A Very Gary Christmas (Revised)
By Candace Waters

'Twas the night before Christmas when, all through my house,
Not a creature was stirring, but me; I'm a louse.

The candles were burning by the tree without care,
In hopes that my hero soon would be here.

The city was nestled, all snugged in their beds,
While visions of 'lollipops' danced in my head. ;-)

And I in my nightie, with EE tape in hand,
Had just settled down to watch ' The Ice Man....'

When out in my den, off went the alarm!
I sprang from my bed: "Hey whats going on!?"

Away to the closet, threw on my best robe,
Put on some makeup, gave my hair a quick comb.

The fire in the tree was beginning to flare,
It burned all the presents but I didn't care.

Then what to my smoke-filled eyes should appear,
But a soot-covered Gary; my hero! He's here!

He looked so handsome, soot smudges on his nose,
I swooned when I saw him, as he drew near, I froze.

A fire extinguisher he held tight in his grip,
Coughing and sputtering he yelled, "Have you flipped!!?"

And then within minutes, my head began to spin,
The room started twirling, smoke fumes closing in.

As I held in my breath and was starting to gasp,
I felt myself held, tight in his grasp.

He was dressed as usual, from his shirt to his shoes,
Now his clothes were all covered with ashes and....drool.

Like a bundle of rags that was hung on a rack,
He carried me to safety, flung on his back.

His eyes were so sexy, a mudpuddle green,
With a nose oh-so perfect, like his 'glutes' in his jeans.

His expression was the sweetest, I'm sure he's been told,
That face! That body! A sight to behold!

He was humble and caring and although it was late,
I giggled, was quite tickled, remember my state?

But a wink of his eye, and a hint of a smile
When he placed me down gently, I wanted his child.

He asked how I was, then he briefly departed,
He put out the fire I had cunningly started.

He whipped out the paper, still checking things out,
From the floor I sputtered (cough!) "I-need-mouth to mouth!"

The headline had changed, another one in it's place,
"Woman arrested," it said. Oh what a disgrace!

He rushed to the door, his task here was through,
Exhausted and tired (I'm sure he was too).

The house was in shambles as the cops scurried in,
I was handcuffed, still swooning, as I passed him, I grinned.
But he heard me exclaim as he dashed out of sight,

"Merry Christmas Gary Hobson!"
"I love you! Goodnight!"

By Candi