The Substitutes From Hell (literally)

By Ameve

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, but I do own the mind that inspired this fanfic.

Ah, my triumphant return. Check out my previous chapter edits.

"Mom forgot about me, so I guess I'm staying here with you, Gohan." came a voice from the door way. Gohan immediately stopped laughing as he slowly brought his head up and saw the lavender haired chibi smirking up at him with an evil gleam in his eyes. 'That is so not cool, Dende.' Gohan thought right as the bell rung, signaling the end of homeroom and the beginning of hell on Earth for our young demi-saiyan.

Chapter Four: First Period, First Villian

Gohan trudged down the hall, his shoulders drooping and his head held down in defeat, as Trunks bounced around him in circles talking a mile a minute.


With that Trunks sped off down the hall ahead of Gohan with his arms spread out and making airplane noises. It took Gohan a while before he the speed talk registered. 'Oh crap!'

"Gohan!" A guttural roar echoed down the halls. Gohan tensed up, before slowly turning to the source of the bellow.

"Yes, Videl?" Aforementioned girl stalked up to her prey and rest her hands on her hips. She took a deep breath before laying into her love interest, I mean friend!

"What happened in there?"

"I don't know, Videl. As far as I can tell, we got a bunch of freaks for substitutes, but I don't think it'll be that bad." 'I don't think it'll be that bad for you, at least.'

"That man acted like you knew him?"

"He was mistaken, I just went along with it to avoid trouble. Really, I'm telling the truth." Gohan smiled and scratched the back of his neck. 'Take the bait. C'mon, just take the bait!' Videl's eyes narrowed, she couldn't prove that Gohan was lying, and the story would be somewhat plausible if it were anyone but Son Gohan telling it.

"Alright," Videl grudgingly conceded. Gohan exhaled visibly. "But I'm keeping my eye on you!"

Videl stormed down the hall to her first period class. Gohan took a deep breath and then followed. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to see who was teaching that class. The demi-saiyan took a deep, steadying breath before slowly turning the knob and letting the door swing open to reveal a face that Gohan will never forget.

"Raditz!" Gohan stumbled backwards into the hall and tripped over Trunks who had appeared out of nowhere.

"Ouch, Gohan! That hurt." Trunks rubbed his head where Gohan had kicked it on the way down.

"Silence! Who dares to interrupt my class?" Raditz boomed. The older saiyan obviously didn't recognize his nephew. 'Meh, might as well play along.'

"Sorry sir, won't happen again." Gohan stood and brushed of the back of his pants. He grabbed Trunk by the arm and hurried to his seat.

"Way to go Gohan," Sharpner smirked. "Class hasn't even started and the teacher already hates you."

"Shut up, Sharpner," Erasa elbowed her fellow blonde in the side before plastering on a smile. "Ignore him Gohan, he's just jealous." She begin to draw figure eights on his arm with her index finger. "He wishes he were as handsome and popular and smart as you." She topped off her "seduction" with a high-pitched giggle.

Videl walked in just as Erasa began to run her hand through Gohan's hair. Without even realizing she did it, the envious girl threw a book at her blonde friends head. Erasa fell to the ground with a thud. Videl, suddenly regretting her actions, ran to her friend and helped her up.

"Who threw that at me?"

"I didn't see," Videl coughed.

"Maybe the name's in the book." Erasa reached over to grab the book, but Videl got it first. She flipped it open, glanced, and shrugged.

"Doesn't have a name, oh well. Moving on, so Gohan how are you?" Videl smiled.

"But you threw the book, lady." Trunks said before Gohan could answer.

"What, that's preposterous. I don't know what you're talking about." Videl practically shouted before leaning forward and whispering, "Shut up kid and I'll give you some candy."

Trunks eyes nearly popped out of his head. Mom never lead him have candy, she said it made him do bad things, but Trunks didn't think so. Blowing up Daddy's training area wasn't that bad and Daddy was too shocked to yell that much. He popped the sugary sweets into his mouth and instantly felt the need to destroy coursing through his veins.

"Um… I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in an hour or two." With those famous last words, the child-sized hurricane raced out the door in a blur of purple. Before Gohan could chase after him, the bell rang.

"Alright everyone, in your seats!" Raditz bellowed over the classroom din. The class quieted and peered up at the man in the odd spandex outfit. "Welcome to Home Economics, my name is Raditz and I'll be your… teacher, today.

"If you will all go to the ovens in the back, we will begin cooking our meals." The class stood up and shuffled to the back of the room. Gohan tied on his apron and found his cooking partner, Videl, talking to Erasa and Sharpner, who were also working together.

Everyone went to grab their cooking utensils, when they noticed that something was missing.

"Hey Mister," Erasa asked, "Where are the frying pans?"

"Shutup!" Raditz bellowed rapidly, "Therearenofryingpans! Idonotknowwhatyouaretalkingabout!"

Everyone in the classroom eyed their new teacher oddly, before warily continuing the search for supplies. Erasa and Videl returned to their work places with several pots.

"We couldn't find any pans," Videl sighed. "So we'll just have to make due with smaller pots. That new teacher's even weirder than the principal."

There was a murmur of agreement before everyone went to work on their culinary "masterpieces." Everything was progressing smoothly and Raditz was patrolling the aisles, practically drooling at some of the prospects in the ovens. Gohan and Videl were preparing a beautiful Beef Wellington. More like, Videl was punching the pastry puff and Gohan was drooling all over the large slab of sirloin. Erasa and Sharpner were faring much better. Their rack of lamb was prepped and ready to go, and their sauce was on the burner. Videl awed over her blonde buddies' progress.

"Wow," she mumbled. "You guys are doing great."

"Thanks, Videl," Erasa giggled. "Hey Sharpner, you wouldn't mind watching the suace while I'm gone would you? I have to go to the bathroom?"

"Sure, take your time." Erasa exited the classroom and Videl immediately put on her cute face.

"Oh Sharpner," she cooed. "You wouldn't mind helping lil ol' me, would ya?" She grinned sexily and twirled a lock of hair around her finger. Sharpner sputtered for a few seconds before wiping the drool off his mouth and completely forgetting about his own meal. The blonde eagerly chopped the meat and prepared the pastry while Videl laid her head on the table for a brief nap. Gohan decided to join her in dreamland.

Gohan couldn't have been asleep for more than ten minutes when screaming brought him back to reality. Sharpner's sauce was flaming and so was Raditz's hair. The saiyan was running around screaming and shooting ki blasts at the offending blaze. The students were staring in shock at their flaming teacher dashed around the room.

"AHHHHH!!! My hair!!! My beautiful, beautiful hair!! Oh Kami, my hair!!!"



The demi-saiyan dashed to the sink and filled a pot with water and threw it on his flailing uncle, putting out the fire and drenching him from head to toe. Raditz took several deep breaths before turning to Gohan.

When Videl finally woke up, she found that the stoves were abandoned and everyone was eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She looked in the corner or the room and saw her wet teacher stroking his singed shoulder-length hair and mumbling to himself. Eyeing him warily she leaned over to her cooking partner who, for some unknown reason, was sporting a big black eye.


"Don't ask." He proclaimed with a shake of his head. "You don't want to know." There was a murmur of agreement as the bell rang to signal the end of their first class. The students shoved their way out the door trying to get as far away from the freak who was rocking back and forth in the corner, mumbling about how his students had lots of hair he could use.


Not up to par, but it's been a while.