So, I'm not dead for those who thought that. I had a severe case of writer's block and I entered the amazing Carmilla fandom. I deleted my other stories because they were shit and honestly this one is not going to be any different. Sorry for those of you who actually liked that story. I just didn't know what else to do with it.

Anyway, here's this shit piece. Disclaimer: I don't own the shitfest that was Twilight. I just ship Rosalie and Bella really hard.

"Sometimes, it is not the whole of you that dies, but parts and only you attend the funeral." - Della Hicks-Wilson

The wet air was all too familiar to Bella. It was cold too, and she was trying her hardest to not freak out. Because as she steps out of the car, automatically - as if it were muscle memory - she looks towards that clearing and can almost see vivid red hair.

She's also about to freak out because Edward won't let her fucking go.

He brought her to the place where his family played baseball for the first time.

They were up for round two today.

"Hello, Bella." Esme approached, smile on her face. Bella smiled back easily, and tried to greet her with a hug. Edward wasn't allowing that.

His arms became snakes and they were curling around her midsection. She was trying not to snap at him because she was tired of being held back.

So she just settled for a "Hello, Esme." And tried her hardest not to elbow Edward's sides so she could just hurt him once.

Bella catches sight of blonde curls and turns back to Edward before anybody can see that she doesn't love him anymore.

Her spins her around, and smiles and laughs like he's being romantic.

"We'll play a couple of games and then I'll take you home okay?"

She looks him over. He looks nice, as always, golden eyes sparkling and bronze hair wet and dripping. She remembers a time that he used to get her heart racing, when his voice used to send shivers down the edges of her spine.

He leans down next to her ear and whispers, "I love you," his fingers tighten on her jacket and she stiffens. "Always."

He leans back up, grins and kisses her cheek, and runs to meet the rest of his family on the field.

Bella resist the itching in her fingers to rub at the spot his lips touched. But, alas, his mother is standing right beside her, giving her a look that means something but she isn't sure what.

She hopes Rosalie isn't watching.

"You ready to head down?" Esme asks, smile back in place and soothingly rubbing circles onto her back.

"Yeah." Bella sighs, and leans into Esme a bit. "I've missed you. Even if we saw each other a couple of days ago."

"I've missed you too, dear. I'm glad you're feeling better though."

"Yeah, being sick sucks." She doesn't mean to, but her head flips back to the opening and imagines fire in the form of hair.

She starts to shake, breath halting and heartbeats freezing in her bloodstream.

"Bella? Bella are you okay?"

She snaps out of it, looks and sees every vampire staring at her.

She doesn't look at Rosalie. Not once. Because if she does, she might just break down. Heart bleeding out and mouth spilling with hopeless confessions.

Bella's never been good at lying; but that hasn't ever stopped her from trying. "I'm not sure that I did my English homework. . ."

She can feel everybody slowly relaxing.

"Oh. . ."

. . .

Bella could feel the salt on her cheeks, ripping at her hair and stinging her eyes.

La Push beach was somewhere almost forbidden for her, so when she could go - when she could escape - she took every damn chance to try and see the ocean she loved.

It was nice today, sunny. So the Cullens were out hunting.

And Edward decided that Bella needed a babysitter.

"Hey, Bella!"


"Hey," the dog repeats again, smiling with white teeth and bloodied lips. "What's up?"

"They're out hunting."

"Ah," his smile dips, falling, "And they thought you needed a babysitter."

"Not they," Bella is being short and cold today because she's pissed. Because she's sick and tired of not being able to be her own person. And being treated like she wasn't capable at anything was grating on her long frayed nerves. "Just him."

Jacob raises a dark brow. "Another fight with pretty boy?"

"No." She looks away, behind her, where the infamous treaty line was. "I'm just pissed right now. Edward is just trying to look out for me." Bella marvels at the difference lately. There was once a time when Edward's name made her smile.

Now she just hated the way it tasted on her tongue, like something metallic and rusted.

It made her want to gag.

"How many times do you have to tell yourself that he's just looking after you? That he just loves you, and that's why he has you on a leash?"

Bella pushes past him, past the treaty line, past memories of when Edward would kiss her goodbye because it was making her sick.

"Until I fall back into love with him."

"You can't-"

"Watch me."

. . .

They're sitting in the old couch, watching some sport and yelling at ridiculous calls the refs were making.

"I swear to God," Jake huffs, "Get some damned glasses you dingus!"

Bella just nods from the couch, legs folding up and eating popcorn. "Glasses." She ends up humming in agreement.

There's a knock on the door, and Bella and Jacob both groan with strong disagreement.

"Bella! Your ride is here!"

. . .

She finds herself sucking in as much salty sea air as her lungs could hold. She kept breathing in until her lungs felt as if they were going to burst, and even then, she still sucked it in.

She turns a corner, around a tree and doesn't stumble over the root that's sticking up, and sees a car. She halts, closes her eyes in disappointment. God she did not want to see his face, or hear his voice.

Funny how quickly velvet can expire.

With a groan, she opens her eyes to see car head light flashing at her impatiently.

She resist the urge to stick her middle finger up.

She faintly sees that car door open, and a person who is definitely not Edward steps out.

"Let's go, Bella! I have things to do!"

She walks closer, passes the treaty line but doesn't go any nearer. "Alice?"

"Jesus Christ- Yes Bella it's me. Who else?"

She opens her mouth to say something because she has quite a few "whos" on the tip of her tongue. But she closes it.

Alice's eyes widen briefly, like she knows who else she could be, and steps to the passenger side and opens up the door.

"Where's . . . Edward?" Bella asks, sitting down and tugs the seatbelt on.

Alice, thankfully, doesn't comment on how long it takes Bella to say Edward's name. She slams the door shut, walks around the front of her car, and enters on her own side. "Still hunting. Everybody is, I got back early. He told me to come get you and bring you to the house."

Fire alights in Bella's blood and freezes somewhere near her chest. She clenches her jaw shut, tight like a vice. "What if I don't want to go to your house?"

If Alice is surprised by the fury in her voice she doesn't show it. Instead, she says "Well, then I'd take you home. Duh."

It's scary how fast Bella calms down. "Really? But if-if Edward said-"

"Then Edward can fight me, Bella. He doesn't have the right to keep you locked up."

Bella starts to smile. It falls. "No. Don't get in trouble because of me, just take me to your house."

"Bella."Alice's voice is hard and sharp. "I'm taking you home. Edward needs to learn that he doesn't always get his way.

Bella breathes. Except it doesn't feel like there are red ribbons tied around her, squeezing her lungs, wanting to take and take and take. It feels free and fresh and like she can finally relax.

She drifts off to an indie radio Alice knew she liked to listen to.

. . .

"Bella?" There's a hand on her shoulder, cold, and the smell of happiness is invading her senses. Bella is being shaken, and she's stumbling through dark dreams trying to wake up. "Bella, we're here."

She turns and opens her eyes.


"At your house," she leans back, fiddles with the radio, "I'm pretty sure Charlie is asleep, judging by the snores. I got you home kind of late. Sorry."

"No, it's cool. Thanks for picking me up and stuff."

"Of course, no problem."

Bella looks at the tree that stands by her window, imagines red flaming hair and shakes.

"Alright. I'm going to go. I'll see you tomorrow? I hope you don't get in too much trouble with Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Alice."

. . .

Bella wakes before Charlie does, which is a rare occurrence.

But the fact that there was a small pixie-vampire prodding her awake probably had something to do with that.

"Fuck!" Bella jumps, and she's breathing hard because that took her by surprise. "Alice you can't do that."

Alice giggles, like it's no problem. "Wow, someone has a mouth." When Bella doesn't say anything and just glares, she continues. "Sorry. I wanted to hang out with you today."

"I spent time with you yesterday."

"No," she corrected, "You spent time with Jacob. And the day before that, you - unwillingly might I add - spent the day with Edward.

"What?" Denial. "I didn't unwillingly-"

"Bella," Alice sighs and sits on the edge of her bed. "I'm not stupid. And even if I were, Jasper sure as hell isn't."

Bella looks down ashamed. "Look Alice. . . look Alice I'm trying-"

"To what?"

"Fall back in love with him. I mean, I used to love him but now I- I loved him before I can do it again."

"I don't know what to say to that astounding stupid reasoning."

"Tell me you don't hate me."

"I don't." Alice says simply. "But Bella-"

"Good. Now take me to your house."

. . .

As soon as she got to the Cullen house, Edward had come and damn near snatched her up.

That was until Emmett intervened.

"Dude. Not today. Rose is working on the Jeep and I need a gaming buddy," Emmett pulls on Bella gently. "And Bella doesn't have to be attached to your hip, you know?"

"Excuse me? She's my girlfriend!" Edward tugs, too, but none too gently.

She hisses in pain.

"Alright!" Carlisle separates the two fighting "boys." "Neither of you can hang out with Bella today. Besides, who said she wants to hang out with either of you?" Nobody says anything, but Edward huffs and stomps upstairs.

Faintly, she can hear a door slamming.

"Sorry," Bella says, even though she's getting so tired of apologizing for things that aren't her fault. "I didn't mean to start a fight."

"Bella, you didn't." Carlisle smiles, "are you hurt?"

"Nah," she smiles a little. "I think I might go hang out with Alice for today."

He lets her go with a small smile. "Of course. If you need anything just come find me, or Esme."

"Alright doc."

"Hey, Bells?" Emmett sighs.


"Sorry I acted like a little kid. I hardly get to see you with Adonis up there keeping you to himself."

Bella smiles to herself a little, and makes no effort to correct him. "I'll play Halo with you soon, don't worry buddy."

. . .

She's standing outside of Alice's door, but she hasn't knocked.

She hasn't knocked because she can hear two voices in the room, and one of them is not Jasper.

I thought Rosalie was working on the Jeep!

Bella briefly considers turning away and heading towards Edward's room. Because that would be the safe thing.

But she doesn't want to see him.

So she sucks in a breath and knocks, timidly and slowly. As if she's forgotten how to.

"Uh. Alice? May I come in?"

The door opens immediately. A curious Alice is looking up at her.

"Yeah of course Bella. You don't even have to knock." And with that, she's pulled into the room and the door slams shut behind her.

"Well, I didn't want to interrupt whatever you and . . . Rosalie were doing."

Alice stills when Bella can't say Rosalie's name correctly.

"Oh we were just talking," (Bella has an idea about what) "We were waiting for you to come in so we could start this girls-only-sleepover."

Bella wonders if it's too late to sprint to the door. "Alice I can't sleep over! I have school and-!"

"Bella tomorrow is Teacher's Development day." It isn't Alice who speaks, instead it's Rosalie with her soft voice like melted caramel and eyes like molten gold and-

"Yeah you silly goose." Alice laughs playfully and punches her arm in a way that'll leave a bruise. Bella is thankful for that hit, she was probably staring at Rosalie for longer than considered appropriate.

Bella knew she was staring at Rosalie like she was a lone sailor who had just found her asylum harbour.

Bella cast her gaze to the floor and presses her palm hard against her eyebrow. Oh my god I'm so so so so so gay.

"Oh yeah. Ha, I've been a tad forgetful lately."

"Well," Alice says flippantly, "you're only human."

Rosalie stiffens a little, clenches her jaw (Michelangelo carved that jaw himself) and turns to glance at Bella underneath her eyelashes.

Bella laughs along, but she doesn't take another breath because they sound like dying dreams.