Title - I Can't Move On
Author - yes.. shock horror... its the Julesmonster!
Date - 10/11/00
Summery - sometimes the lyrics of a song just makes perfect sense
Disclaimer - Savage Garden's song The Lover After Me belongs to them.. obviously.... the Rats... as much as I'd love them... they ain't mine.. and never will be :(
Authors Notes - this has been kicking around my brain for a while along with a few other song-inspired ones... look out for them in the future. I also selectively edited the song a smidge to fit in with the mood of the fic... if you know the song.. you'll know the bits I skipped :)
Dedication - eeek.. where to start... Firstly I'd like to thank my manager, little bro for just being there for me... and my bunny flopsie! oh.. thats right.. this isn't the Emmies..... Okay this goes to The Ratpak.. you guys ROCK and you know why :) Nikster, Katemonster, Cammypoos and all the rest of yas that take the time to read this.


Here I go again, I promised myself, I would thing of you today
Its been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same

Jack Christey stared bleakly out his window. It was one of those days that came along every now and again and grabbed him by the balls and wouldn't let go. Yep, it was one of those days he would think constantly of the past. More accurately one person in his past. Rachel Goldstein.

Its just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on

Everywhere he looked she was there. The scent of her, her 'I'm invicible' attitude that surrounded her like a child's Batman cape, just her. It had been ages since he had thought of her, well maybe not ages, a couple of days perhaps. These days were getting fewer, but the agony that still gripped his heart was still as powerful. It was these days that he just wanted to frown his sorrows. He couldn't go home, she had been there, couldn't stay at work, she had been there, its like he couldn't escape the memories, the emotion. Wether she was wrapped around him in bed, or sitting impatiently at her desk trying to do the insurmountable pile of paperwork that Jeff insisted on, it was the same. She was there, she'd been there and left her mark. The place would never be the same.

Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway.
So this if my new freedom,
Its funny, I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late.

*Isn't life funny?* he thought to himself, one minute you're so sure of yourself that you think the world belongs to you, the next, you're an empty shell, with no-idea whatsoever as to what to do. Ain't that weird?*
She was weird like that though, she'd love him passionately in bed, scream his name as they both came together, then totally ignore him the next day. She called for Frank when she was dying, and only when he read her most inner thoughts in her diary, did he find out that she truly loved him.
*Yep..... she loved you....she did, she wrote it so.*
Yet there were times when he wasn't sure, the look in her eyes, the arrogant look on her face. There were times when he wanted to kill her, and of course there were many more times when he wanted to hold her in his arms and never let her go. It was agony to love her, but a kind of sweet agony, you loved to hate it... hated to love it. Something like that anyway. Who knows... women! He chuckled at the thought... you can't live with em... you can't bloody well live without em!

And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn't be holding on
But I'm still holding on to you.

Oh yeah.. the nights were the worst. To much time to think about life, loss.... life.. loss...loss...and loss. At least at work he could keep occupied, keep himself from thinking about her, well that was the theory anyway, it didn't always work. Its like she was a nagging ghost or something that taunted him in his dreams, that kept reminding him of what he'd lost. He'd lost his will to live there for a while. But now it was just the memories, the dreams, the tauntings that haunted him whenever he was alone. Hell it was worse when he was sober, the drink at least kept the bad memories away. He just couldn't let her go.

Here I go again, I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today,
But I'm standing at you're doorway,
I'm calling out your name cos I can't move on.~~

Yeah I know.. short and depressing.... what else is new?