Title: I Just Don't Know . . .

Author: Tiny Q

E-Mail: one_legged_lesbian_seagull@hotmail.com

A/N: Uh, don't take this too seriously . . . I don't think I did either. I just sorta came to me when I was lying in bed last night and was just about to drift off to sleep. You know how it is. Then I had to get up and write it out. And of course I just had to type it up and post it the next day. Wouldn't want to deprive any of you of this Oscar winning performance. Ha! Oh, and try to be agreeable with the words. It won't work other wise.

Referances to: Arrogant Worms' 'Me Like Hockey', Hannibal Lector, Monty Python and any and all Harry Potter characters are not mine. Sadly. The monsters are mine though. And the plot. If you can even call it a plot. But you will. Why? Because I will sic the monsters on you if you don't. Have a good day!

I Just Don't Know . . .

Harry Potter was running. From what? Well, he was running from . . . Monsters! That's right! Monsters! Harry Potter was running from monsters!

Ron and Hermione? Well . . . they're running too! Yes! Harry, Ron and Hermione are all running from monsters. Side by side.

What do they look like? The monsters? Well they're big, hairy and have lots of long sharp teeth.

Draco and Ginny? Well yes, I suppose they do have to be in this story too, don't they? Hmm . . . They're under a tree snogging each other senseless. Why? It's in the rules. Romeo and Juliet must snog. Got that? What type of tree? Why do you want to know that? Oh alright. How about a willow tree? That ok? Good.

Dumbledore? Well Dumbledore . . . uh . . . Dumbledore is having tea with Voldemort. Why? Because I said so. And it's tea time.

Snape? No I did not forget about Snape. Snape is being Snape like and docking points from each house systematically. Why? Because he's Snape! And that is what Snape does. That and sing karaoke. You want him to be doing this as well? Alright. Snape is docking points while singing karaoke. Happy? Good.

Sirius? Of course. Sirius. It was only a matter of time before you asked for him, eh? Well Sirius is hanging out at Lupin's house watching the hockey game. Why hockey? Because Sirius is a huge Oilers fan. Duh.

Lupin? Well Lupin doesn't like hockey . . . so . . . Lupin is out . . . Trying to stop the monsters that are chasing Harry, Ron and Hermione. Yeah! Sirius being the negligent godfather he is, is in Lupin's house watching the hockey game while Lupin, his best friend, tries to save his godson.

Colin Creevey? Oooh! He's out taking pictures of everyone! The monsters too! I wonder if I can get the monsters to sing karaoke with Snape. No? Bugger.

Hannibal Lector? What does Hannibal have to do with Harry Potter? I don't care if he's cool. He's not going in the story.

Hagrid? That's better. Hagrid is currently arm-wrestling Hulk Hogan. Why? Because his name is in the hockey song that I am listening to. No. Not The Rock. Hogan.

Anyhoo. What about Quirrell? Well Quirrell is dead. So no Quirrell in the story either.

The twins? Well the twins . . . They're blowing up the Empire State Building. Why? Sounds like something they would do. Ok. No it doesn't, but . . . ok. They are not blowing up the Empire State Building. Sheesh. The twins are tormenting Percy whose hair is all messed up. Why is it all messed up? Because it was messed up in the movie and looked oober cute.

Lucius Malfoy? Why would you- all right. All right! Lucius is putting his hair in pretty little black bows. Yeah. I thought it was funny too.

Hedwig, Pig and Crookshanks? Well they're all plotting to take over the world. Why? Because they are sick and tired of humans ruling it and making asses of themselves. Run away!

A/N: Ok. I know. Crazy. Daft. Insane. Hey, that's all in alphabetical order! Ha Ha Ha! Oh, just review already! Please??