, be right back..."
Killian was now equal parts relieved and mortified, as getting her to go along meant sharing his most embarrassing moment. Looking up from his desk he realized his door was still open. He bolted from his desk to close it before Emma came back. The last thing he needed was his officemates hearing this story as he wouldn't be able to show his face in the break room ever again without being mercilessly teased.
"Hello? Killian? Are you there?"
Hearing Emma's voice through the receiver, he sprinted back to his desk and grabbed the phone. "Apologies lass, you have my undivided attention."
"Actually, it is you that has my attention, Killian. Let's hear it."
Killian took a deep breath, summoning the courage he needed to do this.
"Okay, so, it's important to know that I've been somewhat obsessed with pirates since I was a lad. I've read every book ever written about them and even dressed up like Captain Hook for Halloween for 5 years straight. He's always been my favorite."
"Okay, not going to lie, that's kind of adorable. Plus, I like the fact that you chose Hook. Everyone always obsesses over Jack Sparrow nowadays. Hook was always more my speed, the J.M. Barrie version anyway."
Was this woman real? Killian was well on the way to becoming completely and irrevocably enamored with Emma Swan. He was so flustered that he couldn't even think of a flirty quip, even though he knew the perfect innuendo was just sitting there on the tip of his tongue. Instead, all he could do was plow forward and get this over with.
"Uh….yeah. So, um…well…here's where things get a bit embarrassing, love. On my 21st birthday Liam took me to a bar downtown and got me absolutely wasted. I'm pretty sure I drank my weight in rum that night and honestly don't remember much of the celebration. At some point in the evening I drunkenly decided that the bar was my pirate ship and I was its Captain. I planted myself by the front door and every time someone would walk in I would yell in my best pirate's voice 'Behold, the Rolly Joger!' I was too drunk to even say the name of Hook's ship correctly! And of course, my loving brother got the whole ordeal on video. He has taunted me with it every birthday ever since in some way, getting more and more creative each year, always finding new ways to surprise me."
Emma wasn't even attempting to control her laughter at this point. If her laugh wasn't so amazing to his ears he might have been offended. But hell, the story was ridiculous and if she didn't laugh, he might wonder about her sense of humor.
"Oh my god, Killian. I am actually crying with laughter over here. I have to see that video."
"You bloody well will not! I've been scarred enough with my friends seeing it and the last thing I need is for a beautiful woman like you to get an eyeful of my drunken antics."
Realizing what he just said, Killian bit the inside of his cheek in frustration with himself. Hell, she was beautiful and for some reason he had a feeling that she wasn't told that often enough, so he decided to stick with his direct approach.
"If that photo of you on your website comes anywhere near to the real thing, you are stunning, Swan."
Emma's nervous laugh signaled that he had hit a home run with that one.
"Okay Romeo, so obviously Liam wanted to create this cake as his taunt for your birthday this year. Lucky for you, I know where and when he was planning to present it to you."
"Do tell, milady."
"I was supposed to deliver it on Friday to "The Rabbit Hole" down on Main at 7pm. I'm guessing you had plans to meet him there?"
"Aye, my birthday isn't until Sunday, but I should have guessed that something was up when he asked me about getting drinks on Friday. I'm ashamed at myself for not catching on sooner."
"It's okay. You've got me now. So…how do you propose we turn the tables on Liam?"
Killian already knew exactly what to do and that Emma Swan was quickly becoming his favorite accomplice.
"Well, I've seen cakes where you can take a photo and transfer it to the icing. Is that something you can do?
"Of course, that's super easy. Oh, let me guess, you have a ridiculously embarrassing photo of Liam locked away somewhere that you've just been waiting to pull out at the most opportune moment."
"Hit the nail on the head, love. I'm not the only Jones brother who can't hold his drink and I also know the importance of photographic evidence. One night I got home pretty late and as I was walking in the door I noticed a trail of clothes leading to our bathroom. The door was ajar and I found Liam curled up in the fetal position in our bathtub, naked as the day he was born, passed out. The icing on the cake, as they say, he was sucking his thumb. The photo of that moment has been burning a hole in a private folder in my phone for the last three months."
"Killian, he is going to kill us. Not just you. Both of us."
Killian liked the sound of us, even if it was Emma describing their double murder at the hands of his older brother.
"Wait…please don't tell me I'm going to have to decorate his, well…you know?
"Oh lord, no lass. His manly bits are well hidden. His hairy bum, however, that's on full display."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but can you text me the photo?"
"I must say, love, this is the most unique way I've ever gotten a woman's phone number."
And there was her beautiful laugh again.
"Well, your brother's photo will be the first nude pic I'll have ever been texted, so I guess it is a new experience for both of us. Send it over. 617-555-6867"
Killian scrolled to the photo saved in the recesses of his photos folder. "You asked for it lass." And with that, it was sent.
He waited to hear the ding on the other end of the line signaling she had received the text. Almost immediately following the telltale tone he heard a sharp intake of breath followed by a thud as she dropped her phone.
"Yep. I was right. He is going to kill us. But you know what… at least it will be a fun way to go out. This might be the prank to end all pranks. I'm in, Jones."
"Emma, I have a feeling we're going to make quite the team."
"This is a one-time thing, Killian. I'm not usually in the pranking business."
"We'll see, love. We'll see…"
They made plans to be in touch over text after Emma had time to get started on the cake. Killian was reluctant to end the call, but he knew that she needed to get back to her customers. After they hung up he found himself just staring at her photo on the website, unabashedly daydreaming about this completely unexpected encounter. For the first time in years, he was actually looking forward to his birthday.