Damn him straight to hell.
Why in the hell did she have to fall for him? Why? Out of all the men in the city—no the world—why, oh why did she have to fall for the one man she had known from the start would break her heart? He'd ruined her. Yeah. That's what he'd done. He'd ruined her for other men.
Kate Beckett slammed the door shut, and turned around, resting her forehead against the cold flat surface as she heaved in some deep calming breaths. A few traitorous tears leaked down her cheeks, and she quickly wiped at them. Her heart thumped so loudly she could hardly hear anything except its frantic pounding in her ears. Castle probably wasn't having this problem. He was probably out right now, cavorting with his blonde stewardess, doing God's knows what. And she? Hell, she couldn't even have drinks with another man without her stomach twisting up in guilty knots.
God, she had just wanted to drag Detective Inspector Colin Hunt out of that bar, bring him home and just ride him until all the hurt just faded to a dull ache. After accepting his offer to buy her drink, Kate had fully intended on telling him to book another flight so they could go back to her apartment and spend the night fucking like wild animals, but instead she'd just kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for the drink, wishing him well and a safe flight back to London. Damn it. She needed to get laid… no… she needed to get fucked.
Castle said he wanted fun and uncomplicated, and damn it, she wanted to prove that she could be fun and uncomplicated with Colin Hunt, if just to get back at the jackass for parading that blonde hussy around in front of her. But she couldn't. Her damn heart had to get in the way of getting laid. Pounding her fist against the door, an exasperated Kate shoved off and stalked toward her bedroom, throwing her jacket on the sofa and kicking off her heels, before then shimmying out of her slacks.
Stepping into her bedroom, she flicked on the lights, and went straight for her dresser. She opened a drawer and pushed aside some of her more adventurous lingerie, locating her favorite dildo-shaped vibrator. She hefted it up in her hand, curling her fingers around the base. Derrick had seen a lot of action these last couple of months since her recovery. And for the moment, she chose to ignore the rather obvious fact that she'd named her dildo after one of his characters.
After squirting some lube onto the impressive dildo, Kate stalked over to her bed, tugging her panties down her long legs and tossing them aside as she rested back against the pillows. She parted her legs and tilted her hips into a better angle. She closed her eyes and slipped a hand down between her parted thighs, conjuring up images of the hot Brit. She vividly recalled the scene where his towel dropped from his waist and she was graced with a delicious view of him in all his impressive glory. She licked her lips and rubbed herself, easing some of the ache.
Kate shifted her hips as she brought Derrick in, rubbing the tip of the flesh-colored dildo against her moisten folds, coating it in her fluids. She shivered as she teased her entrance, mouth dropping as her hips squirmed, eager for more. Kate clenched her eyes shut and focused on the image of Colin Hunt standing in front of her, proud and unashamed in his nakedness. The Brit had every reason to be proud. Before she could fall back down into self-pity and wallow over the fact she was home alone and not in the embrace of the hunky detective inspector, Kate turned her vibrator on, and mewled in approval as the soft buzzing filled the air.
She rubbed the tip against her clit, and teased it along her folds for a minute or two, waiting until she was completely soaked and ready. Her heart pounded with primal desire, and her center throbbed with raw need. Kate recalled the feel of being in Colin's arms as they danced at the British Embassy, his virile masculine scent, and the scruffiness of his unshaven jaw. But just as she nudged the head of the dildo past her folds, Kate's mind suddenly pulled up the image of a certain writer's hand shielding her view of the well-endowed Brit. Colin's face had been supplanted with that of Rick Castle's.
Her mouth dropped on a strangled sob combined with a moan of pure pleasure. Her hips rotated and her inner muscles clenched around the vibrator. Damn. She huffed, opening her eyes, cursing into the air. Bastard. Really? She just had to think of him when she pushed her dildo inside her? Shifting her legs, Kate ignored her aching heart, in favor of a different kind of ache, one that she could—at least temporarily—satisfy.
Furrowing her brow, and knitting her eyebrows together, she clenched her eyes shut, and tried her best to concentrate on the delicious Colin Hunt as she worked her vibrator between her legs. But it was a futile endeavor. No matter how hard she tried, Kate could not keep thoughts of Castle from her mind. She couldn't help herself. Despite the hurt and anguish of the last two weeks, and the unexplained shift in his behavior towards her, Kate still loved the self-centered egotistical jackass.
"Fuck it," she growled, and fell back into the comfortable and familiar fantasy land she'd built up over the last year, imagining Castle's lips against her neck, sucking and nipping at the tendons and cords, before dropping his head down between her breasts, kissing her scar with reverent love and devotion. She imagined him palming her breast in his talented writer's hands, kneading the flesh with expert skill, pulling moans and pleas from her lips.
With her thumb, she flicked the vibrator up a setting, and moaned loudly, pumping it faster, harder. She slipped her other hand between her legs, and rubbed her clit with experienced fingers. Her hips quivered and she arched her back, pushing Derrick deeper, letting herself pretend it was Castle's cock buried deep in her throbbing heat and not just a dildo-shaped vibrator she'd named after one of his characters.
Kate hummed and mewled, biting her lower lip as she worked the strokes efficiently, knowing exactly what she needed and when she needed it. She was close, so very close. Just a couple more strokes and she'd tumble over the edge. His name fell from her lips as she pulled the vibrator nearly all the way out. But before she could plunge it back into the depths of her throbbing wetness, a sharp knock echoed through her apartment.
She groaned, rolling her head back into the pillows, silently praying that whoever it was would just leave. But they didn't. The knocking continued, more persistent than before. Reluctantly she pulled Derrick out of her quivering core, sighing in disappointment at the denied release. With one hand she rubbed her throbbing center in apology, promising to finish what she started just as soon as she got rid of the intruder. Turning it off, she dropped the dildo on the mattress, standing up on slightly wobbly legs, and then stalked towards the front door.
Growling in frustration, she gripped the handle and pulled the door open just enough to glare out at her unwelcomed caller. Shielding her lower half behind the door, Kate craned her neck to peer out the gap. Her mouth dropped as she stared up at the one man she had not expected to see tonight.
"Castle!?" she gasped, her voice a little raspy, dripping of sex.
Castle narrowed his eyes, taking in her disheveled appearance, and glistening skin. His nostrils flared as he took in the scent of her arousal. His once hopeful expression darkened, and his eyes turned cold, devoid of light.
"Sorry," he ground out. "I'm interrupting. I'll… just go."
But before he could pull back and leave, Kate reached out through the ajar door and grabbed his arm, halting his defeated retreat. "Castle, don't go," Kate begged, unashamed of her neediness. He was here at her doorstep, and not in the arms of that blonde stewardess. That had to mean something. And Kate wanted to know. She needed to know. She had almost given up hope of ever seeing him again, had thought she'd lost him. But here he was now, standing before her with a torn and conflicted expression on his face. She heaved in a deep breath, and looked into his eyes. "What… what do you want, Castle?"
His nostrils flared as he tugged his arm back and out of her grasp. His eyes flashed with something dangerous. "I thought…," he started, but then stopped, before starting again. "I thought that… no," He shook his head. "No. This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come."
"Castle!" she nearly shouted. His eyes flicked back to hers, startled by her outburst. "Just… tell me," she beseeched, staring up at him with pleading eyes.
Castle sighed, shifting his footing as he carded his fingers through his hair, averting his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry, okay," he said, resigned. "I don't want to ruin anything you've got going with Mr. Scotland Yard. If you're happy… then… that's all the matters." He nodded decisively, as if deciding that that was the most important thing. "As long as you're happy, Kate… then… then I'm happy." He attempted a reassuring smile, but it was weak and obviously forced. "I may have wished…," he continued to ramble, clearly unfiltered, "dare I say hoped that—but that doesn't matter. Just…," he finally looked at her again, a sadness permeating his once bright blue eyes. "I should go."
Kate blinked her eyes, trying to stifle the tears, but they still managed to leak out. Castle frowned, and reached up to cup her jaw in his palm, his thumb tenderly caressing her cheek, brushing away the tears.
"Don't cry, Kate," he implored. "You deserve to be happy."
"But I'm not," she sobbed, feeling a tremendous weight lift off her chest. "Damn it, Castle. What happened to us? One moment I thought we were… and then the next you were pulling away, falling back into your old playboy ways."
Castle stared at her for a long moment, before he let out a sigh, seemingly making a tough decision. "I love you, Kate," he said, his voice cracking as he said it. "But, you already know that. You have, for some time now."
"What!?" she gasped in alarm. How? How did he know?
"I heard you… in the interrogation, during the bombing case," he murmured, eyes averted, already accepting defeat as he explained. "I… I was in observation, watching you… heard you use your shooting as an interrogation technique. It was brilliant, I'll grant you, but devastating all the same."
"Ah shit," Kate groaned, bring a hand up to rub her forehead. It all made sense now: His odd behavior, the pulling away, the distance, even the blonde stewardess. It was all a terrible misunderstanding. Kate looked at him, reaching up for his face. Castle flinched, but she didn't back down. "I'm sorry, Castle. God, I'm so sorry. That… that's not how I wanted you to find out."
"It… it's okay," he stammered out. "I… I may have been angry, but I guess I can understand. I… it's just going to be difficult to just be your friend and nothing else."
"What?" Kate questioned, wrinkling her nose in confusion. "Why would you just be my friend? I thought you loved me."
"I do, Kate," he assured, voice firm. "I do. And I tried, Kate. I tried to fall out of love, but I can't turn it off. It's not a switch, no matter how much I wish it could be. She wasn't you and even though I wanted to… I just… I couldn't, because even if you don't want it, which hurts like hell, my heart still belongs to you." He sighed. "Please… just give me a few days, okay? I'll be good in a few days. I can stifle it… I can."
Kate shook her head. No. She didn't want him to do that. "What if I don't want you to?" she questioned.
"What?" he shook his head, confused. "Kate, please. Don't make this harder than it already is. It's difficult enough knowing you don't feel the same way without having you teasing me as well."
Kate frowned. "What? I… Castle, what are you talking about?" Did he really believe that? How could he even think she didn't return his feelings?
"I should go."
"No," she begged, unashamed. "Stay."
He looked at her aghast. "What? But… what about Scotland Yard?"
She gritted her teeth and rolled her eyes at his thick head. "He's not here, Castle," she said, looking him in the eye so there would be no doubt in his mind she was telling the truth. "No one's here. It's just me."
And with that, she stepped back, and pulled the door fully open, revealing her bare lower half to his astonished eyes. Her inner thighs were still glistening with the wetness of her earlier activities. Her skin warmed from the intensity of his gaze.
"I love you, Castle," Kate confessed, her heart pounding with relief at finally admitting it. "And I'm so sorry for how I've screwed everything up. So please… stay. Let me make it up to you. I… I just got off thinking of you fucking me." She grabbed his hand and tugged it down between her legs, letting him feel exactly what it was he did to her. His breath hitched up and his eyes went wide, darting up to lock with hers. "Now, I can go back and take care of myself, or you can man up and make love to me, you big silly jackass."
Kate then pushed up on her toes and wiped off that stupidly stunned expression from his face, ramming her mouth against his. Castle stumbled, caught off guard, but he quickly surrendered to the reality of what was happening. He wrapped his arms around her waist, shoving his way across the threshold and inside her apartment. Kate hummed in approval as his tongue flicked out and ran along her lower lip, seeking permission to deepen the kiss, which she eagerly granted him.
She almost couldn't believe this was happening. Just minutes ago, Kate had only been imagining his hands and mouth on her, and now it was real. She giggled in sheer delight, wrapping her arms around his neck, as he nibbled and nipped at her jaw and throat. Kate tugged at his coat, and he pulled back long enough for her to divest him of it. She then yanked his shirttails out of his pants, and set to work on the buttons, twisting the little discs through the slits with ease.
Castle gripped her hips, and spun her around, literally shutting the front door with their bodies as he slammed her back against the cold hard surface. He dropped on hand down between her legs as he sucked on her neck. Her knees buckled, nearly giving out as his thick fingers worked her so expertly she could have sworn they'd always done this.
"Castle… bed," she gasped out, clutching his shoulders to keep from collapsing from sheer bliss. Her body was quivering with desperate need to be filled, to be loved by this ridiculous man. Her heart no longer felt burden by denial. It was now free to beat with joy at the knowledge that she was finally in the arms of the man she had loved for a lot longer than she'd care to admit.
He eventually grunted in reply, pulling his hand away from her throbbing core, and grabbing her ass, squeezing the toned flesh as he pulled her up. Kate knew exactly what to do, raising her legs up and wrapping them around his waist as he cupped her backside in his large hands. His fingertips dug into her skin as he carried them to her bedroom.
They collapsed onto the mattress in a tangle of limbs, each grabbing and tugging, mouths fused. Castle kicked off his shoes as he shoved her shirt up, and pressed hot wet kisses along her flat and toned abdomen, teasing her navel with his tongue before moving up her sternum to nibble playfully at her breasts. Kate grabbed his hand and pulled it to the scar located in the center of her heaving chest. Her breaths came out in heated pants as they shared a deep look of longing.
"I thought I lost you that day," he confessed, voice thick with long suppressed emotion. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, and he wiggled up, pressing a tender kiss between her breasts. Kate marveled at the gesture, so similar to her earlier imaginings.
"You didn't," she soothed, carding her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. "You have me, Castle. I'm right here. And I love you, too. I'm yours. All yours."
"God, I love you, Kate, so much," he declared, scooting up on the bed to claim her mouth in a loving kiss, further cementing the knowledge that his confession of love that day in the cemetery was real and genuine… as if she really ever doubted that. "I love you. I love you."
Kate wasted no time in divesting Castle of his remaining clothing after that. There was no reason to delay. She wanted to feel his skin against hers, to explore every inch of his broad and solid frame. They rolled around on the mattress, playfully wrestling each other for dominance. It was fun, and there was none of the awkwardness Kate usually experienced with first time lovers. Somehow, she always knew it would be different with Castle. They just were.
"Whoa, what's this?" Castle said, arching his back to retrieve the item that had dug into his back. It was the dildo-shaped vibrator. It still glistened with her wetness. Castle quirked up an eyebrow and looked at her with a mischievous smirk on his lips, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "So I was interrupting something," he teased, waving the dildo around in the air almost comically.
Kate chuckled, and snatched it out of his hand. He gasped in feigned offense, and she pursed her lips and gave him a little taste of her infamous glare, before she gently tossed her trusty Derrick to the floor. He'd served her well, but it was time for him to retire. "I don't need him anymore."
"Him?" Castle echoed, smirking, the laugh lines around his eyes standing out in the soft lighting of her bedroom.
"Hmm," Kate hummed, shrugging her shoulder nonchalantly. "Yeah. I named him Derrick."
"Derrick, eh?" Castle's eyes flashed with pride as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted?"
"Neither," Kate stretched out before him, tantalizing him with her slender body. She pressed herself against him, grazing his earlobe with her teeth. "Why bother with it, when I've got the real thing now." She finished off that sentence by trailing her hand down his bare chest and cupping his arousal in her hand.
Castle gasped in surprise at her sudden intimate touch, and then grinned happily, his eyes brightening up at her words. He dipped his head down and slanted his lips over hers, kissing her deeply. Kate shifted on the bed, opening her legs for him. She was done with foreplay. She just wanted him.
"I want you," Kate purred seductively into his ear. "I just want you."
Castle growled out, low and primal, and yanked her legs further apart as he settled between them. Kate ran a hand down his chest as he hovered above her, wrapping her fingers around his velvety length. She closed her eyes and groaned at the feel of him in her hand, thick and ready. Her entire body hummed with anticipation. Arching her back, Kate craned her neck to glanced down between their bodies as she guided his tip through her soaked folds, until positioning him at her entrance.
"Is this really happening?" Castle asked, head tilted just right to watch her actions, his voice a mixture of awe and disbelief.
"Yes, it is," Kate affirmed, squirming her hips and encouraging him to seal the deal.
Castle needed no further prompting. He reached up and brushed her hair back from her face, pressing a kiss to her lips. And then he was entering her, stretching her wide to accommodate his intrusion. Kate bit her lower lip as she tried to suppress the moan of sheer bliss at finally—finally—having the real Castle, and not an imaginary one, inside her. Her inner muscles flexed around him, and he pushed all the way until he was fully sheathed inside her. They both shared an awed breath of wonder at their connection.
"Oh, so good," she wheezed out, absently running her hands up and down his sides. It was perfect. He fit like a glove. "So good."
He waited for her to adjust to his intrusion, before he started to move. The friction was delicious, and Kate did not even bother holding back her moans of approval as Castle set a rhythm. She matched him, stroke for stroke, her entire body moving with his in a dance that only lovers shared. His hands traveled up and down her undulating body, groping and exploring, touching her in all the right places.
His lips found her scar again, and her heart clenched with amazement from the look of utter awe and adoration she saw in his eyes as he freely admired her body in all its perfection and flaws. "You're so beautiful, Kate," he murmured into her lips. "Not just on the outside, but inside." Castle placed a hand over her heart, stilling his movements inside her for just a moment. Kate saw his love for her reflecting out of his eyes. It was a wondrous sight, one she prayed she'd never grow tired to seeing. "In all my years, I've never encountered a soul as beautiful as yours."
"Oh, Castle," she mumbled, amazed by his capacity for love. "I wish I had your gift with words."
"Shh," he soothed, pressing a finger to her lips. "We can talk later, right now… let's just be."
She nodded in agreement, knowing that later, once they had fully satisfied one another, they'd have to talk. But for now, they could just bask in coming together in the most intimate of ways that two human beings could.
It was everything she'd imagined and more. Their connection, which allowed them to work so well together as partners in the precinct, was just as effective with them as partners in the bedroom. It was magical, in a way nothing else had ever been. Kate realized that this was what it felt like to make love. The sheer force of that revelation made her want to weep with joy. She clutched onto Castle, and bit his shoulder to stifle her moan. He grunted, and returned the favor, nipping at her neck, and soothing the blemished skin with his hot tongue.
As his thrusts grew harder and sloppier, and her own pleasure started to peak, Kate could not help but think that this was so much better than using a vibrator.
prompt from castleficpromoter on tumblr: After drinks with Colin Hunt, Kate goes home and uses her favorite vibrator to take care of the ache between her legs. She tries to think of Colin, but Castle's face keeps popping into her head. Eventually she just gives in and thinks of Castle. Just before she can reach completion, a persistent knock at her door interrupts. Frustrated she answers it, startled to find Castle on the other side. Caskett smut ensues.