Okay, Here Goes

Summary: Cole's thoughts during the kiss in 'Love, Cirronian Style'. About time that ep generated some happy fic, lol…

Rating: G

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but, hey, just as soon as that deal with Zin goes through…

Timeline: During "Love, Cirronian Style"

Spoilers: "Love, Cirronian Style"

Feedback: Better than Fek-Maln. Always welcomed and much appreciated. Feed me, feed me!!!

Okay, Here Goes

I can do this.

I know I can do this. Easiest thing in this world or any other, Daggon. As Mel might put it, it's not like it's rocket surgery. No, wait, that's wrong, isn't it? Doesn't matter; forget it. Just walk over to the woman, put your arms around her, put your lips on hers. Easy.

Almost done with the first step.

What if she doesn't like it? Damn, what if she doesn't like it? What if she gets upset the way she does when I've done something she thinks is inappropriate? What if she doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel about her? What if I do it wrong? Or scare her? What if she doesn't want me? I don't think I could stand it if Mel didn't care for me like I care for her.

I can't do this.

Damn, she saw me. No chance of backing out now, is there? Why would I want to, anyway? This is Mel, after all. Mel. I love her and she loves me.

I think…

She liked it earlier today when I touched her throat, even I could see that. But is that really the same thing? I think it is, a touch to show affection, but what if Mel doesn't? I don't know the first thing about how humans express affection for each other. What if I do it wrong? What if she doesn't like it? What if she does?

What am I waiting for?

Just do it, just like the nice lady doctor said to. Easiest thing in the world, Cole. Walk up to the woman you love and show her. Look at her standing there. She is glorious. Gorgeous. Amazing... Not even many Cirronians have what she has, that fire. The spark. She almost looks Cirronian in that light, too, like she's glowing. Look at her. What's not to love in such a creature?

I have to do this.

I've put off telling her for too long. Couple more steps. Why is she looking at me like that? Wondering what I'm up to, I guess. About to find out, too. Sure hope I'm doing this right.

No, she's leaning away!

Oh, wait, there she goes. Wow, that's nice, isn't it? Hey, she's putting her arms around me! Okay, feeling a little dizzy here. Wonder if that's normal? You know what, who cares! Holding Mel like this and kissing her is definitely nice. Very nice. She seems to like it, too. Seems to like it a lot in fact...

I should have done this weeks ago.

Many, many weeks ago. This is absolutely wonderful! This is almost as amazing as... well, wow... wow... I mean... Wow! Definitely can't believe I waited this long. Oh, this is wonderful. I feel like I'm glowing. Feels like she is, too, actually. We couldn't be. Could we? No, Cole, you're just being silly now. She's not Cirronian. Why would she glow? Even if kissing her does feel like going home, there is absolutely no way she's glowing, Cole. And it doesn't matter, either. Because, glowing or not, kissing Mel is glorious beyond words.

I could definitely get used to doing this with Mel.

Definitely could get used to doing this many, many times a day with Mel. Wow… Okay, so I didn't always "get" this human emphasis on physical contact. Think I do now, though. Having her in my arms like this, it's wonderful. Her body's so soft and warm. It's amazing. I wonder how long it's acceptable to do this for, because I don't think I ever want to let this amazing creature go again. Might make Tracking a bit hard, but I'm sure I can find a way to work around that.

Tracking. Damn…

Cole Hauser, you are here to catch a pair of assassins, not to... not to show Mel how much you love her, no matter how much you do. Because they would kill her in a heartbeat if they had the chance. And I can't let anything happen to Mel, not ever. Because I love her. For the first time since my wife and my daughter were taken from me, I am whole again.

In Mel's arms, I am complete.

Melanie Irene Porter, I love you. I love you and I will protect you the way I couldn't protect my first wife. Pulling away now, ignoring the almost indescribable sense of loss when I do. I know that it's okay. There will be other occasions to hold Mel. Look at her. She's so beautiful, staring up at me, her mouth half-opened, her eyes stunned. How did I ever survive the last ten years without her? Is life without her in it even possible? What will I do when I have to go home?

No. Home is with Mel.

I will never leave this amazing creature. Not ever. I love her. And looking into her eyes now, I know that she loves me as well. Sometimes the Fates are cruel, my mother used to tell me, but Love and Hope will always find a way. Standing here, my hand on Mel's throat, I am living proof of that. Look at the cruel Fate that swept me a hundred light-years from home.

Only to show me where home really was.

I love you, Mel. I always will. I'll be right back, my love. You stay safe and I'll see you in a few hours.